This week’s Sedra opens with Yaakov acknowledging the fact that as he returns to Eretz-Yisroel he is going to meet up with his brother Eisov, who wants to kill him. Yaakov Avinu’s first move is to send messengers, or as Rashi learns, Angels, to inform Eisov that Yaakov is on his way back, means Eisov no arm, and that to the contrary Yaakov wishes to find favor in Eisov’s eyes.

The Malochim – angels/messengers – return to Yaakov and they tell him that Eisov is also on his way to meet Yaakov, but with four hundred men ready for war (see Rashi). Yaakov fears the worst and prepares himself in various ways. One of the ways in which he does so is by sending a gift of 350 livestock to Eisov. This gift seems to work miracles. Somehow it turns Eisov from blood thirsty to nice and loving brother. The obvious question is why?

Eisov was already prepared for war with Yaakov and had brought along an army of four hundred men. He could easily have won a battle against Yaakov. The gift of livestock Yaakov had made showed that there was plenty more to plunder should Eisov wage war against Yaakov and win.  Aside from the actual booty involved, there was the eternal Bircas Avrohom that was at the root of Eisov’s desire to kill Yaakov. What was so special about this present Yaakov sent that Eisov made a total about-face?

There is a story told of the Rebbe Reb Zeishe. R’ Zeishe lived in the town of Anipoli and in that town lived a Talmid Chochom with a sour nature. One day the sour Talmid Chochom decided that he would ask R’ Zeishe what the secret to his perpetual happiness was, and why it was that he himself was always so sour?

R’ Zeishe replied:”last week the richest man in Anipoli made a wedding to which you and Zeishe (R’ Zeishe spoke of himself in third person) were invited. The rich man sent a personal invitation to you and you asked to see the guest list; when you saw you weren’t the first you were insulted and decided you would show up late. When they came to invite Zeishe, Zeishe was honored that they came to invite him personally and consequently Zeishe showed up early to the wedding. As the hour for the Chupa was approaching and you had not showed up they asked Zeishe to be Messader. By the time you showed up there were no more seats and there was no more food.  The rich man noticed you and tried to make a seat for you at the head table. He managed to make you a seat, but it was in some fashion behind someone else, and you were once again insulted. You were then insulted further that they served you what you saw as less than the choicest of portions, you didn’t eat and you were sure that they asked you to bench because they knew you couldn’t. Instead, they once again asked Zeishe to bench. You were so upset that you got up and left and therefore when it came time for the Sheva Brachos you were nowhere to be seen so you didn’t even know that they tried to give you a brocho. You see, concluded R’ Zeishe, you expect everything and it keeps you from appreciating what you have, but Zeishe expects nothing and therefore appreciates everything.

When we expect something we appreciate it far less if at all, but if we are surprised to receive something we appreciate every last bit of it.

Yaakov knew that Eisov expected everything, but he also knew Eisov wasn’t expecting that it should just be given to him. Yaakov Avinu understood that if he caught Eisov by surprise he would be able to turn him from being sour Eisov into being an Eisov that would appreciate something.   By so adroitly sending a present prior to any fight, Yaakov so surprised and pleased Eisov that he was won over.                                                   

While it’s important to have goals in life, expectations are generally a bad thing.   Expectations hinder our ability to enjoy life, and make it more difficult for us to see our achievements.  And if we don’t know how much we have achieved it is difficult to set goals.

A very warm Good Shabbos, Rabbi Y. Dov Krakowski.