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I know what LCSW stands for. A “therapist” can be a psychologist or a social worker, and a psychologist can have a social work degree. The two are not mutually exclusive.
Thanks– all credit to my husband for teaching me that.
How do we know where the teiva landed, or what the earth looked like at that point? Do we even know for sure that this happened after the breakup of Pangea? I don’t think the kasha stands because we have so little information.
some dreams keep on getting better
Plus, psychiatrists are medical doctors, while some psychologists only have an MSW or a LCSW, so they charge less.
Every month, yes, but for 10-15 minutes? More like an hour. And while it is recommended that one see a therapist weekly, not everyone has the time for that. Better to do it every other week or every month– or even as needed– than not at all.
I strongly disagree. There are many irreversible mistakes that a person can make while still “on the derech”. Because remember, “on the derech” does not mean free from aveiros.
?
yungermanS “Perhaps you can give me some other reasons from Seforim you saw.”
truthsharer “Because of Shas.”
rebdoniel “I’d prefer to keep present politics out of the equation, truthsharer.”
Maybe truthsharer meant Shas as in Gemara, not Shas as in the political party! Meaning…Mashiach isn’t here yet for reasons enumerated in Shas!!
okay, not exactly what I had in mind, but cute!! Thanks 🙂
You know what to do!
Okay, how about this for me:
a feminist newlywed
and occasionally her feminist husband
No, it didn’t “cause mental illness” (and no, I have not been diagnosed with any mental illness, and no, you don’t need to have a diagnosis in order to benefit from therapy) but it should be obvious that this person was an obstacle to my getting what I needed to out of the therapy. If therapy is not completely private and confidential, it does nothing.
There are still many, many therapists out there who accept insurance plans (and most insurance plans do cover therapy, usually with a deductible). There are also therapists who offer sliding-scale payment plans, and clinics that will offer low-cost therapy if you meet income requirements. Your local Jewish Federation or Jewish Family Services is also a good resource for low cost and/or sliding scale therapy.
There is a BIG difference between seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. While everyone can benefit from seeing a psychologist, most people do not need to see a psychiatrist. Unless you have been diagnosed with a mental illness, you do not need to be on medication. It shouldn’t have to be a one or the other decision. If you need both, see both. One is not a substitute for the other, and it shouldn’t matter which one is cheaper (btw, I have a hard time believing that psychiatrists are cheaper, but whatever).
Finally, therapy is not about “breakthroughs”. There is a widespread, and ill-informed, presumption out there that therapy is all about lying on a couch having some old man tell you that it’s all about your mother. Therapy does not have to involve (and usually doesn’t involve) dramatic revelations. The truth is far more boring. It’s all about ordinary, everyday stress management, relationship counseling, etc.
Different animals travel at different speeds, and are attracted to different climates. Each chose the derech that was right for his species.
“A lot of things are mutar al pi din, but are still poor decisions that are out of touch with the ethos of Torah Judaism.”
Yes, but not this one. What you say applies more to, for example, hunting.
As already stated, there are real, legitimate reasons for wearing a wedding ring, chief among them being to signal a man’s marital status to those who don’t know him. Additionally, many men like to wear something tangible that they can look at and think of their wives when they are apart– almost like, lehavdil, a kippah reminds one of Hashem.
I’m O+.
My husband LOVES the Mesivtas. We are building up a collection of them one volume at a time. I think we currently have about 30 of them.
He wanted a regular Shas as well because the Mesivtas don’t have the full set of meforshim in the back (such as the Rosh, the Rif, the Tosefta, and the Maharsha, as well as minor meforshim. My husband really likes the Ya’avetz and the Maharatz Chayes).
Oz Ve’hadar also produces an expanded version, which includes selections from the Rashba and the Ritva (or at least this was the case several years ago when my husband was in yeshiva).
It’s not just “dispensing advice”. It’s having an objective ear. Everyone needs someone to talk to, and while talking with loved ones is nice, often they are nogeiah b’davar. (I once dated a guy who would ask me after every therapy session what my therapist had said. He even stayed in the room once while I was on the phone with her, completely defeating the purpose of the therapy.)
And by the way, if you have insurance, you aren’t paying $100 an hour.
Everyone has demons from something. Nobody’s life is entirely rosy and immaculate. It just doesn’t exist.
No, since they were killed by *ordinary citizens* and not *police officers* no one cares.
Oh, come on, Health. Threads go on tangents ALL THE TIME. At least be consistent. If you’re going to complain about it here, complain about it elsewhere, too. Or, hey– just ignore it.
writersoul, I wasn’t trying to attack you!! Sorry!! I think both of us have every right to be posting in this thread. (Hey, remember the thread that had “GIRLS ONLY” in its subject line and the posters who responded were oomis and a bunch of men?)
Also, physical attraction can follow emotional attraction. Your assessment of a date’s looks at first sight may differ from your assessment after you’ve gotten to know them a little.
I am pretty sure we’ve had this argument a few years ago, the last time I was active in the CR. If someone wants to dig up the thread, be my guest. Or we could just get into it all over again.
Agreed. There are (many) girls out there who can learn Gemara just as well as boys. To answer your challenge as to whether or not there are girls out there who would make good chavrusas for boys: there are, if such a thing were tznius. Now married couples on the other hand can learn b’chavrusa if they happen to be well-matched (or, I suppose, brothers and sisters). I certainly can’t learn with my husband or brother on a peer level (although maybe in 20 years?) There are women who theoretically could keep up with my husband, but they’ll never have the opportunity to try. Actually, the girl my husband was once engaged to learned in GPATS and is at his level of learning.
I will, b’li shevua, ask my husband for an example of a masechta that would make a difference in answering this question. He is working now and I don’t want to bother him. But I can guarantee you that he wasn’t trying to “show off his knowledge”. He only posts in the CR because I do, and ask him questions. He doesn’t really care what anyone here thinks of either one of us. If he was really that invested he would create his own account and username.
“jewishfeminist02: I don’t want to sound mean, but in fairness do you really think he wanted advice from a girl about his chavrusa question and do you not see how it is inappropriate for you to be answering a question about a boy’s chavrusa? It’s like a boy giving a girl advice on what to give another girl for a bridal shower. Not only that, but what on earth would it matter what masechta he is learning? You didn’t even answer his question.”
When I saw the thread, I asked my husband if he had any suggestions. He told me he needed the answers to these questions before he could offer any advice. He said that the reason it matters which mesechta is that some are harder than others, and therefore for those masechtas it’s more important to have a good chavrusa. I understand why you were confused, but next time please try to be dan l’kaf zechus. And by the way, I and other women have had chavrusas too. Do you think it’s equally “inappropriate” for writersoul to be answering? I’m sure the OP would be grateful for advice from any source, if it were useful.
Need more info– how often do you learn with this person? Is this in a yeshiva or on your own? What mesechta is it?
Curiosity, regarding the first two points, I’m just telling you what the standard is in my community. It may be different where you live. Regarding the third, you say it has nothing to do with dating. But that was not the OP’s question. The question is regarding “shidduchim”, and last I checked, the wedding is very much a part of shidduchim. Incidentally, I know couples whose engagements have broken off over wedding related arguments (how “nice” does the affair have to be, who’s paying for what, etc). My husband had a broken engagement before he met me, and although the wedding planning wasn’t the only or even the primary reason the engagement broke, it was definitely a major issue.
Yes– for instance, every boy seems to want a “stick”.
Example #1: I have never heard of a boy writing a shidduch resume.
Example #2: A boy can reject a girl without the girl ever even knowing that the match was suggested in the first place.
Example #3: The girl’s family has to come up with the money to pay for most of the wedding expenses.
I don’t know the origin of this little poem, but I first encountered it in middle school and it has charmed me ever since:
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
From my husband:
Based on Igros Moshe EH 4:32: Rav Moshe’s maskana about men wearing rings ( ??? ????? ????? ??? ????? ?’ ??? ????? ?????? ??”?) could be taken as a mild discouragement of the practice. However, Rav Moshe writes this in the context of a polemic against double-ring ceremonies (which, IMHO, can only be done through highly questionable halachic sleight-of-hand). The chukos ha’goyim in having a men’s wedding ring is using the wedding ring as part of the ceremony, NOT in wearing the ring after the ceremony (ad meah v’esrim). Rav Moshe says that goyische men will wear wedding rings for ornamental reasons (“l’noi”), as well as (probably the most important reason) to make it clear to opportunistic women (r”l) that the man is married, and these are not assur mishom chukos ha’goyim. (I think one can find greater elaboration of Rav Moshe’s shita on chukos hagoyim from his teshuvos about Thanksgiving and Nittlenacht)
The only reason for a wedding ring to be assur is if it were somehow obvious that the ring was actually used as part of a double-ring ceremony as practiced by some goyische communities. However, Rav Moshe found it to be inconceivable that a double-ring ceremony would ever actually happen in the presence of a Mesader Kedushin, two kosher eidim and an audience including frum friends and family. More importantly, he found it inconceivable that a stam yid who sees a wedding ring on the hand of a chassan would believe that the ring was from a double-ring ceremony.
Perhaps a chassan who wants to be particularly careful about preventing perceptions that his wedding ring was part of a double-ring ceremony should wait a few days after the wedding before buying his ring so that friends at sheva berachos can tell that the chassan’s ring was not part of the ceremony. (my wife and I didn’t pick out my wedding ring until after our sheva berachos when we were already in Las Vegas).
I have heard of the cookbooks, but don’t own any of them. I didn’t realize it was wordplay! Thanks for enlightening me.
ah yid, the OP is shopping for her chasan, not her son-in-law.
I also referred to closeted individuals who will not know that others share their struggles unless they go public. This is a serious consideration. Again, I am not talking about men who are “proactive” about their homosexuality (this is vague but I assume you mean those who have boyfriends and engage in prohibited acts). Obviously such a case is different.
Furthermore, just because someone is publicly violating a mitzvah does not mean they don’t deserve our compassion. I don’t mistreat or cut ties with openly gay men, just as I don’t mistreat or cut ties with Conservative and Reform yidden. To do so would be a tremendous chillul Hashem, and would only drive the person further away from yiddishkeit. “Coming out” is a cry for help, and if our response to it is to castigate the person or, worse, shun him, he will certainly not be motivated to do teshuvah.
With all due respect to R’ Miller (I mean this seriously), how does he or anyone else know what is going on inside people’s heads?
“Derech eretz is also a halacha.”
Absolutely, but I am sure that those who do this don’t even realize they are bothering you. Of course you can’t communicate this during davening, but why not discreetly mention it to them afterward, so they will know for next time?
I think many people are assuming he’s about 10 because most kids don’t go to sleep away camp when they are younger than 10.
Let me just point out that a “palette” is what a painter uses, while a “palate” is an individual’s taste for food.
You’re welcome, haifagirl.
rebdoniel, I am not trying to argue halacha with you. You’re missing the point. I know that one can eat meat during the nine days and still be in accordance with halacha. I am just saying that since the widespread minhag is to abstain from meat in Ashkenazi circles, and since most CR posters are Ashkenazi, I really don’t think anyone reading this is going to serve Morningstar on meat dishes during the nine days. I also don’t think anyone reading this is going to be careless enough to assume that something is pareve based on a post here without checking the label. Okay, so you know someone who was careless. Fine. I am sure they simply forgot to check, not that they deliberately thought “Oh, so and so told me it was pareve, therefore I don’t HAVE to check”.
No need to make a whole balagan.
I would imagine that if you warn the camp ahead of time, they will let you know whether they are prepared to deal with it or if they would rather you just not send him at all.
No one is saying that we should condone gay people having affairs. But what is wrong with them going public? It may help them to get chizuk from others, and they can’t get chizuk if no one knows about their struggles. I imagine there are many closeted gay frum people who feel alone and drowning. No one can help them if they don’t speak about about it. Furthermore, if one person goes public, others who are still closeted may get chizuk just from knowing there is someone else out there who is battling the same thing.
Well, again, it’s a question of chukas hagoyim. In 2013 MEN wear rings, and even many frum men wear rings. If they don’t in your community and therefore you want to hold by chukas hagoyim, go ahead. But when the gemara says that men wear signet rings, it doesn’t mean in a particular “community”, it means in society as a whole. The gemara doesn’t pasken for individual communities.
Do more people utilize therapy than I thought? Good. I hope they do. SSI is for people with low-income and disabilities– in other words, a vulnerable population. Lambasting them for “spinelessness” and an “inability to cope” is heartless and doesn’t make their situation any better.
“jewishf- firstly, i never spoke about that. that wasnt the topic of discussion. we were arguing whehter a mans taava to look is bigger or not than a womans taava to dress inappropriately. agav, this nekuda came up when i was being miva’er the inyan, and from what i heard from a few people, the feelings and thoughts are different even when a woman has a taavah to look.”
“i never spoke about that”– EXACTLY. You talk about “a man’s nisayon” and “a woman’s nisayon” as if men looking and women dressing were the ONLY nisyonos that exist with regard to tznius. Not true. And I don’t believe for a second that “the feelings and thoughts are different”. Different how? If a man is looking at a woman in an ervah way versus a woman looking at a man in an ervah way, it’s exactly the same taiva. I don’t understand. Obviously if it gets to the point of thinking “I sure wish I could do xyz with this person” the xyz part is different because of biology. But what relevance does that have to anything at all?
I am not trying to pick on you specifically. This is a widespread attitude that people have and it drives me crazy.
I agree.
Even if the probability is that you did win and therefore by rules of logic you shouldn’t sell the ticket, you are still gambling 2 million dollars on the chance that you will win 50 million. That is a pretty steep buy-in. I would sell the ticket if there is even a 1 in 20,000 chance that it isn’t a winner. (I still think the probability stuff is a fun intellectual exercise, though).
I really hate to have to say this because I know it will be painful to hear, but if your son refuses to tell you who did this to him, it is very likely someone close to him. He may be afraid that you won’t believe him if he tells you who it is. It could be a school rebbe, or an older boy in his school, or a relative. It could even be his father. You MUST make sure he knows that you will believe him NO MATTER WHAT HE TELLS YOU. And then, you must…believe him no matter what he tells you. Even if it is someone you have known for years. He needs your support more than anything else. Do NOT say to him, “Oh, so-and-so would NEVER do such a thing!” It will only cause him to withdraw further and you will lose all your progress. My heart goes out to you and your family. No one should ever have to go through such a thing. It is a tremendous tragedy and a chilul Hashem.
Health, YWN can decide for themselves whether or not they are scared of a lawsuit. If they aren’t, they’ll allow your post through; if they are, they won’t. As for you, nobody knows who you are, so you can’t be sued. I beg you to do your part on behalf of the pure neshamos out there that haven’t YET been hurt by this man but potentially could be if they are unaware that he is dangerous.
I have a close family friend with diabetes. She has had it under control for years but the shadchanim said that because of it she would only be able to marry a guy who “also has a defect”. I thought that was absolutely horrible. She did end up marrying someone who has moderate social issues, but b”H they are happy together and he makes a good parnassah. (Actually, she’s the one who can’t find a job right now). The only difficulty she has had with the diabetes is that it means she can’t safely go on birth control, and her father-in-law was threatening to break up the shidduch because of it even though they got a heter to use condoms. B”H it worked out, but I remember when she was engaged and trying to reason with the guy’s father…it was so sad…