We lost another promising young life this week. To be honest, I am at a loss for words.
I have been shouting from the rooftops for months that we need to find a way to stop this plague and while we have seen some improvements, we buried a beautiful 22 year old this week. Clearly whatever we are doing just isn’t enough. Because 22 year olds aren’t supposed to die. Their parents are supposed to be thinking about escorting them to the chupah, not accompanying them to their graves.
But here we are again.
This week, I want to try something different. I want to shine the spotlight on the similarities between the more than 55 deaths from drug overdoses that we have seen this year in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, we can save a life.
There is a lot of emphasis on getting people who abuse drugs into rehab but after that the positive momentum just fizzles out. People who have cancer undergo extensive treatment and go into remission but the story doesn’t end there. Their physicians monitor them regularly to make sure that they don’t relapse.
If only we had the same kind of stick-to-it-tiveness for those who suffer from addiction. We send them to rehab and pronounce them cured, not realizing that addiction is a lifelong battle. Getting an addict sober is just one step in a very long journey, and it takes the concerted efforts of family and friends to make sure they stay sober, even when life throws them curveballs.
In the case of the 55+ deaths we have seen this year, they have occurred in people who have been through rehab and gotten sober. So what happened? What leads to relapse and why is relapse so dangerous?
There are many factors that contribute to why a relapse is especially dangerous for an Addict. One thing to understand, is that when someone develops a dependency on drugs, their body builds up a tolerance. As result they need to up their dosage to get the same high. After treatment like rehab and a period of abstinence, their body reverts to a healthier state, this amounts to a reduction in tolerance. If a relapse into using occurs, things turn deadly. When they slip back into their unhealthy behaviors, they generally do so at their most recent, higher dose. Their brains do not process or realize that their bodies are physically incapable of handling that dosage.
Another significant factor is distress and hopelessness. When an addict invests in a process of recovery they have to put their whole heart into it. Their life and their hopes ride on staying clean and getting better. They build friendships with other sober and clean friends and everyone around them is proud and grateful that they made it. Then when a relapse occurs it can feel like their whole life has fallen apart, they have disappointed everyone who loves them and they can’t imagine facing their loved ones and friends. This despondency, mixed with a natural impulse for more, creates a dangerous situation. When an addict, or anyone for that matter, loses hope in life they will take risks, especially if it means a few moments of peace. In these situations the addict doesn’t realize they are putting their life in danger or even want to, they simply don’t care.
Its critical for all to understand that these people didn’t choose to die, or even intentionally choose to put their lives in danger, or even become addicts in the first place. They are suffering and they need our help and our continuous support. Addiction is a sickness. In some cases, people become addicted as they try to cope with a history of abuse or trauma. In other instances, a person who started taking painkillers after an accident finds themselves unable to live without them. Most times there are many factors that lead a person to addiction.
What can be done to prevent these tragic deaths?
- We need to make sure addicts and their families realize relapse is an unfortunate reality. Long term sustainable recovery is possible but sometimes relapse happens before you get there.
- Addicts need to know it’s not okay to relapse, but they will never be judged shamed or shunned for having a relapse. They need to be welcomed back with love and acceptance, as long as they are serious about getting back up. And if not, they still need to be loved and accepted, only perhaps from with some distance or boundaries.
- More information needs to be provided to addicts in recovery about relapse, that if they or their friends in recovery ever slip back they must be careful about dosage and amounts, that their life literally depends on it.
- Addicts must understand that the first 48 hours after a relapse is the most dangerous time in the life of an addict.
- We need to encourage recovering addicts to attend support meetings on a regular basis and to maintain close relationships with healthy supports. To reach out if they are feeling urges and especially to reach out if a relapse has happened.
- We need to be there for those who suffer from addiction when they falter and avoid putting temptation in their path. No one should ever offer a recovering alcoholic a shot of alcohol at a kiddush so that they can make a l’chaim. That l’chaim can take them all the way back to square one.
As a community we need to be honest with ourselves and realize that this problem is in our midst. We have to give up the ridiculous notion that we shouldn’t send those with addictions to rehab because “someone might find out.” I promise you, when someone dies because they didn’t get the help they needed everyone finds out.
It’s not just enough to get people sober – we need to keep them sober.
It’s not just enough to keep people sober – we need to give them a reason to live.
It’s not just enough to give people a reason to live – we need to give their lives meaning.
And maybe, just maybe, if we can do that, this epidemic will finally stop.
Zvi Gluck is the founder and director of Amudim Community Resources, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 15 years. For more information go to www.amudim.org.
Menachem Poznanski, LCSW is the Clinical Director of The Living Room, a recovery clubhouse and community center for Jewish young adult addicts. TLR serves 200+ recovering addicts across the greater NYC Area and Monsey. If you or a loved one are in or are seeking recovery and want information about The Living Room email: [email protected] or call 917-596-0784
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29 Responses
to be honest calling it a sickness is offensive to those who are really sick. this is a self inflicted issue. Obviously we should be doing something about it but the first step is calling it what it is. calling it what its not is gonna get you nowhere. sheker ein lo raglayim.
Anon21, you are absolutely and hideously wrong.
@Anon21And you know because of your extensive medical/psychological background?
#1 addiction is a SICKNESS???!!!!
With due respect to Anon21, the Rambam in Hilchos Dayos perek Aleph refers to the self-inflicted illness as a sickness as well, so it cannot be THAT offensive..
We have lost too many precious neshamos to quibble about nuances of terminology.. Tzvi and Menachem do amazing work – I have seen them both in action – Ashreihem!
To #1: please keep quiet you don’t have the slightest clue about addiction and its origins, no matter the type it becomes to be a real sickness and pray rather by רפאנו than by השיבנו – סלח לנו
My name is Mordechai, I’ve been through addiction myself and I’ve recoverED, there is a solution, I’ve been to a program called Torah and the twelve steps and miraculously for the first time in my life I saw, experienced, and now live life, happily, successfully, and with purpose to serve Hashem, unfortunately most of the leaders in the Jewish communities send Jewish addicts or ppl with other challenges, to secular athiesm programs, which in itself is a long discussion but the success rates are less then 4%, look it up yourself. When will we wake up and start sending ppl to the proper place with the proper solution so we can all succeed, do teshuva and become united like we’re supposed to be, we must send and reach out to the ppl that have actual life experience with addicts, only they are capable of relating and guiding a active current addict to succeed, to talk more feel free to contact me at 8482380976 Hashem should help us all be zocheh to work on this matter together and help klal yisrael bring the geula b’mheirah b’yamainu amen.
The death toll in the Jewish community due to addiction is staggering and a tragedy. To add onto this problem is the fact that certain leaders of the community persist on sending our children to secular rehabs besides for the fact that the success rates there are close to zero, they also lose their identity of being a Jew, and can’t stop relapsing. I myself went through addiction and came close to death on numerous occasions and could not do anything to stop using, until the program i went to offered me a solution. Instead of focusing on my human resources to stop which were insufficient, they focused on the underlying problem, the problem of being spiritually sick. Through the 12 step process integrated with Torah principals which allowed me to get spiritually healthy, i have not had a single thought to use nor am i ever worried about relapsing because it is not a part of my life anymore. Through this process we become regular members of society and WE RECOVER from addiction with the help of Hashem and live healthy lives. This process saved my life and iv’e seen it work with anyone who worked this proccess with the incredible result always the same. So to answer the questions of the article above, yes there is a Torah based solution and Jewish kids do not have to die anymore as long as we open our eyes and accept that despite all the prestigious names and reputations of some of these secular programs, their human and medical resources cannot solve this spiritual problem, but we do have a place that can.
This is a disease. Self inflicted cancer (e.g. smokers) is a disease.
An addicts brain is different. They are physiologicaly dependant on their addiction. This isn’t like a heavy person wanting cake. It’s like a drowning person needing air.
If you want to understand this, go to an AA meeting. We as a community need to learn to celebrate sobriety. When an addict celebrates an anniversary or milestone, we should applaud them. This is the ultimate is tshuva.
Our failures to recognize and address their needs is the reason we are losing so many of them. Their blood is on our hands, as a community.
Anon21 – have you ever suffered from an addiction or dealt with people who do? From your tone I guess not.
it is a sickness and is not a sickness.
generally the addict has more ‘luggage’ than just the addiction, and it is not enough to just get him/her off of drugs, the problem that caused the person to start into drugs must be deal with too – and that is as difficult as getting the addict to stop the drugs.
so it is a very difficult job to help these messed up kids, but a very long and difficult job if we are to see some success.
Firstly please don’t take offense to the Person who wrote this article what’s missing the same thing that’s been missing You feel Your helping them They are Them and You, You. Why is that a mistake because if You’re getting into helping People You have to be Them HaSHem runs the World we are One what that means is if You are having a bad day so am i simply because part of me trying to help is to understand Your feelings what the difference is about the outcome if we try to trust in HaSHem to get more into that would be atleast a 3 day conversation You want to help or You wanna feel good that You tried to help what’s the difference really who is it for more You or Your Neahamah the outcome is different. me i have tried to not take even stop to take my pain killers B”H why do i wanna stop simply because i do not like having to rely on something other then HaSHem why does my Wife not let me stop not because i’m addicted to it i am when i’ve stopped i got the cold sweats but because i can not move without being in tremendous pain i can not get on with the Beautiful Life HaSHem has given me does that mean i have a problem in my opion no do i take other then my dosage no do i ask them to up my dosage no i try to live with the pain as much as i can so i could get on with Life based on how You wrote Your feelings it seems to be that You’re missing the main point Your ideas sound great but how it is implemented that BE”H shows results if a Person kept HaSHem in Their day every split second of the day what They’re left with is trying to do the Will of HaSHem every split second every move They make of every single day if You want to help Them be Them how You fix Yourself is with the Help and Kindness of HaSHem for me i try i am in no way writing that i can do that but i try and it helps me maybe it help You what i wrote is not a something that You do and Your done it’s a life long journey BE”H healthy happy and wealthy BE”H HaSHem gave the Science to Humans to come up with medicine just like a Person needs novacane when a tooth is being pulled or a cavvety being filled ( You don’t really need it i’ve done without it just would prefer not to have the pain) its how it’s used if You use it the way You’re supposed to or a Person chooses to abuse it it’s to explain the right way and when we need shleyah from HaSHem HaSHem is the best non escape escape. SHabbat SHolom
ANON21 – is someone with diabetes who ate a lot of treats not sick? How about someone with lung cancer that smoked a lot?
What does self infliction have to do with anything?!? Sick is sick, regardless of how it happened.
Are you telling me that if somebody became sick to smoking, they’re not really sick because it’s self-inflicted? Please do your homework before you took. It is very obvious that you know nothing about this. There are many sicknesses that one could’ve avoided.
ANON21 Addiction is absolutely a disease. It’s no different than cancer or diabetes, some people have pre disposition to it. Do some research about before you shoot your mouth off.
@ANON21 This comment should be removed because it is this kind of attitude towards mental illness and addiction that is leading to these terrible deaths. This blatant ignorance about what addiction really is, is the problem. I am not a health care professional but I am educated enough to understand that mental illness including addiction and eating disorders are real sickness that are no easier to cure than any other illness. I almost lost a close relative to an eating disorder and I hope you never experience something like that but I guarantee that any one who has been through something like that understands the devastating effects of these types of illnesses. You owe an apology to the families of all the victims of this terrible illness. And please educated your self a little before you speak about this topic again.
Please don’t judge someone until you walk in their shoes. Correct, a body disease is not the same as an addiction which is defined as a chronic relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences. It is considered a brain disease because drugs change the brain – they change it’s structure and how it works. These brain changes can be long lasting, and can lead to the harmful behaviors seen in people who abuse drugs. I was in the position that body sickness can be so painful that it causes people to unfortunately think of taking an extra pill or two. Being in such agony physically that if I wouldn’t be a very strong מאמין in ה׳ & the love of my family, whom I didn’t want to hurt, I ח׳ו may not be here. I had to fight negative thoughts numerous times. ב״ה the physical pain has become bearable and the bad thoughts are gone. But at times the permanent change and physical or mental pain in a persons life causes much sadness. Which I believe is a brain illness, which often needs medical treatment to control it.
@ANON21 Your ignorance and ga’avah are a lethal combination.
I’m sticking my head in the lion’s mouth here, but I understand (I think) what #1 is saying. I don’t agree with him, but here goes:
Earlier on YWN there is a tragic appeal for one of twins whose cancer has returned. Obviously, 2 year olds did not do anything harmful to themselves to bring on this illness, whereas #1 thinks addicts do. To some extent he is right – a drug addict rarely becomes addicted through being force-fed drugs.
However, anyone with an addictive personality (& I AM ONE) will tell you that being any kind of addict IS an illness. The only difference is how the illness manifests itself: gambling, alcohol, food, nicotine or drugs. Yes, we take the first bite or puff or card game. But whereas everyone else in the world can stop after one cookie, or one spin on the slot machine, or one beer – some of us can’t. The reasons are complex and diverse, & no one knows until he/she tries it if he/she is going to be hooked. Just look at serial dieters – no matter what they try, they can’t get slim and stay slim. Food always draws them back.
I certainly understand the anger against #1’s comment, but to be fair, I think most people in the world feel the same. What I tried to do here is to explain to you all how #1 came to believe what he said, & how wrong he is.
It’s the 9 days. Let’s all cut each other some slack… ignorance (meaning not knowing or understanding) is not a crime. We can all learn from different perspectives, and we can respectfully teach each other too.
* not 3 day conversation i wanted to delete that part it’s a question a simple question do You trust in HaSHem.
Correction do we trust in HaSHem.
to all those who don’t comprehend what i said.
we can’t deny that when a person who is addicted to substances it was he who started that. and one who never “tried” it will never be addicted. so you say well whats the difference?? the answer is that if we want to eradicate this problem we need to attack it from both ends. one end is the obvious one at the addicts level. the other end should be obvious too. before someone is tempted to “try” it we should be there as well. calling it a mere disease tends to completely exonerate the addict himself from any wrongdoing. this is obviously incorrect because he’s in a situation he should never have been in. such exoneration’s completely undermine any efforts to work against this issue from the start. therefore i maintain the following: when we come across an addict we do whatever we can to get them the help they need to recover and stay recovered. we also educate against drug use and call it what it is and stop allowing kids to blame others or situations and make all kinds of excuses for drug abuse. there can be no situation that can excuse drug abuse.
comparing this to a smoker getting cancer frankly is a little crazy for many reasons and not for this forum. however suffice it to say that a smoker doesn’t get cancer every time. a drug user will get addicted every time.
I’m an addict. Please help me.
It’s the answer that could take atleast 3 days to answer it could it shouldn’t but could
What would You like help with?
Just to bring a little closure to all those that are reading these comments and not understanding: alot of ppl work by opinions rather then facts, nowa days the in thing is to be involved in Kiruv, despite the fact that they have zero experience with being a “ex-addict” I was an addict and know the deel, factually, addiction is an illness and to explain, it’s a spiritual illness, not a physical illness, a person becomes a addict as a result to a spiritual malady, therefore the solution is to reconnect spiritually properly, an internal change of character through a teshuva process. If anyone really wants to know further understanding about addiction or knows someone struggling and hasn’t found proper help, feel free to call me ill be glad to assist 8482380976 have a great shabbos.
There is a reason why we daven in Refaeinu for “Refuas Hanefesh and Refuas Haguf”. Note that Refuas Hanafesh comes first. Chazal knew what they instituted in our daily prayers. May our prayers be answered.
my feelings Brother Joe is You were playing so at first i wasn’t going to answer then i remembered their is some truth to a Personal joke if You know me You can call me if there is something You need to say if You don’t and insist it’s a joke ok please be careful how You joke. If You need help BE”H try to find someOne. All the best, SHabbat SHolom
Brother Joe, Hi, sorry for what uyou are going thru. Please invite your self for shabbes. Only to any nice warm family just not one that has addiction in them . Enail this document writer ever if you relapse. And go to Amudim.org
information about The Living Room email: [email protected] or call 917-596-0784
Anyone here has more good emails or good websites for brother Joe?