Just recently, a young woman from Boro Park was taken from us. After living in pain for many years, she unfortunately mistakenly over-medicated and was R”L Niftar.
The following was composed by a close family friend in a powerful and poetic way, from a compilation of texts, emails and conversations Malky herself wrote and said over the years.
It is the hope of the family that by allowing YWN to publish this, it will help bring awareness to the public and help parents and Mosdos identify children struggling in their early ages. By ensuring that proper help can be provided timely, it will help minimize the unbearable pain these children are going through so they don’t feel a need to self-medicate to simply numb their pain, which will be a Zechus for her Neshama מלכה בת אברהם שלום.
‘If only you cared, when I was fragile and scared’
This is a story about me,
Malky, of blessed memory,
I was always pure, with a learning disability,
Scholastic success came with much difficulty,
I had so many talents, unique to me,
Judging only by academics, I was marked a ‘C’.
My pure heart always wanted to share with humanity,
A kind word, a smile, filled with sensitivity,
to make people feel special, and treated with dignity,
That was the the person I wanted to be.
I had struggled many years alone, silently,
Most people didn’t know my challenges constantly,
To keep up with my class, I struggled daily,
Never giving up, I advanced incredibly,
I knew I’m not the best scholastically,
But does that negate my creativity?
Does that mean I’m worthless, without quality?
Should that ruin my dreams for all eternity?
Are academics the most integral part of being a wife?
Is that how most people get through life?
Do good grades help, in times of strife?
These feeling pierced my heart like a knife.
I was still fragile, working to keep the pieces together,
My 8th grade teacher, believed in me forever,
I was determined not to let her down altogether,
And promised to do my best, and even better.
Oh, but my teachers didnt know, I always tried my best,
Even when I didn’t get 100 on every test,
My disabilities separated me from all the rest,
I simply couldn’t fulfill every request,
Failure made me feel I wasn’t good enough, at least not yet,
Little did I know, hashem had limited my skill set,
Effort didn’t count, teachers goals I had not met,
But I did my best, there’s not one shred of regret,
Time for high school, I was hoping to do well,
And break my previously haunting spell,
I tried so hard, but soon my heart fell,
When I was expelled from school, with no good reason to tell,
I was so embarrassed, I’d hide home all day long,
Wearing my school uniform, without feeling that I belong,
Do I deserve this humiliation? Had I done something wrong?
I begged and I pleaded, but the schools rejection was very strong!!
When after three months, one school had pity on me,
from my prison, I was finally set free,
I was determined to prove, I’ll get my degree,
And finally find my place in humanity,
My parents got me all the help I needed to achieve,
In me they always did believe,
After a long day in school, not really grasping,
I sat all evening with tutors to help me with understanding,
It was like going to two schools in one year,
Finally I buckled, it was too much to bear,
the subjects that were so simple for the rest of my grade,
Took me hours to complete, with enormous amount of aid,
Although I was doing well, I still felt dejected,
I stopped caring, and my grades I neglected,
If this is the only way not to be rejected,
This is not the life choice I had elected,
I passed the point of fragile, Now I was broken, beyond repair,
Like the plate of the ‘tena’im’ they break on a chair,
I started feeling and thinking life isn’t fair,
How could it be? Where do I go from here,
Without many details; for years I went on searching,
For a place where I’m appreciated my soul was yearning,
It may be something other than learning,
But at least I’ll have a reason to get up every morning,
I was so scared to try new things, for fear that I’d fail,
My confidence was shattered, belief in myself very frail,
the special talents I had, remained suppressed,
Failure was an area that I didn’t want to invest,
The love my parents gave me was unconditional and true,
How I appreciated their acceptance, I made sure they really knew,
It gave me the determination to want to heal,
And live a productive life, one that is real,
The struggles I went through may seem to you as negligent,
But I assure you, the way it looked, that’s not what it meant,
For when one is in such pain, in a constant descent,
Escaping those feelings, is life’s rent,
The amount of times I fell, and stood up tall,
That’s because my parents, I could always call,
I was young, but not strong enough to walk without a fall,
When I felt my future blocked by a BIG wall!
I had my special connection with Hashem, I knew he was there,
Even when I didn’t understand, my life very unclear,
My parents knew, I felt Hashem near,
That I was a thinker, you may not be aware,
Don’t judge a book by its cover,
We simply need to understand one another,
Show respect and value for who they really are,
Even you! Even you, need recognition to shine your own star,
The story I’m telling is not just my own,
So many children in this pit are thrown,
The dark abyss is what they see as their own,
Shame, degradation and rejection is why they moan,
In honor of my neshama, please make a change,
And stop judging all within range,
Try to feel another persons pain, think what their going through,
Don’t look at the surface, how it looks to you,
We aren’t all gifted with the same talents,
And we don’t all share the same set of parents,
But to hashem we are too precious to miss,
To each of us he gives, a unique life purpose,
Am Yisroel is a nation that should be a unit of one,
Sharing the burden of suffering, second to none,
The willingness to help and support is readily there,
If we only stop for a moment, to observe, to listen and to hear,
In Tragedy We see Am Yisroel, how they get together,
As a team, any storm they will weather,
Realize, these children too aren’t looking to cause us pain,
Understand them as a tragedy, simple and plain,
Don’t criticize their parents as failures, and say it’s their fault,
Their reward for suffering, is locked in a special vault,
Let’s care about each other’s problems, as if it’s our own,
Then the real ‘Ve’ahavta Kamocha’ will be shown,
If only your cared, when I was fragile and scared,
I wouldn’t be broken, these words would be unspoken!!
(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)
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13 Responses
BDE
Condolences to the family,
I just can’t help but say, there are plenty of people who do not do well in school and do very well in life. Lets learn from this not to play the blame game. A persons IQ will never change, but attitude can change.
And if it can’t change by yourself, well our generation is flooded in therapists who can try to help.
Sad! May her neshoma have מנוחה in גן עדן.
Sounds like chinuch banos has gone from being what was supposed to be a good thing, for certain girls, to being the main thing in a Yiddishe girl’s life. Not good.
what a hauntingly beautiful and moving poem, definitely a message that never gets old and always good a chizuk to hear. Sorry for the family’s loss it is obvious from the poem that they didn’t withhold love or care and of course no one is to blame for the choices and actions of another (even a child or sibling). may she be a meilitz yeshara and no one should know from the pain she obviously very acutely experienced
So let’s all give are usual sigh and move on!
This story, among far too many, have been heard in the past few years yet the schools and (stupid/ evil) PARENTS demand higher “academics” for the children. (Competing for the “best name”)….
They copied this derech from the goyim. (we see where it let them. The more academics the more evil.)
Even the Jewish subjects tought in schools today are tought as “subjects” not the way Torah is learned.
So the next time I see people giving their FAKE condolences, I will say; shut up, YOU CAUSED IT!
so sad but sadly how true – that we use all the wrong approaches and judge everyone on the same level – she obviously had so much to offer just in her writing abilities alone – but nebach didn’t get the chance to prove herself. may her wonderful neshama be at it’s final rest and may her words echo to the ears of those to whom she speaks be loud and clear. hamakom yenqchem etchem…………………….
based on my own experience I question if this was written by someone who is a friend of the Girl and is truly representing what she was going through and how she felt or is it just a friend of the parents/family and it doesn’t truly reflect what she was going through. if we are going to try and solve the problem of addiction within our community we first have to be honest with what the problem is and this article makes the claim that the parents were so supportive I don’t buy that !!! it is very rare to find a supportive parent when their child is acting in a way the parents disapprove of especially within the chassidish community. I go to 12 step meeting regularly and for the most part, we all feel that our parents are not supportive and are not willing initially to get us the help we need . are you telling me that when this precious soul started feeling so bad about herself and went OTD her parents supported her I don’t buy that. if we want to honor מלכה בת אברהם שלום lets all look at our selfs and see what we can do to help someone struggling with addiction by encouraging them to get the help they need without any judgment. I can go on with how I have a hard time believing this article truly expresses how she felt.
I was unable to read the entire poem and literally shed tears after the 6th stanza. ALL WHO READ THIS SHOULD STAND UP IN PROTEST TO A SYSTEM WHICH DOES NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE INDIVIDUAL. WE PAY BLOODY MONEY FOR TUITION TO YESHIVOS. FORGET THE DINNERS, AUCTIONS, CAMPAIGNS ETC. DO SOMETHING FOR OUR CHILDREN OR SHUT YOURSELVES DOWN AND MAKE ROOM FOR THOSE WILLING TO TRULY EMPLOY THE MESIRAS NEFESH REQUIRED TO RAISE OUR NATION TO GREAT AND HOLY HEIGHTS.
Such a sad story. Important point; we’re always careful, as we should be, not to blame parents. But we’re often careless, as we shouldn’t be, and blame mosdos hachinuch. Limud zechus goes for both. The parents try their best and the schools try their best. Let’s not play the blame game. For each detail we know, there are hundreds we don’t. Hashem yeracheim.
Inspiring words by an inspiring individual. Lessons need to be learned from this, love and compassion to all, regardless of their strengths and weaknesses. Her parents are true role models.
BDE My condolences to the family – they should not know of any tzar.
My heart goes out for them. They are the most wonderful people!
First thing they blame is the school system…Parents are never at fault…
If she couldn’t keep up with her studies why didn’t they switch schools to her level and ability.
how about parents spoiling their kids & giving them everything, even what they don’t ask for… They think with that they’ll make their child happy, but it’s only a cover-up, they should have gone for help early on and not wait for her to be rebellious..
A whole grade cannot suffer for one child that is problematic, with totally wrong hashkofos. Quite a few kids in her grade were very badly influenced from her.
The school she attended tried everything to help her & they did the RIGHT thing which was done with a lot of thought, hard work & Das Torah.
Hopefully we all learn from this tragedy and try to do everything on our part as parents and work with the school, therapists etc. that such occurrences will hopefully never ever happen again.
It’s time for Moshiach …
As a close family freind and a good friend of malky a”h those of you who are just posting and i quote “her parents supported her I don’t buy that” jow dare u write such a thing without verifying?! The chutzpa!!! Her parents did evrything possible for her they were the most dedicated parents anyone can possiable have!!! They went far and beyond the call of duty for her! Whatever could have possiable made sumthing better for malky was done no matter the amount of money or time was spent! Malky herself always said how much she loved her family and how she knows her parents are always there for her no matter what!!
Im begging you,please dont post whatever u feel like, verify before!!
Malky had the sweetest kindest heart and was a true korban…. may her neshuma finally be at peace!
We love you and miss you malky
I need to agree with the above comment about being disgusted with what some people are saying. Malky constantly talked about how amazing and supportive her parents are. They did everything and I mean EVERYTHING for her. Yes, many times parents are not supportive in a situation like this, however that is NOT true of Malky and her parents. So please leave your negative comments to yourself. To the people claiming she should have just switched schools and magically her problems would’ve been solved…did you not read the poem? Expelled…rejected from every other school…If things could be so “easily” solved as you like to make it out to be in your comment, then my angel wouldn’t be dead. I suggest you start learning more about the problems in the frum community before snap judgements about a beautiful, talented, kind, pure soul.