PHOTO LINK BELOW: This past Sunday, together with the Rosh HaYeshiva, HaRav Malkiel Kotler, Shlita, the venerable Mashgiach, HaRav Matisyahu Soloman, Shlita and HaRav Dovid Weinberger, Shlita, Rav, Cong Shaaray Tefila, Lawrence, NY, Shadchanim and Baalei Batim alike gathered in Lakewood, to celebrate the launch of its first ShidduchVision studio.
ShidduchVision, under the Haskamah of G’dolei HaDor and prominent Rabanim, consists of live interactive video conferencing which enables eligible single men and women who live in distant cities to “meet” one another. Such singles now have the opportunity to get to know each other in the comfort of a ShidduchVision studio, located in a private home in their own city. Sitting in front of commercial grade, high quality and highly secure professional video-conferencing equipment, in a personal and private studio setting, they can have a pleasant meeting, much as they would in person. Up to three such low-cost meetings can be arranged before the couple decides whether travel and meeting in person constitute the right next move.
With studios currently operating in Baltimore and Chicago and with another opening soon in Toronto, Lakewood joins in the effort to further ease the Shidduch situation by alleviating the financial and emotional strain of long-distance dating. In many cases, the expensive and timeconsuming travel discourages people from undertaking to meet a proposed match who lives in another city. Others who do make such efforts become frustrated when the trip proves unsuccessful – which only further increases the likelihood that future suggestions involving travel will be shunned. By providing a low-cost, hassle-free means of introducing singles who live apart, ShidduchVision helps to remove one of the major barriers to successful Shidduchim.
ShidduchVision Lakewood is now open and ready to serve Lakewood singles in facilitating their initial long-distance dates. Shadchanim will continue to suggest Shidduchim in their traditional way, and will be responsible for placing reservations in the studios for their singles. All ShidduchVision studios are also available for Shadchanim to meet singles from anywhere in the world, wherever other such studios are located.
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46 Responses
This technology could prove very significant in the long run in making it possible for frum Jews to live in smaller communities (i.e. outside of the largest metropolitan areas, all of which are too expensive, too crowded and too politically correct). It could also be used for shiurim, and even for schools.
This technology has been around for a while. Its called a webcam and you can buy a good one for few hundred bucks at any good computer store.
Its a cool buisness idea though.
does it work in the Freezer too?
#2 – Who said anything about “tzni’us”? It’s just to save lots of time and money. Read the article a little more carefully before using it as an excuse to bash Frumkeit…
Why is it any different then using skype currently with a web cam ? whats the major “breakthrough”?
Great.
Now people who are really only interested in what she looks like can flip through prospects one two three.
And when the marriage flops because they were so superficial, just start all over again.
Don’t tell me you can understand a woman’s heart over a webcam either. You can’t even do it very well in person.
Agreed, Avreich Man.
Anonymous & tina18:
What are you talking about? The Internet is treif!
What is so hard to figure out?
Was created for a specific clientele.
There are those living far out, can now go to a local location & talk for as long as they need to, & than decide if they want to continue.
As a long-time dater – too long 🙁 – & living in the metro area, the regular dating process is quite cumbersome. It’s time for some refreshing ideas. For those that are critical, what ideas do you have?
yes exactly. this is not a new concept just used in a new way. (interesting that a few yrs ago we would’ve heard “it’s assur… who knows what this can lead to…)
So hope this works with hatzlacha!
Give me a break,
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your sarcasm, but how can you say that being extremely cautious about the extreme dangers of the internet ‘fanaticism’? (and the standard defense “if you’re so frum why are YOU on the internet”…is getting old)
yehudipashut:
The “fanaticism” referred to was that referenced in post #2.
About the Internet, I was explaining the difference between this and Skype+webcam to #s 3&6.
The Internet may be dangerous – but so is chemotherapy for a cancer patient. The Internet is sometimes a necessary evil.
This project has the Haskoma of the leading Rabbonim. It may be unique, but it is being done with Hadrocha of Gedolim. Therefore, those who are quick to comment with ridicule – should think before doing so.
to all you bashers! get alife
chazal assered to marry someone unless you first see them! that being said, many shiduchim never get off the ground because of distance = travel expense$
so this system allows them to meet once b4 making the traditional date .
may we hear many simchas
HEY, GIVE RABBI GIVE ME A BREAK, just wanted to let you know that i know a couple who was married for 18 years whose husband kept many secrets from her for over 18 years, SO FOREGET ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE TRUE VIDEO EVEN WHEN YOUR MARRIED SO LONG NOT ALWAYS CAN YOU GET TO KNOW SOMEONE
I guess this is the best way to date two girls in one night and still get back in time for night seder. Like president Obama said “it’s a pig with lipstick”. It won’t be long before this system is deemed trayif. So does the Shadchin log in after the date and tell the other person they aren’t interested, or is it like Craig’s list and you just look for another?
What’s next yeshivah interviews? or maybe you want to meet the girl before you make a ticket back from Israel? I can’t wait for the guy who shows up for the date in his boxers!!!
HOW MUCH OF THE SHADCHUNUS IS BMG GETTING?
#19: What did you say? Are you assenting or dissenting?
The next technological development will be the delivery of gittin by email. All you wannabe poskim out there really should weigh in on this one.
This is too funny: can you imagine the boy logs in…… and staring him in the face is her parents and the mother keeps yelling “Is this thing on? Do I look fat? Oy my makeup looks terrible on the internets!” I’m just laughing when I think about how many girls have said no in the past to the stupid first phonecall. Atleast if she’s ugly you can pull the power cord from the wall!!!
# 24 never going to happen- look at the first few hallacahs in Mesechtos Gittin. Has to be written in Diyoy, and Eidim have to say they saw it written a delivered TO her. Sorry I say it’s a NO.
i don’t usually post but wanted to share a point that my father made; a good bachur knows the act of not looking the girl in the eye on date. Now with this cam thing, he has no choice!!! also, on a lighter note, if the girl starts yacking the guy can just put her on mute! 🙂
locknload,delivery of gittin by E-MAIL is already out for a while, i am currently subscribed to a daily halacha shuir by E-mail
to #27 Anonymous, i dont know if YWN will post this or not, but this is a free country your about the 10,000th person to tell me NOT TO WRITE IN CAPS
My comment about gittin by email was rhetorical. I knew the answer. I also know that kiddushin can be effected via FedEx or UPS. I’ve never learned that a shliach l’kiddushin couldn’t be a corporate entity. So if dating can be done long distance, the consummation of the process can also be done long distance. Isn’t technology wonderful? The chiyuvim in the kesuba, though, would be problematic to fulfill if, say, the husband finds himself serving a lengthy prison sentence a long distance from home.
waiting for moshiach: Should we take up a collection to purchase for you a keyboard without a caps lock key?
guess what- i actually went to the website and its not a lack of tznius- its a home in every community of a respectable family and the wife will be moderating it, so that it will all be done with daas torah and…she will call the other party involved first and when both computers( or whatever they are) are on both the boy & girl will walk into the sound proof room….and it made it seem like that its not over the internet -they are using very advanced technology….and the woman whose house its in will make sure that the girl is who she says she is and that shes alone
There is a very good point to videoconference dating (besides all the jokes about hitting mute, saving money on the cokes, and holding two simultaneous dates with screens pointed away from each other).
Talking over the telephone has long been utilized as a part of dating. But telephone conversations are more limited because you can’t see the facial expressions and other visual cues that you do when you meet someone in person. Most of the information is processed at a subconscious level, so unless you think about it a little the benefits are not obvious.
This has nothing to do with evaluating the attractiveness of your date. That could be done with a picture.
Instead of fixing the dating problem its getting worse.
Rabbis need to teach people whats important in a shidduch instead of giving everyone more of an opportunity to look for “other fish in the sea”.
The question came up about Skype or webcam, and he answeres it on the video, basically : haskomos!
So, take an idea, cloak it in tzidkus and go asking for money because of it.
I love what we have become
Abe
To all the nay sayers and people who agree – it doesnt really matter.
Because guess what? as someone going through the shadow of the valley of shidduchim – I cant think of a single person who would actually do this.
Bad enough lounges! Geez can you imagine sitting on a couch by yourself staring at a screen?!
Sacrilege: Chazal say, “Al tidchok es ha’shah” — Don’t press something whose time has not yet come. If you learn, learn harder and longer. Satan hates to see Yidden learning Torah. He’ll bring the distraction of marriage (there, I said it–it’s a distraction!) to pull you away from learning.
#22 you really sound like a bitter person,all you have to say is bash BMG. What happened to you,you were not excepted there?
to all the other bashers out there,anything good in life usually can be used in a wrong way if you want. This is a great idea for all the out of towners that can’t get a date
As a present SYAS Shadchan observing its effectiveness among the Mod Orth crowd, but having very few options for the Yesh Black Hat crowd, I say Kal Hakavod. May this lead to other novel approaches to easing the hardship of finding Shidduchim among the Yesh. Oilem.
I haven’t had a good laugh in a long time. Thanks for the latest. To the few of the bloggers who took this seriously- if the frum yeshivish community is so against technology (eg. internet)-how come this is Ok? Your excuse that this helps out-of-towners doesn’t hold water because if the girl or the boy truly aren’t travelling due to money -let them start an org. that collects $ for people to travel to see each other. There really is no need for this, except to provide a parnossah to the involved administrators.
Wow I don’t think any article ever got so many commentators cooking
This must be one of the funniest ideas I’v ever heard in my life!! you may be saving money with this, but boy is this gona complicate shidduch system!! all jokes aside, the jokes actually have some truth in them! weird strange things can happen on such “dates” and I can’t see how a sincere connection can be created over a screen! the conversation isn’t the same and besides….you can learn alot by the way a boy drives a girl, and acts in a lounge, way he treats waiters, if he tips ect…you can’t do or see that over a screen!! but thanks for the laughs!
This is better than the old system where an out of town boy would line up 4 or 5 dates with different girls before coming to New York for the weekend.
Isn’t it the same idea as the Chassidishe way of doing shidduchim? Not a new idea.
Why have I not read ONE intelligent comment here (except perhaps #33 Anonymous). None of you seem to understand WHY they are doing this.
In case you don’t know, girls from out-of-town are having a much harder time in Shidduchim, because boys are VERY hesitant to fly out-of-town to meet a girl, since they have so much ‘selection’ locally. So this basically means that the girls have to fly in to NY for every boy they date (which can get VERY expensive), or else they have to move out of their parents home and live in NY.
So this idea seeks to ease this problem. Boys will be less hesitant to date an out-of-town girl, since they will be allowed to have a first (and maybe second) ‘date’ to see if there is anything to talk about. As far as I know, these meetings are held in private homes, and the host first checks ID to make sure that the person is really who they say they are. Also, meetings are limited to 1 hour only. This is not by any means intended to replace real face-to-face interaction, it is only an honest effort to help aid a large portion of our singles have access to more potential matches.
A side point, which is also valid and beneficial- very often, when a bachur from Lakewood has to date a girl in Brooklyn, he had to rent a car, drive up there, take the girl on a few hour date, and then drive back home. He has to “batul” an entire night. Using this system, he can spend one hour to see if the shidduch has potential, before proceeding further.
And for those of you who joke about how it eliminates the cost of drinks, there is a small fee for the ShidduchVision, which is comparable to that of drinks in a hotel lobby. So its not so that the guys can be cheap on the girls.
Please try to see the good in this, because only through our support and enthusiasm can such a system work. This is a sincere, positive idea which can be”h help change the horrible singles situation which we all know about.
TO #44
There were two fairly recent posts that far exceeded the comments on this post, namely the Dwek scandal, and the jury’s verdict in the Rubashkin trial.
whatever happenned to the idea that was being floated around that instead of the Lakewood boys driving into Ny for a date, girls would drive out to Lakewood and meet over there. this way the guys wouldn’t have to rent cars and waste time driving. I guess too many fathers weren’t interested in making the drive.
this is a good idea for out of towners but to allow Lakewooders who are too lazy to set up a date with a local girl is starting a dangerous precedent
I’m not a usual contributer on these types of issues, but this one has really made me uncomfortable. Given: The “Shidduch Situation” needs our help. It is devastating when good people remain single. However, doesn’t anyone realize that this method would only be a mediocre choice for a specific personality type. The type who could be themselves in front of a screen and portray honesty at perhaps one of the most important moments of their life? With the unhappy marriages and divorce rate among our young frum couples, why add another confusion to the equation. Men and women need to meet face to face and communicate. I can just imagine the young girls stressing over looking like a size zero over the video and we could even predict professional makeovers. Those desperate people with money could even invest in acting lessons. This is so dissapointing to me.
#41 – you are sooooo right. That would be a disaster. Nebach on the poor guy and girl that this will happen to.
#50, while i am not disregarding the shidduch crisis or the financial costs involved in going on a date, especially an out of towner, I am however very reluctant about this method!
as others have mentioned: divorce rate and disfunctional marriages are also high in the frum circles because there is an issue with the concept of communication!! a screen ads a further complication! i can’t imagine one person who would be comfortalbe and relaxed through a timed video session! pp will make themselves look differently on screen in desperate measures to “win” a real date! its like instead of taking a step ahead in shidduch process, its taking a step back because if this doesn’t count like a real date, then now girls and boys have to go through this “predating sessions”! a boy who invests in getting dressed, renting/borrowing car, taking girl out, will give the date more chance and consideration because when you invest in something you take it more seriously! a boy(or a girl) who will go eat supper, run to his room and put on a clean shirt and smile at a screen for an hr will not feel the same obligation to be really consider it as same degree as real life date! cutting costs at the expense of creating a less of an ideal dating session, IS NOT the solution at all!!
#53 – no one is getting engaged after video meetings- only one or two is allowed before the couple meets in person. And a person who can pull off such a good act in person, would be able to do so regardless if their first “date” was on screen.
Obviously the girls will want to dress up for the video date, but don’t they already do that for real dates anyways? In fact this is better, in a sense, because the guy can’t study every angle as well, and probably the screen is focused more on face than on body….
#56 – if the boy will never agree to date this girl otherwise, then this “predating session” is definitely helpful! B”H I am happily married, but I was said no to by MANY guys who didn’t want to date out-of-town girls until they exhausted the local supply (which is pretty impossible). On the other hand, if such a guy were to be offered a chance to meet me on screen, to see if there’s something to talk about…
Many people are hesitant to fly for a date, because what if you get there and the person stutters and it makes you nuts, or you find them completely unattractive, or they have some really annoying habit, or, or, or, or…
At least this can help you rule out some of those questions, and you can move on to a real date, at least knowing that you find the other person appealing, and that there is potential….