Joseph

Why should she avoid giving truthful information about a potential shidduch if it is for tachlis purposes? If you asked about whether a boy that was proposed to you is a smoker would you appreciate if the party you had asked beat around the bush with you to avoid telling you that he’s a smoker? Hey, maybe he stopped smoking since the person last saw him light up…

DY: They’re outcasts and buffoons everywhere and their thinking they’re today’s Yochanon speaking to Vesapian is clownish. But how are they reshaim? All their doing is making a spectacle. They’re best ignored, IMO. I never got why their given all the attention they get. That’s what they want, in fact.

Lapid, Bennett, and Lipman cause actual damage with the laws they pass with their legislative votes and advocacy. What actual damage do those clowns do other than looking like buffoons?

There’s a “Mod-1097”?

Parents’ relationship can affect their children.

Cinderella: But the question is how many base a yes or no on whether or not she went to seminary altogether.

You should also be aware that the Chareidi world says special tefilos for all our brethren in Eretz Yisroel, i.e. Tehilim, whenever there’s an increased danger in EY.

edited – not for this thread

ivory: It’s different by the Chasidim.

Wiki and the JVL are incorrect. They’re what I said earlier and Satmar is distinct and unaffiliated with them other than an overlap of some viewpoints. Don’t make the error of assuming all or even most opponents of zionism are Satmar.

You’re doing better than me. I couldn’t even get the mosquito.

Avi: The NK are pure Litvaks and from the Talmidei HaGRA. They even daven Nusach Ashkenaz in their shuls.

DY: The more desirable Chassanim would naturally receive larger dowries. Being that a learning boy is (as a practical reality, without debating why) a more in-demand shidduch, he will get a better dowry. Which in this case effectively translates into a pre-agreed set period of support.

Non-Kollel Chassanim tend to essentially get a dowry in that the Kallah’s family is bearing a much greater burden for the cost of the wedding and perhaps the startup costs to get the couple on their feet. (i.e. in EY it might be an apartment or elsewhere furnishing, etc.)

Sam: Please be careful in using refined language. And please do not put words in other’s mouths or insinuate something even if you’re lacking a coherent counterpoint.

If you think Rabbeinu Gershom issued the decree for a reason other than what I attributed it to, please feel free to share your thought. But the fact of the matter is that it isn’t even in dispute that R”G made that takana for precisely the reason I cited.

M-29: TY for your feedback. The post was rather substantial. Can you possibly edit out the portion that troubled you, to the minimal degree you find possible, and restore the rest?

Saving the marriage, in the vast majority of cases, will do more good than the potential damage to all parties by dumping the marriage. How far to push to save the marriage? As far as possible, as mightily as you can.

Of course every situation is different and this is general advice. No one can direct your personal situation through an anonymous medium, especially where all the facts and nuances are unknown to anyone but yourself, other than give general pointers.

Edited – While this may be good information to tell someone who is “on the fence”, for someone who no longer has that opportunity it is only rubbing salt in an open wound.

As far as the gemorah, suffice to say the degree of mental incompetancy that precludes a husband from issuing a Get is very high and something very very few men qualify for reaching. Standard clinical depression does not come close to that level. But if it is clinical depression that is pushing him to desire a divorce, that may be a very good indication that he isn’t making this decision of sane mind. (Though it is sane enough for a Get to be halachicly sufficient.) And he should work on the depression first,after which it is IY”H cured he may realize how foolish it was for him to even want to have divorced!

Syag: thank you.

Yenting: I will not say you took the wrong approach since you don’t want to post the details of your situation, something I fully respect, and there are those very rare situations where it may be obvious that it is both untenable and irreparable.

Nevertheless, in the majority by far of situations a marriage on the brink is repairable with the efforts by both parties. Sometimes it may take a whole lot of effort but it is doable. And it is very worth doing. Especially when there’s children. I’d even go so far as to say that by far most divorces were avoidable. We live, sadly, in a disposable society. Whether paperware, electronics, cars and in recent decades marriages are easily disposed of for the latest model and fads rather than being repaired as had always been the previous norm.

CharlieHall: No one doubts that we’ve been suffering in galus since 70 C.E. And that it’s been relatively bad for the Jews wherever they live for the past close to 2,000 years. Nevertheless, as you’ve admitted we lived in far greater harmony under Arab rule than under the rule of any other country that hosted many Jews. Especially under the cruelty of the Church in Christian Europe. For every incident or event of Arab cruelty to the Jews we can name 100 worse incidents under the Christians in Europe. Not to mention that it was the Europeans who destroyed the Beis HaMikdash and murdered the Jews in Yerushalayim.

How old are you guys?

Game Boys are for, well, boys.

Your point three isn’t correct.

Rabbeinu Gershom gave wives the right to decline to divorce for a reason.

richashu: +1. I completely agree with you.