This tale is a sad one, involving a young man who was five when his secularist parents decided to part ways, apparently due to the fact the mother decided to slowly undertake adherence to mitzvos and shabbos. The child officially lived with the mother, a religious home, attending a cheder, as well as spending half his week with his dad, who maintained his secular way of life. When the boy was with his father he did not wear tzitzis or a yarmulke, and he did not keep shabbos or other mitzvos.
When the child reached the age of 12, today, he indicated he wishes to change school systems, expressing a desire to move to a secular school where his dad lives in the Sharon area of Tel Aviv. His mother conferred with rabbonim and decided not to approve the change. Without mom’s approval, the child cannot change school systems.
As a result, the child this year is not attending any school, not frum or otherwise, leading to the intervention of education officials, who are planning to file criminal charges against the parents.
The father has turned to attorney Mickey Shifman, expressing frustration over the situation. Shifman, reportedly an expert in family law, filed an urgent request with the Kfar Saba Family Court seeking the court to compel the mother to signs the release and permit the child to attend the school of his choice. Justice Yaakov Cohen ruled the child may register in his new school without mom’s permission, moving custody of the child from the mother to the dad in light of the child’s wishes for a different lifestyle.
The court released harsh criticism against the mother for not adhering to the wishes of a child who is now old enough to make such a decision.
(Yechiel Spira – YWN Israel)
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18 Responses
I fully agree with the child, father, and court.
You cannot FORCE a child who does not want to, to be shomer mitzvos. This would only be a recipe for disaster.
How is the child old enough to make life affecting decisions?
Is he old enouigh to get married or drive a car or serve in the military?
12 is not old enough to make decisions.
Nevertheless, one cannot force a child to be shomer mitzvos. This would be inhumane and impossible.
I agree with number two, if the child is old enough to make decisions then why do parents have custody, the child should have his own custody. Regarding number 1 please explain what disaster can be greater then not keeping the Torah? What disaster can there be that is greater then not getting reward in the next world? Unless you meant that its better to give him to his father and then after the child does all sins which ruin the heart then he will return? Doesn’t that seem a bit far fetched?
no one said that this child is ready to make hard life choices, just that he is old enough to decide what school he wants to be in. when you send your children to junior high school/middle school, do they not have a say in the school they go to? that is all that the lawyer is trying to say
So #3; You are saying that all those families who raise their children from birth to keep Torah and Mitzvohs are “inhumaine”?
Is it inhumaine to force a child not to be a bully or disobey other laws of secular society?
Or is it only when serving G-d that the ‘inhumaine’ charge is applied?
#5 When I went to JR high and high school I had no choice whatosever what school I went to.
A court’s primary concerns are 1]the fitness of the parents, 2]the emotional wellbeing of the child.
The child who was living in a dual custody relationship chose that he wishes to live a secular life. His frum mother trying to protect him from secular culture obstructed his wishes and held the child with no school, no social network, and no structure.
It is only natural that when a court sees the evidence and hears from the child they will conclude: 1] The mother’s actions point to a lack of parental fitness, and 2] Holding a child in his formative years with no school, no social network, and no structure are detrimental to the emotional wellbeing of the child.
The tragic part is the mother will most likely lose all rights to her child.
3, Keeping torah umitzvos is not a matter of humane so thats nonsensical argument. You want to say that its just about impossible nowadays to “force” someone to be shomer torah umitzvos.
i am not a posek but one may say the father probably has the din of a rodef for his terrible influence.
there must be more to the story so why are you all so quick to judge?
children like to do whats pleasure-able. if you make keeping shabbos a burden then…
but if your kids see you enjoying shabbos, then they will want to do the same.
a mother in an exact same situation consulted w/ S Mostofsky esq. who has the most experience in US in these cases. he said “whether the boy ends up Frum or not won’t be decided by the court but by how the Frum parent behaves, even in the face of such adversity!”
Let’s keep the matter in perspective – he is only 12 years old. True it is sad to see him choose a secular path right now, but who is to say he will stay this way! Many people return to the Torah. Never loose faith in the power of the Torah!
12, I try. I wish my cell phone would cooperate when I type & not skip letters etc.
13 you are certainly correct. it is a tremendous nisayon that he will IYH overcome. not being responsible for mitzvos is much easier.
Although 12 is certainly not old enough to make such a decision, it certainly is old enough to see the difference between parents and the severity in which either parent lives. If the mother was not able to show the child the beauty of the religion then there is nothing for him to hold on to and choose. If it is all about hardships and what one can’t do and why the father’s life is “not” the right way of life. If a child is choosing not to keep torah and mitzvos there is a reason.
What in the world is YW actually trying to accomplish by posting this story?
#16 That is exactly the same ‘reasoning’ kids in the inner cities of America decide to join drug gangs.
Just about every single one who has ever given any interviews or posted messages on the internet has said something like “I saw other kids my age walking around with wads of cash and driving nice cars and wearing the fine clothes while my family was struggling just to pay rent, so I decided why live the hard and restricted life?
I joined the gang and started selling drugs and then I too had all those nice things and plenty of money and those days of struggling and suffering were over”.
@#4:
please explain what disaster can be greater then not keeping the Torah?
What would be a greater disaster? How about this: A child being forced to “keep” Torah, leaving the derech as soon as he can because he was forced all along, and never coming back because of his negative experience.
THe most important thing the mother can do, IMHO, is to continue to shower her child with unconditional love, even if she disapproves of his chosen lifestyle. Otherwise she shuts the door to yiddishkeit for him.