[Halachically Speaking appears on YWN weekly, Tuesdays and Thursdays] 

Written by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits of KOF-K Kosher Supervision

The Torah[1] states “one may not follow in the ways of the goyim.” The Rambam[2] writes one should be different than the goyim in his actions, knowledge and in his understanding. There is a major dispute among theRishonim and Achronim as to the parameters of this issur.[3] A practice which the goyim do for their avodah zara, is forbidden for a Yid to do, even if the Torah says it is a Jewish custom.[4] The Maharik[5] writes that there are goyish practices, whose reasons and origins cannot be found, and are still forbidden to Yiddin since it would appear that we are copying them. Furthermore, all immodest practices that the goyim are associated with, is forbidden to a Yid. Most poskim agree with the guidelines of the Maharik.[6] However, the G’ra[7] says the only thing that is permitted is a practice which was possibly originated in Jewish circles, if it was not initiated by thegoyim. The Chinuch[8] says the reason for this mitzvah is in order that the Yiddin should distance ourselves from the goyim.

Goyish Names

The Medrash[9] states the Yiddin were redeemed from Mitzrayim through the merit of four things: one of them is that they did not change their names. The Maharam Shik[10] is of the opinion that one who has a goyish name has transgressed the issur of “following the customs of the goyim.” To stress this point, it is brought down that the last name Shik stands for Shem Yisroel Kodesh, to show one should only have a Jewish name.[11] What is the explanation as to why one would have a non-Jewish name? Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[12] says that many non-Jewish names today have gained acceptance because they originated from countries in which the Jews lived in.[13] The names taken eventually were accepted as Jewish names. The aforementioned Medrash should be a good reason as to why one should choose a Jewish name. Nonetheless, some say the Medrash is only referring to the Jews who left Mitzrayim, since the Yiddin had not yet become a nation, and needed to keep their Jewish names and language as a distinction between them and the Mitzrayim.[14] It is permitted for one to call his child a name that is a Jewish name but translated into a different language. For example, one can call his child Moshe-Moses.[15] Although having a goyish name might not be an issur, according to everyone, the poskim stress the importance of only having a Yiddish name.[16]

The “Red String”-Ruita Bendel

Many people have the “custom” of wearing a red string on their wrist to avoid any ayin hara.[17] The Tosefta in Shabbos[18] says tying a red string on one’s finger is Darchei Hu’emorey, and some seforim say “tying a red string” is darchei hu’emorey.[19] There is an opinion in the poskim that anything which is stated in the Gemorah is not a problem of darchei hu’emorey.[20] The seforim bring down that the color red does help protect againstayin hara.[21] The Be’er Moshe[22] says the custom is that one may place a red string to ward off any ayin hara.[23] The Zohar says that looking at techeiles avoids ayin hara.[24] Some explain the reason for wearing a red string is because red dye was used in the bais hamikdash, and it came from a worm. Horav Shamshon Refoel Hirsch zt”l points out that the worm is the lowest of the creatures and it was used for a holy purpose. Ayin hara is if a person is blessed with good, and he becomes haughty, it might cause him to be judged by Hashem. The red string is reminiscent of the lowly worm, and each time one looks at it, he is reminded to be humble, and this will hopefully save him from any ayin hara.[25] It is stated in seforim that if a pregnant woman wears the “strings” from Kever Rochel she will carry her baby to full term.[26] It is not clear where the custom to wrap the string seven times around the kever originated from.[27] Instead of relying on these red strings to ward off ayin hara, one should work on himself to be more humble, and in this way will be protected from any ayin hara.[28] One who is wearing the red string because he thinks it helps to prevent any ayin hara, nevertheless he should not wear it outside on Shabbos because of carrying.[29]

Flowers/Greenery In Shuls For Shavuos

The custom is to place greenery in shuls on Shavuos,[30] and many have the custom to place them in their homes as well.[31] Some say this is done for simchas haregel.[32] Others say the reason is as a remembrance of Har Sinai, which was surrounded with beautiful greenery at the time the Torah was given to Klal Yisroel.[33] The seforim mention many other reasons for placing greenery on Shavuos.[34] Another custom is to place trees in shulsfor Shavuos,[35] and the Magen Avraham[36] states the reason is because on Shavuos one is judged for the fruits of a tree. According to this reason one should only take branches of a fruit tree and place it in the shuls,[37]however, the custom is not like this.[38] It would seem that one should not place artificial flowers etc.[39] Many have the custom to place greenery etc. on the floor, but the custom is not so.[40] The Gra[41] was against theminhag of placing flowers-greenery in shuls for Shavuos, as this was the custom of the goyim who decorated their homes and churches with greenery during their holidays, and the Gra believed this minhag should be abolished. Many poskim go in accordance with the ruling of the Vilna Goan.[42] Some say the Gra wanted to abolish both the placing of flowers and trees in shuls.[43] However, Horav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt”l[44] says the Graonly wanted to abolish the custom of placing trees in shuls and not flowers. The custom in most places is to place flowers and branches of trees in the shuls for Shavuos.[45] Some place nice smelling greenery on the Sefer Torah in honor or Matan Torah.[46] Some have the custom to place pictures of flowers in their windows.[47]

Chupah In A Shul/Indoors

The custom is to have a chupah either outdoors or indoors under an open sky.[48] The reason for this is a siman tov for one to have “as many children just as the number of the stars in the sky.”[49] The custom to have the roof open in an indoor building, is considered under the sky.[50] The Sefardim do not perform their chupahs under an open sky.[51] There is a major discussion in the poskim whether one is allowed to have a chupah in a shul, or in any closed area, since it may seem that one is following in the ways of the goyim, who perform their weddings indoors in their churches.[52] Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[53] is of the opinion that there is no problem with performing a chupah in a shul. It is obvious that one is not doing this to follow in the ways of the goyim.[54]

The Wedding Ring

Some have the custom that after the chassan gives the kallah the wedding ring, in return the kallah gives the chassan one. Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[55] maintains that this is a goyisha custom and it is forbidden. However, if after the chupah the kallah gives her husband a ring to wear as an adornment, to show they are married it is permitted, as long as the ring is not a symbol of kiddushin on her part. Nonetheless, many poskim say although it might be permitted, a yira shomayim should not wear a ring.[56]

The Proper Place For The Bimah

The proper place for the bimah is in middle of the shul.[57] One of the reasons for this is that the goyim have their lecterns in the front part of their churches, and if the bimah would be in the front, it would seem that we are copying them.[58] Many poskim say it does not have to be exactly in the middle, but it should be far away from the aaron kodesh so that one may pass by the Aaron Kodesh and the Bima.[59]

The Bas-Mitzvah Celebration

Many poskim maintain that one should not celebrate their becoming Bas-Mitzvah with a party since it is following the ways of the goyim, and there is no basis for this seuda.[60] Nevertheless, many poskim say those that have the custom to have a Bas-Mitzvah celebration, have on whom to rely upon.[61] One may not have their bas-mitzvah celebration in a shul.[62] The Bas-Mitzvah celebration is not a seudas mitzvah according to many poskim.[63]

Thanksgiving Celebrations

Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l was hesitant to permit one to have a Thanksgiving celebration. However, if the reason why one is eating turkey is not because of Thanksgiving (but because it is readily available) then one may eat the turkey. Nonetheless, one who wants to act in a more stringent manner, should eat the turkey on a different night. One should preferably not schedule a chasana or a Bar Mitzvah on the night of Thanksgiving, since it be marisayin. However, making a seuda for a Pidyon Haben or a Bris Milah is permitted, since it is obvious that the seuda you are making is for seudas mitzvah. If one schedules a chasana etc. on Thanksgiving because many people are off from work that day, he may do so.[64] Horav Yisroel Belsky Shlita adds the following; “If such parties were made as a sign of patriotism to the U.S., it would be acceptable for Yidin to make them as well as a sign of loyalty to their host country. This does not seem to be the case however, and there is no reason that a yid should make them.”

Placing Flowers/Pictures On A Gravestone

Some have the custom to place flowers etc. on the aaron of the deceased and/or on the gravestone. Many poskim are against this practice as this stems from the custom of the goyim.[65] Some say those who do so, have on what to rely on;[66] however, this is not the custom.[67] One is not allowed to place a picture of the deceased on the gravestone.[68]

Attending Sport Stadiums

Horav Moshe Feinstein zt”l[69] maintains that one who attends a sports stadium falls into the category of moshev leitzim. Although the issur of “following in the ways of the goyim” is not being transgressed, one is subjecting himself to a place where there is a lack of tznius.[70] If one does attend these sports events, he should be careful to act in accordance with halacha.