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I think the rav should invite him for a Shabbos meal, and talk to him about it after dinner, after sending the family out of the room.
No should be excluded from davening in shul if he sincerely wants to daven. If he is just a leitz, looking to disturb people, which is not the case here, then there is room for debate on the issue. If he is doing things that prevent others from focusing on davening, he should be spoken to in a friendly manner when he is not going to be defensive, as he would be in the shul./ A smart rov should be able to think of a tactful way to convey this to him. And if not, then perhaps the rov should give a drosha in Shul on the proper derech eretz for the Kehillah.
I am with those who feel the system is flawed and needs to be restructured. I notice that even the well-known shadchaniot who have columns in local Jewish papers, have started revising some of their thinking.
There is no question in my mind that the system does not work well. We have never seen such a plague of unmarried Jewish children as we see now. I think the shidduch “rules” are mostly ridiculous and a waste of valuable time. The things that people check out to death are often naarish and shallow or self-serving, and the notion that a boy is old enough to get married but not old enough to call a girl to arrange his own date with her after she has been suggested to him, is another means of infantilizing our children. If they are old enough to date,they are old to speak on the phone like WE did, and arrange the dates for themselves. If they are unable to carry on a normal conversation with each other, that is a serious issue.
All the people who think it is untzniusdig to do this,are people who were brought up with that mindset, so naturally they believe it to be the only proper derech. But our parents had a different mehalach and it worked really well for them AND for us. It is OK to meet someone on your own in a safe and structured environment, such as a Shabbaton or other Singles event. It is not OK to make a negative assumption that all such events are “treif.”
Girls should be encouraged to wear makeup and learn how to do their hair nicely and dress attractively in a tzanua way, if Nature needs a little boost. Much as we like to proclaim otherwise,realistically NOT ALL BNOS YISROEL ARE BEAUTIFUL on the outside, even if they are, on the inside. It is wrong to brainwash girls to believe otherwise, because then many of them who are plainer of face and form, think it is assur to get made up. Guys AND their mothers, make some initial choices with their eyes. Guess what! So do girls. Which brings me to the guys.
PLEASE be clean, brush your hair and teeth after showering before every date. Dress neatly, even if you have a small budget for clothing. There is no excuse for a dirty shirt, missing a button, or an unkempt look. The girls for the most part are trying to look their best for you, please offer them the same courtesy. This is NOT untzniusdig. When people go shopping, they look for an attractively designed package. There is a whole field of marketing devoted to this. Is buying a box of cereal more important than appealing to one’s bashert?
Don’t keep a shadchan waiting with an answer of yes or no. And the girls should be told about the guys just as the guys are told about the girls. And they should be told about more than one suggestion at a time, so they can get a date with at least SOMEONE appropriate on the “list.” Waiting for a yes from one boy before moving forward with someone else, when another one might be as appropriate a shidduch and more available, is a huge waste of time. I have seen girls I know personally, who lost out on shidduchim (yeah, so it wasn’t bashert, I know, I know), because while waiting for a boy who ultimately said no, the boy who WOULD have said yes, went out with another girl.
I look at shidduchim like this. It is a mitzvah to marry and make a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel. Mitzvah haba-ah l’yadecha, al tachmitzena. Don’t lose a chance because of stupid non-halachic rules,that have created a climate in which our shidduch crisis flourishes. We have to do everything we can to use common seichel as well as Halacha, to turn the tide on this epidemic.
I am sure that there are individuals who will strongly disagree with me in whole or in part. That’s ok. I respect your opinions, too, even as I disagree with them.
I think it’s foolish to automatically turn away such a shidduch. I do think it to be very prudent, and your right, to find out PERTINENT (not nosey) information about the divorce. Was either spouse abusive to the other or to the children, are both parents on the same page regarding their children, how involved is the non-custodial parent in the lives of the children, will the parents contribute towards the wedding and/or some support of the couple (if that is their mehalach), etc. These are all factors that can affect the child of that family, and thus affect the person coming INTO that family dynamic.
When the goyim were out at their late-night services, if they were to see Jews coming and going to and from learning, they could be all stirred up from their anger at the Jews for “killing” their deity. So it was safer for Jews to not go to the Beis Medrash on nittel nacht.
Welcome, and just enjoy having a really diverse group of people tell you what you’re doing wrong (just kidding – we are WAY too nice for that!!!)
I’ve always wondered about the application of the term ” glatt” to chickens “
I’ll go you one better. In a neighborhood near me, there is a store that calls itself the Glatt Farm. It primarily sells fruits and vegetables.
Obviously it’s because many people associate the word “glatt” with “strictly kosher” more so than something that is not glatt. The fact that it only applies to cows (am I correct that sheep and goats cannot be classified as glatt and certainly chicken cannot?), makes it interesting to see the word used incorrectly.
Good news!
Oh! The trolls. Do you think we should say something about the trolls? “
I have EZ-Pass. Wait – what????
I think that the situation of Chanukah of old could happen again if we are not careful. Most Jews are assimilated already. Those who are not, are still exposed on a daily basis to many of the issues that were prevalent then, the immorality, the obsession with looks and fitness, etc.
There are countries that have tried to prevent Jews from shechting meat and from doing bris milah, under the guise that both of those are INHUMANE. This, while they are busy doing G-d knows what to the Jews and other minorities in their countries. Yes, I do believe if we are not careful, Chanukah could most certainly chas v’sholom happen again. the question is – are we up to the challenge?
Not making a complaint, really. I just hope they see this and take steps to ensure that quotes are accurately attributed. OR – leave off the names entirely (much better IMO).
When I first saw the title of this thread, my immediate reaction was, SURE, it’s coming back next year and the year after that, and so on, and so on.
It’s the first.
DY: You may have a point, however, there has been permission from YWN to reprint these posts (it says so in the article each time). As I said, I don’t mind being quoted, as long as I actually said what was attributed to me. I also suspect that the powers that be at CY magazine, already have seen my comment about this. Clearly, they too, read the CR posts on-line.
Star, you are not being naive. You are learning. The meat that religiously observant people eat nowadays is Glatt kosher. Once upon a time very long ago, in the early to mid – 1900s, kosher butchers sold meat that may or may not have been considered glatt. It was to minimum standards kosher meat,to be sure, but as with all things in the religiously-observant world, it is always better to elevate ourselves in holiness in everything we do, including the food we eat, and with a new wave of immigration to these shores also came the adherence to using only glatt kosher meat.
As was explained “glatt” means smooth(referring to the lungs), and though some scabs in the lungs of a cow, which often inhales small stones as the cow grazes and chews its cud) do not render it as a “treif” animal, since some scabs that form from the irritation to the lungs ARE going to render the animal treif, the meat of a questionable animal is never sold as glatt kosher, and therefore not used by reputable kosher butchers for sale to observant Jews. When there is no glatt label, it cannot be ascertained that the meat is acceptable even by minimal kosher standards.
Today’s standards of kashrus are higher and virtually no frum person I know of would consider eating meat that is not certifiably glatt kosher. AND the butchers who call their non- glatt meat kosher are most likely not frum Jews altogether, or they would not be selling meat that is non-glatt to kosher consumers for the reasons stated above.
I can understand the frustration at having to look for a greater expense with fewer options rather than buying your meat from Tomer, BUT you have made the difficult decision to be a Jew, and if your honest intent is to be kosher, the non-Glatt company is NOT the one from which to buy your meat. Unless the meat is under reliable Kashrus supervision, you cannot depend on Tomer, or anyone else regarding its kashrus.
But this forum is not the best place for you to seek advice in this regard. Speak to the Rov who is involved in teaching you about the laws of Kashrus, and see what he advises you to do at this point, the early stages of your conversion process. I am making the assumption that the rabbi helping you on your spiritual journey is unquestionably a Torah-true scholar, not a Conservative or Reform practicioner. I wish you success.
PAA, but the punchline IS supposed to be written as “non-prophet organizations.”
Then CY has an achrayus to be a little more careful, in my humble opinion. I hope the editors will pay more attention the next time before they go to press.
RE: Baruch Goldstein, that is also what I had heard.
No sane person wants bloodshed. But unfortunately when push comes to shove, it tragically happens.
I was not fond of the JDL, but Rabbi Kahane Z”L was a visionary. Do you think he WANTED violence on top of violence? He wanted the Arabs out of E”Y, hopefully by peaceful means (buying up their property or offering them monetary incentives to leave), but if they were to respons with violence, he was in favor of hitting back twice as hard. And he was right.
I am not a violent person, but there was a time when Arabs were afraid to strike at Jews in Israel. It was a brief time, granted, but it was because they knew what would happen if they did anything. It lasted between 1967 and 1973. I was in seminary in 1970-71 and I was NEVER afraid to walk anywhere alone at night, and even through the Arab shuk on the way to the Kotel. Now, I feel as though the Arabs have no fear whatsoever of reprisals, To come into a SHUL and attack peaceful people while they are in Tallis and Tefillin, shows a singular lack of humanity. To slit the throat of a newborn baby and her entire family, or three young men on their way home from Yeshivah, people who clearly posed no threat to them, takes a very special kind of sick rishus. Rabbi Kahane would have had a response to those barbaric acts of terrorism.
He might have had his flaws as ALL human beings do, but his zeal and love for E”Y and Klal Yisroel, were honest and should not be disparaged. As far as I know, he did not condone unwarranted violence as a solution. And if he had followers who went to extremes, that happens in virtually every group where there is a charismatic leader. Look at what some people will do in the name of their rebbe. Should the rebbe be blamed for their being a lunatic fringe?
I wouldn’t mind so much, but in this specific instance, what was said was not something I would be comfortable in posting, because I can relate to the emabarrasment of the guy whose belt got caught. What a terrible thing to happen when trying to impress a date! I have a great sense of humor, but this is not something of which I would make fun. Some people who recognized my screen name asked me why I wrote such a thing. Water under the bridge. I just wanted to call it to the attention of whomever it was who submitted it.
If the neviim and kesuvim were good enough for our Rishonim to spend time and write perushim on each possuk, then it’s good enough for me to at least bother to learn that NACH, and read what the meforshim had to say. Apparently THEY did not consider it to be bitul Torah to learn it. So who am I to think I am better than they?
The evidence that I have gathered does indeed point to the existence of men.”
According to my sources, the M&Ms, they DO exist!
My own kind of Jew – you’re right.
No one likes the “Goody Two Shoes,” and that is how the immoral velt views frum Jews. it makes the rest of the world feel guilty when they see what following a Torah-true lifestyle makes of us. When you were in grade school, didn’t you hate the kid who raised his hands at dismissal, to remind the teacher he forgot to give homework? We remind Sonai Yisroel that the Teacher has Given them a lot of homework to do, 7 Noachide Laws to be exact, and they resent us for the reminder we contantly present to them just by our mere existence, that they are not handing in their assignments or even reading the Directions.
Um… to the folks who send in our posts to “Country Yossi Magazine” – I think you may have incorrectly attributed to me a post found on Page 111 of the recent December issue,regarding funny things that happened on shidduch dates. Although I have been known to have a senior moment or two from time to time, I am pretty certain I did not ever post that story in the CR. I personally would not be comfortable to recount the story of someone IRL who was embarrassed because he caught his belt in the tablecloth of a restaurant in front of a date, and knocked everything off the table by accident. Also, if you read the loshon, it’s not even my writing style altogether. I certainly have no memory of such a story. I do not either in speech or writing, typically use the word “like” as in, “my sister was like…” when relating a conversation. But again, I do have a senior moment or two and I could be mistaken, though I think I am not.
So here’s my request – I have no objection to my posts being printed in the magazine (if you feel they are worthwhile) as my name is anonymous anyway, but please be certain the post that has my name on it actually WAS written by me. Thanks. (A disclaimer in the next issue would be nice)…
I loved this song as a child, and wrote a short camp play for my campers to perform when I worked at Camp HASC some 40+ years ago. That song was the finale of the play, which centered on Yetzias Mitzrayim and the zechus of the birds then and in the Midbar. I know it sounds a little ambitious in subject matter, but my girls did a fantastic job!
SIDI, that is appalling, and it is not the first time I have heard such a thing. Children in certain religious groups, need to have better derech eretz. Certainly it is obnoxious for them to call out “Sheigetz!” to a frum Yid who has a different hashkafa from their own (but who is nonetheless unquestionably frum).
And I will be even more controversial here, and say it is also appalling for them to direct that remark to a non-frum Yid. No Yid is a sheigetz, and the expression is meant to be disparaging.
Coffee Addict, I didn’t even recognize some of the names (but then my gray cells ain’t what they used to be)…
If that kosher gym were more affordable to most people, perhaps they would go. But to be perfectly candid, if one is a Yeshivish, Kollel couple, perhaps the money that the wife is working so hard to earn, or the money that the Shver is generously giving them (so that his eidem can sit and learn and not worry about parnassah), could be put to more practical use than working out in a gym. There is PLENTY of exercise to be had without going to a gym.
Frankly, I think it would be better for the marriage, if the couple would take daily long walks together or even have their own workout routine that they do as a couple in their own home. It would give them both exercise AND together time. There are plenty of books about how to exercise properly. Much cheaper than a gym, for people who cannot afford a membership.
And yes, as we take note especially this week, the Greeks were way too into the perfection of the human body. It behooves us to remember that the first Gyms were from Yovon, and as Jews we focus beyond the physical. They focuses SOLELY on the physical.
I would tend to call Shir Hashirim a metaphor for the relationship between Hashem and Klal Yisroel.
You are expressing yourself much too kindly and respectfully”
Awwwww, that’s me all over… 🙂
Absolutely not saying that, Goq. I have heard MANY beautiful songs that lifted my spirits that were absolutely non-Jewish composed. When I listen to a good piece of classical music, or when I hear the music of Les Miserables (“Bring him home”), I am incredibly moved. Music that is beautiful, is uplifting, no matter who makes that music. Much of what passes for music today, however, is noise IMO.
No one should take off from school simply because it is that student’s birthday. BUT – having said that – if the teacher is aware of the brithday, ti would be nice to take five minutes to mark the day for that child and give the child some special thing to do (age appropriately, of course), i.e., be the monitor, or chazzan/chazzanit for davening, get to erase and wash the blackboard (always was my favorite thing), and so forth. The class can sing happy birthday. What’s the big deal. if it is a teen, you wish them a happy birthday and gamarnu.
Jewish thinker – B”H that the Goyishe velt finds a day to say grace once a year (though to be fair, religious non-Jew often DO say grace at their meals). If turkey was abundant in the New World, and it was, it makes sense that it was eaten, and the fact that it is a large bird, made it economical for the Pilgrims to feed a large family with one turkey. That’s probably why it was so popular.
On Thanksgiving, we do not see and religious symbols in the media, in the decorations, etc. The Pilgrims came here searching for freedom from religious persecution (sound familiar?), and as Jews we can and should identify with that. We came to the US for similar reasons after WWII. So we are very much a nation of pilgrims, too.
Unless it’s to tell the girl you are running a little late (and assuming you are unable to make a phone call), ok. Otherwise, NO NO NO. Texting is a mixed blessing. It has caused people to refrain from actual conversation with each other, as has emailing. the only positive aspect is that sometimes one does not have time or opportunity for a full converation, and the point can be made quickly in a text.
But I think texting is just awful for initial dating contact. A girl texted my son, who is B”H now happily married, to break up with him after 7 or 8 dates. That in my humble opinion, is disgraceful.
It’s like saying a tamei animal is “lo tehora.” Means the same thing, but the Torah uses the euphemism of lo tehorah, to teach us that even when speaking of something unpleasant, we should be careful of how we express ourselves.
Be careful. You never get a second chance to make a first impression with someone.
I think some people make way to much out of this. Most people are off from work, families have an opportunity to eat together AND they can drive over and go home. Unless you have a dislike of turkey, it’s delicious, low-fat, and very good for you.
I serve it often for yomim tovim or if I have company coming over when it’s not a yom tov. You don’t want to make a special meal that day? So DON’T! It has no intrinsic religious value, other than to be a general day of thanks to G-d. We should do that every day, and we do. It marks no religious action (unlike the winter non-Jewish holiday which is based in pagan roots), it is generic in nature, and too much is being invested in trashing it. Do we not have more important things to worry about?
And Zahavasdad, you have gotten very creative (three times) spelling “euphemism.” I suspect you did it on porpoise. 🙂
I think KJ actually typed “bucher,” (no t) I only misread it as butcher, and in the context of his writing about the man who attacked the student, my eye read what the brain interpreted it to be. The Mods caught my error before posting it and edited it out.
Some Country Yossi pieces (“The Deaf Man in the Shteeble”), and yes, ANYTHING by Journeys. “Variations” by Gershon Veroba has some beautiful pieces set to secular music, to be sure, but the lyrics are truly uplifting (AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES THEM JEWISH SONGS).
OK, KJ. But it is nonetheless not a typical spelling in transliteration that most people associate with the word. It’s typically spelled as bochur or bachur.Pronounce it however you like. I certainly am not criticizing you for it.
Are youi thankful to not live in countries where our ancestors were persecuted? Are you thankful to be able to have the freedom to be a frum Yid, without fear of the government arresting you? Are you thankful that your children are able to get a Yeshivah education, and don’t have to play dreidel all day, so as to not appear to be learning Torah? Are you thankful to be able to become educated, get married, earn parnassah,have children, get good medical care, daven in Shul, be able to post in the CR when you wish? Are you thankful to even HAVE a CR in which to post openly?
Then EAT the stupid turkey with or without stuffing, and have hakoras hatov of SOME type for a country that encourages all of the above. It is not a religious thing for US, even if it is for others in this country, though one can argue that being able to be makir tov is a fundamental pillar of Judaism. This nation was founded on so many Torah principles, and the very first Thanksgiving was probably modeled on a Succos meal. But whether or not that is so, we have much for which to be grateful, in spite of the things we might want to see done differently here. If we rally against those things, at least we won’t be dragged away and shot. And for THAT I am MOST grateful.
Scented candles, not so much. Scented room deodorizers. i.e. Glade Plug-ins, Febreeze Spray or the like – absolutely.
@oomis I spell it the way the word is said
No, it is the way YOU say it (and that’s fine – it’s works what you are used to). Most people in my experience however, spell the word “bochur,” as in the expression yeshivah bochur. Go back through some old threads in the CR and you will see what I mean. My eyes actually read your word bucher as BUTCHER, and while that it not your fault, but rather mine, it is a spelling that is not typically used for that word. No offense meant.
RebYidd23 LOL!!!!!!!!! More sunshine for all!