Every year on Purim, the home of Rabbi Yaakov Bender, the legendary Rosh Yeshiva of Darchei Torah, is visited by countless children, their joyous energy filling the air as they collect for various causes. It is a tradition that has long been encouraged—an opportunity to instill in children the value of helping others.
“I am more than happy to give them $5 or $10 each, aside from some of the major campaigns,” Rabbi Bender writes in a post-Purim letter addressed to parents. “In years past, I have always encouraged the talmidim of our Yeshiva to feel the pain of others, urging them to find a way to alleviate the burdens of Yidden. One of those ways is to raise money for the indigent and poor. I felt honored to be part of a Yeshiva where hundreds of talmidim are out there every Purim helping others.”
It was a point of pride, something to celebrate. But this Purim, something felt different.
“Lo and behold, this year, more boys visited than ever, despite the short day. As always, I asked them for whom they were collecting. Many of the children answered with the names of an organization with which I was not familiar. I asked the children what the organization does; not a single child knew.”
The realization set in. These children weren’t collecting for an urgent cause, for a struggling family, for a vital community need. They were collecting—but for what?
“I let it go on Purim day,” Rabbi Bender continued. “But on Shabbos, when one of our children came for the seudah, they showed me glitzy booklets delivered with the weekly Jewish magazines. I was stunned.”
What he saw in those pages was nothing short of alarming.
“Basically, children were promised prizes worth nearly 45% of the amount collected, or even more!”
For years, incentive prizes have been a staple of fundraising efforts for children, a small token to recognize their efforts. But this was different. The prizes were not an afterthought; they were the entire motivation.
“This Purim, it seemed that these children were in essence collecting for themselves—e.g., if a child collected $650, he would receive a beautiful, expensive, electric scooter.”
A scooter. A drone. A robot. It was no longer about giving. It was about getting.
And if that wasn’t troubling enough, the booklet made another shocking promise.
“The organization has the chutzpah to advertise that ‘if you don’t see the item you want, call us; we will get it for you.’ Further chutzpah—that ‘if any other organization offers a better deal, we will match it.’”
This was not fundraising. This was not tzedakah. This was a business.
“What have we come to?” Rabbi Bender asked.
The essence of tzedakah—giving selflessly, thinking beyond oneself—is being eroded. Children are being trained to see tzedakah as a personal opportunity, not as a sacred responsibility.
“Our job as parents and mechanchim is to imbue middos tovos; not to teach our children to be greedy and busy with themselves,” Rabbi Bender warned.
Yes, incentives have always played a role in motivating children to participate in fundraising. But there was a time when they understood what they were collecting for.
“I remember, as a little child, being asked to collect for Chinuch Atzmai. Sure, we ultimately got a prize—but Chinuch Atzmai representatives went around to all the classes explaining what the organization did. We felt part of a sacred mission: to help Klal Yisroel build Torah in Eretz Yisroel.”
This, Rabbi Bender explained, is how tzedakah should be taught to children. Even today, in Darchei Torah’s annual Bike-a-thon campaign, incentives are offered—but the prizes are “a small fraction of the amount collected.” The purpose remains clear: to help others.
Contrast that with a system that encourages children to collect for the sole purpose of securing a personal prize.
“Here in our Yeshiva community, where we work, day and night, to inculcate middos, to care for others—to have these terrible types of collections happening? To me, such an organization seems fishy.”
But not all was lost this Purim.
“Parenthetically,” Rabbi Bender wrote, “our older bachurim gave away their Purim, once again, to raise over half a million dollars for total strangers, local families and individuals in real need—all without one penny of incentives. Ashreihem.”
These boys understood the true meaning of tzedakah. They raised money not for scooters, not for drones, not for prizes, but because they saw people in need.
That is the chinuch Rabbi Bender—and all those who care about the future of Klal Yisroel—wants to see.
“I understand that this started with an organization many years ago, but the prizes then were very limited,” Rabbi Bender acknowledged.
But today, the balance has shifted too far. And he is issuing a stark warning: “We must not allow this to happen in the coming years.”
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16 Responses
Unfortunately, a mossad is faced with either offering exorbitant incentives, or not getting the children’s interest, or the children won’t put in a strong effort.
The mossad needs the money, so they do what’s necessary.
Thank you Rabbi Bender. To add to your thought, how many parents are offering their children incentives to do household chores for compensation or remuneration? I’m afraid the answer is quite a significant percentage of parents are. Have you even given any notice to the nosh children bring each day?
Thank you Rabbi Bender for addressing a critical issue that has been bothering me of late. I was in Amazing Savings recently and some young boys were collecting in the store and were kindly asked to leave. Why have we turned our young boys into schnorrers who look at collecting as a business, chasing the electric scooter or the remote control airplane? Is this appropriate? Personally, I think this speaks to a broader issue of involving children in adult pursuits. Yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs have lost this sensitivity in my humble opinion. My daughter’s school gave a soda can to children whose parents got eight donors to their Rayzeit page…..Let the children learn about the powerful mitzvah of Tzedaka but do it appropriately.
Its like collecting for mbp my back pocket
1000000%
And the worst is the glitsy prize promising pamhlet magazines get given to the kids BEFORE the parents, in school, in their magazines etc. Its always given me a bad taste and my kids think I’m overreacting. Good that the honorable Rabbi Bender feels the same way.
I am canceling my subscription to this magazine. They refuse to advertise all year round due to ‘ethics,’ yet on Purim, they have no problem encouraging children to raise funds for an unknown organization with a 45% payout as bait. I can’t help but wonder what kind of kickback the magazine got for this. Shameful. I’m canceling—and I hope others do too.
Why is this any different than adults who give to see their names displayed or to be honored at a dinner?
There is nothing wrong giving prizes to kids collecting. A child cannot understand the importance if tzedokah or davening or learning without a prize
Give me a break, Darchei is doing the same thing with their bike a thon
Just because it’s “a small fraction of the amount collected.” makes it ok
Darchei gave out an electric scooter last year
I’m sure the organization in question will say “it’s a small fraction of the amount collected”
Why are prizes more valuable than the brachos promised by an organization? Or better yet promised by the Torah? It has always been the case that people want something out of a mossad for their donations, and the “prizes” are given for the most part, as they should. Who exactly are you faulting here, maybe it’s a problem that parents spoil their kids, so how can you incentivize kids who have every cheaper toy already. I don’t think that the fact that the toys were less valuable 30 years ago meant that it was done more lishma than now.
There is subscriptions to YWN? That’s news to me…
When I saw that booklet I was angry that the magazine had sent it into my home without my approval. I hardly even like the ones the school and camp give out but those are at least for organizations I know and the prizes are nowhere as insane.
Every word of Rabbi Bender is exactly how I feel regarding this kind of fundraising. I love fundraising for good causes but it should always be first and foremost about the cause and never about the reward
@yrots – You ask, “Why is this any different than adults who give to see their names displayed or to be honored at a dinner?” Great question and an important one. There are a few important differences however.
1) מצוה לפרסם עושה מצוה
2) The cost of the large becher, menorah, Pesach Ki’ara, etc. is a mere fraction of the amount the honoree typically raises. A mere fraction.
3) The honoree is not told that if he will raise “x” amount for the Yeshivah, to whom he likely owes a great hakoras Tovah, he will receive a prize worth “x” (times .45) prize and if he raises more, say “xx”, he will receive a prize worth “xx” (times .45).
4) The honoree accepts the honor out of a great sense of gratitude to the Mosad where as the young talmid does so out of a sense of entitlement or selfishness.
@It’sMeNotYou – You raise some good points, but a few facts need to be clarified.
1) Prizes used to be predictably approximately 10% of what was raised (the fundraiser was able to choose among prizes in his/her category).
2) The one in charge of the program (e.g. Rabbi Machlis, Rabbi Carmel, Rabbi Polansky) always explained the important work of their tzedakah, fired everyone up for the cause, and made a point of saying the prizes were not payment and this was not a job. The prizes were simply to show some gratitude for the boys’/girls’ help.
Totally agree with itsmenotyou
What ever happened to the MITZVAH of giving tzedakah? Period!