VIDEO LINK BELOW: This past Thursday the at the Agudah Convention, the NASI Project made a powerful presentation regarding Age Gap and the current shidduch crisis.
The following is a brief synopsis of the presentation.
A recently conducted census of total number of married alumni from 20 Bais Yaakov High Schools across North America yielded the following staggering numbers.
Of 5,312 graduates from the years 1998-2003 (girls who are now 25(2003) – 29 (1998)), 735 girls or 14% are still single.
YWN VIDEO LINK: Click HERE for the 3 minute video portion of the presentation.
Rabbonim agree, that a single major factor is the fact that there is a larger than pragmatic age gap between the boy and girl dating populations (see the video for a clear explanation how that creates a Shidduch crisis) Clearly, closing THE AGE GAP between the boys and the girls can bring a resolution to this problem.
Among the various suggestions put forth to close the age gap and bring an end to this crises are:
1. Bring Our Boys Home- I.e encouraging boys to return from EY slightly earlier. If the boys who go to EY post Bais Medrash in American yeshivos would stay for a year or 3/4 of a year instead of a year and a half, it would make a big difference because since boys generally start dating upon their return to America, they would be dating earlier ergo automatically being closer in age to the “younger” girl that he would date.
2. Adjusting the BMG “freezer” rule so would be that when Tu B’shvat comes the freezer opens only for boys dating girls 21 and over. The boys who want to date younger girls, would remain in the freezer until Pesach.
Discussions ensued regarding the many advantages to marrying a slightly older girl/a girl closer in age- advantages such as additional financial security and independence.
The response from the session was fantastic. More importantly, the awareness equals more readiness to implementation of the necessary minor structural changes.
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61 Responses
“Discussions ensued regarding the many advantages to marrying a slightly older girl/a girl closer in age- advantages such as additional financial security and independence.”
These are disadvantages. And they certainly are NOT endorsed by the Gedolim as quote “advantages.” A wife’s financial security should be dependent on her husband. Anything else is a recipe for marital disaster. And “independence” for a wife, is a sure ticket for divorce.
1. In every society, boys marry later than girls. This is in part of function of economics, and in part of maturity. An 18 year girl has all the skills needed to be a good mother (at least, other than “on the job training), and is physically and emotionally able to start her career. Most boys aren’t ready, economically or emotionally, to settle down and support a family until much later.
Unless we tell the boys to but back on learning and concentrate on parnassah at 18, or tell the girls to spend five or more years getting academic credentials that most don’t need (and girls who want a profession aren’t part of the problem), it will be normal for the average age at marriage to be substantially higher for boys than girls.
2. If there is a “shidduch crisis”, then there should be a “heder” crisis about five years later, due to a lack of children entering schools, and the need for schools to lay off teachers and reduce capacity. We should also hear about wedding halls going bankrupt due to lack of business.
3. Perhaps there is a problem with some children not understanding the economic realities of supporting a family, and being too “fussy” by expecting a spouse to be able to establish a middle class family, whereas most new couples, in most societies, expect to be quite poor and to have to live frugally, and only start to get comfortable economically over time.
The boys and girls that are dating are feeling the peer pressure to get married when in reality they are not mature enough or understand the commitment involved. Bringing boys home earlier from Israel could only increase this problem. The girls schools likewise by encouraging their girls to date right away back from Israel some as young as 18 are also adding to this problem (look unfortunately how many divorces are happening). I believe thge solution is for everyone to start dating later girls at least 20 years old boys over 24 years old. This will take away some of the stigma of being an older girl and also allow for some maturity to settle in for both the boy and the girl.
Unfortunately, I don’t see how this will help. Keeping boys in the freezer longer only REDUCES the available pool of boys for dating. The boys who want to date younger girls will simply wait a liitle longer to date. Nothing will effectively change!
Also, generally, a 20 year old girl is much more mature and ready for marriage than a 20 year old boy. I’m afraid that having boys who are not mature enough for marriage pushed into marriage might alleviate the shidduch crisis but will create a NEW crisis down the line, increased problems with Sholom Bayis and divorce.
Joseph-
As a married women who is supporting her husband in kollel, I felt compelled to respond to your uneducated comment. Yes, in the kesuba it is written that a husband must support his wife financially. However, a wife, or couple can decide for themselves whether they feel it is worthwhile for them to work out a different system in order to allow the husband to learn, thereby providing the home with a certain atmosphere only those who are in this position can fully appreciate. Please do not place those marriages where the husband is not the breadwinner in the category of “marital disaster”. I have a beautiful, fulfilling, spiritual, deep, and meaningful relationship with my husband that is most definitely enhanced by the fact that we both work hard to build a home built on Torah values.
While I know and have personal experience that many of those 14% of single people are suffering, I would not not call 86% married a crisis by any stretch. I am sure a few percent of the girls dont want to get married for whatever reason (career, etc). So that translates to about 90% success which in my opinion is pretty good.
gr82bagrandma, I don’t think what you’re saying about increased divorces in marriages of younger guys, is totally accurate. In the Chassidic community boys have been getting married young to same age girls for many years now. Percentagewise,there havent been more divorces among those couples.
That is great. This is for future singles. But what is the PLAN for the 735 girls that still have not found their zivug?
Is there a mathematician in the house? If each marriage takes one male and one female out of the pool, the size of the disparity of the pools does not change. The problem is not that boys marry girls who are too young; changing that only delays the obvious. The problem is that too many females were born (or too few males) about twenty years ago. There is very little that can be done today to solve the current problem. To solve the problem in twenty years, arrange for exactly the same number of males as females to be born today.
To make the problem less severe today, the only thing that can be done is to make sure all available males actually get married. That means the males cannot remain single. Either the Roshei Yeshiva need to make sure every eligible bochur gets married now, or else some psychiatrist needs to see to it that these males do not think they will remain young even next year. I cannot think of anything else that will halp the problem at all.
what percentage of boys are still single
all but 14% is a shiduch succsess not crisis~!!!
cr/#5 – Read the following excerpt from Hagoen HaRav Avigdor Miller ZT’L’s Sefer Awake My Glory:
p. 339-340
1095. There cannot be two kings. The marriage-relationship is twofold. 1) The wife is submissive. This is not only Jewish but natural. There can be no harmony when there are two commanders. Without this indispensable condition the home is disordered. “Arrogance is unbecoming to a woman” – Megillah 14B. For a man it is not an ornament, but for a woman it is as if she wore a mustache. 2) The second, but equally essential foundation: a man must always demonstrate respect for his wife. This is “the way of Jewish men that…honor and support their wives in truth” as stated in the Jewish marriage contract. “He honors her more than his own body” – Yevamos 62B, and “A man must always be careful with his wife’s honor”- Bava Metzia 59A. He is the captain, but she is the First Mate whose counsel is respected. She cannot be made a doormat, she need not beg for money, she deserves some assistance in the house chores, and the husband sides with her against his kin. He must express frequent appreciation and give words of encouragement, and he should remember his wife from time to time with gifts, big or little. Husband and wife should always say “Please” and “Thank you” and never forget to be always polite to one another.)
1105. Before marriage it is imperative to ascertain the young woman’s attitude toward feminism and “women’s rights” and careerism. It is out of the question to build a Jewish home, or any home whatsoever, if the prospective wife has been tainted with these anti-natural and anti-social preachings. The woman’s career and happiness are in her home: absolutely and entirely. Her husband, her children and her home are the expressions of her personality and her Free Will, and they are her chief forms of serving G-d. The modern orthodox “Rebbetzin” with a college degree and a job in secular professions is a misfit even in a non-Jewish home. The ideas of revolt against a husband’s authority and the unrealistic dream of equal leadership in the family, lead only to unhappiness and failure, and very frequently to divorce. A Beth Jacob girl should be wed soon after or before graduation. Every day after she leaves the Beth Jacob marks another step away from idealism, for the street and the office and the secular school have an unfailing effect which increases from day to day. It is never a simple matter to achieve harmony in the home; effort and wisdom and fear of G-d are required. But with the additional burden of feminism, all problems become aggravated; and like all the unnatural and anti-social affectations of the libertarians this leads only to failure and unhappiness.
As someone who got married later I think they’re foolish to believe it’s all due to age. Look at what’s going on in our communities! The problem is that we’re too judgmental of others so we’re making our children too picky. As someone who married someone from a different background my only charata is not having been open-minded when I was younger. I’m pretty sure if these 14% would consider guys from YU, chassidish or BT backgrounds that number would be smaller. The yeshivish community thinks too much of itself.
7, the Chassidishe boys don’t have secular studies, they have more learning under their belts and are willing to go to work earlier. There’s a climate that encourages their earlier maturing that’s not in the non-Chassidic world.
A humble suggestion. Why don’t those of us who are married take on one of the 14% (not just of the 735, but across the globe) as the one who we will daven for and help work on their shidduchim. (I only suggest that which I have already done myself).
When HKB”H sees our ahavas chinom, then surely only good can come from it.
#5, cr –
The chachomim that wrote the nussach of the Kessuba knew full well what they were writing; we are not greater than them as to what constitutes a home of ‘Torah Values.’
‘Torah Values’ includes a woman taking care of the children at home while the father works during the day and is koveah itim at night.
Why is all the focus on the boys side like perhaps they should come back from Israel sooner.Let us make a rule that girls should not begin dating until 21 or 22.
15 – It does little good to “work on their shidduchim” unless they truly want to get married now. A call from one of my married brothers’ back when I was single may be instructive.
“Hello, are you married yet?” “No.” “Are you willing to compromise?” “Of course!” “No, you’re not. If you were willing to compromise you’d be married already.”
He was right, and I’ve been happily married for more than two decades. What has to happen is that single males need to be convinced to take the plunge and get married.
#16/The Reader:
If I am reading you correctly, you are also mistaken in your implication. Kollel life definitely is a higer form of Torah values. Sitting and learning all day is the ideal. Chazal often mention that Toroso Umnoso is the ideal, that we do nothing all day but learn. Also, Shulchan Aruch Hilchos Talmud Torah, in the Shach, says that nowadays learning all day is the ideal, and that if someone has the ability to do it, he should.
I agree with # 17. Why make the boys date at a younger age when they are often too immature. Shouldn’t we tell the girls to wait a little, too?! Why is there such a pressure in some circles for girls to start dating at 18?!
Keeping the boys in the freezer and throwing the key away would be the best way to solve this so called crises.
When boys will come back to relaity that girls and their families are their equals not subservient, then maybe they should be thawed and taken out of the freezer.
No more dowry (Nadin). If a boy wants to get married pay the girls parents $100,000. The girls are no less worth than any of the boys. At least the girls send their husband to kolel thinking that they are really learning. You boys, you know what you are actually doing.
The boys simply want the opportunity to have a good time before they get married and see and talk to as many girls as they can. Its called socially accepted girl chasing.
TheReader – how many kids do you have who go to Yeshiva? One salary generally doesn’t cut it in the frum world. And I am not talking about extras – i am talkign about food, clothing, tuition. Unless you want to get into a conversation about people having less children –
The real problem is that everyone thinks blanket statements work for everyone. Perhaps your wife should stay home with your children and perhaps another wife should go out and work. And perhaps both these women discussed it with their rebeiim and perhaps both are doing what they need to do for their families.
23, I hear that it’s good for the girls to have what to fall back on as it’s so difficult to live on one income. But historically, that income’s been the HUSBAND’s, not the wife’s! What hishtadlus are the boys making? Do they have ideas, some sort of plan, even if not etched in stone? (Check out Rabbi Yakov Horowitz’s article, The Plan.)
Reading the comments it’s unbelievable how many people still don’t get it.
#1 The entire presentation was carefully reviewed by R”Y that I’m sure you would consider from the gedolim.
#2 you seem to think that there are not enough weddings taking place. The boys get married, it’s the girls who get left out.
#3 girls dating at 20 and boys at 24 will ensure going forward 10%+ of our girls will never get married.
#4 giving boys a selfish reason to date close in age is THE silver bullet. There is strong reason to believe that given the choice of waiting 3 more months to date a 19 year old or dating a 21 year old girl come tu b’svat -the overwhelming majority of freezer boys will date girls 21+.
In additon no one is advocating that boys date at 20, however if they started dating at 22 insted of at 23 it would make a HUGE difference
#6 Glad to see your opinion is in contradiction to Gedolei Yisroel who feel that 10% of girls not having a chance to get married is totally unacceptable. Being that we can easily alleviate it it is incumbent upon us to do whatever we can.
# 8 Very astute point and Very Painful question not for online discussion. There is a slight trickle up effect. If 26 year old boys marry 25 year old girls then the 27 year old boys will more likely marry 26 year old boys, etc. However this does NOT totally answer the problem.
#9 Apparently you failed math 101. The video was made especially for people like you
#10 In BMG at the beginging of this zeman there were 1244 single boys.
26 of them had been dating 5 years (the equavalient of 24 year old girs)
13 had been dating 6 years (the equivalent of 25 year old girls)
13 had been dating 7 years (the equivalent of 26 year old girls)
In Ner Yisroel there are presently 6 boys over 26
Clearly this isn’t all encompassing, but DO you get the picture??
I’m told The NASI Project is presently in the process of trying to get more extensive hard numbers on the boys, which is difficult because boys HS don’t keep accurate data on the alumni
#11 see what was written to #6
#12 Rav Brog Shlita (Rav Miller Zatza’s son in law)said and allowed to be quoted that it is impossible to know what Rav Miller would say in light of the present situation.
#13 This problem is NOT a yeshvish community problem. It is very very wide spread in the YU etc as well. In fact regarding what you refer to as the BT community the ballos teshuva girls are having a terrible time because the bal teshuva boys are getting plenty of dates with FFB girls.
Joseph-
I find it ironic that you quote R’ Miller as my husband and myself are both well familiar with his works. Let me just respond to some aspects of the excerpt that you so kindly quoted for the reading audience. Being a working wife and mother does not necessarily contradict the natural and Jewish view of a wife’s submissiveness. I am submissive to my husband when it comes to the most important components of raising a Torah true home. We follow a Rav’s psak in all aspects of our lives. I, and the women in my circles who have similar family dynamic to ours, can attest to the unbelievable amount of respect our husbands have for us and for our desire to maintain a home in which every breath we take and every decision we make is an attempt to further our spiritual growth and relationship with our Creator. Why is a women supporting her husband contradictory to a husband respecting his wife, or a woman’s submissiveness to her husband in the areas in which it is necessary?
I have friends whose husbands work, and they are home with the children. Their husbands are home far less than my husband despite his 3 seder a day schedule and small teaching job. He washes dishes, does laundry, changes the baby’s diapers, cooks and cleans. He does it because he respects me and feels that he is willing to do these “unnatural” chores if it means that he can remain in Yeshiva thereby contributing to the beautiful, happy and wholesome atmosphere which pervades our home B’H.
The real reason there is a schidduch crisis has nothing to with the age of dating. The real reason is the girls to day are far more educated than the bochur who’s in the beis medrash shteiging away on a Rashi or a Tosefos. The girls today have gone to collage and many of them have advanced degrees in many field of study that includes master programs and PHD’s. The bochur toady cannot communicate and have an intelligent conversation with any of these girls. Furthermore, with these avanced degrees, their salaries are close to six figures. How could they ever matchup to the yeshiva bochur’s education?? It’s not like it was twenty or thirty years ago when the woman needs to rely upon the husband to support her, they are making good salaries. It’s a fact of life!!
BB1/#25:
What are you hocking in chinik? My comment #1 was about a point the Roshei Yeshiva (and Gedolim) did NOT make.
Additionally, the Roshei Yeshiva and Gedolim did NOT suggest boys come home from Yeshiva in Eretz HaKodesh any earlier than they currently do.
#27 – These overeducated girls are killing themselves with their secular education.
Let them learn how to cook better.
To Joseph: I know the Roshei Yeshiva aren’t advocating the early return…yet. I’m worried that they’ll be worn down by the hockers, or misquoted, or something, and soon it will spread like wildfire.
Part of the problem is rooted in our great success in promoting Torah learning. If maintaining these beautiful, albeit unprecedented, levels of fulltime learners is desirable, we have to make sure they are learning the best way they can. Setting arbitrary cut off dates to their time in E”Y is NOT conducive to their growth, assuming they’re growing. If not, sure, let them come home.
cr/#26 –
Au contraire. You’ve completely misconstrued my comment. I encourage the Kollel life. See my comment # 19 for my views on Kollel.
To # 25
I agree with u on all your points and it seems that many have a problem with math
HOWEVER the one question which is not addressed by you
AND I THINK IT’S A SHOW STOPPER (and many others in chinuch that I have spoken to agree)
BOYS ARE WAY LESS MATURE THAN GIRLS IN OUR COMUNITIES (unlike the Chassidic community where the girls are less mature and on the same level as the boys)
This idea is NOT good because being in the mental health profession I know that we have way too much problems already because of the ‘inequality’ in maturity and this will just exaggerate the situation
I don’t have a better solution but this is NOT the answer
cr can you really respect your husband? it is disastrous if a husband has to depend on a wife to support him. Maybe i am old fashioned,but this is how i grew up. and how my parents taught me. What a crazy world we live in. Are we any better than the tanaim and amoriam in the gemorrah that worked for a living AND learned and the same time?I think your priorities are mexed up. A REAL mentch learnes and works torah im derech eretz. But dont take my word for it read pirkei avos.
Lev tov. well said! couldnt have said it better myself. The (average)boy doesnt come close to today’s girl. Not just in working,in learning too. My daughter’s schedule in H.S. was tenfold of that of a boy’s schedule. She had on average 8 subjects(jewish and secular)and teachers a day. Which boy EVER had it as tough as any bais yaakov girl in school? And I hate to say it,but some girls can put away (in learning) a lot of boys. how many yeshiva boys have a real grip of tenach? just as an example. etc,etc. And as far as real life experience,except in some cases todays girls have nothing in common,nor can they share an intellectual converastion with an unlearned boy. They truly come from different planets. What do todays girls really have in common with yeshiva boys,who never went past 12 grade,and if they did they used over 70% yeshiva credits to get the college diploma? I am not knocking yeshiva boys( i B’H have my own) but in MY opinion the girls are WAY ahead of the boys,and I feel this can cause friction in the future. But what do I know? I am from the old european generation, a Dinosaur.
Lev tova and minkymalka you are completely wrong. These girls need to get off of their high horses. They think they are so much better than the boys because of their advanced secular education. Gemara is a different world in which the girls would drown if would they try to do what the guys are doing, learning 10 hours a day (3 sedarim). SAT’s, college, – all this is meaningless in the face of the truth. (And just to let you know, this is coming from a college educated professional, high school valedictorian etc.. )
Many years ago a group of teachers from NY Bais Yakov seminars visited Moron Harav Shach Zatzal with this specific problem.
They mentioned there were 400 girls above the age of 25 at a recent Melava malka for “elterer meidlach”!?.
His response was very clear – that at that age they should not look for a Ben Toirah who is in KOLEL.If he is Koiveah ITIM LeToirah and a Yiras Shomaim.That is LeChatchila.
Teachers were very very unhappy with his advice.Their repy “We are “MECHANEH” for Koilel”.
He replied:YOU have to be “MECHANECH” for Koilel but at a certain age she has to understand the importance of getting married.
They left the Rosh Yeshiva Zatzal very unhappy.
I would like to know if any of your readers were present at that meeting (I WAS)?.
Why do USA bochurim go to EY to learn?!.
Have we not got Talmidei Chachomim in USA paralel to EY?!
As of the Israeli “experience”!?.
In one month evrythig can be can be arranged Yerusholaim,Bne Berak,Meron,Amuka,Gedolim Demonstrations,Falafel,Hashkofo,Chutzpa.
Isareli Rabbonim visit in USA anyway to be able to hear “shmoozen” i.e Rabbis: Segal,Mishkowsky Mann,Bergman,Kanyevsky[young].
If bochurim wont travel to EY they would get engaged earlier healthier learn better etc.
signed
USA bochurim in EY
#28 Joseph/ #30 Tzippi- How many R”y have you spoken to, because NASI has spoken to many of them and even irregardless of shidduchim they readily acknowledge many reasons from learning to frumkeit why boys would be far better shortening/skipping the year and a half in Israel. Change takes time but it WILL happen.
#32 Some are some aren’t. In the past 2 years there have been hundreds and hundreds of close in age shidduchim. No one is advocating that boys should marry girls who are not appropriate for them. The reality is that there are plenty of 23 yr olds who would do more than fine with 22 yr olds. As a self proclaimed professional Would you have strong data suggesting that Absolutley NO 23 year old should marry a 22 year old?? Or do you have data that the close in age shidduchim from the past 2 years are not good marriages? to the contrary the feedback NASI has received has been unbelievaly positive.
Show stopper?? I Guess it’s a shame the 800 close in age shidduchim form the past 2 years missed your show stopper.
Just to add a comment what wasn’t said earlier. The YWN editor is concerned about the the girls who are between the ages 25 – 29. What about the girls who are post that age. Have we given up hope on someone who is above 29? Do you you have any idea of the amount of girls who are in their early to middle thirties who are looking for shidduchim? Where are the stats on that? Look around in your shuls and in your family / simcha gatherings and see what you’ll find.
Editors Comment: Where did you get information in the above story about any concern that YWN has?
All of these suggestions have merit on one level or another. I believe the only way they can come to fruition is if we sincerely take on singles to daven for like they are our own children/siblings. The ahavas chinom must accompany the statistics, and that has to show through our tefillah and actions.
Re 38 (BB1, nice name): Please name names of gedolim who are advocating arbitrary cut off dates for returning from E”Y. Naming names would be a good practice any time you quote something b’shem the numerous gedolim you spoke to.
And I should have said something earlier: quality, undisturbed learning, including productive time in E”Y is also good for boys who plan on working earlier rather than later. We need educated baalei batim, and good working boys.
#23 – OnlyGoodNew-
My point had nothing to do with the wife working – if, as you correctly stated, is necessary for a 2nd income.
My point was that she should not be the ONLY one working. If one income is enough, the mother being home with the children is a huge help for maintaining ‘Torah Values.’
#19 – Joseph-
I am not arguing that learning full time is an ideal. But this ideal is not for most. Hamaivin Yovin.
#33 -minkymalka
well said… my point exactly.
TheReader / #42:
It was never for “the best” learners but rather for anyone who wanted the honor of learning in Kollel — as the Rambam describes those who WANT to join Shevet Levi. He does not condition their membership in the Kollel community as having to be the best, but rather having the desire.
#44 – Joseph-
Correct. And the Rambam himself, as many other gedolim had a job. They weren’t supported by their wives.
BB1/38 – Agreed with tzippi. Name names. Which Godol or Gedolim advocate taking the boys out of Yeshiva in E. Yisroel any earlier than current practice?
TheReader / #45:
The Rambam writes that a “working person” is someone who learns 8 hours a day and works 3. Not works 9am to 5pm. That is the definition of a “Baal Habayis” (not a full time learner.) “Kach hi darkah shel torah – pas b’melach tochal etc.” — Bread salt and water – if you have that, you have parnasah. This is what a “working person” is. Three hours a day. 8 hours learning.
The Shach writes that nowadays, if the only way you will be able to learn is to live of the public, then it would be an aveirah NOT to do so.
Learning in Kollel is 100% a legitimate parnasa. If I become a baseball player and I have people pay to watch me play ball, thats OK, but if I become a scholar and have people pay me to learn – that’s not?? If I got a job in a think-tank thinking of stuff all day, that’s wonderful – but if I get a job in Kollel thinking of Chidushei Torah that’s not?? Why should learning be any less? B’H today we have people who specifically want to support Kollelim, similar to Yissachar-Zevulun. If I were hired by these people to dance for them, I would be considered having a job. And it is no worse if they hire more to learn and provide them with Olam Habah instead of entertainment.
Re 47: WADR, and I don’t have access to the Shach at the moment, but was he writing for 5770 or a few generations ago? Can one legitimately make a kal vechomer from what he said? Please clarify.
And as far as the Rambam: apparently in his time one could make an adequate parnasa from a 3 hour work day (and such jobs were available). Now, clearly the numbers are switched as far as the amount of time working and learning.
I think since all of the posters here are so articulate with their words, and are passionate about how they view learning, and working, and avodas Hashem, we can all take these abilities and channel them to davening more articulately and more passionately on behalf of the singles that need our tefillos. This is what is really going to help them.
#47 – Joseph:
Not sure what your point is. Did you see me mention anything against Yissachar-Zevulun? Kol Hakovod for that.
I said ‘They weren’t supported by their wives’.
to #37 GRANDSLAM it’s the worst kept secret. In the next couple of months your points will be brought out in the open.
Joseph/Tzippi Why don’t you contact NASI and they will give you the names of the R”Y. THIS is not the appropriate forum.
Re my post 48: should have read centuries.
So BB1, I’m supposed to ask NASI for up to 60 (the amount of names on the kol koreih) then send out a form letter: “There’s this fellow, or there are these fellows, on the internet, named BB1, AZ, AG and others who say xyz in your name (or maybe someone else’s name). Is this true? Thanks for your time.”
You can ask. Call/email NASI and I’m sure they will help you. The names on the letter are out in the open, feel free to read it.
The only claim in the name of the 70 R”Y is exactly what they said – that age gap is the primary cause of the crisis and that boys and shadchanim should give preferance to girls who are 20+
The other ideas being encouraged by NASI have not been discussed with 70 R”Y, it doesn’t work that way. The R”Y advising NASI don’t feel a need to have all their suggestions okayed by 70 R”Y before attempting to implement. If you are not comfortable with that, to bad.
tzippi/48: The Shach is applying it to today. Yes, today. So is the Rambam. “Kach hi darkah shel torah – pas b’melach tochal etc.” — Bread salt and water – if you have that, you have parnasah. Even if no Cadillac (or Saturn for that matter.)
BB1/58: If I email NASI, will they tell me the NAMES of who supports taking the boys out of E. Yisroel earlier than currently practiced?
joseph #54: I’m told that they will.
BB1/#55: I just sent them an email. I can report back whether they respond or lack thereof. I’ll assume they don’t want the actual response published, so I’ll just advise if they responded with a NAME (or names) of R”Y or NOT. (Yea or Nea.)
The video has nice and dramatic music by the way.
yasher koach to whoever put it together , and happy listening
Abe
So the rabbanim advising NASI are not necessarily a subset of those on the kol koreih?
And these suggestions are coming from whoever the advisory rabbis are, and/or with their haskama?
#57 The Rabbonim who advise are of course from the 70 R”Y signed on.
WHAT THEY’RE NOT SHOWING IN THE VIDEO IS HOW MANY GUYS 24-29 ARE STILL SINGLE!!!!!!!!
WHAT PROPAGANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe my math skills are deficient, but it just does not ring true that dating ages are the reason for the shidduch crisis. Boys have always dated girls that are a good few years younger than they are and we never had such national hand-wringing about any “shidduch crisis”.
It seems that the real problem is the current American culture. There are two major cultural problems:
1. A culture that insists on ridiculous external factors that have nothing to do with middot or character and both children and parents with very unrealistic expectations.
2. The fact, and here is the real, unvarnished truth, that there are many, many more girls who stay frum than boys who stay frum enough long enough to get married. Any boy who wishes to leave yeshiva in order to learn a profession is automatically out of the running. Any boy who dresses a bit “off” is out of the running. Any boy who is no longer yeshivish is *Certainly* out of the running. Therefore, we don’t have just the normal number of boys:girls, we have many, many more “good” girls than we do “good” boys.
When our society makes it a bit easier for a boy to stay a “good boy” and fixes the deficiencies that lead to the unfortunately huge “off the derech” population, we will have drastically minimized the so-called “shidduch crisis”.