The recent letter discussing the balance of responsibility between the “haves” and “have-nots” raises some valid points about communal dynamics. However, it overlooks a fundamental reality of our society: the disproportionate honor and status afforded to those with financial means. This dynamic, deeply embedded in our communal institutions and values, places an undue burden on those with less and necessitates that the onus for change fall on those blessed with wealth.

As has been pointed out in numerous letters and discussions on YWN and elsewhere, our institutions and organizations have enshrined the idea that wealth equals honor. Fundraising dinners, building dedications, and gala events often center around showcasing and celebrating those with material success. While this practice helps sustain critical communal infrastructure, it has also ingrained the subconscious belief that wealth is synonymous with status, honor, and even personal worth.

Who can blame those without financial means for feeling the pressure? For many, it seems that the only way to move up the social ladder—or even to be considered respectable—is to appear wealthy, regardless of their actual circumstances. The result is a culture where living beyond one’s means becomes a necessity, not a choice, just to keep up with perceived societal expectations.

Given this reality, the argument that everyone should simply “accept their station” and “not feel bad” about their financial situation feels overly simplistic. It fails to account for the social pressures that stem from the ways wealth is publicly celebrated. Poorer families are not simply dealing with internal struggles of self-esteem; they are contending with a communal structure that equates material success with personal value.

This is precisely why the onus must be on the wealthy. Being blessed with great material wealth comes with inherent responsibilities, and one of those responsibilities is ensuring that your lifestyle and choices do not inadvertently cause others to feel lesser. This isn’t about creating a “communist society” or pretending everyone is equal in their financial capacity—it’s about exercising sensitivity and restraint to foster a healthier communal environment.

The Torah itself teaches us the importance of hatznea leches. This principle is not just about personal humility but about living in a way that does not draw unnecessary attention or create feelings of envy and inadequacy in others. Wealthy individuals have the power to set a tone for the community, and if they choose to display modesty and restraint, it can have a transformative ripple effect.

This does not mean that those with less financial means are entirely off the hook. Of course, everyone should work on cultivating an inner sense of self-worth and a mindset that isn’t tied to external displays. But the reality is that they are the ones caught between a rock and a hard place—trying to balance their actual financial situation with the perceived need to “keep up” in a society that glorifies wealth.

To create meaningful change, we must start at the top. Those with wealth must take the lead in rethinking what is celebrated and how it is displayed. A Kiddush or wedding doesn’t need to be a competition; vacations don’t need to become public spectacles; and honor can be derived from character and contribution, not just dollar signs. If the wealthy demonstrate that modesty and simplicity are values to aspire to, it will help shift communal norms and relieve the immense pressure felt by everyone else.

Signed,

S.H.

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