By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com
Rav Chaim Pinchus Scheinberg zt”l (1910-2012) was a leading Rosh Yeshiva and Posaik who had studied in the Mirrer Yeshiva in Poland. In 1935, he became the Mashgiach of the Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva in Williamsburg. In 1965, he moved to Eretz Yisroel and established Yeshiva Torah Ohr.
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- The best advice for an older girl to find a shidduch according to the Vilna Gaon (on Mishlei 10:2), is to give Tzedakah. He writes, “There is nothing in the world that helps as much as Tzedakah.”
- Some couples give names to certain Rabbis to check for compatibility. This should NOT BE DONE. Our Bubbies and Zaidies did not do it, nor did the Chofetz Chaim.
- The best day of the week to get engaged is on the day that involves the least Bitul Torah. [This must always be a factor in all arrangements that one makes. If the idea is entirely irrelevant, then one should try to make this a relevant issue in one’s life. It does not matter whether one is learning full-yime or working. Torah MUST ALWAYS be a part of our lives. The Birchas Krias Shma is “Ki haim chayeinu – for Torah is our life.” So if the chosson is working, he must always make sure that he has at least some sort of Seder – even if it is just for five minutes after davening.]
- The Shadchan should be paid as soon as the couple gets engaged.
- In our times, the Tnaim should be signed at the wedding and not at the vort.
- The engagement period should generally be as short as possible.
- If a couple has a choice to get engaged before Rosh HaShana or after, it is preferable to do so before Rosh HaShana since he will have the additional zchus of beginning to fulfill the Mitzvah of getting married.
- To merit Shalom Bayis a husband should always be a mensch, should think about his wife, and should call her to see how she is doing. He should buy her a nice gift every so often. he should show her that he cares about her.
The 8 thoughts expressed above were culled from Rabbi Shmuel Assayag’s sefer, “A Gadol in Our Midst.”
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5 Responses
Re: “If a couple has a choice to get engaged before Rosh HaShana or after, it is preferable to do so before Rosh HaShana since he will have the additional zchus of beginning to fulfill the Mitzvah of getting married.”
I would add the additional zchus that a chosson is granted of mechilas avonos.
In addition, wouldn’t the general rule of זר’ז’ ם מקדימים למצות apply?! Which means, irrespective of Rosh Hashana, if one can have an earlier date for the wedding, it should be chosen over a later date.
“He should always be a mensch…show her that he cares about her”
Nebach that yungerleit need to hear such advice from a Rosh Yeshiva rather than understand this innately.
dear yanky”doodle”55″×0″
forget about how to treat a wife! 1- what about basic “love your neighbor…” such negativity…. 2- what about rav sheinberg himself… 3-what about mai ahani lei rabanan… 4-what about sinas talmid chacham lam haaretz… 5-what about loving the Mets not just your team! and the list goes on… sorry for letting off steam, i just had a chip on “MY SHOULDER”(the real reason the rosh yeshiva needed to remind me was because Im such a masmid i have no time for anyone beside Ywn comments)!😃 P.S. I LOVE YOUR NESHAMA. I seriously gave tzedaka for your shidduch with hashem and his torah!
His advice is not to yungerleit specifically – it’s to all husbands.
Every human being and especially every Yid should understand this innately, yet we need reminders due to our baser middos…