By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com

This letter is in response to an email from two parents whose lives are saddened by the fact that their daughter has chosen to leave the path of Torah Judaism.  Of course, we cannot make decisions for others.  One of the tenets of Torah-true Judaism is that we all have bechirah – free choice.  So what can we do as parents?  We can do three things:

We can daven, we can try to advise them, and we can create logistical situations where we hope that our children make the best decisions.

Dear Chana, amush

Hi.  I hope you are well.  Your parents reached out to me regarding the decision that you and your husband have made to no longer keep a Torah-observant lifestyle.  Everyone has free choice, and that must be respected.  That is the way Hashem runs the world.

I am writing to you to consider a few things, however.  I was inspired recently by a young man who had made the same decision that you had made, but something changed inside of him. What happened?

In the course of his business dealings, he met a young lady, who was raised by holocaust surviving grandparents. This young woman, through circumstances beyond her control, had been denied her birthright – the birthright of Sinai.  Somehow, something clicked within him – and he began to teach her of his heritage that he had left behind.

She was hungry for it.  Finally, she began understanding things of which, previously, she had much confusion.  Each was inspired by the other, and ultimately, they are both devoted to lead a Torah observant life and are getting married.

I would like you to consider the statistical reality that without the framework of a Torah life, we are left without a relationship with Hashem, the Creator who watches over us.  The shma, of course, for thousands of years has always encouraged us to form that relationship with Hashem.  Not only to form a relationship, but to love Him and to emulate Him.

Sure, for a while after letting Torah observance fall by the wayside, we can still remain ethical, but the chain from Sinai will be gone.  Ultimately, we, or our progeny, will no longer be a part of the nation of Israel.  And then, like a patient out of a cancer ward with a horrible prognosis, the doctors tell us that our days are numbered.  The chain from Har Sinai will be broken, chalilah.

Some TaNaCh may be instructive here:

The word of Hashem to Israel in the hand of Malachi:  I loved you, said Hashem, and you said, “How have You loved us?”

“Was not Aisav a brother to Yaakov?” says Hashem. “And I loved Yaakov.  I hated Aisav, and I made his mountains desolate and his heritage into a habitat for the jackals of the desert.  Should Edom say, “We were poor, but we will return and build the ruins”? So said Hashem: They shall build, but I will demolish; and they shall be called the border of wickedness and the people whom Hashem has damned forever.  And your eyes shall see, and you shall say, “Hashem is great – beyond the border of Eretz Yisroel.”

In Sefer Yirmiyahu, the disappearance of Moav, a cousin of Klal Yisroel, is predicted.  Balak, if you remember your Sefer Bamidbar, the king of Moav had hired Bilam to curse Klal Yisroel (Bamidbar 22:5-8). In Sefer Shoftim they continued to attack Klal Yisroel (Shoftim 3:12-14) In short, they had completely rejected Hashem.  Where are they now?  They have disappeared.  They are in the dustbin of history.  But the history of Klal Yisroel endures forever.

The reason for this is because we have the Torah.  Shabbos, the Yomim Tovim, Tefillah, Mitzvos, Chanukah and Purim have sweetened our lives.  Our minhagim connect us to the doros past.  We have chazal who have enacted the derabanan fences.

A religious, Torah observant Klal Yisroel is invincible.

There is something else as well.  Let’s consider that two thousand years ago, Roman civilization dominated the world.  The Romans battled many other nations: The Mithridates, the Parthians, the Sassanians, The Carthaginians, and Klal Yisroel.  Carthage had three major wars with Rome. They lost the last one and Rome destroyed the entire city.

Let’s also consider the Incas and the Aztecs of the Americas.  The Conquistadors of Spain entirely vanquished these civilizations some 500 years ago.  The remnants of these civilizations, have joined the melting pot of what is now Latin America.

It is unimaginable to think that these civilizations, the Carthaginians, the Incas, the Aztecs could survive all of these years exiled from their home city or homeland for all of these centuries.

And, yet, this is precisely what happened to the Jewish people.  Josephus in his Wars of the Jews (7:1:1) writes that Yerushalayim “was so thoroughly razed to the ground by those that demolished her to its foundations, that nothing was left that could ever persuade visitors that it had once been a place of habitation.”  Rome even renamed Yerushalayim “Aelia Capitolina.”

We were exiled and spread throughout the western world.  We remained there for twenty centuries.  Yes, twenty centuries.

But we are back.  We are alive.  It does not matter what the anti-religious college professors say to explain it all – this was a miracle.  This was all predicted in the neviim quoted above.

And let’s not forget, each member of Klal Yisroel is unique and can make, and does make a unique contribution to Klal Yisroel.  You were an awesome and incredible part of Klal Yisroel. Don’t let that die.   You have always had an incredible level of Ahavas Yisroel as well.  You have always used your talents to help promote Torah and its values.  Come back.

Remember also the words of Malachi, “Zichru toras Moshe avdi – Remember the Torah of Moshe Rabbeinu My servant (3:22).”

May Hashem give you the strength to make the correct decision.

Sincerely,

Yair Hoffman

The author can be reached at [email protected]