by Rabbi Yair Hoffman for the Sefas Tamim Foundation

QUESTION: A friend of mine has a moral dilemma. Before I present my dilemma, permit me to provide some necessary background. My friend’s parents are successful business owners. They have mostly retired and have hired my friend, their son, to run certain aspects of the business. They pay him well, but he still struggles to make ends meet. Now, his child is dating seriously and is about to get engaged. Generally, his parents will help him with his family Simchas (e.g. weddings, Bar Mitzvahs) and so my friend will be looking to them to help pay for the upcoming wedding. Sometimes they give him a few thousand dollars, sometimes they pay for half of the affair and sometimes they even pay for all of it. It generally depends upon how the family business is doing. If the business hits a rough patch, they generally provide less support for the family Simchas. The reality is though, that his parents have plenty of money and can easily pay for the Simcha regardless of how the business is doing at any particular time. And now for the dilemma. Recently, the business did take a bit of a hit as some of the business’s pricey equipment has malfunctioned, and now new equipment must be purchased. My friend is concerned that if he tells his father now about this rough patch that the business is going through, his father will reduce the amount of money he will give for the wedding. Can my friend delay telling his father about this new business expense until after the wedding in the hopes that he will give more money for the wedding, than he otherwise would have, if he had heard about the bad news before the wedding?

ANSWER: Recently a prominent Rav addressed a similar issue and permitted it, but with due respect, we suggest here otherwise.  The Gemorah in Makkos 24a calls Abba Chilkiyah a “Righteous Worker” because he would not pause to greet people while he was working (i.e. he would not permit himself to spend time greeting people because he was on, “Company Time.”)

The Mesilas Yesharim (Chapter 11) understands this Gemorah to mean that Abba Chilkiyah did the right and Halachically required thing in this case, because if he would have stopped to greet people while he was working, that would have been full-fledged theft from his employer, since he was on Company Time.

Other Mefarshim (commentaries) learn this Gemorah to mean that Abba Chilkiyah did an act of righteousness – above and beyond what is called for.

We suggest that this is only because he would have been allowed to greet people when he was working as that is the Minhag HaSochrim / Minhag HaMedina (the customs and the norms of the land). The fact that Abba Chilkiyah would not even permit himself to do that, was “above and beyond” what the Halacha required and was therefore an act of righteousness.

In your case, however, it is the norm of the land to fulfill one’s fiduciary responsibility to one’s boss and not to let a conflict of interest get in the way. Accordingly, your friend should tell his father about the new equipment expense as soon as possible as the delay could handcuff the ability of his father to act. For example, if told promptly, the father may be able to secure new equipment at a cheaper cost. The son does not have a right to withhold or delay telling his father this information, even if it means that he receives less support for his son’s wedding expenses. If he does delay, he is not doing the job that he is being paid to do and may have to return part of his salary.

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