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Smartcookie, on one hand you say that five years in kollel isn’t a big deal. OTOH you talk about the breaking point being 3 kids.
What about expecting your fourth by your fifth anniversary?
I’m sorry but I get really frosted when I hear how cavalierly the kids talk about “a few years in kollel” when even ONE YEAR can mean tremendous mesirus nefesh. This leads to the most average, or even below bachur, expecting to learn for a good few years because less in pas nisht. If you look around, a lot of middle aged shtark maggidei shiur, roshei yeshiva, and rabbanim were out of kollel by the five year mark. Remarkably, five years in kollel was more than adequate a foundation for gadlus.
People need a reality check.
Dr. Hall, what are the logistics inherent in delaying education, unless one delays marriage too?
There’s a book by a Mrs. (Rochel?) Arbus. Forgot the title but I liked it.
And a secular book (sorry, but it’s good) – The One Minute Mother.
Takeadeepbreath,sems were different in my time….
I didn’t realize that mourning hester panim is hashkafically wrong. I didn’t mean that I want Mashiach because of our leaky roof, bills, etc. Just that I don’t get where all these speeches are coming from.
GAW: Brisk IS, lehavdil, the Yale of yeshivos.
To sum it all up, Sanctimony on the Internet would make an excellent name for a rockband.
I think that if the Shulchan Aruch or Mishna Brura were written now the mecchabrim would say that the internet is not a place for sincere bnei aliya.
To Kasha: what profession can one make an adequate living in these days for just three hours a day? Since we’re dealing with different realities in one arena, perhaps we are in others too. And isn’t a Yissacher – Zevulun relationship more of a one to one match thing?
To Charlie Hall: pathetic about Ayn Rand. I’m sure the kids are just so precious. Hopefully she’ll fade away. But check out Rav Hirsch on Pirkei Avos 5:13 for his take on communism (con) and private ownership (pro; how can one give if one doesn’t own what to give from?).
To GAW: let’s not go there, especially during the three weeks. There is such a thing as honorable dissent, which might have been the original case but there are too many peanut gallerists weighing in. If there is any makom to make a machaa of some sort, it’s a don’t try this trick at home kids proposition. Anyone who’s troubled, CYLOR.
I’ve heard a lot of these kinds of speeches: do we really want Mashiach or are we caught up in our new car/kitchen/custom sheitel/ad nauseum and like life just the way it is.
I tune out right away! There are plenty of people who are struggling, who live every day with the frustrating recognition that we are living in a time of hester panim, and who would gladly welcome Moshiach and a world as outlined in the second part of Aleinu.
Emoticon613, I know that there is a difference and it’s not a situation you encounter everyday. But re the everyday situations: there is also looking at a person and trying to see where he’s coming from. It may not be from l’hachisland or other negative places.
So if someone, for whatever (obviously nefarious) reason, wears a non-white shirt he’s not begeder ben Torah anymore?
Wish I could find and link this, but last year sometime there was an incredible story in Yated about a Shuvu school and how the founder ran in to Shabbos, in a shul in the Shuvu city, in his painting clothes, and the brachos he got from the rebbe in whose shul he davened.
I personally don’t see not wearing a white shirt as something “off”, that we have to be dan lekaf zechus over, but for those who do, please be dan lekaf zechus as often as possible.
Lashontov, I assume you’ve seen the ad appearing in the Jewish weeklies about the White House calling campaign? Have you contacted the sponsors? I always thought they had pretty savvy people they vetted these kinds of things with first. What do THEY say?
Blinky, most kneidel recipes call for one large egg per quarter cup matzah meal. You may want to reduce the matzah meal with whole wheat, let the batter sit covered in the fridge a few hours or overnight (don’t be fooled by a firmer consistency, they’ll still fluff out), and find a recipe that calls for seltzer.
I’ll say this again: how about if every frum newssite, EVERY time they have an article about Gilad include the words Gilad ben Aviva. Even if both names are mentioned in the article people don’t necessarily know that those are the full names.
It’s a start, albeit a humble one.
BJ, don’t open up stuff you don’t need (e.g. NY or NJ politics in my case). There might be info or hashkafa that is clearly not lashon hara for those who need to make an informed decision, but I don’t need that. I’ve also read as little about Emmanuel as possible, and not from sources with comments, or skipping the comments.
Does this help?
Aura, there are enough frum people on the Crohn’s diet (don’t know what’s up with you, but I know a little about SCD) that this is not an alien concept. You can drop that you have a rav you ask these shailos of, e.g. what you have to do on Pesach, to allay any concerns that you’re not aware of the ramifications. If you don’t have such a rav, find one.
To whomever else it may concern, good suggestions with lower gluten grains, but there are some diets that preclude ALL grains.
Mod, I brought this up somewhere else. (Possibly on a similar site. [As if they exist.]) But why don’t the frum news sites include a reminder to daven for Gilad ben Aviva in the body of the articles?
I don’t have access now to the sefarim but IIRC Rabbi Mordechai Miller in his Shabbos Shiurim series had a pretty compelling approach. (Not that he needs my haskama.)
Wellinformedyid, you are 100% correct. However there is a concept of focusing on one person. Case in point: I know of groups dedicated to getting 40 women to have a name (or married couple) in mind when taking challah. They also circulate names to daven for when kneading, or any other time possible.
So it is perfectly legitimate to dedicate this learning specifically for Gilad ben Aviva, among all those others imprisoned, and leave it at that.
to Mbachur: so that they can increase the chances?
There are SO many conditions that it isn’t realistic to test for everything. I don’t think this is up to the peanut gallery but the type of daas Torah that DY follows. (Yes, DY was started by a regular person in pain, and this thread might also be referring to people in pain who wonder what can and should be done. Ask daas Torah.)
Depends what your rav says. I know of a (sibling’s) health situation where a rav said it wasn’t necessary to tell. To me it seems that in this situation, if I were to find this out later I would wonder if they were holding back on anything else. Bottom line is I think the rav said, tell if you want but you definitely don’t have to say anything to until it’s getting serious.
Vitameatavegamin, with a name like yours, I can see why people are surprised, especially since you’re young.
Who’s the Lucy fan in your family? 😉
To Josh31: good point. Also, by putting this pressure to conform on the kids at such a young age, we are putting them in a terrible position if they need some breathing room that is well within the parameters of healthy Jewish living. At that point, they see it as all or nothing; if they want to wear a striped or knit shirt, or wear – gasp – khaki pants, even if a dark, conservative, cut vs. wool or a blend, they may feel that they may as well do who knows what else.
I have nothing against white shirts after bar mitzvah, but it should be totally voluntary. Our kids have to know that at whatever age, if they walk into a shul in clean clothes, tucked in, laces tied, in a way that is b’kovodik, Hashem will listen just as well.
Beautiful thought. I hope this takes off. Meanwhile, we can all say Tehillim and have Gilad ben Aviva, among all those imprisoned, physically, spiritually, in our tefillos.
I’ve heard that if you can’t find one passuk, say two – one that starts with the first letter, the second ending with the final letter.
Going out on a limb here, just skimmed this thread, and barely at that, but I would feel much more comfortable participating in this discussion in a women’s only forum. Don’t know what’s out there for the men though.
There are so many great chinuch books out there, from To Kindle a Soul to (can’t remember the title or first name but the author is) Mrs. Arbus to Miriam Levi and beyond.
A secular book that you might find helpful is The One Minute Mother.
To Shraga F:
If it’s IBD, check out the SCDiet, at http://www.breakingtheviciouscycle.com
To the olam: yirei shamayim is plural.
To Wolfish: besides (for) (besides for is a pet peeve of mine) not being well-written, the proofreading/editing/translation is often geferlach.
I’m going to plead the fifth pretty much. I don’t think a lot of the books here are great lit. I do like Meir Uri Gottesman, have to wonder after reading a book like Morningstar if one can read it in the bathroom. Ditto for Avner Gold.
To Charlie Hall: I haven’t read Rav Henkin but I did read Lynn Schreiber’s book. I have a great deal of respect for people who are consistent so I have no quarrel with people who follow such shitos. What is disconcerting is how girls in a milieu where there are certain givens concerning knees, elbows, etc., and who have gone through an educational system with that approach can disregard so much.
Not a new problem but maybe we need some new approaches.
It’s all very nice to post Rabbi Kuber, and Rabbi Hoffman, but maybe there shouldn’t be comments to such articles. Who are we?
All we can do is follow our rav (you don’t have a rav you have such a relationship with? Then you definitely have no credibility commenting.) and assume the rav has a solid basis for whichever shita he’s following. If you want to be more machmir than your rav for whatever reason, fine, but keep it quiet. (And if it will make you lose respect for your rav, find another one.)
A lot of good points here:
Mazal, good quote. Girls need to feel that there’s some positive benefit to themselves and the world, not just protecting the men and avoiding puroniyos.
yeshivaguy, Rav Falk is a groise talmid chacham who deserves everyone’s respect. However, his sefer isn’t pashut and I urge everyone to ask their LORs and the LORs’ wives.
rwndk1: I’m with you on the long skirts. Unless it’s sweeping the floor and will get tattered, I wouldn’t make a fuss over that. This may be an out of town/in town thing.
SJS and Oomis, you’re right.
BUT the big question here is, why are girls who are living in communities, and going through BY systems, where there are certain standards of tznius (not necessarily Rav Falk, but knees, elbows, feet and collarbones covered all the time) NOT living that way? You can go on and on about other halachic points of views and I will not impugn your rabbinic authorities. We are talking of a milieu where certain things should be givens, and sadly are not.
Don’t go on the computer or sit in front of a screen late at night.
Get out the book No More Sleepless Nights by Dr. Peter Hauri; worth looking into.
And if you have any physical symptoms, get your thyroid checked.
This came up early on with the letter writing campaign: please understand that we are dealing with a country with a very different mentality. Strident public actions such as this will only be counterproductive, and shouldn’t be proposed without discussion with someone in the trenches.
d a, I forgot Avner Gold. And probably some other fine writers as well.
The Cohens of Tzefat did well. I second the going for it. Some of the best Judaica I’ve read lately were either historical fiction or based on heavy historical research, e.g. Dual Discovery, Terra Incongnita, Morning Star (yeah, got a little folklorey but the para aduma section was breathtaking). Also, think Etka Gitel Reich/Schwartz.
Truth is, anything well-written would be absolutely welcome!
AZ, maybe you should start a letter writing campaign. How about providing the olam with the names, addresses, and a sample letter?
Let me clarify what I meant by what’s in it for the girls and what will the boys offer. There’s this story that’s being bandied about about Rav Hirsch, I’m sure you’re all familiar with it. The question is, what kind of boys are we producing? Of course not everyone’s a Rav Hirsch, just as not every girl is a Rebbetzin Hirsch, but the point is, there is no talking about what and who the boys should be becoming.
Interesting about the girls waiting to date till they’re adults.
What do you propose the BOYS will offer? What’s in it for the girls?
popa b abba: not fat does not equal size 0.
Mod 80: huh??
Mt. Mehdi, do you actually mean that asking for the BMI is important, or that we can be dan lecaf zechus that such a question does not mean setting one’s daughter up with the mother in law from gehenom?
“I guess I just have to…keep repeating that concept” – which is why good people say the sheish zechiros and ani maamin every day; you’re in good company 😉
The.nurse, there are some deeper issues here and I think you’ll benefit a lot from having an IRL rebbetzin/someone to bounce things off of. Meanwhile the moderator spoke quite well. I would also try to get hold of a beautiful book called Dual Discovery. It won’t answer your questions necessarily but will enhance your yom tov.
About your children feeling bad about your being alone: they should know how much you love them and how essential a part of your life they are, but they will be happy with as whole a father as you can be, so they won’t feel guilty, especially if there are times that they get to make the decision. Hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here.
To Just a guy: does slightly-greeced mean that rare category of Lakewood-yeshivish/Salonika-sephardi?
This is difficult for you, but I hope you gain some comfort in knowing that you are working together in the best interests of your kids (at least I assume you are) which is the greatest thing you can do for them.
If you’re one of the younger siblings in the family, you may remember those years when you were the uncle/fairy godfather – you kept the kids happy, you were the extra pair of hands, etc. Or maybe you’re one of the older ones and you remember how great your single siblings were when you needed them. Maybe you can go somewhere where you’ll be needed, you can spend time learning with the kids, peeling vegetables, etc. Right now it seems bleak, but there is a way that you can end off yom tov with a smile.
I don’t live in NY so B”H I have had no need to get informed, or to read any of the articles, comments, etc. (including all the previous comments). I just wanted to say, good job on the subject line! If this is the caliber of intelligent educated NY voter, then maybe the best man did win.
I assume you’re in the tristate area?
City or suburb? If the latter, landscaping is an option.
Hatzlacha.
Neither – Shidduchvision 😉
Smilingsfriend, what chiddushim were you hoping would come out of this thread?
And yes, rich people might choose a simpler Pesach and give the rest away, but face it, rich people do things differently. What’s understated for a rich person will still be way above my standard of living. And that’s not a bad thing. A)We are none of us Robin Hood and B)a somewhat higher standard of living may well engender more generosity. There’s a famous story of a wealthy man who ate very, very simply, and was told off by a rav/rebbe, who told him that when a poor man comes and says he’s hungry so nu, he’ll share his meal of black bread and herring, or worse, say if I with my money can manage on this and I’m the gvir, he shouldn’t need more on his bread than a little oil. The wealthy man was told on the contrary, he should live on a higher standard so that he could better appreciate how much the poor are missing.