Our Child is an Addict – A Parent’s Story, Recovery at the Crossroads

“So which seminaries did your girl apply to?”

“They are telling us that the answers should be coming any day now.”

“I am so anxious.”

“My daughter is up sick waiting for her answers.”

“I hate to say this, but this is going to affect her shidduchim.”

“I hope I won’t have to use any more pull.”

“Do you have the nerves for this?”

The truth was, I didn’t have the nerves for any of “this.” The truth was that our child and our situation was so drastically different than what other parents were going through that it was almost humorous to compare our lives. Our anxiety was not wondering whether our child would get into school but rather whether she would make it into her bed. She hardly made it through high school. We gave up on the idea of “normal” a very long time ago. Our anxiety was waiting for the door to creak open at the crack of dawn, a resounding announcement that our daughter had survived another day. Our child is an addict. It doesn’t feel good to say the words but saying those words out loud or even whispering them to myself in the mirror like I find myself doing sometimes gives us a dose of courage.

I’m not going to get into how it all happened or the decisions and mistakes we replay almost on a loop trying to justify it all. Let’s just say that in today’s day and age it’s very possible to make all the “right moves” and just find yourself with a kid that is at risk and/or abusing what we call “drugs,” alcohol, pills, or who knows what. And at this point, talking to what seems like hundreds of experts, clinicians, Rabbanim, Askanim, and helpful friends, we know we are not the only ones going through this, nor are we a small little group. There are hundreds of frum families supporting loved ones through the agonizing plague of addiction.

I would love to stand up on a pedestal and proclaim that everything is going to be okay. Everyone is different, everyone has a different level of resilience, and everyone’s dynamic is different. What I could do is tell you that we have a happy ending to share. Out of all the siyata dishmaya we were grateful to receive, the most explicit catalyst for our happy ending was Recovery at Crossroads.

“Rehab” means a lot of different things to different people. Because of our experience with RAC we have an idea of what we think rehab should be. In our opinion, RAC is the premier rehab program for the treatment of the frum client and their family. Unfortunately, there are a lot of frum people to talk to about rehab but what we learned through personal experience is that it is a lot lonelier a process for your loved one to simply be in a “kosher” or “Jewish” track within a rehab program. What we experienced was a lot more than excellent clinical treatment. We felt like our child was being taken care of in a home away from home. Having a staff that understands the quirks and intricacies of the frum home and family 100% impacted our child’s treatment. We felt understood. Our daughter felt understood. Our daughter received excellent treatment and she came home to us.

At RAC we came to understand that aside from a professional clinical setting made up of clinical directors, primary counselors, group therapies, medical groups, family sessions, trauma groups, art therapy, fitness centers and foreign concepts to us such as meditation groups, there were also spiritual staff and Rabbis. At RAC, there is Shabbos.

It’s not very easy for a frum family to understand or realize the need for rehab. But when someone, unfortunately, hits rock bottom, and things become very real very quickly, it is always good to know that there is a facility close enough to home to visit but far enough for breathing, that can save the entire wellbeing of that person that you love.

There is nothing more reassuring for families going through addiction than knowing that their child, spouse, relative or friend is safe. For a frum family, this means not only that their loved one’s future is physically and emotionally secure but also that there is a cherished and safe spiritual safety as well. RAC is small warm and friendly. It is a place where our loved ones go for recovery, healing, and revival and not just to “get clean.” We have our daughter back because of the unbelievable clinical experience of RAC’s clinical director, Dr. DiFabio, coupled with RAC’s frum-centric attention to detail. If I have one message to get out there is that you should not be scared and you should not wait for something terrible to happen R’L. It’s up to you to get the ones you love back in your arms. It is biased of me to say that the frum addict belongs nowhere besides for RAC. I can say something like that because thanks to RAC we got our daughter back.

If you know someone suffering from addiction reach out to us at Recovery at the Crossroads to get the help you need. For more information visit: http://bit.ly/KosherRecovery.

Disclaimer: Due to the sensitivity of the subject this was written by a writer to convey the stories and feeling of a lot of crossroads clients.