There are bad ideas, and then there are utterly absurd, Torah-defying, and self-destructive ideas. The suggestion that a $100,000 “kehila tax” be imposed on any girl who gets married before some arbitrary age dictated by community leaders falls squarely into the latter category.
Let’s get one thing straight: Marriage is not a luxury. It is a mitzvah. It is not something to be delayed at the whims of bureaucratic kehillah enforcers wielding tax sheets like a shidduch resume. This proposal is not only foolish—it is a direct attack on the very foundation of Klal Yisroel.
A young couple chooses to follow halacha and build a Torah home—and you want to fine them for it?! You want to place a tax on a Torah-observant Jew for following the divinely-ordained structure of Klal Yisroel? When did we decide that a community should act as a financial oppressor rather than a source of support?
This isn’t just absurd—it’s dangerous. By creating financial penalties for young couples, you are actively discouraging kedusha and making Torah life even more inaccessible. You are forcing people to choose between what they know is right and what they can afford.
And let’s not even get started on the halachic and hashkafic disaster of delaying marriage for artificial reasons. Do we really want to push bachurim and girls into years of emotional and spiritual turmoil while waiting for some community-approved timeline to get married? What do you think the inevitable consequences of that are?
And then there’s the elephant in the room—the shidduch crisis. Everyone is asking, why are so many girls waiting for a shidduch? Why does the process feel more inhumane and grueling by the year? And now you want to add yet another barrier?!
You think this ridiculous wedding tax will fix the shidduch system? If anything, it encourages elopement—because what financially strained family wouldn’t want to bypass this kehila tax and go get married in secret? What are we trying to accomplish here?!
The real problem isn’t people getting married too young. It’s the artificial barriers put in place by an overcomplicated, suffocating system. The resumes, the photos, the impossible expectations, the obsession with money—THAT is what’s ruining shidduchim.
You want to “fix” the crisis? Get rid of the nonsense. No more exhaustive, unrealistic checklists that turn people into commodities. No more “age gaps” created by man-made restrictions. No more pretending that if someone doesn’t check every ridiculous box, they aren’t “good enough.” No more making gezeiros on Yidden that the Torah never asked for!
When the Aibeshter decreed “Bas Ploni L’Ploni”, He didn’t leave anyone out. He didn’t create an exclusive club for only those who fit the latest shidduch trend. He didn’t require anyone to be the perfect blend of “top girl” or “top boy.” He simply said every Yid has their zivug.
So what are we doing?! We are playing G-d, deciding who deserves to marry when and under what artificial, man-made conditions.
The chutzpah to suggest that we need to police and fine Torah marriages while ignoring the actual systemic issues destroying the shidduch process is beyond insane.
This entire proposal reeks of elitism, control, and an utter disconnect from Torah values. You want to fix the shidduch crisis? Fix the system—not the people.
This kehila tax is the worst kind of modern-day gezeirah, a financial and spiritual punishment on those who simply want to follow Torah. And if we don’t wake up, this kind of nonsense will keep creating more barriers, more crises, and more pain for our own people.
The system is broken, not the singles. And the ones breaking it are the very people pretending to fix it.
Signed,
Get a Grip
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14 Responses
No, the real crisis is immature self entitled man-children who shouldn’t be getting married. Why should women who are professional, responsible, and productive stop living their lives to become servants?
Pretty shtark!
The real driver of the “shidduch crisis” is most probably that the vast majority of people just do what everyone else is doing. They forget to serve Hashem. They think that being a “system abiding” Jew is Avodas Hashem. They forget that “The Yeshiva System” (K-EY, 5-24) is not something that was designed for every Jew, it was designed for those who choose to learn Torah on a really intense level. Recently (30 Y) it has shifted to include everyone, whether it is what Hashem wants for them or not. And many just don’t think what Hashem wants from them, just what everyone else wants from them.
This is a sin, and could be the cause of a crisis.
Only Aveiros cause bad things to happen, not a bunch of single boys, who each independently choose to marry a girl who they meet and like, who happen to be 3-5 years younger than them.
Behatzlocha
“The suggestion that a $100,000 “kehila tax” be imposed on any girl who gets married before some arbitrary age dictated by community leaders falls squarely into the latter category.
Let’s get one thing straight: Marriage is not a luxury. It is a mitzvah.“
There’s no mitzvah for a girl to get married, the mitzvah is on the man and some say it’s a הכשר מצוה
Anyway according to the letter writer maybe the girl should get married at 12
calm down , what kehilla, what tax, hashem has set klal yisroel today in a way that there is no one that can institute anything , a tzarah it is these are shaalos for the dor.. a godol only has as much influence as the people following him my question to each of us from whom in this world would you accept a horaah to make a signifigant change in your life ? as an example from the biggets manhigim of the previous dor
rav shach zatzl- wrote letters screaming to the bnei torah of his dor to ” cover ground ” 50 blatt a yr first seder
reb aaron zatzl- for years reb arron was only in yeshiva on weekends and the bochurim were scared to go past him lest he ask where they are upto … acn u imagine
rav moshe zatzl- was disappointed that his dibros moshe which rav moshe held was bigger than his igros and he spent years writing was not learnt at all in the yeshivos gedolos… many more examples
There is some creative accounting going on here.
Problem: Many more girls then boys.
Solution: The system is bad and I hate shidduch pictures.
Anyone else notice something funny here?
I guarantee no one is going to shell out a hundred thousand dollars if their daughter married at 18 or 19. This is a real Purim joke. But I understand the pain of so many parents who have older children finding it hard to make a Shidduch. The next thing you know they are going to fine families who have older single kids. Where does this insanity end. The real thing that needs to be done is cut out Israeli seminary’s as it’s bankrupting poor parents. Parents have been brainwashed that if their daughter did not attend seminary they won’t be able to do a Shidduch. Chassidic girls don’t travel to Israeli seminaries and get married at 17,18 and 19. A girl who knows how to cook is more important to a guy than if she can quote the Ramban. Girls should learn how to bake sour dough challahs and sew cloths. Practice house cleaning and makeup. Forget everything else. When they marry they can ask their husbands for Parsha vertlech after they fed him. Sending young girls to seminary and having them roam the streets in Israel is dangerous. Then seminaries expect the girls to find a place to eat shabbos. Do you check whose houses they go to. You would not let your daughter hop around strangers houses even here in your own neighborhood. In Jerusalem one third of the population are Arabs and as we all know this government released thousands of killer Arab terrorists and many going back to their homes in Jerusalem. How insane is that. Keep your daughters home after graduating high school. Get her a job or a local seminary and let her start DATING. By the time the other girls return and they will have to wait another year as was decreed by askanim, your daughter will be married with a baby. And another ripoff is this spending on weddings. A wedding should not cost more than five thousand dollars and that’s a fancy wedding with sushi,meat and chicken. The wedding can be done in a yard or home as was done during COVID. Father’s dropping dead with heart attacks all over the place is no mitzvah. They are stressed out. Enough is enough.
Thank you, this letter makes sense.
Let’s realize what caused the Shidduch crises. If you send your daughter away at 18 through 19 she is missing her prime time to seek out Shidduchim. When she returns she may start working or train for a career in speech therapy or accounting. As she gets into a more advanced career and starts saving money while seeking a full time learner. The problem is as they get older and are exposed to the secular world through their career and use of the computer internet,their seminary influence wanes. By the time they are in their mid twenties and up they are frustrated and upset to a degree where it shows on their personality. Of course there are girls who didn’t go to seminary and are single into their mid twenties and more. What’s the solution. Listen to a wise tzaddik. It’s not enough to listen to a tzaddik. He has to be a wise tzaddik. Marry off your daughter young. Singles be they boys or girls become more modern as they age. They begin to follow soap operas and read secular novels. Older girls travel in groups as they feel a sense of loneliness in community married circles. We need to start a training program for them. How to stay strong physically,spiritually and financially. There are many single boys as well as I see in various Shul’s davening. After a while they too neglect themselves as they feel inferior to the rest of the Frum community. Some are so hurt by either a siblings divorce that they fear even dating. I met quite a few such nice Frum boys who are extremely wealthy and confided in me that they never went out on a single date. Their parents never pressured them and so they got lost in the crowd. These are normal guys who even go to shiurim and play basketball on Sunday’s. Sometimes I think they are a Gilgul for lack of understanding why they are single. Most of these single boys are easy going and are not aggressive by nature yet manage to stick to themselves and quietly become multi millionaires without anyone really knowing. Some of these guys never went to college but managed to acquire large investments in business or real estate. My recommendation is that single girls become aggressive and hunt down these fellows. They are soft at heart and you can shackle them into marriage. They would be very happy. You can not rely on Shadchonim who are more interested in the very young crowd who marry faster and thus makes faster money for the Shadchen. You can easier sell new and fresh material than things laying around a while. This goes with everything from real estate to grocery products to Shidduchim. Now not every girl is aggressive. Many are shy and that’s very normal. So what to do. Get yourself an aggressive Shadchan and slip him or her 500 cash. If you know they are aggresive shadchonim take a thousand dollars in hundreds and tear them in half. You tell them you will get the other half after you set me up. For each good date you get a half of a torn hundred. Also if you see a nice quiet guy you ask the Shadchen to catch you that fish. I have had shadchonim who are aggressive call me about certain boys I knew and don’t let go. They will call one end of the world to the other and hound people to go hound quiet boys and rope them in for a Shidduch. Of course a Shidduch ultimately is from the one Above. Sometimes certain souls have to be born and they will lead a singles to the chuppah like it or not. I know quite a few such cases. Sometimes if a guy resists marrying a girl he dates and Shleps along for a year or more,he gets a zetz from Heaven be it physically or financially and marries finally. I tell singles especially men not to wait for the Almighty to break your legs to force you to marry. Marry while you can walk to your chupah and not have to be wheeled down with a wheel chair. Boys and girls who are single get to work. Start working out twenty minutes a day. Practice smiling. Tone down your criticism. You can get married despite your age. There are so many guys out there of every age and background. Start hunting. And circulate in different circles. Your a girl in your high twenties or early thirties and have not had a date in a decade.Find out where Frum guys play ball in a park on Sunday’s. Stand behind the gate and let out a cheer if one hits a home run or dunks the ball in the basket. You will be surprised to pick up a nice single guy or their brothers.
I’m usually on top of the news This is the first time I ever heard of such a “tax”. Is this a Purim joke?? As far as the so called shiduch crises I ask how come there is no shiduch crises in Skver, Satmar, Bobov, Belz etc. I will grant you to go out 10 times but why can’t you start going out at age 19. The chasidishe bochrim also go to Eretz Yisroel to learn but come back to meet someone If it works out then they go back to finish the zeman. So the boys are getting married to girls the same age and there is no crises and no new taxes.
In the very early 2000s, I spoke to 50 shadchanim,
by telephone, and I asked all 50 of them:
“What are the biggest problems that harm shidduchim?”
The top two answers were: “short boys” and “fat girls”.
Short men cannot become taller, so I will not discuss them.
But fat girls can become thinner,
so we must do something about that.
Fat girls remain a constant problem, that cannot
be solved by giving financial incentives to shadchanim,
nor can this problem be solved by changing
the ages at which singles start shidduchim.
Instead of spending 1 or 2 years in Seminary,
which is a huge waste of money and total waste of time,
single girls should spend 1 or 2 years working in the gym.
The weight and size they lose will do more
to help them get married than ANY Seminary.
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/rewarding-failure-by-rabbi-chananya-weissman
Most ridiculous idea I ever heard! What will they do if you don’t pay? How many people have $100,000 extra around? Especially if they are going into debt to make a wedding. Marry when you like, ignore this stupid idea of a tax and if you have an extra $100,000m give it your young couple to buy a house!
I wanted to believe this article addressed a different issue.
It’s probably a troll.
However, l will say this:
Midah K’negged Midah is a thing.
If you or your children are having trouble finding a shidduch,
Ask yourself:
How many people have you written off, and decided were incapable of being married?
How many singles over the years have participated in your Simchas, while you don’t even Daaven for them to get married?
How many marriages have you destroyed by cheap gossip?
It’s not a seminary problem.
It’s not a Yeshiva problem.
Newsflash:
G-d Almighty Is Still running the world.
Who knew?!
To square root.
The problem is not fat girls or short boys. There are short girls too and fat boys as well. It’s personality. If a girl is tough it will scare off boys. A girl must be sweet like sugar.