A gathering of over 30 leading Brooklyn rabbanim was held at Rav Binyomin Cohen’s shul, to address the ongoing shidduch crisis— which affects thousands of bnos Yisroel waiting for their zivugim. This meeting is part of an ongoing effort across the U.S. to implement the vision of Hagaon HaRav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlit”a, who has put forth and is guiding a practical and workable solution to this pressing issue.
At the heart of the discussions was Rav Moshe Hillel’s approach to addressing the age gap, the underlying cause of the crisis. The proposed initiative would see bochurim leaving to learn in Eretz Yisroel earlier than previously, while delaying the bnos Yisroel’s start of shidduchim until approximately a year after completing seminary. The goal is to close the gap in a way that preserves the shteiging in Torah of the bochurim while easing the challenges faced by shidduchim-age girls.
Beginning already this past Sukkos, hundreds of bochurim went to Eretz Yisroel “early,” setting the proposed solution into motion.
The gathering was led by Rav Elya Brudny, Rav Yisroel Reisman, Rav Mendel Slomovitz, the Novominsker Rebbe, and Rav Binyomin Cohen, along with over two dozen esteemed rabbanim representing kehillos with thousands of mispalelim.
Similar recent meetings in Lakewood, Monsey, and Far Rockaway have seen widespread endorsement from rabbanim and roshei yeshiva, who recognize this as the necessary approach to alleviate the shidduch crisis without compromising the ruchniyus of bochurim. The Brooklyn rabbanim likewise voiced their strong support, committing to furthering the initiative within their respective kehillos. A trip to the midwest to further rally consensus is being planned in the near future.
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43 Responses
bmechilas kavoid all the chosuve rabbonim
this will never work
the boys may go to Israel earlier
however no parent will delay the girl starting to go out for a year
will never happen
it will go away the same way the Chasuna takonos went
but nice try anyway
get to the root of the problem
every shmendrik wants to learn minimum 5 years and most parents of the girl cannot afford it
so the boys wait for the rich girl they have time (the girl dont )
support is the major issue
encourage the boys to work
as it says in the torah
@YOSSIES
Supposedly, the problem is the opposite. That there are not enough learning guys, and the girls are waiting for that…..
To Yossi. to quote you “this will not work, but nice try anyhow”
I’m referring to the suggestion of the boys should be told to go to work……..
These esteemed Rabbonim value Torah learning as the oxygen that supports Klal Yisroel …. and I agree with them 1000 %. Those who are not learners should go to work, obviously… But those who dedicate their Neshomos to learning should be respected & not referred to as “shmendriks”…..classless!
WE HAVE TO ASK THE OPINION OF REB ELYA BER HE SHOULD BE THE FINAL AUTHORITY ON WHAT AND HOW TO GO ABOUT ADDRESSING THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS there shouldnt be a moetzes of 20 different rabbanim giving their opinions the final and only say should be the gadol hador Reb elya Ber period
its an important meeting but why are people publicizing it so much? with 25 pictures etc.
Nobody dared to be mevatel the year or 2 in EY (or to postpone it till after the Chassunah).
That would be such a simple Eitzah.
Yossies, you are a terrible mechutzif. We don’t look to you for guidance, we look to the Rabbonim – and sorry but you did not make it to that level.
yossi if support was “the issue” , than girls with money would all be married and the bnei yeshiva girls would be waiting at home
secondly there are hundreds of good girls who have not gone on a date in many months and many are hardly hearing names to say NO too
my point that the support is a huge burden , the girls wanting more great boys than there are good boys… all this would be the answer if the girls were all dropping the boys on the 3rd date (which happens, but most are not getting to first base meaning going out) i dont know the answer but the lopsided of having a boy vs a girl in shiduchim is beyond comprehension
ps on the flip side the halls are packed ,ppl going to 2 simchas on some nights.. and each choson means their is a kallah so whats missing i dont know
Not a chance this will work. I don’t know a single girl that’s going to wait to go out. Every girl is desperate to get married and they’re all going to find reasons to be the exception. Plus, the younger a girl is, the more she has in common with a ben torah. Once they start college and working the “real world”, the gap widens.
BH we have a very simple and easy solution. By us in Breslov we have the exact opposite issue of much more boys then girls. So this ‘Shidduch Crisis’ can be solved extremely fast, just send us all the girls to BreslovMatch.com and BH we will get them married very fast.
Of course the even better solution is to start the boys dating at least 2 yrs earlier than currently they are, but it is hard to make such big change all at once. This business about starting to date at 23 or 24 has gotta stop if they want their own sisters to find Shidduchim. Really frustrated that it has taken this long to have these meetings. This is perhaps the biggest issue from a numbers standpoint facing klal Yisroel at this time and a little more urgency by all to implement change would be appreciated
Why dosnt one or more of these holy Rabbonim get up right overthere and give a shiur on today’s Daf Yomi , on the Sugya of נראה ונדחה ?
That will accomplish alot more.
Alteh Bucher
The parents of the girls are not gonna agree to wait because then they gonna miss out on the same 50 good guys that 2,000 girls families have their eyes on.
The real issue of course is that more guys go OTD or become modern or at least go off the pure yeshivish learning derech, which never existed as a community ideal in history. Fix your community and the problem goes away.
I struggle with understanding this entire parsha. And we gather rabbonim to deal with it and suggest solutions.
First, is there a crisis? Where is the data? It needs to be collected scientifically, and must be reliable. I’m not sure that this is happening. If not, there is no basis to believe there is a crisis.
Second, what is the crisis? Too few boys? Too many girls? Unrealistic expectations that render shodduchim more difficult?
Third, the prevailing belief is that there aqre age differences here. I’m not so sure that this is able to be proven. There are singles of all ages.
Fourth, maybe there is a problem that lies with shanchanim, too few, incompetence?
Fifth, perhaps the myths about the “learning boys” deserve to be shot down. For those who would label me blasphemous, הרבה עשו כרבי שמעון ולא עלתה בידם.
I respect the rabbonim. But if no one can give them more than personal observations, which are generalized tot he Klal, we are wasting their time and ours.
I’m at a complete loss here. Can someone please explain where השגחה פרטית fits in to this whole idea? If I marry a girl 3 years younger than me I am taking away someone else’s zivug?
If the boys are “too old” why are there so many older girls not getting married? Sorry, don’t understand the “gap” issue.
The chassidim must be really jealous of us. Their only concern is who makes the better challa/kugel in the class. We litvaks really blew the system bad. Everyone with their shopping lists and money demands. How about finding someone you want to actually live with, focus on that and not what they can provide provide provide. Look only at what you’re providing first
I am still waiting for someone to spend the proper time and research on this topic. All hockers no researchers.
I am struggling to understand the logic behind this proposal. I thought that the concept of hashgacha pratis dictates that whatever happens to me is completely from ה’. I can change this through teshuva, tefila and other mitzvos. I can mess myself and others up through aveiros. Is it an aveira to marry someone a few years younger than me? Am I really supposed to marry someone about my age?
I am supremely confused! Please explain! Torah Hee velilmod ani tzorich!
In Israel there is no crisis. Chassidim have no crisis. I think because support is not an issue there. In Israel the girl works, the boy gets a good check and the apartment is already paid for (no rent). Chassidim go to work or are paid better in their Kollelim. I think if the kollel would offer better support the boys would not delay getting married. Let’s say a kollel in America would pay a married talmid to learn in EY before joining the Kollel back in America (fantasy, I know) then he would get married and then go to EY. Would be great.
The girl can’t wait another year…. That’s funny, why not
The boy goes to Israel, let’s give him two months vacation, and then some shiurim from Rav landau and some wit on what girl is, once heard from rosh yeshiva in mir, didn’t last very long, but wasn’t very serious,
So if he goes to Israel a year and marry a girl that can wait something and have big emunah and bitachon in the great God, they will come out enlightened enough to make some good grandchildren
And a kosher sweet life, instead of the realities of bitter life, that a boy can actually marry somebody older then him and meet friendly people. Actually knew a man that married five year older then him and had some wit kids,
Like marry older and will let you go to the beach with a beard, if you can,
Anyway all the best, and don’t forget to afford your grave, and send your kids to Israel vacations
FYI Genuk:- Both Moreinu Horav Yisroel Reisman שליט”א & Moreinu Horav Elya Brudny שליט”א are so exceedingly competent in their own right, & whatever they say is so exceedingly competent & binding.
However anyone enforcing of “freezer” is so incompetent & MUST be avoided like the flies.
This significant gathering of over thirty distinguished Brooklyn rabbanim, led by figures like Rav Elya Brudny and Rav Yisroel Reisman, marks a crucial step forward in addressing the shidduch crisis. The strategic initiative guided by Hagaon HaRav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlit”a is timely and urgent. By realigning the timing for bochurim to learn in Eretz Yisroel and delaying shidduchim for bnos Yisroel, this approach targets the age gap that significantly impacts marriage prospects. Each day without implementing this solution means more bnos Yisroel face unnecessary delays in finding their zivugim. The broad support from rabbanim across communities underscores the necessity of this plan, promising a positive shift towards resolving this pressing issue.
reb sim:
You should really ask your LOR. However, if you want some very humble thoughts:
You seem to be questioning why the rabbanim are even bothering to try to help with this given that zivugim are bashert.
Note that there are also bechira chafshis, and retzon yereiav yaaseh, etc.
So, I think the answer is that Hashem, Who setup those zivugim, is also well aware of what these Rabbanim want to do and what they will decide (or have decided). Therefore, a decade or two ago, when He decided on their zivugim, He likely “had in mind” what would happen at this gathering (and did as He saw fit, of course).
As to your question of would you be taking away someone’s zivug if you marry someone three years younger (assuming they would rather you marry someone closer in age), I don’t see why that would necessarily be so. What if someone randomly sets up a shidduch of a 19 year old with a 26 year old (regardless of which gender is which), or a 25 year old with a 31 year old, and they decide to marry. Does that mean that they “took away someone’s zivug”? Presumably not.
while the girls are waiting for a year , there should be a mandatory course on shalom bayis, for them. (stop blaming the men for most shalom bayis issues). no shidduchim for a girl without completion of the course.
I once suggested a shidduch to the son of one of these esteemed rabbonim.
He asked ‘are they offering support?’
I said ‘they don’t have money’.
The shidduch was DOA.
Poor girls for thee but not for me.
But glad he wants to solve the shidduch crisis.
A dollar short and a day late.
This is but one in a series of meetings they hold every so often and NOTHING grows from it, but mold.
Defer reference calls until after the 3rd date. Nix parental involvement until after the third date. Bingo!
The shidduch crisis is solved.
Parents and singles are frequently at odds with each other over marrying the right person.
No point in doing an FBI investigation with the reference calls if it won’t make it past a first date.
Why is that so hard?
Do we get to hear what they actually said ?
Or we just get a few Pictures of the growing momentum ?
A Thank you to the Rabbanim for their dedication and efforts in tackling this crucial issue! Your leadership and guidance are really appreciated.
That being said, I’m just left wondering why after so many meetings, and conferences is this taking so long to implement?
So nice the Rabbiem are finally taking the time to work on solving this crisis. It took a long time in coming and I’m wondering how many more years will it take to get implemented…
Want to help the Shifduch crises?
STOP seperate seating at weddings
STOP sepaerate “yeshiva week”
STOP encouraging non learners to stay in Yeshiva
STOP emphasis on money
STOP being out of touch with the tzibur
STOP nonsense gezayrous that prevents boys and girls meeting
STOP de- emphisizing midos over money.
Want to help the Shifduch crises?
STOP seperate seating at weddings
STOP sepaerate “yeshiva week”
STOP encouraging non learners to stay in Yeshiva
STOP emphasis on money
STOP being out of touch with the tzibur
STOP nonsense gezayrous that prevents boys and girls meeting
STOP de- emphisizing midos over money.
STOP pressuring first date results in order to get married in a rush
Just stop the nonsense and listen to the klal
please remove any negative comments against Daas Torah, they are guiding us and addressing a crisis, if people want to be kofer its on them.
Eli lev: Coming across a little misogynistic much?
It takes two to tango, and most of the time it’s actually the girls who have been told a lot more about what it means to have shalom bayis prior to marriage. Your idea is giving “red flag” vibes.
Can someone help translate whatever word salad that “.” posted above?
A huge thank you to the Rabbonim, Roshei Yeshiva and Askanim working so hard to tackle this issue—your efforts don’t go unnoticed.
With so much discussion and support, what’s still standing in the way of real change?
Lakewoodbt:
I concur with the negative comments about Daas Torah. But we need to recognize that the wisdom our the rabbonim needs to be applied accurately, and this means an understanding of the facts. I remain unconvinced that the shidduch crisis is real, and that it is a phenomenon that affects the community. I do know that there are lots of single boys, single girls, and that this singlehood is prolonged. I still haven’t seen data that supports the observation that there is a “shidduch crisis”. So all these meetings with the proposals cannot accomplish the solution for an individual, as they are not geared for that. And if there is no global crisis, it cannot be resolved. So my issue with these meetings is that there is inadequate development of an understanding of the “problem”, which then renders the ideas for solution moot. That problem rests with the community and the askanim, not the rabbonim. Aside from the lashon horrah issue, disparaging askanim is not just popular, but well earned.
They can easily solve the shidduch crisis if they would just abolish this trend and style of convincing every single bachur that they need to go learn in Israel before dating. Instead of wasting their time, they can start settling down and get married early and continue learning if they wish. The last time I checked, Hashem didn’t require from every single Torah observing Jew to “graduate” from the Mirr or slabodka or brisk or chevron yeshivas, or a girl having to graduate from this or that seminary prior to marriage.
When you see all these esteemed Rabbis meet and discuss and plan only amongst themselves and never include or hear from the “parents” of the boys and girls, who are in essence the main subject of the matter and decisions should be up to them, that tells you everything. It’s not about the boys or girls and their best, rather it’s all about the few israeli yeshivos and their leaders. Everyone knows that without the thousands of American bachurim (and their money) flocking to these israeli yeshivos they would cease to exist, and their leaders essentially become irrelevant, so it became systematic that every good bachur who wishes to get a good girl has to go thru the israeli yeshiva system or similar system in order to get married to a good girl. If all parents would come to their senses and demand the end of this Israeli yeshivos meshugaas, (and other meshugaases that we didn’t previously have) they would merit to see their children, both boys and girls alike, find their bashert on time. Don’t try to find solutions and fixes to the problems in your big bubble, just get out of the bubble.
truth social, please remove your comment as you are attacking Daas Torah, they know better and if they say red is blue then red is blue
there should be a course for girls (and boys) on shalom bayis and a course for future mother in laws, to learn the dos and dont’s . graduates with highest marks should be on high priority shadchanim lists
I literally created an account just for this post.
This is so aggravating and dishonest in so many ways.
This is aggravating in the sense that our leaders are engaging in a “crisis” without addressing what the actual “crisis” is.
We have a crisis where we encourage everyone to be exactly the same. When someone who is really authentic is dating someone who is “perfect” for them, they are unable to finalize the deal. That’s the good scenario, the worse scenario is when they actually get married to the person that is “perfect” for them. Hence our divorce “crisis”.
We have a genuine lack of independent thinkers who are living their most comfortable unauthentic life. Nothing less then a well trained dog.
Boys are encouraged to marry girls who are able to finically support them in learning. Either with hard work or Papas credit card.
Yet some of those very boys, if red to their sisters (obviously not literally) the same fincial bracket as their own families. Those very same mothers screaming “shidduch crisis” for their girls, would never say yes to a girl like their own for their son.If they were unable to support.
Learning is an absolute privilege to many, for those few “Reb. Chaim’s” it’s an absolute necessity. For those boys, the girls they marry are preferable from families whom their father is still learning, because they understand that it’s a sacrifice on so many physical pleasure they are willing to make based on the life they have been accustomed to live.
There are some, I repeat some who didn’t have parents model this learning kollel life, yet they choose it on their own. Together as husband and wife. Working together in making this life possible.
For the vast majority of our children this is not a option, either because they are one of many or because they are simply being honest with themselves and they know they will want/need a few extra dollars for a vocation once a year.
Once we solve our “be real and live your best life in serving Hashem with the life Hashem has chosen for you, as the individual you are, and have been created to live. Once everyone does their ratzon and starts to live their authentic life” once this “crisis” is honestly addressed, I have no doubt there will be a lot more shidduchim at the very least there will be a lot more people living with emunah and simchas hachyin.
Let’s stop calling things by any other name. Start living your best life possible with what Hashem has given you.
Lakewoodbt. I fully stand by my comment, because I stated the truth and the obvious. I did not attack Daas Torah. I’m not sure which Daas Torah you’re referring to. The real Daas Torah is clear and well documented. If you know how to open a sefer, I will refer you to Shulchan Aruch אבן העזר סימן א’ סעיף ג and אבן העזר סימן לז סעיף ח, where it says clearly when is the right time for a boy and a girl to get married. The Halacha and Minhagim are clear and apply to everyone, each person based on their customs and backgrounds. Rabbanim are not meant to deviate from Halacha or work to alter minhagei yisrael kedoshim in order to strengthen their establishments and advance their own agendas. A Rav of a shul or a yeshiva has zero authority to tell people when and how to marry off their children, each child is different, and only parents know their children the best, and know what’s best for them. This “trend” of bachurim going to study for two years in EY is unnecessary. It’s all one big hype and peer pressure. Everyone who goes there gets nothing substantial that they couldn’t get here, other than the “israeli experience” to brag about, and a bargaining chip to use to get the good girl that has been waiting 2 years for him. It’s time to cut out all these superficial trends, and get real, sincere and honest, and work to achieve the best for our children.