There was a community effort recently to count how many older single girls we have. I heard that it was approximately 3,000 over the age of 25, and the askanim stopped counting after they hit such a number. BMG accepts about 1,200 new bochurim a year. This means that if everyone coming to BMG married an older single it would take at least two years to solve the shidduch crisis. Anyone who believes cutting three months out the yeshiva system alone will solve these numbers is clearly not comprehending the scale of this issue.
As having the yeshiva system shortened drastically is unrealistic, clearly, we need a way to delay younger girls from entering into shidduchim.
There is an obvious issue in doing this. What family is there that would voluntarily choose to delay their daughters shiduchim by a year. In today’s reality of shiduchim, who could blame anyone who rushes to marry off their children? We clearly need a way to make age-gap chasunas into a social taboo, without harming anyone.
Here is a solution.
Any girl getting married under an age decided by the Tzibbur should pay an added 100k kehila fee. When the Families meet with the wedding hall people they will also meet with a member of the kehila who enforces this fee. This will be enforced the wedding halls as well as by the rabbonim in the family’s shul.
A small percentage of this will go towards the wedding halls (to guarantee enforcement) and the rest will go towards tzedakos which will pay the chasuna of a girl who waited to get married. As most people do not have an additional 100k lying around, and as chasunas are already prohibitively expensive, age gap chasunas will quickly become a thing of the past.
Additionally, no tzedaka should contribute towards chasuna of a girl below the age decided by the kehila. There is no reason the Tzibur should be footing the bill for chasunas which collectively harm us.
While this plan does unfairly benefit the wealthy, it is an unfortunate reality that money is the simplest way to motivate people. The only people needed to implement this are the fifteen or so people who own wedding halls around town and the general agreement of Lakewood Rabonim.
This plan is extreme but the currently over three thousand single girls is more extreme. We got together to ban Internet in schools. We got together to make sure every child gets into school. Let’s get together to make sure every bas yisroel can expect to find a zivug hagun.
I am aware enough of myself to realize that this letter seems to be another shrill rant about what could have should have and would have been done to help people. I also know that I have no influence. I just ask that if this issue affects you personally and you believe in this solution, please present this to your Rav and ask him what he thinks.
Name withheld upon the request
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56 Responses
If you want to help the shiduch “crises” if there is one, then instead volunteer several hours a week to try and organize and redt shiduchim, counsel the youth about expectations, hold their hands during complicated shiduchim (marriages are complicated too even when the dating is smooth) and if you arent the type to redt shiduchim (eg you don’t know many people) then open a sefer tehillim or sefer gemora and learn in their zechus. prayers work.
signed an LA working mother who volunteers over 10 hours a week to helping with shiduchim
Thanks for another unbaked idea. Why can’t people that haven’t thoroughly researched this subject not write about it. I’m not a dentist. Do I write about teeth?
🤣🤣
Too many singles hyper-depend on their parents to make all of their dating decisions. After age 24, parents and their reference calls need to be nixed until after the third date, or else they should face serious sanctions.
Bingo! Shidduch Crisis Solved!
There’s no way to enforce this idea. The wedding halls won’t go along, because (among other reasons, one reason being the) unless *every* hall agreed then no hall will agree. And every hall will not agree. Chasidim, by design, get married at ages 17, 18, 19 etc. And the Chasidish halls will never agree. And they’ll be other halls, not Chasidish, that will choose to profit rather than agree, by getting more business by not having this rule.
And, if not, people will open new halls that don’t have the rule. And families with a young engaged daughter will find somewhere else to have the Chasuna. Even at a non-traditional hall.
Besides, Chazal suggest getting married by age 18, at the latest.
I vote with Chazal.
Instead of the idea in the OP, try to encourage the young men to get married earlier, instead of them waiting until 22 or 23.
Silly doesn’t even begin to describe this “proposition”. But everyone is entitled to his/her opinion…
https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduch-crisis-idea
Please keep this in the Coffee Room where it was originally posted.
During Covid, couples got married in their parents’ back yard. All they need is two kosher witnesses, a Kesuba, a ring and a bottle of wine. I sympathize with the single girls, but your idea is only going to make things worse.
Agree 100% no one should give any money, or other things towards girls who do not follow this – and IMHO nor should anyone support yeshivas that perpetuate this or those that can change it significantly by not allowing in bochurim post Israel past a given age but refuse- nor yeshivas that delay in sending the boys pre Israel.
As mentioned elsewhere, What Kehilla?
Who can enforce this? Why would wedding hall owners want to get involved in this?
The era of the “Coercive Kehilla” ended centuries ago & will not be resurrected any time soon or really ever.
Whoever you claim to be “the powers that be” with the ability to enact & enforce this will tell you you’re sadly mistaken & they wish they had 10% of the power you think they have.
I commend you for trying to come up with solutions, but imposing a $100k fine on someone for marrying below an arbitrary age? Do you honestly think that would ever happen? Could ever happen?
What about just abolishing the BMG “freezer”, to start? It’s just stupid, and most guys in BMG date while “in the freezer” anyways. The freezer basically exists for appearances, and it just incentivizes our young men to lie about their dating lives.
What about normalizing the fact that a 25 year old woman is not old, and is in fact considered young by most normal people.
What if we went back to the old system. Children are in 2 years of schiol before 1st grade, nit 3 years. During my elementary school years most boys turned 13 in 8th grade, to day it is in 7th. That year is because we pushed off startin 1st by a year. If a 13+ boy is in Mesivta, and grauates at 17+, he can start shiduchim by 21+…
How are you going to draw a line between who is “Chasidish” and who is “Litvish”? Many many people don’t neatly fit into only one category. For example, those who are sometimes called “Heimish” could be more Chasidish leaning or more Litvish leaning, but not really either. There’s the Oberlanders, who most are more Chasidish leaning, but not Chasidish and not Litvish. They might even daven Nusach Ashkenaz while wearing an up-hat (or even a shtreimal). The Yekkes are neither Litvish nor Chasidish. Same with the Sefardic. And Teimanim. And Mizrachim. And what about the Yeshivish? A large portion, perhaps even a majority, shtam from Hungarian or Polish or other non-Litvish backgrounds.
When you have young girls getting engaged, if your proposal became reality, they’ll simply self-identify as non-Litvish.
My contention is that there’s no real way to implement this idea. If it were tried to be implemented, almost anyone who wanted to get around it would have so many loopholes to blast through.
And there will be wedding halls that will cater to young Kallahs, without them penalizing them, monetarily or otherwise.
I’d love to know what this letter writer is smoking. On what planet does the writer think this suggestion is plausible or enforceable? Stop selling that learning boy fantasy world to the girls and sell the working kovea itim and there will be much fewer boys in the freezer because there will be fewer boys in bmg. The working boy will no longer be a second choice option but a first choice. There will be more of them around, and close the supply gap.
You seem a bit unhinged, how about shooting anyone who does not follow your orders that might help too
Is this a joke?
Are you kidding. A hundred thousand dollar fine if your daughter marries a guy older than her. How come the chassidim have no problem with their girls getting married young. So now parents of girls have to pay thirty thousand for seminary, followed by a hundred thousand if girl marries guy when she is 19 years old and then support her new husband in kollel for several years or more. Now if a guy has five or more daughters he will be in deep trouble financially. The solution is no more seminaries for girls in Israel. If they choose seminaries let it be in town and be allowed to date and to get engaged and married while they are 18. This will avoid this problem from escalating. As far as girls over 25. Solution one is marry a chassidic boy. Second is marry a working boy. Third is marry divorced boy. Fourth is marry a kohen where many are older singles as they cannot marry a divorcee. Solution five which is the problem many times with girls who are tough personalities and don’t realize it can scare off a boy. The girls must tone down and trick is to be a good listener and yes throw some compliments on dates to the boy. It could be anything from how she likes his Torah vertlech to him being put together. Don’t be critical. If his car needs a car wash don’t worry. After you marry him you can drive it to the car wash. If a boy is normal then marriage life can be normal. If he is crazy it don’t matter if he learnt in top yeshivas. It’s about midos. Don’t forget it’s the wife who really runs the spiritual level of ones home. In the early 1900s there were girls who had a hard time finding a learned husband. Some married simple boys as long as they were even like a young Israel level yet raised very Frum kids. They ran the show at home when they married. We all know that chassidim have more boys while yeshivash have more girls. Pair them up. Today their are different levels of kids from each group. Just because the chassidic boy puts on a streimel does not mean he is not on same lifestyle as many older girls. He could be the type to enjoy eating out,going to hotel Yom tov weekends and playing tennis. Don’t forget many older girls modernize as well as they get older and are years away from their past seminary days. Being super frum is more difficult for older singles or divorced people. It’s a major challenge especially in todays internet era. May the Almighty give strength to todays singles all over the world to find their shidduchim. Never ever give up.
Purim is in the air!!!
In reply– I think there are other ways to help the shidduch crisis — there are very many single, older men out there who do not think they are ready to be married that must be supported and convinced they are ready to marry — common excuses are they haven’t made enough money yet, or haven’t learned enough yet, or are too young (at age 30 or older) to get married. Let us work on getting those married!!! also I personally am very happy when a younger bas yisroel gets engaged and married — at least they will not enter the pool of single over-25 women that will be statistics in another 7 years!!!. Also encouraging men 23 or 24 that it is okay to marry a woman 25 or 26 is another answer!!
You can’t stop the girls entering shidduchim young because of the pressure but you can appeal to the boys to stop looking at any girl under 20. They have the power to do so
Reading this made me feel really bad for the moms of older girls that aren’t married. If these moms have reached a level where they are reducing to writing these kinds of ideas then they must be really suffering. Hashem please help these people.
My goodness so many things wrong with this!!! Chiefly among them is the bad middos of the letter writer. Like a sense of entitlement and blaming others for your problems. Additionally just the idea that to solve the issue of having older girls you make girls wait longer?? That’s probably the dumbest thing I ever heard. Not withstanding the whole conversation is against torah hashkafa. And so many people today are blinded by their unfortunate situation that they can no longer see clearly and they start to blame the world for their problems.
If someone has an older single girl I have 3 points for him to consider:
1) klal yisroel feels your pain and stop accusing people of not caring and trying to hurt you because they’re taking care of themselves. You would do the same thing if you had the opportunity.
2) turn to the borei kol ha’olam and the mesavev kol hasibos and try and figure out what he wants from you in your situation. Get guidance if you find yourself unable to figure it out.
3) in the realm of hishtadlus look inward and examine your shidduch priorities and make sure your not turning down good boys for reasons that are not important. Again get guidance if your unable to look in the mirror.
Let’s stop this nonsense conversation already where people’s bad middos are on full display and can’t see past their own little box. This is the real chillul Hashem.
May Hashem help everyone find their zivug hagun speedily!!
I think that the Shidduch problem is due to many reasons
There may be too much focus on age
other issues need to be addressed and are hardly discussed
Many shidduchim are turned down due to money requests
Poor girls get less dates
At end of the day there are not more older poor girls but they definitely get less dates ….
Are the Rabbanim saying that one can not give more than a certain amount of support so others are not left out
Other big issue is that the boys and girls are in wrong categories
Easier to convince girls to marry serious learning boys than for a boy to become a serious learner
How to deal with this will take much thought
As a girl can not marry someone she does not respect
Many times girl who only wanted a learner will finally be flexible
But did she wait too long to agree to a “working “ boy
By focusing on one issue so much it seems like people are trying to play “Hashem “
They know the fix ….
Years ago in many communities the boy was older than girl even up to ten years as they had to support the family
So many issues to be addressed and not get fixated on one issue and try to control
You can suggest but to punish …
As if you control …
Are you trying to say that if someone married a girl more than a certain amount of years younger they took someone else Shidduch ??? Are so many people married to the wrong person ?
Maybe more research needs to be done to narrow down which communities have issues and what has to be done from many angles not just one !
Enforcing the age at which adults may marry is insane
I wonder why there aren’t any comments on this ?
This is probably the dumbest solution to the Shidduch Crisis that I have ever heard of.
Dumbest idea we’ve heard yet.
Maybe husbands and wives should put a little more focus on quality of life instead of quantity of children. Yes it’s a mitzvah to procreate. But it’s not written that you have to max out your living space. Maybe we should only have the number of children that we can afford and realistically be able to marry off in the future (pay for a wedding etc).
This is brilliant but why don’t we add even more? Daven in shul X, pay an additional $50,000
Didn’t send you kid to Brisk add $150,000 to the wedding bill.
But there should also be deductions;
Listened to your rav and not some random person on yeshiva world -$50,000
Didn’t live a lavish lifestyle on credit cards, free wedding.
“Enforce” something that noone has agreed to?
Something that blackmails young Jewish women who want to get married?
This will never work and its a terrible idea, probably from the Eruv Rav.
Way too extreme
This is not a very smart idea. The solution is to start talking, and talking, and talking about how marrying a girl a year or two older than the boy is not just fine, but is often times a smart decision.
We need to get over the stereotype that a man needs to marry a girl younger than himself. It has no basis, and is destroying the whole process.
How about no freezer for those who go out with girls 22 or older?
I Don’t know…
Perhaps a better solution would be to encourage girls to spend 2 years of seminary in Eretz Yisroel. Once the girls come back they feel they want to get on with things already. It will be difficult convincing them to just ‘wait’. However, if this can somehow become the norm I think it can really have a huge impact!
Has anyone suggested this idea?
The letter writer definitely sounds drunk. A freilichen Purim! Can everybody stop posting their solutions/ideas to the so called “shidduch crisis”. Hashem makes shidduchim. Have Emunah, Bitachon, Pray & be an ehrliche Yid!
This craziness of telling girls to wait longer to get married when they see that the girls who wait have a harder time marrying. I just banned all my daughters from going to Israeli seminary and want them rather to marry at 18 than wait a full year and find themselves in a difficult marriage search position. A girl does not need to know all the rambans and rambams commentary. They could learn it when they are married and pregnant. This idea of fining a hundred thousand dollars to fathers who marry off their girls at 18 is insane. We are lucky the world media doesn’t pick it up. It’s almost as hillarious as the talking fish years ago in the new skver fish market which hit the front page of The NY Times. They should maybe fine boys who refuse to marry past age twenty sounds more normal. Since communities are so stereotyped that each group thinks that if a guy wears a streimel he eats kugel all day and the guy wearing a black hat has gone though shas a hundred and one times. Girls must realize there are all types in every group. There are learning streimel boys and working streimel boys just as with black hatters. In each group you have at least twenty type categories. You have college educated streimels,restaurant streimel types,world traveler streimels,business streimels,sweet guys with streimels,family background streimels,and just simple folks go with the flow streimels. Same with black hatters. So girls need to get to know the guys personality not just the uniform. To marry just to impress others is foolish. You have to live with the one you marry not the wedding guests or even your parents. Also parents should realize that their kids might need a more modern guy or girl. You can’t expect them a girl who likes travel or living a gashmius life to marry a Talmud chocham who sits and learns 18 hours a day. Yes it’s nice honor for the parents to have a son in law like reb Chaim kanefsky but if your daughter is not the type then realize it. Everyone of those three thousand plus older girls can marry in no time. They just have to be realistic. I will give you advice. First don’t come across tough. Put on a smile. Practice smiling every day in your mirror. Brush your teeth especially before going to sleep. Excercise every day 15 minutes. You don’t need to become a skinny skeleton. It’s personality that counts. Older girls should do five things. Smile,compliment,mention first names,be a good listener and try to help the boy when he mentions certain problem. This is for older girls only. If you can write these points on a paper and repeat it and follow it you will be married in no time.
I just reread the letter writers insane sad but funny letter to fine a hundred thousand dollars for marrying off daughters young. Sounds like the Lev Tahor cult. They marry off girls at 13. They don’t seem to have a shidduch crisis. They just have an insane crisis.
A more realistic idea might me for the philanthropists who are behind the effort to pay the top performing shadchanim in exchange for their agreement to only redt shidduchim to girls of a certain minimum age.
Lav davka a lump sum. Rather, if you agree to not redt shidduchim to gilrs below age __, we will pay you x for each shidduch made to girls of the minimum age, 2x for older girls, etc.
Just realized this was Purim shtick.
Excellent troll job.
we should violators into cherem
I hope this is in the spirit of Adar
simple solution:
Guys need more ambition and goals
Girls need more tolerance and respect and education. in my opinion girls should start dating in 11th grade
Let’s go down this rabbit hole of imposing a knas of $100,000 fine if your daughter breaks the takana and marries a guy older than her.
You admit that it won’t affect the wealthy, so why not impose something that affects everyone – from the little guy on the street to the high rollers??
Place a 3 year cherem on anyone whose daughter marries a guy older than her!!
By cherem I mean – the entire family cannot daven in ANY shul (they can hear the shofar or megilah or say kaddish while standing outside next to a shul window).
The cherem will include a Kol Koreh prohibiting everyone in the kehillah from attending the L’chaim, Wedding, Sheva Brochos. No relatives, friends, or members of the Kehilla can attend a wedding that causes untold tzar to thousands of other yiddishe girls!
This includes a prohibition on the proposed Mesader Kiddushin from attending!
They deserve to be in cherem for not being “noseh b’ol chavero” and causing damage to the tzibbur!
So if you are taking about punishing those who break your takana, simply suggest something that is “shava l’kol nefesh”, and hits everyone equally.
This will impact EVERYONE, including the uber-rich.
3000 girls over 25 is a big problem
We have to start early, a person’s personality can be seen at fifteen already, by the chassidim they used to have somebody early young that the parents decided they would marry, already at age fifteen the parents should have a couple of boys parents that agree to make shidduch with the daughter, it is also a holyer life if she knows that a couple boys are waiting for her….
This is how to stop the shidduch crises
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but math *exists*. There being thousands more girls than boys means that we’re in serious trouble. We have two options. Boys marry earlier, or girls marry later. I am all for either of them. Boys marrying a year earlier, will not help anyone currently over the age of 23. If anyone sees anything short a massive takana working here, please explain. It is not entitlement to demand that we not sacrifice the least marriageable 10% of girls.
I personally feel that thousands of older singles is an actual crisis. I also feel this warrants big sweeping takanos. Many here disagree. Not sure why.
The solution to the older girl crisis is simple
Every Rav should unanimously state that its their Daas Torah that girls 25 and over have a chiyuv and mitzva to only marry working boys.
You have 6 years after seminary to find your dream Ben Torah/Klei Kodesh husband. After that its Rotzon Hashem to rather be married to a working boy than to be single
All problems solved
This is definitely a Purim shpiel piece.
If the writer was serious, then s/he deserve empathy for his/her pain. It is truly agonizing to see a daughter (or daughters) getting older and still waiting for her (their) bashert.
That said, this idea is totally unenforceable and just plain wrong.
A girl should marry young when she is less opinionated and won’t need to struggle so hard to adapt to her husband’s derech. No gadol would ever agree to encouraging girls to delay shidduchim, much less trying to enforce it.
If anything, it makes more sense for boys to date younger than they do now. In Israel there are three years of mesivta, not four, so they start bais medrash younger and marry younger – 21 is a pretty typical age for a yeshivish Israeli bochur to begin dating. That’s two years younger than a typical American yeshiva bochur who first comes to Israel to learn for two years at age 21. This, too, is not enforceable, but it’s more logical.
Some practical ideas to help solve the crisis – try them all:
1. Teshuva, tefilla, and tzedaka – tried and true.
2. Learn mussar on emuna and bitachon – choose your sefer or listen to to a shiur.
3. Donate 2 weekly hours to try and suggest shidduchim or help network to research appropriate suggestions.
4. Focus only on what really counts – yiras shamayim and middos. Completely disregard what others will say to your choice.
Suggestions for single men and women:
1. Think about what you’d be willing to compromise on in another 5 years and do it NOW.
2. Adapt your shidduch dream to your current reality (a corollary of the previous suggestion). Think what’s realistically available to you NOW, not what you turned down five years ago, when you had a much broader playing field. Your true playing field is not who you want, but who wants you. It’s really painful, feels unfair, but denying reality is not to your benefit.
I remembered reading something about Rav Shteinman zt”l’s shidduchim advice. I searched and here it is, loosely translated:
Please translate to flowing chareidi-style English Rav Shteinman’s 5 responses to questions about shidduchim:
Someone asked, “My daughter is not young and I am being offered various suggestions. My wife says we have to be mevater on something. Should we, and what is the first thing to me mevater on?!”
“Give up on, ‘What will they say'”, replied Rabbi Shteinman. (תוותר על מה יגידו)
It took him and his daughter several months and several shidduch suggestions, until he managed to put the 4 words the Rabbi had told him into practice.
2. With great firmness and with tears in his eyes, Rabbi Shteinman said: “Pride consumes everyone. A shidduch is proposed to a girl’s father and he says that she needs something special – both the girl and her father say that they want the best boy in the yeshiva world, and they do not understand that this is something that was not yet created (דבר שלא בא לעולם)
3. A Yid who was looking for a shidduch for his older daughter came to ask Rav Shteinman what to do. The Rav listened, inquired about the situation in his family here and there, and then suddenly said to him: I understand that you have several sons in different yeshivahs, and every proposal that is made from the yeshivah where they learn, the boy is rejected. Listen to shidduch suggestions from other yeshivahs, where none of your sons are learning (and he listed the names of several other good yeshivahs) and then you will be successful.
The questioner listened to his advice, and a short time later, his daughter got engaged to a boy from one of the yeshivahs that Rabbi Shteinman mentioned.
4. Someone asked “We were suggested a shidduch where most of the family members are short, and the boy himself is not short, but not tall. Is that a problem?”
Rav Shteinman replied: “And who among us is greater than the ‘Chofetz Chaim’ who was particularly short. And so, too, in America, the Sar HaTorah Rav Moshe Feinstein.”
5. When Rav Shteinman was asked for a segulah for shidduchim, he replied in his ingenious, practical way – pure and simple: “Not looking out for shortcomings, that is the segulah.”
Daven for siyata dishmaya to implement all of the above, and hopefully the shidduch crisis will be solved.
I agree. No gemach money for girls who get married under 21
Reading most of these comments makes me very sad. The fact that the majority of people can’t understand the simple math issue here and make all sorts of comments about why this is bad when they don’t begin to understand the core issue and they make all sorts of statements none of which address the core issue. Calling it Purim shpiel etc… will not solve the issue and so I challenge these folks to get honest with themselves and try to get someone to explain to them how this thing works and see if they can then poke holes in it or offer a better solution.
Dude you are out to lunch!!!
During difficult times in the history of Klal Yisroel, Chazal and Rabbanim composed various Tefilos such as the Mi Shebarach on Shabbos for not speaking in Shul, various Kinos for Tisha B’Av in commemoration of the Holocaust etc. I think it’s time for Rabbanim to compose a special Tefilah for our generation for the Shidduch crisis.
Let the author modify the takona, and make it “better”:
You admit that it won’t affect the wealthy, so why not impose something that affects everyone – from the little guy on the street to the high rollers??
Place a 3 year cherem on anyone whose daughter marries a guy older than her!!
By cherem I mean – the entire family cannot daven in ANY shul (they can hear the shofar or megilah or say kaddish while standing outside next to a shul window).
The cherem will include a Kol Koreh prohibiting everyone in the kehillah from attending the L’chaim, Wedding, Sheva Brochos. No relatives, friends, or members of the Kehilla can attend a wedding that causes untold tzar to thousands of other yiddishe girls!
This includes a prohibition on the proposed Mesader Kiddushin from attending!
They deserve to be in cherem for not being “noseh b’ol chavero” and causing damage to the tzibbur!
So if you are taking about punishing those who break your takana, simply suggest something that is “shava l’kol nefesh”, and hits everyone equally.
This will impact EVERYONE, including the uber-rich.
I have another idea. Dating costs the boy money. Between rental car, gas, tolls, drinks and venue costs, it can easily be over $100 per date and out of town costs hundreds of dollars more for air fare, food and stay etc
If we reset the system that girls 23 and older pay for the date instead of the boy, will that create incentive for the boys to date older girls ?
wackway, so if the guy wants a free bein hazmanim trip, he agrees to date a girl over 23 that lives in Las Vegas, gets fully paid for his airfare, car rental, hotel at the casino, dining at fancy restaurants, take in a few shows…all on her dime!
Lmaanachai: The problem here isn’t the diagnosis; the problem is the proposed solution. Urging girls to wait and get married older is a non-starter. It goes against Halacha and Yiddishkeit.
And it goes against the interest of each yochid, each young Bas Yisroel. If an individual girl delays trying to get married, she significantly increases the likelihood of making herself into the victim who eventually won’t be able to find anyone to marry.
The only real solution is to encourage the boys to marry younger. They should start considering shidduchim, at the latest, at ages 17, 18, or 19. Hopefully they can be married by time they’re 18 to 21.
The other potential solution, and you’re going to either laugh or scream, is “plural marriage” (a/k/a polygamy). Non-Ashkrnazim (Sefardic, Teimanim, and any other non-Ashkenazim) can do so immediately. Ashkenazim, of course, have the Cherem. But Rabbeinu Gershon put an expiration date on it — which has passed already. Now the later Rabbonim decided to extend it past its original expiration date. But just like the Rabbonim extended it them, the Rabbonim can end it now, if they today decide that Klal Yisroel needs plural marriage for our benefit.
And as the shidduch crisis of there being much more girls than boys in the shidduch parsha makes clear, if a small minority of the fewer boys took two wives instead of just one, it would quickly resolve this shidduch problem for the girls.
– Average age gap in marriage 2-2.5 years. (Depending on which studies you go by)
– Our growth rate 3.7% annually.
– Compounded over 2.25 years = 8.20% more girls than boys.
– Vital statistics – in ocean county year over year boy to girl birth ratio 6% more boys than girls.
– Lakewood mosdos (Frum community) 8-10% more boys enrolled in elementary schools year over year.
– 35 year old boys married rate = 98%
– 35 year old girls married rate = 98%
– bmg – which is used to gauge how many boys are in the market, represents just 20% of our boys on the market, there are over 50 post isreal yeshiva’s in America, totaling over 2,000 boys, + bmg – 1,700, + the alumnus from these 50+ yeshiva’s is in the thousands.
– stats indicate, there are more boys in every demographic than girls (as evident in the end result of 98% both genders being married)
– the wait to the chuppa remains the issue. The only issue.
– there are many simple solutions.
Age gap is bulshit. A few stupid 35 year old assholes that want to save the world pushing this shit down our throat.
1. The 10% that’s rich, chashuv, & their circles won’t listen to the girls freezer. The 90% that struggle in shiduchim will have even a harder time.
2. maharsha sotah b1 says boys zivugim are usually older than girls.
3. if everyone ends up married the issue isn’t a mismatch in genders – it’s a struggle to get to the finish line.
4. girls aren’t on the market. They must wait for a boy to say yes first. Creates supply and demand issues, that we are seeing.
5. there are over 50 mosdos for irregular boys, there are under 5 for girls = not good enough boys, = girls won’t take boys like their brothers.
6. the issue is it takes too long so instead of making it take shorter, they think making the girls wait another year is a good idea. = playing god.
7. boys have been marrying younger girls for the last 90 years, this should have created the same issue. Yet the amount of 50-60-70 year olds, single are equal to genders. Why?
8. does this age gap theory mean that we all married the wrong person cause hashem wants us to marry the same age?Kefira “bas ploini liploini”
9. The shadchan market is severely underrepresented (maybe due to terrible pay) think real estate agents, car salesman – shadchanim [hundreds vs dozens]