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Ouch, Ofcourse. That is really hurtful.
Definitely time to try my suggestion of getting face time with a shul’s rebbetzin.
Many shuls have as few as 30 women on a standard shabbos, so a bright, presentable girl should have no problem getting to be a “real face” instead of raw data.
Several shuls come to mind, but those are based on my personal preferences and my location. Pick ones that work for you and let your personality do the talking!
Tro11 –
Very funny!
New2thescene and YeshivaGuy –
That’s wonderful. Except the girls you’re dating are doing just that, PLUS working full time.
Face it; you’re going to be showered with praise, gifts and affection just for showing up (and having avoided running into bad publicity during the last 4 years). And you’ll be getting these things on the hopes that you turn out to be a decent human being and evenutaly a provider.
The girls you’re dating have already proved themselves.
You should be grateful they agree to date you, and not complain about how tough “the dating process is”
Oh, and taking tests? In my workday, I’m tested on every project. I mess up, I’m canned. Show me the last guy that got tossed from BM for not knowing his stuff. They assign you a weaker partner, a lesser seat perhaps, but you’re still promoted as the best, the top, the…
Contrast to girls, who if they don’t pass, they don’t graduate and they don’t get jobs. If they fail, they are cooked.
Shall I keep going?
Bazooka, but more for the corny jokes than anything else.
(However, before I knew the importance of hechsharim, hubba bubba or bubbalicious were tied for 1st place)
What’s wrong Smart.. would’nt you find it funny to get a massage from someone whose “liebo is mechaven l’shaim shomayim”?
No, me neither. I’m kinda squeamish about things like that. Sensory issues, I guess.
Uh huh. Just wait till they swap pacifiers in playgroup with the other lil buggers.
Oh, do I remember my early parenting days!
The only “c” word I really try to avoid is “caustic”
(for a moment, I was tring to figure out what letter I wrote that was so hated…whew, 80.. you scared me there for a sec!)
I don’t have a real accurate way to measure machismo, but I can tell you who is strong..
And as far as smoking teens go, can you say, “forrest fire”? No, teens should not be smoking.
“cleaning their brothers room”
What’s with the sudden pre-occupation with cleaning? See, everyone.. I’m not over-reacting… its a conspiracy! (or an obsession, not sure which is more menacing)
BY Meidel –
Apushitayid must be reading minds, as I was going to suggest just that. Oorah runs a motzoi shabbos program for the boys, there is no reason they would not consider running one for girls as well. (if they don’t already have one you can join
Call them, they will love you for it.
“Probably not since I was 4”
I mean this in the most constructive way, Sac. Consider getting re-acquainted with the rule, as your kids (I”H) will no doubt take great delight in flinging their food off the high-chair tray (both to hear the PLOP it makes when landing, and the reaction they get from mommy).
Not to mention, dropped lolly-pops at the playground. Unless you have shares in Blooms, that is.
Sac, you get asked for a photo, ’cause its one well worth looking at! The boys, on the other hand…well, that a whole ‘nother story.
“I call that sanitary”
I guess that means you don’t subcribe to the “5 second” rule either.
Sarcarms costs you half a star. Now back in to the CR, squeak!
Hello? I have no problem with the occasional clean-up. Say, if a cup of milk spills, it should be wiped up. But to spray down the entire kitchen table before and after each meal? That’s overkill.
And come to think of it, Cholent, along with an ice-cold beer, is another ultimate cleanser!
Good point, Blinky!
And as far as the picture goes, I’d possibly be ok with that, if boys were asked to to the same.
Are they? (I somehow doubt it)
“I don’t see why it matters if new2thescene is working or learning”
Because being in yeshiva full time is nowhere near as hard as working full time and / or going to college.
No one gets fired from yeshiva from doing a poor job, and last I checked (which was last night) no one “fails” a zman if you don’t pass a test (as there are none).
I should know.. I’m surrounded by boys in yeshiva, whose days (and nights) are filled with loads of discresionary time, and have friends whose daughters work and/or go to school, with scedules that are tougher than mine.
Boys have nothing to complain about. Nothing.
Oh no, car talk is ok.. its cleaning the car I have a problem with (I mean, it just rained a few days ago, right? And pesach is just around the bend, no?)
And come to think of it, scotch is the ultimate cleanser!
Just last night, I read an excerpt of a shmuez given by R’ Henoch Leibowitz, Shlita:
Noach was criticized for not having done enought to try and influence his dor about the pending diaster and the need to do teshuvah. Why, though, should Noach be faulted? The dor ha’mabul was the most corrupt ever, so much so, that Hashem deemed it necessary to wipe them out and start all over.
The answer is, while a person is still alive, THE TZELEM ELOKIM IN EACH PERSON can always be salvaged.
Never give up! (cleverjew, I hope you’re still checking back on this thread)
I was going to say:
All these tips are so creative! My goyta will be so happy to learn them.. Thanks all!
Ok seriously… Can we please ease off the cleaning throttle? I’m willing to bet the average CR member’s kitchen is cleaner than some hospital emergency rooms. Lighten up, folks!
“I thought it was funny.”
Thanks, poppa. It went over my head the 1st time. It is funny! Kinda like the reverse of what Groucho Marx (?) said: “he would never join a club that would accept him as a member”
How’s this for a rewards system: for every 30 days a member goes without needing to be EDITED they get a *star* attached to / beneath their tag line
Ofcourse, you just gave me a great idea.
“Its usually a week event, between planning, thinking about before and after, renting a car, researching places to go, talking to rebbeim”
Know what? Other than the car rental, the girl goes thru the same kishke-wrencher. Oh, and she’s working full time and/or still in school, (where tests are still given) to boot.
Not sure if you’re working or still in yeshiva, but if its the latter, stop whining. You have a ways to go before you’ve earned that right.
Oh, and one more thing.. do YOU provide a photo, or is it a given that all bochurim are AA++ top of the line?
“my story on the pictures thread”
Did I miss something funny?
No thread like this would be complete without SOMEone being sarcastic, so…
(no, I’ll wait another day to see if someone wants the honors)
My big fear? Someone in the real world will say one of my ideas as their own and I’ll be torn; keep quiet? or reveal your true identity?
Tough choice….
But can you imagine, one day, you hear a prominent speaker say, “someone told me, blah, blah, blah..” or “I recently heard a great story / idea…” and it was lifted from the CR verbatim (or close to it).
One day, one day, one day….
“The black market edition” 😉
Blinky – great story. In the outside world, there’s a saying, “scars are tattoos with a better story behind it”
Meaning, scars are “proof” of having lived a life in the rough-and-tumble world. True, not everyone gets a nail to the cheek, but a scar from a ball-playing accident or something similar is a testament to the life you led. I suppose its more fitting to tell this to a boy than a girl, but that’s the story.
And yes, I have scars (but no tattoos, thank g-d)
Helpful –
Sorry, I didnt catch your meaning. Please clarify.
“In my age bracket”
Again, I respectfully disagree, and here’s why:
Right now, if you were to ask someone at random, “for whom are shidduchim a problem” they would say, “older frum girls”, because they are the easiest to spot.
But ask a rebbetzin, who knows “this person’s 28 y/o nephew from LA, or “so-and-so’s brother-in-law, who is starting his 3rd year in lakewood” or “the son of someone in her very own shul for whom the shadcahanim have given up on” (yet she know since he was a child, and is a great, but misunderstood boy) and you’ll see that there are opportunities just waiting to be acted on.
Trust me, Sac (and everyone else out there). Don’t accept the status quo. Put on your behaviour and get out in the arena!
“there arent Yeshivish and Modern Yeshivish people in that pool”
“there is no way to keep it kosher”
“many people end up crossing lines they wouldnt have “
Couldn’t disagree more. Not as strongly to each statement as the the next, but on the whole, this is something that can surely be done to everyone’s satisfaction. Try this:
Pick 2 shuls (other than your current one) you could see your self davening in. Start alternating davening there on shabbos, and get the rebbetzins to know you on a 1st name basis. Then, after 4 months, ask them, “do you know someone that would be a good shidduch for me?”
That way, she’ll she you’re consistant, persistant and erlich. How can that miss?
p.s. – This works for older boys too (just swap the rov for the rebbitzin)
We all have it, the question is, how well we wear it.
My take? Its to what degree a person displays the image of one whose life is governed by torah.
“Minus the silly arguments”
I guess that means I’m on EDITED list
Because we are an 800lb gorrila and change comes s-l-o-w-l-y.
But who says you need to wait till you become an “older” single? And who defines “older”? I would use this as a barometer; if your carrear is moving better than your dating, (or 2 years in the game, whichever comes first) you’re ready for a change of venue I’m not saying to burn bridges or be disrespectful to your parents / background, but if the “system” is not working for you, give 6 months notice and then try plan B.
And yes, we are on the same page here. I (as a parent of boys) think its deplorable how biased the dating system is in favor of boys
Blinky – Please recap! Its sounds like a great story.
Bobchka – very good post! I never heard that before. How true. (and how scary)
The real pachad is not so much Simple’s job ambition, as much as his spelling skills.
But, yes, Pushita Yid, this is no doubt a joke (I hope!)
I have a better idea.. let him marry the photo.
Really, Not I, you (and all girls) deserve better treatment than this. Demand it.. you’ve earned it!
Yes, they need to stay moral, just like married people (no matter how old we get) need to stay moral.
One thing older singles need to change, as compared to the younger singles is stop relying on a system that is not working for them (regardless of the reason or unfair-ness of it) as start taking the serious matter of finding a partner on their own. Nothing stopped them from finding a job, nothing should stop them from finding a spouse.
In many ways, older singles are better suited to make (and see thru) their own decisions, than are the youngsters. The only thing you have to lose is your single-hood.
Don’t just sit there.. go get what’s rightfully yours!
I would ask to meet the members face-to-face, and if agreed to, act as a shadchan between two members. (either singles themselves or parents of, as appropriate)
I would keep it discreet (both approvals and denials) but that’s the only task I see the mods not doing that they could be doing.
I agree Wolf, you are most certainly headed there!
I was told that Gehenom is a round table, loaded with food, but everyone’s arms are too long to reach their mouth, so they just sit there and starve.
Gan Eden is the same thing, but each person feeds the person sitting opposite them, so they all enjoy the bounty.
But Eclipse really nailed it; a person can have gehenom or gan eden right here, right now. And those choices? Boy are they the truth!
Forget the photo.. have them read some of your posts on the CR, so they can really get a feel for the person you are.
Personaly, I would not consider a shidduch for my kids if I can’t see the person in the real world. Does not have to be a formal intro, but if the person can not get me a visual (at a simcha, at lunch on the avenue), it either means the girl is hermit, or the person doing the intro does not know the girl personaly (my guess, its the latter).
Photos are misleading, and demeaning. As a parent, I’d not ask for, nor supply one.
CR is open 24/6. Updates are another thing, but its always a good time to check in!
Anywhere a frum male can work, a frum female can work… as long as they follow the halacha (diff things might apply to each, but rules keep you in the clear).
EDITED
Sorry – I clicked “post” too fast.
What is it that you regret? There were better looking boys? More money? Yichus? More “wow factor” that the neighbors would be impressed with?
If its any of these, forget it. If its something fundamental like a middos flaw, that bears some looking at, but at this point, it should be looked at by your daas torah, so you know its objective.
If your daughter is happy, why aren’t you?
Now that’s funny, Blinky. Be sure to tell that one on your next date. Keep the applause one for after shevah brachos..way after sheva brachos.
On 2nd thought, keep that one for when you go out with your other sis-in-laws. They’ll love it!
” Glenfiddich 50 Year Old “
Just say when and where! The 40 y/o bottle is close to $2000, so be sure to save me some, as I’m sure the line will be out the door.