I saw in the YWN Live Blog that a man whose daughter was getting married tonight was spotted wearing a sweatshirt that, instead of saying “Father of the Bride,” read “American Express of the Bride – Expires 3/31/25.”
Cute? Sure. Funny? Absolutely. But behind the humor lies a serious problem that’s spiraling out of control. Parents, hear me out—because what starts as a joke is turning into a financial disaster for an entire generation.
Let’s talk about the disaster unfolding in too many homes today: parents handing their newly married kids a credit card like it’s some kind of chesed trophy, only to watch them spend like drunken sailors on shore leave. No restraint, no sense, no chinuch—just a free-for-all with Mommy and Daddy’s plastic. Designer clothing, luxury vacations, $50-a-plate restaurants every other night. And for what? To raise a generation of entitled brats who think money grows on trees and responsibility is optional?
This isn’t a mitzvah, folks—it’s a CHURBAN! You’re not helping your kids; you’re crippling them. You’re setting them up to drown in debt, resentment, and a life of chasing instant gratification instead of building something real. Where’s the lesson in budgeting? Where’s the value of living within one’s means? Nowhere. Instead, you’ve got 20-somethings swiping their way through life, oblivious to the tsunami of financial ruin headed their way. And when the bill comes due—because it always does—guess who they’ll come crying to? The same parents who thought they were being “supportive.”
Let’s get real: handing a kid a credit card without teaching them how to spend like a mentch is like giving a toddler a loaded gun and hoping they don’t pull the trigger. That Gucci purse, that five-star hotel, that steak dinner they can’t pronounce—it’s not a sign of success; it’s a neon warning of failure. Failure to instill discipline. Failure to teach priorities. Failure to prepare them for a world that doesn’t care about their tantrums when the bank account hits zero.
And don’t kid yourselves, parents—you’re not doing this for them. You’re doing it for you. To feel generous. To avoid the hard conversations. To keep them dependent so you can play the savior. But this isn’t love; it’s sabotage. You’re raising adults who can’t stand on their own two feet, who’ll crumble the second the safety net rips. Debt doesn’t care about your good intentions. Divorce courts don’t split the bill for your kid’s lavish habits. And the next generation—your grandkids—will pay the price for this insanity, inheriting nothing but bad habits and empty wallets.
Wake up. Stop the handouts. Teach them to spend like normal people—frugally, thoughtfully, responsibly. Because if you don’t, you’re not just spoiling them—you’re destroying them. And that’s no mitzvah; that’s a sin.
Chinuch isn’t just about teaching kids to learn Torah—it’s also about teaching them how to function as normal, responsible human beings. A credit card without limits isn’t a gift; it’s a financial time bomb. Parents, wake up before your children’s spending habits destroy their future.
Chaim Shapiro – Pomona
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.Â
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15 Responses
Even without the credit card issue, getting married requires some ability to manage a budget. It is rare to see this matter being addressed by either chosson or kallah teachers. It is almost certainly not part of yeshiva or seminary chinuch. And there is no guarantee that parents have modeled budgeting that their children could observe.
Financial irresponsibility is not the only handicap that kids take into their marriages. In fact, the entire subject of preparation for marriage is problematic. Literally, our kids must figure out for themselves how to manage, since we adults have done little to nothing for them in so many regards. The self focus that is part of being single must suddenly change. But how? This is a serious issue. It’s not just credit cards.
How do you know they’re not being taught?
In the school I (long ago) attended experts in the banking industry come in & present to the 12th graders. The biggest focus IS on responsible spending. How credit works & how having a poor credit score not only affects debt & borrowing but also other areas like insurance, a job or paying a higher interest rate than with having a good score.
Wow now you made me jealous I never got any of this
Kol hakavod to Chaim Shapiro! Thank you for signing your name and making excellent points. I suggest that the real solution lies in providing education in financial literacy and responsibility. There are curricula that are geared specifically towards the frum community. All parents should insist that these courses be taught in schools. It is much more important and practical than many of the other mishigas that are usually taught in general studies.
So true.
I think this is not as common as the writer makes it out to be. I do think parents spoil their kids before marriage, not exposing them enough to the realities of finances and setting them up with bad habits. That alone is enough. I don’t know a single parent who gives their married kids their credit cards to spend on whatever they want. Only someone with an endless bank account can afford that kind of reckless spending. My children know I will always want to help them after marriage but it will be limited. My daughter works for a few years and won’t spend any of it she saves it all for her future.
Obviously no one is going to argue with the extreme cases presented above. It definitely would be a good idea to bring professionals to school or to teach Chossons and Kallahs etc.
Just wondering though which do you prefer 1) to be generous to your children 2) Be selfish and teach I made my money and I’m gonna enjoy life, when you make your own money if you want live nicely?
I’d prefer 1 if I’m able too
Stop Kvetching it’s annoying and nobody cares
The spending is not only when young people get married. Teenagers today in the heimisha community are busy shopping on line and all over the place for expensive Jewelery,pocketbooks and designer cloths. This is everywhere. Yes there are homes where they are not focused on materialism but when whole classes buy expensive designer items it influences most of the class. If you listen to so many young married couples on Shabbos the talk around tables is shopping shopping and more shopping. People max out credit cards. Little kids go to groceries and fill up their wagons irresponsibly and either flash a credit card or give their phone numbers to be billed. Then comes the weddings and everyone in the family are spending like lunatics. A wedding should not cost this much. During Covid weddings were mostly simple. In backyards or streets and simple. It was very moving and beautiful as a handful of people gathered on the street and neighbors stood on porches clapping to the music. It was truly very spiritual as opposed to the tens of thousands of dollars wasted on needless flowers and expensive menus. Todays youth and their parents are spoiled rotten. Smart people save their money and invest in a home or business. The kids are given more attention by parents instead of throwing credit cards and cash to keep them busy. Our values are so mixed up. We have turned our generation into a materialistic society on every level. Groceries have to refurbish and look like a Bloomingdale’s department store. Every type of nosh has to line the shelves making kids more confused what to buy. This all starts with the very young. By the time they are teenagers you have the most out of control brats running lose. Just look at the magazines. All ads for crazy vacations and Yom tov getaways. It’s almost a sin to be home with your family on a Yom tov. I can share a crazy story which happened a few years ago on a Pesach program. A very wealthy individual who had already spoiled his kids with every item possible asked his kids what they wanted for the afikomen on the first Seder night. They asked for the father to come down the next Seder night without his pants on. And the idiot father didn’t d exactly that. He came down with no pants wearing his kittel on top of himself. Is this normal. He should of slapped these kids and taken away all their expensive gadgets and cloths. This is what our society has turned into. They expect hard working parents and grandparents who worked like dogs to buy buy buy them everything from expensive Jewelery to silver wear. Time to wake up.
Blaming the parents? The parents today are all Bnei Torah and Beis Yaakov!!!
The absolute failure of yeshivas to train future parents on how to lead a household results in all the chaos and problems today. Yeshivas do not prepare their students to become responsible parents. The yeshiva training is abysmal. These yeshivas only interested in when can they start the next mega-million dollar raffle.
Chaim Shapiro is by far the most sensible mailbag entry I have read on this website in years. Yasher Koach, Chaim.
Excellent letter Chaim.
One important point to add, credit card or not, like all chinuch, it has to come from the home and be taught by example. Kids follow their parents and normally copy them.
We don’t ever eat in restaurants so our kids follow suit and detest the miserable zoos that they are.
We don’t ever buy designer clothes, so our kids likewise laugh at the ignorant sheep who drown in this nonsense.
We don’t stay in fancy hotels, so our kids likewise laugh at the ridiculous Pesach 5 star hotel adverts and feel sorry for those who go.
Guys be genuine to yourselves, have a moral compass with ruchniyus and honesty as your goal. Your kids will follow.
If you’ve taught your kids financial skills, then you can give your newly married children your credit card.
The shirt says the expiration date is 3/31/25, which is presumably the date if the wedding. I don’t see the problem.
Thank you for bringing up such an important topic. In many of our communities, there’s growing pressure to support children after marriage by just handing them a credit card. While well-intentioned, this approach can leave our children unprepared for financial challenges when they eventually need to stand on their own. At Mesila we provide Newlywed coaching to young couples. We equip these couples with the financial skills necessary to live a financially smart life. In addition, we have created curricula designed to equip teens and young adults with the tools they need to prevent these types of issues before they even arise. Instead of handing them a credit card, let’s hand them the skills to walk the path toward lasting financial serenity.