According to Noach Corman, who founded the Bas HaMelech organization, there is an alarming increase in “abuse” against frum women, especially on the shabbos table. Corman’s activities is the subject of a Chareidim report, in which he explains that at times, the psychological abuse is far worse than any physical abuse, citing a husband who simply ignores his wife and does not give her kiddush wine, or other similar acts at the shabbos table which are extremely demeaning.
Corman states that demeaning or defamatory language is far more commonplace than physical abuse, and demeaning a wife in front of family and guests at a shabbos table is a very alarming trend.
The organization was launched about a decade ago, and Corman explains that since then, women have stepped forward, some requiring the protection of his ‘miklat’ shelter, usually with women arriving with children, sometimes with as many as 10 children ranging in age, all under 18.
In statements made to Ynet, Corman painfully announces that the problems which plague the secular household are not always absent from chareidi homes, including this particular one, but in the case of the chareidi home, the woman realizes she may not speak of this publically, making it increasingly difficult to break the cycle, but added “today, they are not alone”.
The problems are many he details, citing an example of a women with 5 small children whose husband does not pay child support and because of her situation at home, she is unable to join the workforce, compelled to live in poverty. He is proud of the progress towards helping these women but adds that “there is still long road ahead”.
(Yechiel Spira – YWN Israel)
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28 Responses
And who equally assists victims of psychological abuse of Chareidi Men by their wives?
And what does child support have to do with psychological abuse? Did this divorced woman get a ruling from Beis Din she is so entitled to that support? Otherwise not only isn’t she entitled to it, she is stomping on the Torah by using a secular court and will give din v’cheshbin for that achar meah v’esrim.
Who is Noach Corman the great authority on social ills?
By the way who in the world is Chareidim whose report is quoted
Ynet reporting against chareidim have absolutely no credibility. Anything reported on this secular website against chareidim should be taken with a grain of salt.
Who else stands behind Bas Hamelech besides
the “RENOWN” Noach Corman ?????
What stops me from calling myself Ben Hamelach or
maybe even hamelch & issuing reports & statistics
Commenter #1: I feel bad for your wife.
Giving an interview to ynet pretty much means that this organization is anti chareidi.
Exactly who says “the woman may not speak of this publically…”? It sounds as if the writer of this article is saying that this is so, but I don’t think this is a given at all. If a husband has no hesitation to shame his wife publically, why can’t she speak of it? Of course, I’m not saying she should yell it from the curbside, but she certainly can go find an appropriate person to talk it over with. No? I hope the loshon used in this article is just imprecise, cause otherwise, this loshon is part of the problem, not part of the solution.
#1,you have a good point,but the difference is usually a man with a verbally abusev wife can get out of the situation allot easier than a woman. He’s not scared of her etc he doesn’t have to worry how he will support his family etc.hashem yishmar
Hmmm. Not giving her Shabbos wine. Oh boy. How demeaning.
Absurd to claim this is a ‘trend.’ I have heard of husbands being rude to their wives, I have heard of wives being rude to their husbands. That’s not a ‘trend,’ that’s just individuals doing wrong.
The fake claim that there is an “alarming increase” in this “abuse” is pure charedi bashing. The only alarming increase is in the number of people who love pointing the finger of blame at Hashem’s finest people on the planet.
#9 you missed the point,no one says she can’t speak up,the problem is a psychological abused woman is scared to speak up.
Even if you choose to ignore Corman, some of the comments here are frightening enough to confirm the problem
#3 charedim is a a web site for charedim YWN takes a lot of reports from them and filters them (let’s see if that gets posted!?) It is calleed chedrim chardim
YNET is known dirt in the realo Jewish world
As a Torah Life Coach who works with a team of coaches, we know that it goes both ways. There is no excuse for abuse. By the way, any one who wishes to excuse the abuser by stating such foolish things as were stated above does not understand what it means to be a Torah Jew, nor do they understand the basic principles of what it takes to build a Jewish home and make a proper Jewish marriage. Abuse is Never acceptable, no matter what. There are no circumstances under which one can or may excuse abuse when trying to live a Torah life. When one hears any one excusing abuse, one must tell them to find a Good Rav who does not approve of abuse, and start learning Musar, while taking the time to do a serious chesbon nefesh.
#2 Anon: Where do you see any assumptions. My comment was qualified. A man’s obligations are what Beis Din orders, not some secular court. Why your swiftness to condemn a man? It is disturbing.
#1, that’s a lotta assumptions. You assume the divorced woman did not get a ruling from Bais Din, you offer fire and brimstone (stomping, din v’cheshbon) on that assumption. Wow. I’m glad it’s not a pastry mavin on the case…
What is wrong with you people?!???!!!
Is there a problem, is there not, has it increased or reduced in size???!!!! Stupidity…. There is a problem and B”H there are safe homes available for abused women to go to. There is a home ‘packed to the gill’ on the property of Darchei Torah, which helps, supports and given a safe haven for women who have no where to turn. There are homes in other communities & neighborhoods.
Women usually are not going to yell from their rooftops about their spousal issues & problems. That’s the way it is… I hope you guys who don’t understand the thing of not giving wife wine, it is meant to be demeaning. How about when the wife brings out a hearty cholent and gives portions to the entire table except the hubby… a slap in the face or belly maybe???
Thank you Corman for a job well done. Whether you have one Rav supporting you, or a minyan of them or even none at all,,you are performing a duty of pekuach nefesh.
I don’t see any logic to report and publicize such private family issues to the world, will that help alleviate the victims? if it is true or not, maybe there is a small minority with mental problems they certainly need help. But to publicize one might get the impression that all or half of the chareidys are abusive. I am surprised at YWN they usualy don’t report such kind of “sensational stuff” that is more for the unrefined news reporters.
Anonymous: Secular culture assumes the woman is always right, and if the woman is wrong see rule #1. Torah culture does not.
The so-called child support ordered by secular court, asside from being kneged halacha, is far more than is required al pi halacha. That is why only a Beis Din is qualified to make these determinations. Use of secular court will result in din v’cheshbon.
Pastry Maven,
I’ve heard from quite Chashuv Rabbanim that it is much more the norm for spousal abuse to be male abuses female, and not the other way around. That “Torah culture” is more meaningful to me than an anonymous Mezonos blogger.
Anonymous, Its just great to see how you respond in #25, how meaningless an “anonymous blogger” is. That is a great point and your comments here are exactly that, meaningless.
I am very grateful to my husband for the type of marriage that we Boruch Hashem have. But, I can tell of you based on the personal attacks, insults, and demeaning remarks I have suffered from people who are supposedly yeshivaleit, which I am now questioning, I feel very, very sorry for their wives.
The bais din does not have the power to check how much a divorced man is earning, & besides, as soon as a man senses he will get divorced he starts working off the books (or has always been…)so that he’ll be able to say that he can’t afford to pay proper child support. The bais din cannot force the man to pay too much if he doesn’t have, (or rather pretends not to have…)they don’t have the power or authority to do a background check either, to check how much he is REALLY earning. Thatswhy a lot of woman are forced to go to secular court for child support, so they can get the bear child support they deserve from their ex’s, for food & shelter for their kids. Some ex’s will even quit their good jobs so as their former wife should dear not get even the minimum of child support, for his own children even…I know woman who work sun- Fri, full days, & barely have enough to pay rent! & forget about utilities, food, & clothes…single woman alone working to support themselves, is nearly impossible, without any financial help from anyone… There isn’t yet an org yet to help finance a divorced woman, althouh there is already a wonderful org (“sister to sister”) that offers other sources of support, like get togethers, once a year shabbos retreats, chanukah projects, trips, etc… but even these shabbatons costs money for these single women, although at a reduced rate, as this org doesn’t have enough funding to help finance it… As it is not yet such a popular org, cuz its hard to advertise it, & most people don’t know the importance of this org, they lack enough funding to help these women. They are in desperate need of donaters. If anyone would like to give tzedakah for this important org as a zchus for themselves or anyone please contact sister to sister (the 732 number has been deleted by the moderator). & Tizku l’mitzvos! I hope that atleast from this comment, something good will come out of it, & many poor divorced woman will be helped. P.S. Most divorced woman are below the poverty level, even with child support that was calculated by secular court… & most of the headache to support the family ends up being the womans burden, coupled with raising her kids basically alone on a daily basis, with no husband for emotional support…
anonymous,
ywn said this was about kiddish wine
citing a husband who simply ignores his wife and does not give her kiddush wine, or other similar acts at the shabbos table which are extremely demeaning
Sorry that the words of Rabbanim are meaningless to you, Sam. I’m not surprised, though.
I’m just happy none of you are my husband- the attitudes on this website scares me.
#32 – I’m with you.
I am amazed at the emotional pitch in the comments posted here.
I don’t think anyone is denying the fact that there are women suffering abuse. So, thankfully, there is a place for them to run to, and they should know that; and the community should support it. Abuse does exist, everywhere, because people are people; and some never learned/don’t want to learn how to treat others, or have mental health issues, etc.
As for a woman not going public about her private problems, the reasons are many; but one obvious one would be concern for chillul Hashem.