During the recent war in Gaza, we have all been incredulous at the reactions around the world to, what seems to us, as a clear-cut battle between good and evil. How can it not be clear to all right thinking people that Hamas is to be blamed for the death and destruction around them? How can the world hold Israel at fault for defending itself, while choosing to ignore the terror attacks targeting innocent civilians? How can people ignore the obvious truths that are so clear to us, we wonder? Don’t they realize that by doing so, they only come to harm themselves? Don’t they realize they are next on the list? We shake our head at how close-minded people can be, how they could ignore truths that to us seem self evident.

The fact that even the worst kind of terrorism is somehow found to be justified in the minds of those convinced of the victimhood of the poor Palestinians can be chalked up to something called “Cognitive Dissonance”. This theory, proposed by Dr Leon Festinger in the 1950s, discusses how people try to reach internal consistency. For instance,

“The person who continues to smoke, knowing that it is bad for his health, may also feel

(a) he enjoys smoking so much it is worth it;

(b) the chances of his health suffering are not as serious as some would make out;

(c) he can’t always avoid every possible dangerous contingency and still live; and

(d) perhaps even if he stopped smoking he would put on weight which is equally bad for his health. So, continuing to smoke is, after all, consistent with his ideas about smoking.”

(Festinger, 1957)

Of course, none of us would ever be guilty of this kind of close-mindedness. Surely, if we were confronted with obvious contradictions between our beliefs and our behavior, we would recognize it instantly and change our behavior accordingly. Especially in circumstances in which we feel helpless, where there does not seem to be any solution to a frustrating problem, any cognitive dissonance that would otherwise affect our thinking would be cast aside. For instance:

•  You are closing on a business deal and need to contact your bank to send out a wire. Usually the bank is reliable, but for some reason, today things are not going well. The deal will fall apart if the wire does not go out today, and nobody at the bank can track where the money is. It’s almost 5 o’clock now, and you’re practically pulling your hair out. You put so much effort into this, and now it can all come to nothing over some inane technicality. You would do anything to get this to work, somehow!
•  Your daughter is supposed to walk home from school after staying late for a project. She has a cell phone in case of emergency. It’s nighttime, but she had assured you that she is walking with a group a friends and there is no reason to worry. It’s getting late, though, and you haven’t heard from her. You try her cell phone, but it goes straight to voice mail. Trying not to panic, you call one of her friend’s houses. The friend had arrived home fifteen minutes ago. You are beside yourself with worry. If only you could get through and make sure she was safe!
•  You have been anticipating the big basketball game against the rival camp, which will be the featured night activity played out in front of all the campers and staff of the camp you have gone to since you were a kid. The team has been practicing well, and everyone has very high hopes to avenge last year’s defeat. The game begins, and somehow nothing seems to go right. Every time your team brings down the ball, the ball handler is smothered by the defense. The team can’t seem to get anything going and the game begins to get out of hand. The crowd grows restless, the head counselor is shaking his head. If only there were some way to get some momentum going and get the team back on track!

In these scenarios, if some kind of magical solution were offered that had a decent chance of success, even if it seemed a bit “out of the box”, I would venture that most people would jump at the chance to resolve the situation that they find themselves in. Any creative solution, with even a small chance of success, would be implemented in the hope that it would yield the desired result. I would venture that cognitive dissonance would not be much of a factor here.

There are certainly major issues faced by Klal Yisroel today, much more serious than the ones described above, and with the same sense of hopelessness experienced by those affected by these issues. Parnassa, shidduchim, chinuch issues, shalom bayis, the scary situation in Eretz Yisroel (and indeed, the whole world) – who has not been affected deeply by one of the above? Yet I believe that there is one “magical” solution that can resolve all of our current challenges, and if not for the effect of cognitive dissonance, this solution would be implemented with great enthusiasm and effect.

Allow me to present the following story, which may or may not have actually occurred.

A group of askanim from a major Jewish-American organization has arrived at the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. to meet with an influential US Senator. The Senator is the head of a committee that is drafting legislation that will greatly affect the daily lives of religious Jews. The meeting has been arranged so that the organization can make clear to the Senator their concerns about the new laws and how essential it is that they not cause unprecedented hardships for religious life.

The askanim are met by the Senator’s aide, who happens to be a non-religious Jew but sympathetic to their cause. He helpfully outlines the proper protocol for the upcoming meeting. One person is to be the designated spokeman, and he will lay out the organization’s case for the Senator. The rest of the delegation should attend as a show of respect for the importance of their cause, but should stand quietly behind the spokesman. At some point in the presentation, the spokesman should be sure to thank the Senator for his time, to list off the many previous instances in which the Senator has been helpful to the Jewish people, and to make it clear to the Senator that the delegation is fully aware of how privileged they are to be granted this meeting.

The askanim are very appreciative of the advice offered by the aide. They follow the aide’s instructions to the letter, appointing Mr. Greenberg, a successful businessman and occasional public speaker, as spokesman. Mr. Greenberg proceeds to make a strong case to the Senator, and the meeting flows very smoothly. The delegation exits the Senator’s office with a profound sense that their entreaties were heard, and that the rights of religious Jews would be strongly considered in the upcoming legislation. Mr. Greenberg thanks the aide warmly, and, in the spirit of the moment, asks the aide if he would like to join them for Mincha in a small room off the Senate floor. The aide agrees , and gets a shiny satin kippah from his desk.

After davening, the aide pulls Greenberg aside. “I’m familiar with some of the rituals, like the part where everyone prays quietly, but why does one person then repeat everything out loud again”?

“We call that the Chazzan’s repetition. He’s our representative to say the prayers to G-d on our behalf.”

“Similar to the spokesman’s role during the meeting with the Senator?” inquired the aide.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Well, there is something that is very confusing to me, then.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if there is a certain protocol to be followed when presenting to the Senator, then I assume that when you present to G-d there certainly needs to be rules of decorum. I mean, you religious types do believe that He is more powerful than the Senator, right?”

Greenberg shifted uncomfortably. He had a feeling as to where this was heading.

“So I don’t understand. Many of you were checking your cell phones, one guy even stepped out to make a call! Then there were two guys in the back discussing the Yankees. I’m telling you, if you would have pulled this in the Senator’s office, not only would he have not respected your arguments, he probably would have slanted the legislation against you!”

Greenberg turned neon pink.

The aide waved his hands dismissively. “I don’t know much about my religion, granted. But you guys are supposed to. As much as I love the Senator, it’s very disappointing to see that more effort was put into in respecting the Senator than in respecting G-d. Good day, gentlemen.”

Cognitive Dissonance. There it is, staring us in the face.

We all know that the aide’s reasoning is sound. We all believe that only Hashem holds the solutions to all the crises we face. We can pour millions of dollars and untold effort into establishing shadchan organizations, gemachs, programs for kids at risk, etc., but without Siyatya D’shmaya, none of it is going to go anywhere. The effectiveness of all the efforts we make really hinges on our tefilos. However, we do a very good job sabotaging all of our entreaties for success by having a cavalier attitude towards the clearly-established protocols. The dampening effect that this has on all of our wonderful initiatives should be bothering us, frustrating us. The businessman who can’t quite get through to the bank, the parent who can’t reach her daughter, the team captain who can’t get through the defense – the common denominator is the lack of ability to connect. And just as they would jump at any workable solution, so too should we finally have the guts to tackle the lack of proper decorum in shul, which severely hampers the ability of our tefilos to “get through”. There is only one thing stopping us.

Cognitive dissonance.

Rabbosai, it’s time to confront this issue honestly.

Let me spell out some additional scenarios that showcase how potentially damaging this problem is. Our children, at some point in their Yeshiva education, will probably learn Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. It is very clearly stated (Siman Chof, Sif Aleph) that it’s even assur to learn during Chazaras Hashatz, let alone talk. I would assume that baalei teshuva would be learning this sefer as well, as a basic introduction to Jewish law. Imagine a child or a baal teshuva who has just learned this rule who then goes to daven in a typical shul. There’s going to be some cognitive dissonance, all right, and not the good kind. It would be even worse if the people they saw violating an open halacha was a person of importance, or yet even more damaging, a noted speaker at various events! I have seen this with my own eyes and wonder, does this person realize the harm he could be doing? To speak in public about the secret of shalom bayis, or how to deal with troubled teenagers, or how to inspire our Yeshiva kids with the truth and beauty of the Torah, and then completely ignore a well-known halacha about which there is no disagreement among the poskim? (It also makes one wonder about whether they truly believe in all the material they present, and whether this less-than-complete sincerity leads to a corresponding lack of lasting impact on their audiences.) Sometimes the rule is printed straight out in the siddur – like not talking after Baruch She’amar, or after Maariv on Leil Shabbos, where, at the top of the page (in small letters, admittedly) in the Artscoll Siddur, it says how speaking is prohibited from “Vayichulu” until after Kaddish. Imagine a bar mitzvah boy scanning these words as his father chats nearby with his buddies. He may very well form the opinion that we obviously don’t have to take all these halachos so seriously, that apparently there’s lots of leeway in how strictly we need to follow the rules. This is a very dangerous attitude to impart, of course. There are other rules that are just as clearly stated, and if this teenager begins to violate them, he now has a built in argument as to why he can just continue to do as he pleases.

So we have arrived at the point where the facts and circumstances have been presented quite clearly. What now? Do we respond as our smokers did in Festinger’s experiment? Or can we, as Torah Jews, move past our cognitive dissonance and change our cavalier attitude towards proper decorum in our holiest places? I pray that the latter is the case.

It’s not impossible. On Rosh Hashana, even the biggest schmoozers refrain from talking for the two-hour mussaf Chazzaras Hashatz, for two days straight! So it’s definitely doable. I was informed recently of an effort this past Rosh Hashana to create zchusim for a choleh , in which a list was posted in shuls for people to sign their names to. The signees agree not to talk during davening till after Yom Kippur L’refuah Shelaimah for the sick person. It seems the list was taken seriously, and for a week at least, the shuls that posted the list were noticeable quieter. I propose that the following list be put up in all shuls, to allow people to take a stand and encourage their chaveirim to do so as well. It will be a brave soul indeed who has the guts to not sign up, to not risk the embarrassment when their children ask them, “Totty, why isn’t your name on the list?”

Due to the many Tzaros facing Klal Yisroel, our Koach Hatefillah needs to be strengthened as much as possible. To help accomplish this, I hereby pledge (bli neder) to improve the decorum in our shul and agree to:

1) Shut my cell phone off completely during the time I am in the Beis Haknesses. If I must turn it on, I will not do so until I am in the hallway.

2) Not speak out during:

a. P’sukei D’Zimrah

b. after Yishtabach

c. Chazzaras Hashatz (or even while waiting for it to begin if others are still in the

middle of Shmoneh Esrei )

d. Krias Hatorah/Haftorah

e. Kaddish

In the Zchus of this endeavor, May Hashem answer all of our Tefillos and bring an end to our crises, with the arrival of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, Bimheirah Biyomeinu.

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