HaGaon HaRav Shmuel Wosner Shlita, Gavaad Beis Din Zichron Meir announced he plans to sit in on this most unique din torah being handled & heard by the beis din. The rav rarely hears cases due to his pressing schedule, simply lacking the time to adjudicate dinei torah. He has his talmidim hearing the cases but in this case, he wished to be a part of the process.
This story is that of two families belonging to a certain chassidus outside of Eretz Yisrael. A shidduch was made between chosson and kallah, and sadly, a short time later, the chosson was diagnosed with a serious illness. Baruch Hashem it was detected in an early stage and treated aggressively.
The family of the chosson, truly unique individuals with special midos, approached the family of the kallah and explained that while it appears the chosson will be fine they would understand if they family wishes to back out of the shidduch given the reality of the illness which was unknown to all when the deal was made.
The kallah however intervened and stated emphatically that she wishes to marry the young man, realizing his hasmoda and learning, explaining to both sets of parents that illness is decided by HKBH and she cannot know how long anyone has on this earth, but she is aware of the caliber of her chosson and she is unwilling to let him go.
The chosson’s family however feared that the kallah was just being eidle, really not wishing to go through with the shidduch and by all logic, given this opportunity to back out; she should accept and find another chosson. The chosson’s parents feared the kallah is too fine a person to accept the offer to abandon the shidduch and therefore insisted on continuing.
The chosson’s family found itself in a quandary, not knowing what to do. They felt compelled to seek guidance and turned to a prominent Mo”tz in Bnei Brak to direct them. According to Kikar Shabbat, the Mo”tz instructed both sides to present their side to Hagon HaRav Wosner and he would render a decision and regardless of the decision, it would be accepted by all.
Rav Wosner heard the question and stated that despite his demanding schedule he wishes to personally sit in on this case and hear from both sides first hand.
Chosson, Kallah and their parents got on an airplane and headed for Bnei Brak. After hearing both sets of parents, the rav explained that it is clear that the kallah is healthy and well and the chosson was diagnosed with an illness and treated, and this was not the case when the shidduch was made. Therefore the shidduch is void and the parents of the chosson are correct that the kallah may leave the shidduch without any second thoughts.
The kallah stood and asked if she is compelled to leave the shidduch or if she is permitted to do so if she wishes and may therefore not back out. Rav Wosner explained that she is certainly not compelled and may continue as planned if that is her wish. “Yes, I wish to continue” the kallah replied. She then asked Rav Wosner for a bracha that her chosson should have arichas yomim and good health.
When Rav Wosner heard the kallah’s request he burst into tears and the participants waited for a few minutes for the rav to speak. The rav said “A kallah like this is not in need of my bracha. After this act of gevura I don’t have to give her a bracha, rather I wish that she would give me a bracha for arichas yomim and that I may continue being marbitz torah”.
(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)
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20 Responses
you can always retitle this story this story should grow wings and reach all communities and persuasions! chassidishe or collegiate liberal
Certain parts of this don’t make sense to me not being Chassidic but in the end it looks like these are 2 people who have midos and want to share a life together regardless of what Hashem throws at them. So I am glad I read it. Oh I have noticed that my comments are now being posted so thank you MODS (I griped in the comment section about them not being posted its only fair I now say thank you)
And to think there is a shidduch crisis. Robbosai, people are looking for the wrong things in a zivug; that’s why there’s a “crisis”.
May this zivug be oleh yafe, and may the chosson and kallah have arichus yomim v’shanim, beriyus, and zar’a chaya v’kayama.
Unfortunately this story will probably NOT make it in the major news outlets…..
Is this the modern day version of the story of Horav Iser Zalman Meltzer ZT”L???? This is exactly what happened way back then with Rav Iser Zalman’s own Shidduch. Did it really just happen again?
If this is a true story and did in fact happen again then this Choson must be someone very special and will become one of our Gedolay Yisroel
wow! what a story. If everyone had an attitude such as is …of so much ahavas Yisroel, mesirus nefesh… etc. etc… would we ever have a shidduch crisis?
WOW!!!
the ikkar is that the chosson should a רפואה שלימה בקרוב
Its so so nice to read a story like this, Finally somebody looking for the right things in a marriage, not looking for what’s in it for themselves, a problem mostly men have. I think this story should be copied and hung in every shul, to remind us how chushiv women are, and well only a woman could be so giving of herself, its a fact that men tend to be more selfish, and tend to view marriage as what is theirs to take. Who knows, maybe such a story could awaken the good in people, and make the boys out there realise that marriage isn’t only about taking. There are to many girls that can’t find shiduchim due to this modern day boys attitude. And well the school system is also suffering due to this selfishness. So many children are turned away due to this selfishness.
shazam, you are ABSOLUTELY correct.
May Hashem bless this and every couple and every half of a couple with Good Health, Happiness, Peace, and Prosperity FOREVER!!!
Shkoach to Yeshiva World.
The shidduch crisis is an elitism crisis.
Wondering if a a man would do the same if the situation were the reverse?
May this truly special chosson and kallah be zoche to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael ad meah v’esrim.
Please stop using this story to bash men. Wrong priorities are a two-way street and we live in a goish society, permeated by their great “middos” and hashkafas which creates the kind of “disconnect” between people. It is not about the men just wanting to take, there are plenty of women that only think about what they need and have to get also… etc. etc.
This beautiful example described in the article is the way it should be and totally CAN be if we remember who we are! Yidden are all givers… but because we live in a sewer (sorry we do!) or are affected by American/western values in E’Y or wherever we may live… some of us may espouse the materialistic selfish goish attitudes because we are also human and influenced by what we see …and hear.
A wonderful story about two people with remarkable midos and hashkafah. However, why was it necessary for the families to get involved and take this issue to a din torah? Couldn’t the chassan/kalah have sat down together and resolved the matter themselves since it was their lives? Certainly they could have asked a rav for his advice and then decided whether to go forward but it seems like this intensely personal decision is not the kind of matter one takes to a beis din to adjudicate.
Gadolhadorah, you don’t know the ages of the chosson and kallah, nor are you mentioning that this is obviously intensely emotional for all parties, especially the chosson and kallah.
It doesn’t surprise me that the parents want to make sure everyone’s decision is grounded in both halacha and logic.
Both families seem to be extraordinary, and I wish them and all of Klal Yisrael many simchos and orech yamim viShanim tovim.
#12 – I know of just such a case. Rav Yosef Sheinberger, the late executive secretary of the Eida Chareidis refused to back out of a shidduch with a girl who contracted meningitis just before the chassanah. He said he would not embarrass a bas Yisroel. His wife was sick for the rest of their lives, and their oldest daughter did most of the raising of their children. The reward from HaShem was grandchildren such as Rabbi Meshi-Zahav of Zaka.
#12, there are many cases of men doing the same thing.
i’m so sorry to tell you all that the story did not end like that! the illness spread all over his body and they paskent that she is not permitted to marry him! i just heard the end of the story last week!
its really scary how many ppl are sick with this illness! may we only hear simchas from each other
Wonderful story, and such chesed this girl has.
Instead of looking to start pointing fingers at everyone why there is a shidduch crisis- this was NOT the point of the story.
The shidduch crisis has nothing to do with someone’s wants or of the system.
This story illustrates the anivus of the girl who was willing to sacrifice everything for a ben-torah who she saw in him, greatness, to that which she had agreed to marry him in the first place.
There is no crisis when it comes out like this.
Each side is responsible in their own way, and also not responsible for the other.
Back in Europe before the war, you heard stories like these all the time, without the family pressuring the girl to do anything. Even further in our history, look at the pressure Rifka was given to decide on her marriage proposal. If the girl decides NOT to break off a shidduch, who is anyone to tell her not to?
If Naomi would have told Rus NOT to go to Boaz, because he was an old man and probably wouldn’t do you much good- who would have ever known that Dovid HaMelech would have been born? They were married for not even one week, yet, their marriage produced Moshiach ben Dovid.
So, why should the family be encouraging her to break it off, even if they were to be married only a short while?
Hashem has His plans, not us.