Let’s all give ourselves a big round of applause. Really, take a moment—because we did it. We’ve successfully created a chinuch system that preaches the importance of Torah values, while simultaneously fostering a culture where a child’s self-worth is measured by their ability to board a plane for midwinter break.

Every year, we talk about it. Every year, parents like me—who actually live within our means—grit our teeth as we have to explain to our children why they’ll be the “nebachs” of their class for not jet-setting to Miami, Cancun, or Dubai. And every year, nothing changes.

I pinch my pennies, I work hard, and my husband and I bring home a decent income. And yet, I am somehow failing as a parent because I don’t have an extra $15,000 to blow on a four-day vacation so my child doesn’t have to be the “loser” in the class. It’s not enough to pay tuition, keep a roof over their heads, and put food on the table. Nope—if you aren’t handing your kids a boarding pass over midwinter, you may as well be neglecting them.

Am I jealous? Maybe just a bit. But only of the truly wealthy—the ones who can afford it without a second thought. The ones I really feel for? The parents who are maxing out their credit cards, going into debt, just so their kids don’t feel the sting of social rejection. I see them. I hear them. And the worst part is, they know as well as I do that this insanity should have been stopped years ago.

Let’s talk about my daughter’s friend, who flew to a city across the country this midwinter. Was it for a luxurious getaway? Nope. It was a medical trip—one of her cousins needed a specialist. No amusement parks. No fancy hotels. But she still went. Why? So that when she gets back to school, she can look her classmates in the eye and say she “went away” for midwinter. That is the level of absurdity we’ve reached.

And where are our esteemed mechanchim in all of this? The rabbeim, menahelim, and principals who are supposed to be guiding our children toward values that aren’t rooted in materialism? Silent. Complicit. More concerned with keeping parents happy (read: not rocking the boat) than actually instilling Torah-based values in their students. If all schools had the backbone to put its foot down and declare that this madness must stop, perhaps we’d see a change. But no one is willing to be the first.

So congratulations to us. We’ve created a generation of children who can quote Chumash, who know half of Tanach with Rashi, who can break down a Tosafos—but who have no grasp of the basic principles of Yiddishkeit. A generation that has been taught, explicitly or implicitly, that your worth is tied to your luxury vacations, your designer shoes, and the social capital you gain from a glamorous trip over midwinter.

But hey—Torah, Torah, Torah, right? As long as they’re getting top marks in class, who cares if they grow up with a warped sense of values, crushing financial stress, and a total disconnect from the fundamental philosophy of Yiddishkeit? What does it matter if they believe that a midwinter getaway is more important than achrayus, discipline, and financial responsibility?

So go ahead. Pat yourselves on the back. Because we failed. And if nothing changes, we’ll be having this exact same conversation next year—while even more parents go broke trying to keep up with the madness.

Sincerely,

A Fed-Up Parent

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