Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
While you, your rebbetzin friend (!), and all the other ladies were at the “yom iyun” being me’ayen, were all your babies left home crying?
Flatbusher, I’m glad you found the analogy a little overboard as I was hoping nobody suggested I drink the poison mushroom tea myself.
Just curious, have you ever come across the mother of a girl looking for the best possible shidduch for her daughter?
Health, unlike nishtdayng, you certainly do know yourself, so of course I”ll take your word for it.
Do you think you know the reason that you and your friends are getting rejections often?
Something tells me we’re going to have a hard time blaming this on all of your mothers (as the guys’ mothers are apparently to blame for most or all of what goes wrong in shidduchim)…
There are an awful lot lot of threads here dedicated to the idea that girls are the ones getting all the abuse.
As a guy, do you have an idea what the problem is?
And here’s a hypothetical question for everyone else-
If we do send all the mothers away on vacation, how will things change? Will all the not so thin, not so pretty girls suddenly find themselves with tons of guys chasing after them? Will the crisis end? Will the per capita rate of weddings go up? Will the cost of weddings go down? Will the fathers, now left fielding the calls and taking care of things, have that same familiar feeling they once had the time the mothers left them with five or six rambunctious little ones (three in diapers) for an afternoon?
Flatbusher, I have no idea where you got the notion that mothers of guys want thin beautiful daughters-in-law and guys just don’t care. There is a lot of misinformation floating around about shidduchim but so far I personally have not heard anything less real.
Let me assure you that the pleasant Middos of my daughter-in-law have brought a smile to my face and my heart on far more occasions than their pleasant appearances (though they are not lacking in that area either). And I know I’m not at all alone in this mindset. The classic picture of the snarling nefarious mother of boys belongs, as far as I can tell, in the fairy tale, sipping poisoned mushroom tea with Cinderella’s wicked stepmother. (I know some wonderful stepmothers.)
You are completely misinformed. About guys too, by the way, not just about their mothers…
On a different note, I was very disturbed to read nishtdayng’s reply to Health. Mr nishdayn, perhaps you meant no offense, but I took offense and am worried that most likely Health did as well. To imply that there’s an underlying reason outside of his disability for his lack of success in shidduchim, without knowing him personally, is very wrong.
And to you Health, I think it’s very sad but true that many (if not most) people are reluctant to look past a disability when looking for a husband or wife. But there are also many guys who won’t consider giving a girl a chance if she’s a little overweight. And girls who are obsessed with height and other nonsense. And I do know people with disabilities, girls who are heavy, guys who are extremely short- who are married. The bottom line is always HKBH, Who can bring about circumstances that, with our limited minds, we just can’t imagine.
There is no conversion chart, unfortunately, but I’d like to help you out, Matan. I’m not a man, but since I’m not discussing Gemara, it should be ok.
A venerable poster suggested an excellent idea on an old thread. It all depends who has the most pictures in the paper in a given time period. The algorithm used in making the determination scrolls back issues of the NYT, The Press, The Yated, Kol Ha’Oilom Kuloi, Mishpacha, Ami, and the 5 Towns Times.
Hope that helped.
The printer must have been thinking how yeshiva bachurim don’t get any exercise…
Agree with you, GAW.
In Tzedaka matters, as in all matters of Halacha, AYLOR is best advice.
The vast majority of us have to learn to budget and handle our money carefully, as we don’t have access to unlimited funds. This applies whether we’re buying groceries, sheitels, shoes, planning a vacation (or figuring out if we can afford one), or giving Tzedaka.
I don’t have a problem with people trying to minimize costs of weddings of their own, or of their own children. And I have no problem with people who will give a small amount to someone collecting for Hachnasas Kallah.
At some point I thought I smelled some mean-spiritedness creeping into the discussion and that really bothered me. Whatever we contribute, we should be rejoicing at the prospect of a Yid preparing for a Chassuna. And if he’s not preparing exactly as we would like, then I for one prefer we wish him a hearty Mazel Tov and look away rather than judge and criticize.
Mammele, totally agree with your response to DaM. Cheap shot, indeed. Misguided, as well as cheap. However, you were typing too quickly, and I’m sure you meant to say HACHANOS when you said hachnasos. Just trying to keep your excellent post clear…
And speaking of cheap shots and other nastiness, I did not much care for Joseph’s response to DaM. At all.
How about a little respect to a fellow Yid and fellow human?
After all, we’re still in middle of sefiras ha’omer…
A wise person once told me that when we say Brachos in the morning, we thank Hashem as part of a group, a rabbim: “pok’each ivrim”, “malbish arumim” …etc, but we say say “she’asa li kol tzarki” in singular. With regard to having all our needs taken care of, as individuals, we should feel grateful that we have everything we need. But in relation to others, it’s not our place to decide that they have everything they require. We have to see others as needy so we”ll be motivated to do Chessed and help them, just as HKBH helps us with kindness and generosity.
It would be wise on so many levels for us to spend prudently and behave modestly when we make Simchas and marry off our children. But when we’re giving to others we should give with a full heart and not sit in judgment, deciding that a poor Chosson should be eating only a slice of gefilte fish at his wedding and his lovely new but financially challenged Kallah had better be wearing an old gown that’s already been passed around a dozen times.
I could definitely be wrong here, but I always felt it was for the little kids, whose first introduction to Sefarim is a Siddur. The first thing they learn to daven is Birchos Hashachar. As a raya for my theory, may I add that many Siddurim start, even before Seder Hashkamas HaBoker, with a page or two of Alef Bais as if we’re learning K’riya.
Icot, where oh where have you gone?
The CR is in desperate need of more of your poetry!
(I hope you did not drown while typing underwater.)
BRILLIANT!
Apushata, the resurrection of threads can be quite enjoyable.
For example, in this old thread from 3 years ago, we find a brilliant comment from oomis.
As the CR’s Best Bubby, her comments are often wise, always caring; however, they rarely make me laugh.
But when they DO make me laugh…
Just great, oomis!
Francorachel, there isn’t much you can do about the way others behave- or misbehave- in shul. As many others have suggested, finding a different place to daven is a good option. There are B”H many shuls where talking during davening is not a problem, and you can hear a pin drop even while waiting for someone to walk up for an aliya.
If there are no other shuls where you live, there may be a strong argument that you’re better off davening at home if you’re a woman. I hope you (and other posters) don’t take issue with this. Don’t take my word for it! Ask someone you feel comfortable entrusting with the proper care and performance of your spiritual obligations.
You are wrong, Satmer.
There are definitely Mitzvos Aseh that we must perform in our hearts, and Mitzvos Lo Saseh that one can ch”v be “over” in one’s heart.
We are obligated to serve HKBH with all the gifts He has given us: our bodies, our voices, our hearts and minds, and all our talents and belongings.
I’ll leave it to you to do the research and clarify which Mitzvos are performed in our hearts. It would be a terrible shame to omit this part of our Avodah. Challenging as it may seem, we have been instructed and informed that the performance of all Mitzvos is within our reach although we are just human.
Newbee, it’s not really up to us to decide that a wedding’s arrangements are disgusting. What is it they say? – “Al ta’am v’reiach…”, or if you prefer, “different strokes…”
Personally I dislike cigars intensely and I would have no idea what to do with a personal cigar roller, unless he also does dishes or windows.
But what can I say?
I happen to know for a fact that some people enjoy cigars.
And some others do not at all enjoy their “extended family members”…
As for wedding Takanos, we’ve all been there, done that, read about it, heard about it. The system does work beautifully in some Chassidish communities where there is unwavering loyalty to the Rebbe, and his wishes trump societal pressure and personal desires. Other groups, other places, there’s a whole long list of reasons why the takanos idea just never took hold.
If you want to help marry off a Chassan & Kallah, by all means.
And if you’re happier spending your Tzedaka funds on other important causes, likewise.
And if you need to learn more about how exactly to allocate your ma’aser money- well, you already know what I”ll suggest- speak to your Rav.
Akuperm, I did not see anywhere in her post that Francorachel is suggesting a Halachic or legal requirement. She is stating a fact, which is, unfortunately, very true and very sad. It’s a societal norm, widely accepted in many circles. Newlyweds in the US most often pay rent, with or without help from parents; in Israel buying a dira is de rigueur.
Why bump, Mod 29?
Do we know each other?
Shidduchp, as a self-proclaimed Shomer Mitzvos Jew, has it occurred to you to consult a Rav? That’s how it’s usually done when we wish to clarify obligations. Although I must admit there is an interesting trend developing before my eyes where the CR is becoming the preferred address for Halachic queries…
If you are sincere and not stamm a troll or bored teenager, I would suggest clarifying your obligations with your Poseik. If you are truly about to begin a relationship k’das Moshe v’Yisroel, you will find your Rav to be an invaluable asset and resource.
Yes.
And if this question is regarding a real possibility:
May it be in the right time and bring only good results!
Make sure you clarify a few things in advance besides salary:
-Will you be responsible for care of one child? Two? All children?
-How many hours a day are you “on call”? Are you expected to be taking care of child / children from morning to night? Mention in advance that you would like sometime for yourself. You can negotiate what time of day and how much time you need.
-Are you expected to be available if something comes up during the night?
-Are you expected to care for child/ children only, or will you have other responsibilities as well?
You”ll have a better experience if you know in advance what’s expected of you.
Hi coffee ad!
So sorry!
And genuinely wish to apologize.
Saying Ani Ma’amin and then insulting people is an odd sort of tovel v’sheretz beyado; welcoming Mashiach with one hand and stopping him from advancing with the other.
Not my intention at all.
And nothing personal intended.
Though of course it’s impossible to get personal when you don’t know who the person behind the screen name is. You could be my next door neighbor. Or live 5,000 miles away. Or you could be me myself- I love coffee. Drinking one now. I’d offer to buy you one, but those pesky mods… There- I think I just insulted someone else.
Better just sign off with best wishes to all and hope to meet when the day finally arrives! Could be today, so I better get my act together…
How are you feeling this morning?
Wishing you ah gutten Erev Shabbos, and hoping Shabbos brings you menucha and healing.
DY,
I must be having a slow day.
You had me wondering, who is this Rav Goldberg? who writes such authentic looking teshuvos?
Joke’s on me…
He also has a nice big car, hodula.
Don’t forget to mention that.
Thanks DY.
So it’s true.
I’m just wondering if Reb Chaim Brisker was here with us in 5775 what he’d think about a Blog on his Chiddushim.
And what he’d have to say.
And if we could reach him on his gmail account to ask.
As for the Hailiger Rambam, I feel uncomfortable even trying to imagine such a thing, so I won’t ask.
But please don’t take offense, Z7. I myself have not learned a single one of Reb Chaim’s chiddushim. And I know there’s a lot of Torah on the web.
Wait and see if somebody more learned has some advice for you. Do you have a Rebbi?
I had heard that too, DY.
It made me curious.
Do you know from a reliable source that it’s true?
LOL
Thanks for the laugh, apushata.
You meet a lot of interesting people in the CR.
People who say Tachanun on 5 (or 4) Iyar.
People who don’t.
People who say Ani Ma’amin every day.
And people who only say it when they hear in the grocery that their neighbor had a dream.
I haven’t noticed any such instructions in my siddur.
But there’s no Bracha on talking fish in there either…
Lessch, are you confusing me with another poster?
I don’t see where I said any of the things you say that I said.
Has anyone suggested that Torah is a blanket protection?
I know I didn’t.
Nor did I say anything else you suggested.
Confused…
Must be that human brain, hard at work and still not able to figure everything out.
I just read a terrible thing here.
I can’t believe the mods let it through, but I don’t think I may just let it pass without any response, as it borders on (or is actually, Ch’v) kefirah.
A poster asks-how much security did the Yeshivos provide against the nazis?
How dare you ask such a question!
Answer : We do not know.
We do not know the cheshbonos of the RBS”O.
No matter how many threads we start discussing nigleh and nistar and everything in between.
No matter how many posts we post or read on suffering, on gilgulim, on reward and punishment.
We, the proud possessors of human brains, are just that- human beings.
We do not have all the answers.
We don’t need all the answers.
Ashreinu- we were given the Torah. We were put on this earth to learn Torah and observe Mitzvos.
We cannot fathom or pretend to understand the s’char given to those who toil in Torah in Yeshivos, or the benefits that every creature on earth derives from their Torah study.
We have no right to make calculations or cost benefit analyses regarding their accomplishments.
The only choice we have is to join them, support them, or ignore them.
You’re missing the most important new innovation, pba.
I’m waiting for a Shabbos switch lipstick…
That one will have me running out and getting in line with my wallet.
Very nice post, pba.
I can see you’re making a valiant, articulate effort to bridge the gap.
The problem is that the gap is not just ideological; there’s a lot of emotion there as well. On both sides.
As a mother who would not encourage her sons to join the army, it doesn’t help me find an answer to what for me is the most difficult question of all:
When I meet a Jewish mother (just like me even if she looks a little different) who has lost a son, how do I look her in the eye?
You raise an interesting point, yaakov doe.
Duck though, chances are there are a few mushy tomatoes flying in your direction.
My vote goes with Gamanit.
Are you using foil pans?
You”ll need less baking pan in a regular metal (I think they’re usually aluminum) pans.
And even less in a pyrex.
Curious if anyone here uses silicone pans, and how that affects baking time.
Mr Prager,
If you’re still out there following this, I would like to address this comment to you.
Many years ago you spoke about a Jew getting up in the morning and saying Modeh Ani. Your words were, and continue to be, an inspiration to me.
I never thought I’d have an opportunity to thank you personally.
Thank You!
Wow, writersoul, I think I offended you!
Completely unintentionally!
My apologies.
I was so not trying to assume anything about you or your friend or me or anybody else belonging to any “camp”. The Gedolim I mentioned were solidly planted in daled amos shel Halacha and did not have huge crowds of followers outside their own corners of the world. Rebbetzin Lifsha, who had a fascinating life imbued with Ahavas Torah and Yiras Shamayim, was not a famous celebrity that throngs flocked to for Brachos. I was not saying that you or anybody else would have been remiss in possibly not making their acquaintance while walking the earth at the same time that they lived. I was trying to suggest that while I did indeed know who Rav Aharon Lichtenstein was, I would not look askance at someone who did not.
I don’t believe this!
I’ve seen all sorts of criticism here in the CR, from whining and belly-aching about perceived lack of tolerance from one character or group to another, to downright nastiness and “ein lo chelek l’olam haba” denunciations.
But Dr Middos?!?
Is nothing sacred?
Like oot, I would like to know-
Which grocery?
Are you sure it wasn’t a pharmacy?
And what was being purchased at the time?
Please allow me to respond with an even better question–
What is your opinion of a girl who is concerned enough to inquire about a girl dating a guy – (GASP! Please wait a minute while I get the smelling salts…) – who is the same height as her ???
Sam2, they don’t!
Please don’t look for offense where none is being offered.
I can’t speak for AvramMD (obviously) but I don’t think these questions are meant to offer guidance only with regard to BT’s.
Insofar as the inquiry was made regarding a particular person JK is dating, AvramMD gave an answer to the OP’s question about a BT.
With the possible exception of #3 (which may apply more to a BT as the case described is more likely to have a negative effect on someone joining the frum community from afar) these are all truly excellent questions to consider when looking for a someone to join with in building a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel.
Perhaps, writersoul, you might have said the same thing as your friend when hearing of our great loss on the petira of Rav Wosner recently?
Or when Rav Eliezer Yehuda Waldenberg (the Tzitz Eliezer) was niftar in E”Y a few years ago?
Or Rav Michel Feinstein, a great but not so “famous” Tzaddik who was niftar a few years before that? Or his wife, Rebbetzin Lifsha, the daughter of the Brisker Rav, related to Rav Aharon Lichtenstein by marriage?
Think of it not as sad, but as an opportunity to tell others about what you learned from the niftar, and how his life and teachings were an inspiration to you.
It was so worthwhile bumping this thread to give us a chance to read oomis’ amazing posts. Thank you, oomis!
I was confused by yungerman. Am I missing something? You’re saying the Chovos Halevavos, Rabbeinu Bachya, gave a mashal about a Rabbi who needed tapes of his speeches?
Cherrybim, I’m surprised you didn’t mention too long sheitels and texting during chazaras hashatz.
Zilzul Shabbos is a concept that has a direct effect on whether an action is considered Chillul Shabbos.
Let’s not mix apples, oranges and zebras.
Less
Just stopping buy to wish Hatzlacha! happy braiding! successful rising! to all my friends in the CR baking Challa for Shabbos, with or without a shlissel. Since the vast majority of women do not bake their own Matzos for Pesach, we have not had an opportunity to make the Bracha on Hafrashas Challa in a few weeks. (Extra Congrats to any lady who baked Erev Shabbos Hagadol, if one actually exists!) May the Mitzva, and the Tefillos and Kavanos accompanying it, be accepted.
Besalel, there is a very serious downside.
The downside is the possibility of Chillul Shabbos ch”v.
Please speak to your Rav before deciding that this belongs in your home.
In the case of a choleh, or sick person, the Halacha may be more lenient. But the downside is such that I don’t think we should act without consulting an expert, just as you wouldn’t decide on your own what medication to give a choleh (unless you’re a doctor).
True, oomis.
No-brainer.
But you’d probably be surprised how many brainless people out there wouldn’t have even a fleeting notion of any idea involving easing up on the gas pedal.
We better stop those anti-semites at the DOT trying to stop us from flying down Coney Island Avenue faster than a speeding tow truck on a rain-slicked highway.
Thank you for posting, moish3@yahoo.
Your post is enlightening and very much appreciated.
HaLeivi, the Bracha is recited next to a fruit tree that is blossoming. That’s why the list is so useful. There are many varieties of blossoming trees that don’t bear fruit. Even if they’re called “cherry blossoms”, most of those trees are a different variety and never go on to produce a real edible cherry. And for those of us in the NE US, (that’s you in Flatbush, hakohen & hocker in brooklyn) it’s possible Rosh Chodesh Iyar will have arrived before we see a fruit tree blossom. We still have a few days left and have to hope they’re warm and sunny enough to unfurl those buds, though most will agree that the Bracha can be recited even after Nisan.
OK, you all got me curious and I watched the video.
I am, as usual, in no position to comment on the Halachic considerations.
Here’s my question-
Do any of you have access to Rav Yosef Mizrachi?
Like Zdad, I’m quite sure he in no way meant to endorse the product and I agree that there seems to be some sort of (not so fancy) video editing going on. If that’s the case, then for myself personally that passuls the device.
Selling a product must be done with Emmes. After we’re clear with the Choshen Mishpat issues, we can move on to Hilchos Shabbos.
You didn’t mention, Zdad, who are the two Rabbonim you’re going to speak to. I’m going to look for your comment, that will hopefully appear after you ask them under what circumstances they appeared in the video.