The following was displayed prominently in Yated, Hamodia, and Flatbush Jewish Journal. It was sponsored by anonymous and dedicated to parents that think out of the box.
77 reasons You didn’t allow your daughter to go out with HIM :
1) Wears wrong type of hat
2) Wrong type of yarmulke
3) Yarmulke too big
4) Yarmulke too small
5) Car is not leased
6) Drives his parents car
7) Doesn’t daven in the right shul
8) Davens too quickly
9) Davens too slowly
10) Went to the wrong Yeshiva
11) Not yeshivish enough
12) Too yeshivish
13) Didn’t learn in Israel
14) Learned too long in Israel
15) Went to college
16) Didn’t go to college
17) Went to the wrong type of college
18) No family “yichus”
19) Too much family “yichus”
20) Wrong type of friends
21) Doesn’t have friends
22) Wears colored socks
23) Wears white socks
24) Wears no socks
25) Too litvish
26) Not “heimish” enough
27) Too chasiddish
28) Wears a gartel
29) Doesn’t wear a gartel
30) Gartel is too thick
31) Parents too “schmaltzy”
32) Parents not “schmaltzy” enough
33) Wont do FLOP
34) Will only do FLOP
35) Doesn’t know what FLOP is
36) Too tall
37) Too short
38) Not good looking enough
39) Too good looking
40) Listens to English music.
41) Doesn’t listen to English music.
42) Is Tone deaf
43) Eats pizza with a fork and knife.
44) Doesn’t eat pizza with a fork and knife.
45) Doesn’t know how to use a fork and knife
46) Went to the wrong camp
47) Wasn’t color war general
48) Was losing color war general
49) Family uses china during the week
50) Family uses paper goods On shabbos. (GASP!)
51) Parents don’t have winterized summer home in catskills
52) Parents don’t have summer home in monsey.
53) Mother works full time
54) Mother doesnt work
55) Wants to learn in Kollel
56) Doesn’t want to learn in kollel
57) Parents have no money
58) Parents have too much money
59) Parents think they have money
60) Wears the wrong type of watch
61) Doesn’t wear a watch
62) Wears a watch on shabbos
63) Cant tell time
64) Wears his tzitzis out
65) Wears his tzitzis in
66) Wears blue strings on tzitzis
67) Wears thick glasses
68) Doesnt wear glasses
69) Glasses frames are too stylish
70) Squints when he learns
71) Has a beard
72) Has no beard
73) Has a trimmed beard
74) Cant grow a beard
75) Parents are divorced
76) Sibling is divorced
77) Has older unmarried sibling
72 Reasons you didn’t allow your Son to go out with HER:
1) Too tall
2) Too short
3) Not pretty enough
4) Too pretty
5) Too thin
6) Went to wrong school
7) Family not yeshivish enough
8) Family too yeshivish
9) Father wears wrong type of Hat
10) Siblings wear wrong type of Yarmulke
11) Didn’t go to Israel
12) Went to the wrong Seminary
13) Didn’t go to Seminary
14) Went to college
15) Didn’t go to college
16) you wanna marry a speech therapist?
17) No family Yichus
18) Too much family Yichus
19) Wrong type of friends
20) Not enough friends.
21) Not Litvish
22) Too litvish
23) Not heimish
24) Too heimish
25) Not chasidish
26) Too Chasidish
27) Parents too schmaltzy
28) Parents not schmaltzy enough
29) Parents have no money
30) Parents have too much money
31) Parents not willing to support
32) Listens to English music.
33) Doesn’t listen to English music.
34) Eats pizza in a pizza shop.
35) Wouldn’t step foot into a pizza shop.
36) Wont eat pizza
37) Didn’t go to camp
38) Went to the wrong camp.
39) Wants a kollel boy
40) Wants a learning boy
41) Wants a working/learning/kollel boy
42) Wants a hat wearer
43) Doesnt want a hat wearer
44) Wants a straw hat wearer
45) Doesnt know the difference between Borsalino and Stetson
46) Not Tzniusdik enough
47) Too Tzniusdik
48) Wears colorful clothes
49) Clothes are too drabby
50) skirts too long
51) skirts too short
52) Wears no makeup
53) Wears too much makeup
54) wants to wear a fall
55) wont wear a fall
56) will only wear a fall in the fall
57) Goes to shul on shabbos
58) Doesnt go to shul on shabbos.
59) Talks too much
60) Doesn’t talk enough
61) Not “outgoing”
62) Too “outgoing”
63) Too many siblings
64) Not enough siblings
65) Has unmarried siblings
66) Parents are divorced
67) Parents should be divorced
68) Wears expensive jewelry
69) Wears inexpensive jewelry
70) Wears no jewelry
71) Wants a 3 carrot Kalah ring
72) Only eats 3 carrots a day (see “too thin”)
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15 Responses
question does English music mean goyish music then it’s a problem. also wearing a skirt too short or not proper friends is also a serious issue the rest on the list is good b’h the donor has money too spend
Left one Out:Has less sense than the one one that wrote this list.
If only this were a joke I wouldn’t feel guilty laughing at it
I loved reading it on Shabbos. made me smile. So true
There are three choices for every subject.
1) regarding a diamond ring, it’s karats not carrots
2) some are legitimate concerns
8) Family too yeshivish Should read:- 8) Too Yeshivish for failure to recite Hallel on Yom ha’Atzma’ut
Whoever you are you speak the truth. Those who criticize you are the ones you mentioned.
Must say, impressive. Got right to the point.
Some of these are legitamate hashgafa reasons. Does the writer think that EVERYone should go out with everyone that is trugged uhn? I don’t think so. That is an incredible waste of everyone’s times.
Made my morning !!!
Does the author think out of the box enough to acknowledge EndTheMadness?
I thought this ad made an important point pretty clearly, but sadly the innuendo was a bit above much of the readership…
Here’s what the ad meant:
1)Don’t sweat the small stuff
2)True, your big stuff might be someone’s small stuff and you’re right for your family. But still, there’s plenty of small stuff that people are turning into mountains.
On one hand, we complain when people apply too many restrictions in matchmaking, but on the other hand many of these takanos come from respected haredi poskim. So which is it? Do we rule out the boy who wears thin-framed eyeglasses or follow the takana of the Skver hasidim? Do we rule out the woman who drives a car or follow the takana of the Satmar hasidim? Should we still follow these takanos or ask our mara d’asra first before blindly depriving our child of his or her zivug?
What about:
When clearing table do they stack the plates or carry separately?
Do they use a white tablecloth on shabbos?
Do they served salmon or gefilte fish?