The backlash about the frum Jewish magazine’s publishing of an article discussing Botox is understandable. The person who wrote into YWN on Monday labeled the topic as unbecoming of a Torah-true publication, arguing that it promoted superficiality and vanity. I get it. But as someone who teaches a class of Bais Yaakov-type girls, I feel compelled to address this reaction and offer a different perspective.
The article wasn’t a frivolous endorsement of cosmetic procedures—it was a reflection of the pressures and realities faced by our daughters today, particularly in the shidduch world.
For many young women in the shidduch system, their future feels like a high-stakes competition. They know the numbers: in a typical class of 30, perhaps 10 girls will remain single well into their adulthood. That statistic alone is enough to cause sleepless nights for girls and their parents alike. While we would like to believe that shidduchim are determined solely by middos tovos, Torah values, and shared goals, the truth is that appearances matter. A lot.
In this context, it’s no surprise that girls feel immense pressure to enhance their physical presentation. This isn’t about vanity—it’s about survival in a system that places such weight on first impressions. Whether it’s Ozempic to maintain a slender figure, top-of-the-line designer clothing, professional hair styling, or even cosmetic procedures like Botox, these efforts are often driven by a genuine desire to improve their chances of finding a suitable match. For these young women, it’s all l’sheim shamayim, done for the sake of building a Torah home – and avoiding being another forgotten “older girl.”
Jewish magazines don’t create these pressures; they reflect them. The presence of Botox ads or articles in these publications isn’t an endorsement of superficiality—it’s an acknowledgment of what is already happening in our community. By addressing topics like Botox, magazines provide a space to discuss them openly and thoughtfully, within the framework of Torah values. Pretending these realities don’t exist does a disservice to the very girls and families navigating these challenges.
It’s worth noting that the same magazines that feature Botox ads also emphasize the importance of middos, Torah learning, and yiras shamayim in shidduchim. But they recognize that these ideals exist alongside a world where physical appearance plays a major role. Addressing these issues head-on allows us to confront them in a healthy, grounded way, rather than relegating them to whispered conversations or unregulated decisions.
As a community, we must find a balance between spiritual ideals and practical realities. We should absolutely continue to emphasize that true beauty lies in one’s middos and connection to Hashem. At the same time, we must acknowledge the reality that physical appearance is a factor in shidduchim and give our daughters the tools to navigate this reality responsibly and with dignity.
Critics of the article may feel that discussing Botox diminishes the sanctity of a Torah-true publication. But I would argue the opposite: ignoring these realities does far more harm. By addressing these issues openly, we can guide our daughters to make thoughtful, informed decisions that align with their values. And perhaps, through these discussions, we can also work toward creating a shidduch culture that places greater emphasis on the things that truly matter—character, values, and compatibility—while still respecting the pressures that exist today.
At its core, the shidduch process is about building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael, a home founded on Torah and mitzvos. For many girls, the steps they take to enhance their appearance are motivated by a sincere desire to reach this goal. Rather than dismissing these efforts as superficial, we should recognize them for what they are: a reflection of the intense dedication and commitment our young women have to the sacred task of building a Jewish home.
So yes, an article about Botox may feel jarring in a frum magazine. But perhaps it’s time we stop viewing these topics as “unbecoming” and start seeing them as an opportunity to address the real challenge our community faces: a crushing shidduch crisis.
Don’t like the Botox article and rabbanim not saying anything? Fine. But to fix it, the rabbanim should focus on the disease, not the symptom. And the disease is a shidduch crisis that our leaders refuse to address in a serious way.
Sincerely,
A.G.
The views expressed in this letter do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
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One Response
All the parents and teachers should ask their singles to come up with a timeline before they become older singles.
If I reach age of X I will settle for Y and so on. This can be private but must be written so the dater can be honest with themselves and not forget the plan.