I’m 11 months older than my husband. B”H we’ve been married 22 years and have six children. Now my daughter is in shidduchim. While I am not actively pursuing a younger man for her, I know from experience not to stop a shidduch because of age. When my 20 year old son begins dating, however, I would DEFINITELY prefer an older girl. THe 18-19 year old seminary girls who have graced our shabbos table over the years have often demonstrated how silly, thoughtless, and immature they are.
I have to say that I can’t understand why age should even be a factor. It’s not even something anyone can see. You know, if the Kallah is 2 inches taller than the Chossen, everyone can see that, so that might be harder to deal with, even though they’re both terrific people, etc. But AGE? Who even has to know? What difference could it possibly make?
When my older son started dating, I knew he needed a shidduch who was older or at least his age. He dated younger girls. But Hashem runs this world. When he met his ultimately bashert I knew she was older (by 7 months) when it was discovered, my son didn’t bat an eyelash, he was so comfortable with her that it didn’t count.
B’H they had 3 kids and are married 7 years. The important focus is who the person is and if they could grow together and has the same haskophos.
to answer #2, the only reason why a bochur doesn’t want an older girl, is to satisfy his GAAVA, no real reason
@Vuckovicher: Right on target. That there is a Shidduch crisis amongst older single women should not be a surprise. The Rabeim have told the “boys” to date younger girls. Egos, everyone.
in “Derech Sicha” Rav Chaim Kaneivesky is quoted as saying in the name of his father, the Seipler Goan zatzal, that the boy should be older than the girl.
I assume that the reason why it has been this way for generations in all cultures and societies, is that the it is easier for a girl to respect a guy who is older than herself.
This is especially worth considering in a kollel society. Once girls finish school and start working they often feel they have a leg up on guys who are learning.
I know someone who was 22 and dating a girl his age. After a few dates she told him that she likes but she thinks he is “wet behind the ears.”
It is worth thinking this through a little more. Shadchanim don’t do marriage counseling, so they are not an authority.
In Response to #6, it is not because girls have been working and feel that they have a leg up on the guys. It is because girls are more mature than the guys and that is why it is normal to date guys older than they are because they are more likely to be on the same maturity level.
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I’m 11 months older than my husband. B”H we’ve been married 22 years and have six children. Now my daughter is in shidduchim. While I am not actively pursuing a younger man for her, I know from experience not to stop a shidduch because of age. When my 20 year old son begins dating, however, I would DEFINITELY prefer an older girl. THe 18-19 year old seminary girls who have graced our shabbos table over the years have often demonstrated how silly, thoughtless, and immature they are.
I have to say that I can’t understand why age should even be a factor. It’s not even something anyone can see. You know, if the Kallah is 2 inches taller than the Chossen, everyone can see that, so that might be harder to deal with, even though they’re both terrific people, etc. But AGE? Who even has to know? What difference could it possibly make?
When my older son started dating, I knew he needed a shidduch who was older or at least his age. He dated younger girls. But Hashem runs this world. When he met his ultimately bashert I knew she was older (by 7 months) when it was discovered, my son didn’t bat an eyelash, he was so comfortable with her that it didn’t count.
B’H they had 3 kids and are married 7 years. The important focus is who the person is and if they could grow together and has the same haskophos.
to answer #2, the only reason why a bochur doesn’t want an older girl, is to satisfy his GAAVA, no real reason
@Vuckovicher: Right on target. That there is a Shidduch crisis amongst older single women should not be a surprise. The Rabeim have told the “boys” to date younger girls. Egos, everyone.
in “Derech Sicha” Rav Chaim Kaneivesky is quoted as saying in the name of his father, the Seipler Goan zatzal, that the boy should be older than the girl.
I assume that the reason why it has been this way for generations in all cultures and societies, is that the it is easier for a girl to respect a guy who is older than herself.
This is especially worth considering in a kollel society. Once girls finish school and start working they often feel they have a leg up on guys who are learning.
I know someone who was 22 and dating a girl his age. After a few dates she told him that she likes but she thinks he is “wet behind the ears.”
It is worth thinking this through a little more. Shadchanim don’t do marriage counseling, so they are not an authority.
In Response to #6, it is not because girls have been working and feel that they have a leg up on the guys. It is because girls are more mature than the guys and that is why it is normal to date guys older than they are because they are more likely to be on the same maturity level.