Dozens of leading rabbanim from across Lakewood gathered on Monday afternoon to address the ongoing shidduch crisis that has left thousands of bnos yisroel waiting in pain for their zivugim. The atmosphere was heavy with emotion, as the gathered gedolim and roshei yeshiva wrestled with the plight of so many young women whose futures remain uncertain.
The meeting, part of a nationwide initiative spearheaded by Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch, was hosted by Rav Malkiel Kotler, rosh yeshiva of Bais Medrash Govoha. He, along with Rav Dovid Schustal, Rav Yisroel Neuman, and Rav Yaakov Forchheimer, all of BMG, made it clear: the status quo is untenable, and immediate action must be taken.
The proposed solution, carefully crafted by Rav Moshe Hillel, centers around closing the age gap—a well-documented factor contributing to the crisis. Under this new approach, bochurim would begin learning in Eretz Yisroel earlier, by Pesach of their third year in beis medrash, while girls would only begin shidduchim approximately a year after completing seminary. This shift, it is hoped, will naturally create a more balanced dynamic, increasing the number of available young men for shidduchim and relieving the unbearable wait so many bnos yisroel endure.
Despite the gravity of the discussion, there was a strong sense of hope—hope that, finally, a structured, communal approach could bring about real change. Gedolim and rabbanim who have spent years guiding talmidim and their families emphatically voiced their support for this initiative, underscoring that such an adjustment would neither hinder the bochurim’s limud haTorah or compromise the spiritual development of those seeking their zivugim.
One by one, rabbanim rose to speak, their voices carrying the weight of the thousands of shattered hearts they represent. Rav Henoch Shachar, Rav Binyomin Cohen, Rav Uri Deutsch, Rav Dov Kahan, Rav Elya Chaim Swerdloff, and Rav Shlomo Feivel Schustal all addressed the gathering, urging their kehillos to embrace this solution and actively support the movement to resolve the crisis.
But it was Rav Shlomo Feivel Schustal’s emotional plea that left the room in stunned silence. Breaking down in tears, he wept over the unimaginable tzaar of the thousands of young women who wait year after year, davening, hoping, and longing for their bashert. His cries, raw and unfiltered, pierced the hearts of those present, serving as a stark reminder that this is not merely a matter of numbers or statistics—it is a human tragedy, playing out in homes and families across Klal Yisroel.
The assembled rabbanim left the gathering with a renewed sense of urgency, ready to lead their kehillos in implementing the vision of Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlit”a. Across the U.S., similar gatherings have been taking place, reflecting the overwhelming support of gedolim and community leaders who see this initiative as a critical step forward.
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14 Responses
do it the Chasidishe way that would be a good start…
With all due respect it’s time to cancel R Gershoms’ cherem. As per R Yaakov Emden it has Christian roots
Joseph,
Lies, right? Otherwise, how is it possible that this esteemed gathering called for girls to delay dating for a year and didn’t call for men to marry multiple women?
Why weren’t you invited?
great idea
but will never happen
no parent of a girl will agree to it
it will end up the same way the wedding takanos ended up
The question is are all the Roshei Yeshivos and Rabonim willing to stand up and declare that they will refuse to be mesader kedushin or even attend the wedding of a talmid or mispallel if the chasan or the kallah violate the takana ?
What about all the older single girls from the past 25-30 years? The change helps the young girls not have the same problem, but doesn’t really address the issue for the older girls already affected.
Also, the idea of having the bochorim start shidduchim earlier and marrying earlier is feasible and will help. But the idea of having the girls start later won’t happen, in any large way, since any girl (or parents) considering that will realize it puts them (individually) at greater risk of not finding someone, if they start later.
The question is are all the Roshei Yeshivos and Rabonim willing to stand up and declare that they will refuse to be mesader kedushin or even attend the wedding of a talmid or mispallel if the chasan or the kallah violate the takana
1) No mention of so many single men I know also having plight trying to get married
2) No mention of abolishing this insane outdated Freezer policy 🙄
Not to negate the opinion of gedolim, but wouldn’t the biggest issue causing a shortage of shidduchim is that 75% of other jews are off limits? What if someone’s bashert is chassidish, sefardic, lubavitch, yemenite etc. If we wrote off all of klal Yisrael even though I agree there’s a huge difference in ideology and customs, but the pool is that much smaller. When the Matchmaker in heaven created these babies how do you know their match wasn’t from any of those groups that we ignore
Joseph,
So once again, you know better than the gedolim?
Reply to YOSSIES. It’s not always up to the parents. Most of the older girls, which is where the shidduch crisis is in, make decisions on their own. The cherem was a good idea in the past, but its time has come. I hate to say it, but the longer R Gershom’s cherem stays in place the greater the shidduch crisis will become. Christianity is losing its grip as a world religion and the takanos that were made in response to it must be reevaluated.
we must make it clear even if you are biggest askan it is mamosh assur for a girl to date before the year of seminary is up and no rav will mesader kiddushin and no hall will do their wedding, otherwise its the honor system.
Is it really dating – or is it infatuating? Really the system is relying on magical instant chemistry / infatuation on the first date and then pretty much a decision by the 4th date. Perhaps if there were less breathing down the couples necks – perhaps if they had a chance to actually appreciate and understand each other – there would be more simchas and less gittin.
Perhaps if the Gedolim sought input from older singles – the 20% that did not fit the shidduch mold. Instead of just writing them off as troubled people, who lost their chance – I believe they can bring valuable input to the table.
Finally, to one of the world-famous shadchanim who told the father of a girl that if his daughter isn’t married by 25, she’ll never be married. When did you take over for The Ribbono Shel Olam? Perhaps your coarse, take-no-prisoners approach should be reviewed.
Wishing everyone Bracha Vhatzlacha!
Postpone reference calls until after the third date
Postpone parental involvement until after the third date.
Otherwise, no one will ever be getting married.