Everybody Counts

On Purim, bochurim often approach me, somewhat intoxicated, reflecting on their past successes or failures. These boys don’t get quite the same publicity as the rowdy, offensive ones. But there are in fact many bochurim who view Purim as a time for introspection and genuine self-assessment. Many express regret and disappointment, feeling they haven’t lived up to their own expectations. They simply should have been more productive. They struggle with bitul Torah, lashon hara, or waking up for Shacharis. What’s the proper response? Should they be reassured that everything will be okay? Or perhaps rebuked?

This comes down to a fundamental question: how do we “bounce back” from our sins? We all know that teshuva is the halachic and spiritual way to undo our aveiros. But there’s another element that must be dealt with—the psychological scars. Even after teshuva, people tend to feel guilty. They criticize themselves and feel a sense of despair. This is especially true if they’ve succumbed to their desires on a repeated basis. This brings about a feeling of hopelessness. It’s imperative for a parent or Rebbi to address these emotions in a healthy, well-balanced manner.

Parshas Ki Sisa begins with the commandment to Moshe Rabeinu to count the men in Klal Yisrael. The wording is quite unusual. Instead of saying “count,” the literal meaning of Hashem’s commandment is “When you raise the heads of B’nei Yisrael.” This is not the only time Hashem instructed Klal Yisrael to take a census, yet elsewhere the word “poked,” meaning “count”, is used. Why was this particular count referred to as a lifting of heads?

The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh offers a beautiful explanation. This census was taken after the sin of the golden calf, and subsequent slaying of many of the transgressors. This was a count those of the survivors. It was an atonement for B’nei Yisrael, as well as a determination of how many of Hashem’s children remained. Allegorically, a sinner is viewed as having his head down toward the ground, symbolizing shame and lowliness. A tzaddik, on the other hand, holds his head high, signifying his lofty spiritual level, and that he’s proud of his deeds.

The Ohr HaChaim explains that this count was different. Because it helped B’nei Yisrael do teshuva, it was about more than mere numbers. This count lifted B’nei Yisrael from the depths of sin to the heights of purity. Thus, it’s referred to as “lifting their heads,” because spiritually speaking, that’s exactly what it did. Klal Yisrael was uplifted in repentance for the aveirah of the golden calf. Furthermore, Hashem demonstrated the preciousness of each individual. Although they had been severely tainted, Hashem counted each person to express His love and forgiveness.

On a simple level, the analogy to lifting up their heads simply means that Klal Yisrael moved past their sin. But on a deeper level, this is a lesson in rebounding from our sins. They were ashamed of themselves. They felt guilt and remorse. In order to move past it, they needed to be uplifted, both spiritually and emotionally. Hashem conveyed to Moshe that by counting each Jewish man, B’nei Yisrael would be shown how special they were. They’d be reassured that Hashem still loved them and would accept their teshuva. This enabled them to once again lift their heads, and their souls, and achieve new heights.

This is a powerful message in dealing with past transgressions. All of us, especially children, must be shown how special we are, regardless of our sins. Parents, Rebbeim, and friends should demonstrate that they love and accept every member of Klal Yisrael, despite their shortcomings. This doesn’t mean we just condone every wrongdoing. A child must be reprimanded when he sins. But it cannot be a personal attack. This will often distance him, and send a message that he’s worthless and unloved. That can do damage, sometimes severe or even irreversible. It’s a difficult balance. But we must be careful to punish and rebuke in a way that doesn’t inflict too much harm on a child. And once the message hits home, and the child or bochur sincerely regrets his actions, he must be embraced with open arms, and be made to realize that he’s loved. It may not even take very much to express a positive message. Hashem conveyed to Klal Yisrael that every single one of them counts. Feeling like we count to our parents, Rebbeim, and most importantly, to Hashem, can certainly go a long way.

Yaakov Margulies is a Bais Medrash Rebbi in Queens, NY. He is Director of the ACHI Mentoring Program, and a noted lecturer. He counsels adults and teens. To subscribe to his free audio shiur, schedule a lecture, or share what’s on your mind, just email [email protected].