oomis

I still can’t believe that there are people out there who can’t fargin that bachurim can have a small taiveh like this. “

Those small taiveh-filled yeshivah boys sometimes grow up to be the guys who cannot fargin their women to buy expensive shaitlech, jewlery or clothing. I personally see no need for EITHER a Borsalino OR new $4,000 custom shaitel. But what do I know? I learned to make do with what I could afford, even when the items were a little worn. I didn’t grow up in an entitled generation, something which is seriously prevalent today.

I also find great truth in Goq’s recent post.

” And oomis, kollel is doable without parental support, as long as you have realistic standards. Are you going to say the same about every mono income family? If you say I’m gonna go on vacation to Florida for a week and my seminary teacher said Hashem will provide, then you may have a bit of a problem. “

It is ONLY doable when the girls have a completely realistic idea of what they are in for WITHOUT that parental aupport. Not only are they going to be fulfilling Chava’s requirements, but ODOM’S as well. Until they actually DO that, and in the best case scenario successfully maintain a home, experience a pregnancy, labor, delivery, and take care of a child or children, PLUS work full time to earn the parnassah, they have NO concept of what is in store.

There is a reason Hashem made a division of labor. None of those girls coming out of seminary (typically in E”Y where the standard of living is different), who have been strongly indoctrinated into the privilege of such a lifestyle by their Morahs, mentors, and Rebbetzins, have a clue as to what is in store for them. The rate of divorce among young Yeshivish couples has soared in recent years, often within a year of marriage.

I do not say a girl should not marry a learning boy and have the zechus to support his Torah learning. That’s something very special when it can be done. I AM saying, however, that both eyes should be wide open when she does. It is NOT a romantic fantasy of playing Rochel to someone’s R’ Akiva. Real married life is not easy under most circumstances. It takes hard work and commitment, as does anything worth doing. These issues need to be fully explored and discussed prior to embarking on a Kollel journey, the same as for anyone else who will be in a one-income family.

PS We could never afford to go to Florida, so we didn’t. I survived, B”H.

I like to think that we are all friends here, just that most of us have not met each other IRL. Sometimes it is easier to be friends with people whom we do not see, especially when we are shy. I would hope that people feel comfortable in the CR to express themselves (respectfully, of course) on most any subject, and about their feelings.

OurTorah – thank you.

Wax museum, ANY museum,planetarium, etc.

That was not what I meant at all oomis, my family was a frum family, but in a Torah true home would a child be mentally and physically abused? would a person born with disabilities be made to feel ashamed and guilty in a Torah true home? in a Torah true home would any parent ever hate their child and relish in making sure that child knew that in their eyes he was worthless? they were frum but they did not live the Torah in my house”

And you are correct – “frum” does not always = good and kind (but then again, I don’t consider abusive people to be frum – just my personal feeling). You had a rough time, and I am so sorry for your tzoros growing up, but that is also the point. Modern Orthodox does not mean that someone does NOT have a Torah home. I would consider my sister and brother in law to be VERY MO, but my brother-in-law is VERY machshiv Torah, gives all his kochos to his Shul and community, has commissioned the writing of Sifrei Torah, and sets a beautiful example for his family.

Until Hurricane Sandy, my sister wasa machnisat orchim bar none. They helped send my kids through Yeshivah, as well as others, when we were going through tough times. Being MO is not a negative. Neither is shukling in Shul and sitting in Beis Medrash all day indicative of a person’s real character. Each person should be judged on his/her own actions.

BTW, apropos of kids getting married and running off to E”Y on their parents’ credit cards – in my opinion, that is not a

Kollel lifestyle. It is a FAKE Kollel lifestyle. Kollel wives need to be prepared to sacrifice for that zechus. If the couple expects their tab to be picked up by their parents, they are just living the same as they did before, only married.

Goq, I try to not be chosheid b’ksheirim. And just because someone is modern Orthodox, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a Torah home. That kind of thinking is both faulty and nonproductive.

Ffbb613, forgive me for asking, but did you NOT grow up ffb, which presumably means you grew up in a Torah home? Did you never feel a connection to Hashem in your home? If your crossroads decision includes possibly going to Seminary, then your parents must be machshiv Torah in their way. I think you should speak with them first and foremost and address your feelings with them. Also make sure you discuss kollel life with real kollel wives who are NOT being financially supported by their parents, and see how they feel after a couple of years of solely supporting their families while raising a family. Take the fantasy out of the equation and make your decisions based on REALISTIC expectations. Hatzlacha rabbah.

I don’t think that a rebbie who puts an arm around a young student should be looked at sideways for doing so. But if a child specifies certain actions as having taken place, it mandates thorough investigation at the very least. Legally, it may entail involving the authorities.

Can’t we all just sound HAPPY that the storm WAS NOT as bad as predicted?? Who cares if the mayor got it right or not? The snow didn’t affect most of our power, and we were up and running the next day.

Let them touch the Sefer when it is covered with its outer covering. Then explain when the Sefer is OPEN, no one may touch it, not even the rebbie, because it is very holy. Then give them a child’s ST, open it up and let them touch the inside of THAT, but explain that it is also holy, so they have to treat it with respect, as they would a chumash.

Are snowmen who eat carrot’s cannibal’s ? “

Might be considered practicing rhinoplasty without a license.

Go with the one on nestles tollhouse morsels’ package, just use pareve chips. It really is the best recipe I have ever used. Belated “you are welcome,” to observanteen.

Are we having fun yet?

Golfer, the shaitel gemach was not the only option I mentioned. I spoke of the pre-owned sales of excellent shaitlech that for whatever reason, the owners do not want to keep. Would you not agree that for purposes of Shalom Bayis, that BOTH parties have to actively be involved in reaching a decision? This husband is looking for ways to stop his wife from spending extravagantly for beautiful shaitels. I mentioned two possible ways for her to acquire shaitlech, in the event that other head coverings do not appeal to her.

I am a woman who likely will NEVER be able to afford to buy a brand-new shaitel, expensive or otherwise. So I have had to make some adjustments to my way of thinking (not all that difficult, by the way, because I don’t feel “entitled” to a $3,000 shaitel or more costly, as do so many young women today), and I found a stunning barely-used shaitel at a pre-owned shaitel business for $700 (which for me was also a bit steep, but I had been saving for it), which I bought to wear for my son’s chasunah. At the LEAST, the shaitel was worth more than twice that, and it was just as gorgeous as any shaitel I have seen. No one has to be embarrassec about buying such a shaitel, and considering what they cost today, a young woman would do well to at least consider this option, especially when her husband is upset about the cost. THAT is what helps maintain Shalom Bayis – the recognition that maybe one has to delay self-indulgence, because of the bigger picture.

And I easy going to post what momonabudget did. I use two puddings though and either one cup whip and two pareve milk or whatever is handy. Nice to throw some chopped up Viennese crunch on top.

Golden Delicious, of course!

Pops, that explains SO much!

What offends me, is not the failure to post a woman’s picture, as that is the prerogative of the publisher. I am bothered when a woman is being honored for HER activities on behalf of an organization and her HUSBAND’S picture is the one shown in the article speaking of her accomplishments. If he has literally nothing to do with the organization, there is no shaychus for his picture to bed there, when hers is not. It’s a stretch to argue that he enables her to do her chessed work. She is still the one doing it.

I make no claim to being Yeshivish. I see myself for want of a better definition as Modern Orthodox Machmir.

It seems to me from what I read ( yes, I read the section you quoted from Sanhedrin AND the Rashi), that there must be a definite correlation between the demanded action and the halachos pertaining to arayos and avoda Zara, in which case it would be yehareg v’al yaavor. Or do I misunderstand?

Lior, there are three very definite things for which we must give up our lives, rather than do them. Changing our shoelaces, is not among them.

Mazel tov to everyone who is owed my good wishes!!!! Auf many simchas!

Nobody hates anyone here (at least I hope not). But we don’t babysit each other, either. If someone is out for a couple of weeks, well… people DO have lives, we hope. So if you have been AWOL, I hope you have been having a meaningful time away.