To the parents sending their daughters to seminary in Eretz Yisroel, I ask: Do you know what you’re paying for?
When my oldest granddaughter was accepted into the seminary of her choice, I was overjoyed. I vividly remember the pride I felt years ago when my son left for yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, and just a few months later, I saw a transformed young man—refined, responsible, and uplifted by the kedusha of Eretz Hakodesh. Naturally, I expected to experience that same pride when I saw my granddaughter after her time in seminary.
Despite the astronomical cost of flights and hotels, I did not hesitate to make the trip for Yeshiva Week. This was an opportunity to witness firsthand the growth and maturity I believed seminary instilled in our bnos Yisroel. My granddaughter was thrilled when I told her I was coming, but instead of excitedly planning our visits to Kever Rochel or davening at the Kosel, she was more concerned about which restaurants we’d be dining at and how many friends she could bring along. I brushed it off—surely, she was just eager to introduce me to her friends.
But then, reality hit.
After an exhausting flight, I couldn’t wait for that first iconic walk through the Old City to the Kosel. I called my granddaughter and asked her to meet me so we could experience it together. She agreed and assured me she’d be there shortly. Thirty minutes away, she said. An hour later, she strolled into the hotel, casually apologizing. The reason for her delay? “Sorry, Bubby, I was STARVING and stopped to grab something to eat.”
I was stunned. Had she not understood the significance of this moment? Had I misjudged what seminary was meant to do for our girls?
Our walk to the Kosel was not the heartfelt, meaningful experience I had envisioned. Instead of deep conversations about her growth, her learning, or her connection to Eretz Yisroel, my granddaughter spent most of the time on her phone—making plans, laughing about social events, and talking about where she wanted to eat the next night. I barely got a word in.
I soon realized she was not an exception. The following evening, I took her and her friends out to the restaurant she had insisted was “the only place to go.” These were supposed to be the friends who would shape her future, the girls she would build lifelong bonds with. Instead, they were rowdy, self-absorbed, and barely acknowledged my presence—aside from their lengthy orders of appetizers, desserts, and the most expensive items on the menu.
And then came Shabbos.
I insisted on a family-only Shabbos meal, hoping for at least one sacred moment together. But as soon as the seudah ended, my granddaughter disappeared—to the hotel lobby, where I found a scene that left me speechless. Young women and yeshiva bochurim, lounging on couches, mingling freely, acting as if there were no barriers, no standards, no sense of kedusha.
Is this what parents are paying upwards of $30,000 for? Are we sending our daughters across the world to “find themselves,” only for them to lose their entire sense of responsibility? Do parents know what is happening—and if they do, why are they allowing it?
Seminary is supposed to be a year of growth, of reflection, of absorbing Torah values and connecting to our mesorah. Instead, it has become a glorified vacation, where girls roam freely, restaurant-hop, and turn hotels into social lounges. Where is the structure? Where is the oversight? Where is the accountability?
We tell ourselves that seminary is a necessity, that our daughters need this experience. But I ask you—what, exactly, is the experience they are getting? And what kind of bnos Yisroel are we truly raising if this is the norm?
It’s time for parents to open their eyes and demand better. Our daughters deserve it. Klal Yisroel depends on it.
Sincerely,
A Deeply Concerned Bubby
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12 Responses
This doesn’t speak to the quality or value of the seminary experience as much as it speaks to upbringing of your granddaughter.
Meeting yeshiva boys in a hotel lobby sounds ideal compared to our dysfunctional shidduch system.
You have every right to be disappointed but you can’t blame the idea of seminary for your granddaughters actions.
That being said seminary is clearly not a necessity and sometimes a negative.
Something has to change.
Seminary is absolutely not necessary for most girls. If 13 years of Bais Yaakov education is not enough for them to come out well rounded and ready for life by 12th grade, then our chinuch system is sorely lacking (which i dont think it is).
Also makes you wonder what magic the Chassidish girls schools have, that can produce a ready product after 12th grade, yet if a litvish girl doesnt go to seminary its a calamity.
I think the world is opening its eyes, and its hurting…
Seminary is simply overblown.
Welcome to reality…
And its not about the seminary the girls these days do the same think at home. The chinuch starts at home.
Sorry Dear. Girls do not need seminary! Let alone in Eretz Yisroel. There are hundreds & thousands of (chasidishe) Women that are building torah homes without going to seminary. “Growth, reflection, absorbing Torah values and connecting to our mesorah” can be done in Brooklyn, Monsey, NJ or anywhere & can be done in the 12 years of the school system! You ppl create your own problems. Im not even talking about the waste of money!!!!
With all due respect and sympathy for this concerning story, I completely object to the indiscriminate vilification of the seminary experience.
Maybe this is a problem with a certain group of people (those who give their daughters unlimited spending money perhaps?), or a certain type of seminary. But it is NOT universal.
I was in seminary within the past decade, and my experience was nothing like what you describe. I (and my friends) blended in completely with the local Bais Yaakov girls – perhaps that’s why people didn’t notice us, and only noticed the “obvious” seminary girls walking around being loud and obnoxious. (People asked me for directions in Hebrew.) I think my parents got their money’s worth (I also, for the record, completed a year’s worth of college credits through my seminary year) and I personally am glad I had the opportunity.
Perhaps for every girl you see acting in that shocking way, there are another dozen behaving inconspicuously and properly?
What a selfish way to blame a seminary for your poorly raised granddaughter.
There’s a lot to say here. Obviously that’s not the experience all Seminary girls are having, but I agree it’s for sure common and definitely spiraling out of control. But your parents and grandparents have to ask yourself what exactly do you expect when you drop a teenager off across the world with a open credit card and a smartphone. That she’s going to behave herself? That the Seminary who is more than happy to take your extremely large amount of money is going to monitor her for you? They’re probably happier the less she’s there. There’s a reason other communities such as chassidic and sefardic are not into year long luxury trip the young girls are taking because of the severe damage it can cause, and the very little chance of high spiritual benefit. Of course there are much stricter seminaries where I’m sure you’re not getting this but I guarantee most of the girls don’t want to go to them. It’s time to stop being naive and risk being unpopular with your daughters and say enough with this
A year at a private (elite) university in the United States with room and board, plus tuition would cost you $80K. There should be a frum equivalent in the major centers of Yiddishkeit in the US that have costs equivalent to a public university (typically under $20k, assuming the student lives at home).
Seminary in Eretz Yisroel will take a GENUINELY solid, growth-oriented, healthy Bais Yaakov girl and catapult her to beautiful levels of chashivus haTorah, yiras shomayim, and a life lived by idealistic Hashkafos.
Seminary in Eretz Yisroel will NOT take a previously shallow, materialistic Bais Yaakov girl and completely transform her to erase the values she was brought up with. It is not an rehab for those addicted to gashmiyus.
I was in seminary last year.. trust me, I know the score.
We sent our daughter to Israel not because we wanted to, but we felt that it would be good for her. Her case specifically. She came back a transformed amazing girl ready to tackle the world. I’m sorry that you had a different experience.