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Squeak, I don’t believe it is anything of the sort. I think it’s a community’s attempt to make more Jewish matches, and eventually more Jewish children.
yes, Mybat, you are correct. I neglected to mention that the matching was done after the day was over, but the thinking WAS done during the day.
I think this is not far from JAW22 is suggesting.
If the members of the community would do their job, there might not be a need for profressional shadchanim.
My mother and grandparents have told me that in the old days, the 1930’s and 1940’s, in America, the Bronx, to be more specific, it was the custom to do community matchmaking on Yom Kippur.
All the young candidates would be at synagogue, in their best clothing and on their best behavior, and it would be up to the community to introduce those who in need of a match to each other.
Why not have more naturally mixed events, after holidays, etc., and have the community do its traditional job of making sure that every pot has a lid (my dear grandmother’s words) and every lid has a pot?
see the documentary film, “Fiddler on the Roof,” for information on the beginning of professional shadchanut.
“With the way she looks, and the way you see, it’s a perfect match.”
J. Pinpoint Morgan – Millionaire/Bombardier
“Hell” O’Dolly – Full o’ the devil Irish moving man.
Semimodo – The halfback of Notre Dame.
Haus Bayou – Dean, New Orleans School of Architecture.
Carp A. Diem – Industrious Vietnamese Fishmonger
Bill E. Jeanking – the new president of Levi-Strauss
Carmen Verandah – housepainter specializing in red porches.
Maida Best-Manwyn – Pioneering female boxer, born of Brooklyn/English parentage.
Ouida Peephole – gossip-monger and writer of preambles.
men wearing colored shirts is no good. It can only lead to mixed dancing.
I like Yiddish as much as the next guy, but why is it holy?
why is it insulting? (honest question)
Huge Gino Kneel – Titan of American Religious Playwrights.
Hector Barely Oats – composer of “Barely Oats and Dozey oats. . . “
Jacques Goose Toe – famed underwater scuba coach, suspended for odd behavior.
Ivan Toby Alone – famed cosmetic saleswoman in business by and for herself.
Eaty Amen – African ruler, implicated in mysterious disappearances of clergymen.
Father Nosebest – Clergyman/Detective.
Low Rents of Arabia – Saudi dealer in affordable housing.
Meyer Angel Loo – spiritual guardian of delicatessen washrooms.
it can only be an improvement. By the way, they are all designer label ties, so you should read that thread before agreeing to receive any ties.
I don’t have any spare shirts, but I do have lots of very colorful silk ties from an old business venture in the basement.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
i intend to live forever – so far, so good
Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Dyslectics have more fnu
Clones are people, two
186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it’s the LAW!
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor
COLE’S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the “great perhaps”?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Isn’t it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
Who decided “Hotpoint” would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?
My collection of Hawaiian shirts is at risk here.
I think all modest people have trouble asking for compensation, especially if compensation is not their only motivation for the work. Many of us do work we love, and the compensation, though necessary, is not the prime motivator. Stating the compensation makes it seem as if we are totally pecuniary.
But, somehow we have learned to overcome that, to avoid mistakes, misunderstandings and resentments from our customers.
It took me a long time to learn this, after many misunderstandings, that the best way is to come to an agreement up front, then go do the job.
<<<I think it would be best if Shadchanim state their fees at the outset. I think $1500 from each side is more than fair, but each community may have their own norms. The gown rentals don’t take “whatever the renter thinks is fair”, and neither does the caterer, the band, or the wine store. It is fair to the family to know the price at the outset, so they aren’t surprised that they “have to pay” for the service.>>>
Oh, dear Bemused, I have waited all day to come and say what you just said.
I just had my own wedding, and had greater respect for all those who gave me a firm and real price. The Rabbi, the band, the hall, all gave me a firm and final price.
The caterer was a bit deceptive, not including tax and expected gratuity, which made a major difference (about 20%) in her final bill. I wasn’t so crazy about that.
When I was in the service industry, I found that it was always better to negotiate your price up front, and have all parties know exactly what that price was, preferably in writing. That is an honorable way of doing business. You will have the respect of your customer. I don’t see why it would be different with shadchanim. They are in a respectable business, but it is a business, clearly.
The Rabbi was wonderful, and his wife admired my colorful necktie, and wished her husband had more colorful neckties, so I sent him a few ties the next week.
The band did an outstanding job, and I was happy to tip all the musicians for their fine work.
I wasn’t so crazy about tipping the caterer, since the expected gratuitiy was not revealed ahead of time, and the tax was not included in the original estimate of this caterer.
If anyone had said, “just pay me what you can,” I would have walked away and hired someone else.
I hate when people say that, it is inconsiderate to me, and puts me in a very uncomfortable situation — what is enough? what is too much? I have to do the research.
Just tell me your price. If I don’t like it, I’ll negotiate with you or go elsewhere. No surprises, please.
attitudes.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
Unless you are the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Remember Lot’s wife
Nice front bumper you’ve got there. Shame if something happened to it…
Never play leap frog with a Unicorn.
My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
Caution! Will brake for tailgaters.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I’m the man of this house and I have my wife’s permission to say so
I want my rib back!
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Not afraid of heights – afraid of widths.
Previous owner had an honor student!
Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Your TURN SIGNALS are for my enjoyment
Your village just called. They’re missing an idiot.
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
Lord, give me patience… But Hurry!
Keep honking – I’m reloading.
It takes a Viking to Raze a Village
If it wasn’t for plumbers, you’d have no place to go.
Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
my favorite of this group:
Think Yiddish, act British.
why do you care what others think of it?
do tallit made by Emanueli or Gabrieli or any of the “name brands” count as designer labels?
on charitynavigator.com, ARK of Chicago gets a 3 stars out of 4 rating.
82.7% of the money donated goest to programs.
11.0% to administrative costs.
6.1% to fundraising expenses.
giving it a fundraising efficiency of $0.08
last year they raised over $5 million, spent over $4 million on programs, and had a surplus of about $200,000 at the end of the year.
Their executive director received $115,000 in compensation.
Charitynavigator also charities list charities doing similar work.
every garment was designed by someone. Whether they have their name on the label is another story.
>>>arents are letting thier girls walk around in sweatshirts that say juicy on it, it is wrong on so many le<<<<
should they say Jewcy, instead.
I am watching my mouth. (this requires a mirror)
I am fond of using charitynavigator.org, which gives you, the giver, the lowdown on charitable organizations, based on documented efficiency and capacity. Mostly, it tells you approx. what percentage of your donation goes to the PROGRAM, as opposed to the office and fundraising expenses. When I give, I like the percentage of my donation that goes to work to be high.
That’s not the only criteria for giving, of course, but it gives me confidence that a tzedekah is legit, and not just a piggy bank for some fundraisers.
Unfortunately, I can’t find the organization in question in their database.
they are. But who knows how much easier it would be if they had a bit of that polish. There’s an old yiddish proverb that says “if you’re charming, you don’t need to be pretty.”
A little bit of charm goes a long way, especially for the boys.
Joseph is free to wear what he wishes.
seriously though, a designer label is just a marketing gimmick meant to get you to pay more for the item. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you understand it. The seller would like to get as much money for the item as possible, in order to better support his greater family.
You, usually, would like to pay as little as possible to get a good-quality, comfortable and complimentary garment.
There are appropriate clothes with or without designer labels – that is only a marketing distinction.
every article is designed by someone.
are they reasonably priced?
Most important, the services of a shadchan are optional. No one forces you to use them. You can make a shidduch yourself, if you like.
I understand the point of the thread, though.
If you use the services of a professional shadchan, you are creating an implicit contract, and the shadchan deserves to be paid.
I think the question was originally asked because the shadchan’s fees are not posted. This too, is unfair. I’ve always disliked people telling me, “oh, just pay me what you think is fair.” I prefer the vendor to tell me his price, then I can choose to accept, negotiate, or go elsewhere.
If a payment is required for honest labor, which this is, please tell me in advance what that fee will be. I will not think less of you.
covered up, or revealed?
as much as it takes.
Isn’t part of the shadchan’s job salesmanship? I say that in only the best sense, since a good salesperson helps his customer make a good decision quickly.
after reading the Funny Shiduchim Stories here, I think maybe a course in “social skills” or “dating skills” may be called for. It sounds as if many of the boys, and some of the girls could use a course on how to act respectfully with the opposite sex, while also putting your best foot forward. This way, many of the shidduchim that fail due to awkwardness or social gaffes by one or both of the participants, could be salvaged, and the costs of shadchanut could be brought down, and the success rate brought up.
after reading the Funny Shiduchim Stories here, I think maybe a course in “social skills” or “dating skills” may be called for. It sounds as if many of the boys, and some of the girls could use a course on how to act respectfully with the opposite sex, while also putting your best foot forward. This way, many of the shidduchim that fail due to awkwardness or social gaffes by one or both of the participants, could be salvaged, and the costs of shadchanut could be brought down.
how many unsuccessful (not resulting in a marriage) ones did she have to make to get those results?
20?
if you have a desirable or easy-to-match child, you are better off paying by the hour.
personally, I perform matches with only the expectation of a hearty thank you and an invitation to the wedding. Naming the first child after me is totally optional.
by the way, I wasn’t recommending Jdate, just noting its widespread use.
I think many people use internet dating as a shield, to keep from doing some of the other things they should be doing, such as meeting people, interacting with them and their families, etc.
oomis, it would be wonderful if everything could be done as a mitzvah, but that isn’t the practicality of the modern world, especially for one who spends full-time performing mitzvahs.
You don’t expect the mohel to work w/o a payment, so why should a professional shadchan be any different? After all, you don’t HAVE to use their services if you don’t wish.
it’s basically do-it-yourself shadchanut. It’s an internet dating site. You can give membership as a gift to someone, too.
They used to have advice from a rabbi, if you so desired.
They claim a high success rate – One match every 23 minutes. Those computers work fast!
what is NASI?
high school – school atop Mount Everest
gentile – 1 where the groom and best man walk 2 a small island for men only
forestalls – where two pairs of horses are kept
forfeit – what most animals stand on
eyedropper – [Med.] a clumsy ophthalmologist
elixir – [Med.] what a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone
nautical – don’t tickle!
maintenance free – [Ad.] impossible to fix
maiden aunt – a woman who never said “uncle”
liquor store – stupor market
juniper – contraction meaning “Did you bite that female?”
judo – currency of Israel.
judicious – Passover recipes
perennial – a plant that would have grown back year after year if it had lived.
paralyze – [Med.] “The check’s in the mail” and “Trust me”
and my favorite:
Yosemite — Shalom.
yo-yo – 1 something occasionally up but normally down (see also “computer”) 2 an item that has its ups and downs
yogurt – [Culin.] semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
tax return – [Econ.] an annual fiction contest with no prize
rampage – section of a book about male sheep
rabbit – small portion of a Rabbi
polyunsaturated – a dry parrot
aardvark – 1 the honest way to make money 2 strenuous labor
Acapulco – [Music] music sung without accompaniment
acute alcoholic – an attractive drunk
archaic – what we eat after ar dinner
arsonist – a person with an unquenched burning desire
asset – a little donkey
atheist – 1 one with no invisible means of support 2 one who believes himself to be an accident
Yiddish – 1 a tongue that never takes its tongue out of its cheek 2 the rich traditional language of organized complaint