There is a growing trend, an official rule if you will among a growing number of yeshivos in Eretz Yisrael. A chosson does not get married in Elul to avoid a disruption in one’s learning at this critical time of year.
According to a Chadrei Chareidim report, a number of Chassanim visited HaGaon HaRav Aaron Yehuda Leib Shteinman Shlita to ask the Gadol HaDor how to act regarding this klal. One explained just how distraught his fiancee is upon hearing she is expected to push off their chasnah. “I explained to her that the chasnah in Elul would simply disrupt my seder limud in yeshiva, but she is unwilling to hear this” the young chosson told Rav Shteinman.
The Rav told the young man that there is nothing wrong with making his chasnah in Elul, adding there are Gedolei Yisrael that arranged it for Elul, realizing the special segula associated with it.
“If a yeshiva has the custom not to hold a chasnah in Elul it is better not to, but if the rosh yeshiva agrees, there is nothing preventing it in Elul”, the Rav is quoted as saying.
In the yeshiva of this particular chosson there is no such minhag so the wedding is pushing ahead in Elul.
(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)
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19 Responses
I love it when Gedolim make sense. There is no reason to be frummer than the gadol. If he says its ok to have a chasuna in Elul why should you be frummer and not.
What they are not questioning though is how long the chosson and kallah have known each other and why they chose an elul date in the first place if they don’t want to interrupt their limud.
By the way, that is a great way to start a marriage..”Honey, you aren’t important. Our life together isn’t that important. Only my learning schedule is.” (Sounds a bit self centered to me, the antithesis of marriage).
the level of krumkeit/frumkeit people are willing to stoop (or elevate, depends how you feel) is unbelievable.
In the days of Reb Chatzkel Levenstein zt”l, there was a choson from Ponovich who got married in Chodesh Elul. Reb Chatzkel did not show up at the hall which was right next to where he lived. They came knocking on his door, to tell him that the choson is zebrochen, and begged the mashgiach to come. After a few times of asking, Reb Chatzkel finally showed up at the hall, screaming Eeelllluuuuulllll! (ELUL!) Everybody lost their appetite.
#3 – what are you trying to tell us? How great Rav Levenstein was; that we should only go to chassenes in Ellul screaming Eeelllluuuuulllll; how easy it is for even someone as great as Rav Levenstein zkvk”l to misdirect himself and cause grief to a chosson on the day of his chassene? Or maybe that at chassenes in Elul no food should be served?
to #3 em0616 – What is the source for your story? It sounds strange that if there was such a story, Rav Shteinman, Shlita, would say that there is no problem to get married in Elul. Also, it sounds quite strange that Reb Chatzkel, ZT”L, would come to a Chasuna davka to make the Chosson and Kallah miserable – exactly the oposite of the Mitzva of being Mesame’ach Choson V’Kallah.
an Israeli Yid
What apikorses from #1 he loves it when gedolim make sense maybe u with signature of torah umada only understand some of the things that torah and only torah say stop spewing kfira we accept daas torah always even when it make sense we do it only bec it’s daas torah
REMEMBER:
Gedolim give answers on a PERSONAL LEVEL.
What may be said to one is NOT NECESSARILY A RULE FOR THE PUBLIC.
Regarding the story of the R’ Levenstein zecher tzadik livrocho, we have no idea what the surrounding conditions were. Maybe the chasan had done something directly against a psak, maybe there was pritzus at the chasana, there could be a million reasons…which we don’t know…and we don’t even have a source for the story!!!
BUT WE DON’T JUDGE GEDOLIM!
READ THE FIRST PASUK IN RUS, VAYEHI BIMEI SHEFOT HASHOFTIM…we were criticized for being a generation who judged its judges. let us not repeat that.
#1:
Your last few sentences are ever so true. This chosson better wise up to the importance of his wife before he chas veshalom finds himself without a kallah.
I think Rus got married in Ellul. That’s why we read her megillah on Shavuous.
If the Chassan was really a person who was into heavy learning, any time would take him away from learning. What difference does it make if it is Ellul or Av? On the other hand if the person is an emesdica lamdan, even during sheva brachas he would be learning…
I am a talmid of Reb Chatzkel and was very close with him and many of his talmidim. the story is definitely, patently false. I do know that when the mirrer RoshYeshiva made a chasuna on rosh Chodesh Ellul, he didn’t attend, but he wouldn’t go and ruin someone’s chasuna
the sazner ruv zt”l said the best hachana for yom hadin is a chasina in elul!!
I didn’t get married in Elul but if I did, I would’ve come.
brisker35 says: we do it only bec it’s daas torah
And that is the downfall of our generation. We do it because it is daas torah not because we have the capability of thinking on our own with guidance (key word) of rabanim. Ultimately, it is our decision to make not theirs.
An additional comment – I remember hearing (sorry, I can not recall the source) that in general, some people are noheg not to get married after the 15th of a month, because as the moon gets larger, it’s a Siman Bracha, while as it gets smaller, it’s the opposite. In Elul, though, people are not Makpid on this, as we want to “chap arain” as many Zchusim as possible before Rosh Hashana.
Reasonable minds can disagree, but there are no grounds to be M’vayesh a Chosson and Kalah at their own Chasuna with a Chumra that is far from universally accepted. This is not Av, when there is a specific Chazal that we are to reduce Simcha.
an Israeli Yid
em0616, I refuse to believe the story about the Heiliger Mirrer mashgiach.
I have heard one of the reasons the Mashgiach left the Mir and became mashgiach in Ponovezh, was because HaRav Chaim Zeev Finkel allowed his son to get married in Elul. I thought if Reb Arye Shlit”a got married in Elul then so could I.
A friend of mine told people he was getting married on Lamed Dalet Av 🙂
I have also heard it said that the problem of getting married in Elul is not for the Choson, it is for his friends who come to the chasuna.
May all couples who get married in this auspicious time be Zoche to long healthy happy lives together.
I personally heard the story from Rav Shlomo Brevda shlita, given on one of his weekly motzei shabbos shiur in Boro Park, so if anybody doubts the story, one may ask him directly.
I clearly remember how Rav Brevda said in yiddish, that the chasana hall was a few steps away from where the Mashgiach zt”l lived, and when the mashgiach came in screaming Elul, the olam zitert, and lost their appetite.
the gemoro discusses a kallah and how she can act on yom kippur if it is within 30 days from her chasuna?!
can anyone explain how yom kippur can be within 30 days of a chasuna if no chasunas in elul?????!!!!!!!
anyway, it may be a virtous act to be totally immersed in torah learning during elul, but only if the price isn;t too heavy, where is the chosons mind, he is probably older than 20 and the gemoro tells us where his mind is!!
2 jews 3 opinions – but they all may be right