I read the letter from E.J. published on Sunday advocating for financial literacy for every yeshiva bochur. While I agree that financial literacy is important, I believe his call for education doesn’t address a deeper issue that cuts to the very core of our community’s challenges.
Let’s face it—our society requires substantial financial resources just to sustain itself. And that financial reality shapes not only our institutions but also our values and social dynamics. We see rabbanim and community leaders frequently honoring not those who have built a stable livelihood, but those who are extravagantly wealthy. There’s no subtlety here: the focus is on the “crazy rich,” on donors with wealth that astounds. The average guy, the one trying to earn an honest living or dedicating his life to learning without considerable family support, is left in the shadows.
It’s no wonder that many bochurim today feel drawn to the idea of striking it big—they grow up in a community that doesn’t subtly reward or even quietly respect a regular, solid life. The rich guys are publicly celebrated, and the whole community watches. And when kids see this, they learn to idolize the splashy ultra-rich, not because they’re necessarily the most admirable people, but because they represent wealth and, therefore, status and honor.
What about the dedicated avreich, the “average” person who embodies hard work or humility? Sadly, the focus is rarely, if ever, on such people, no matter how much they toil and sacrifice. Instead, even in the world of limud hatorah, it’s more often about the support of a wealthy father or father-in-law than the yungerleit’s own accomplishments in learning.
Ultimately, this sends a very strong message: the highest aspiration is wealth. And while financial education might prepare our young men to better handle their finances, it won’t counteract this deeper societal message that values wealth over dedication and integrity. We need to ask ourselves, is this really the value system we want to pass down?
I would humbly suggest that we start honoring a broader range of accomplishments—not only those tied to wealth but those grounded in genuine contribution and service, whether through learning, chesed, or hard work. If we don’t want impressionable bochurim and avreichim going down this dangerous road to financial fraud, we need to build a society where every individual, regardless of their financial success, can find honor and respect. That would be the real answer to the troubling trends we see.
Sincerely,
Y.E.
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19 Responses
So well said. Totally agree.
This is obviously correct.
I think the Jewish world in general became very high maintenance. In just a short time, too. When I was newly wed about 20 years ago, we got a lot of secondhand furniture. We borrowed gowns, we didn’t go on vacations (and if we did they were cheap), we drove a used old car. We had money in the bank- and we didn’t spend it because we needed to buy a house.
Today I feel like the young generation only wants the best of everything. They want new cars , they want gorgeous decor, they want the $1000 stroller , and only the hottest styles for their kids.
These are people who live month to month and never save a dollar. If they have a dollar it’s burning a hole in their pocket and they get a designer shoe. It was on sale!
When they need a root canal they call daddy, but they had money to go on vacation and take a family photo shoot with the top photographer. Buy a house? I’ll never afford one why should I save up… that’s what I’ve been hearing!
The houses seem out of reach and they probably are, but with these kinds of spending habits they’ll never put a cent away for the future. It took us 12 years to afford a house. In the meantime we scrimped and saved and even when we got a small inheritance we didn’t go on a shopping spree.
Life as usual. I’m concerned about this generation. I’m also worried about their parents because Jews think parents are supposed to support them. Parents need to be secure for their futures as well.
I’ve been reading Dave Ramsay’s books and he speaks a lot about responsible finances and how to build wealth safely and intelligently and a lot of what he says is about living within your means, which includes money set aside monthly for emergency funds as well as investment toward retirement. He’s very against debt in general and explains how it’s a crutch that prevents people from ever getting rich. He also says the most important trait for wealth is integrity .
Yes, Jews have exceptionally high expenses but we also choose some of those expenses because we need to “keep up”. Instead of leasing a $500 a month car, Dave says buy one. U can only have what u can afford to pay for. He says debt payments – whether mortgage lease or credit card, drain your resources so your paycheck is gone before u spent a dollar. He’s brilliant and quite down to earth and I wish people would stop spending money they shouldn’t. We would all be better off.
So true. I remember my rebbi saying that if we don’t take learning seriously, we could end up being a poshuta Baal haabos. I.e work hard to support a family , learn a little, and be a nobody
The concern is very valid, but it’s difficult to assume culpability without specific episodes – in what scenario was a mosad wrong in honoring so and so, and what should they have done instead… etc. After all, it’s usually pretty obvious the honor is not for his lifestyle, or how he made his fortune, but just for the support, no?
This “Mailbag” situation has gotten out of hand. Can we just relegate everybody’s opinions to the “Coffee Room” where they belong?
The name of this website is Yeshiva World News, not Friday at the Mikvah
Moderators Note: YWN has published thousands of Mailbags in the past 21 years. Every single “news” outlet has letters to the editors.
You’re absolutely correct, but can I mention that today’s government system is set up in a way that majority of society cannot live financially independent? There are so many free programs. Why would somebody want to work hard? My husband and I both work well paying jobs to support our family. We do not receive any government assistance. We do not go on vacation or lease/own a car or go away in the summer. we pay so much taxes, insurance fees, food, mortgage, and tuition we cannot make ends meet. It is no wonder people lie to make money. Cost of living is insane. If the government would stop handing out food-stamps, section8, free health insurance, school vouchers, maybe prices would be lower? It is a crazy system
“We see rabbanim and community leaders frequently honoring not those who have built a stable livelihood, but those who are extravagantly wealthy.” I’m sorry, but this is not a new or modern reality whatsoever… this has been going on in (Jewish) society for as far back as you go. Moreover, if we don’t show extra honor to such individuals, what incentive is there for the next generation to become wealthy and assist in supporting the institutions that you admit “require substantial financial resources?” I am also not sure what you mean that our communities don’t “subtly reward” the average folks. What subtle reward exactly are you looking for? And really, the community does not “quietly respect” a regular solid life? No, I’m sorry, this letter is not grounded in any sort of reality.
Time Well Spent: How Authentic Success Chooses Substance Over Status
Luxury watches have long been symbols of wealth and success, with some pieces priced from $50,000 to $350,000, and even millions. To many, these timepieces represent exclusivity and prestige, signaling achievements to the outside world. However, a closer look at successful individuals reveals a contrasting trend. The truly accomplished often gravitate toward understated, functional watches that embody quiet confidence and practicality rather than flashy ostentation.
For celebrities, athletes, and entertainers, watches often serve as tools of self-promotion. Brands like Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguet, and Richard Mille dominate this space, worn by figures like Jay-Z, Drake, Floyd Mayweather, and Kanye West. These high-profile individuals thrive on visibility, and their timepieces function as status symbols in a world where spectacle is valued. These watches make statements, but they also reflect a culture fixated on attention and approval. In contrast, authentic success—often found in leaders and innovators—is rarely accompanied by such displays.
Truly successful individuals, particularly those who have achieved prominence through hard work, vision, and resilience, tend to avoid showy displays of wealth. For them, success speaks for itself. They prefer watches that reflect practicality, elegance, and reliability. Take, for example, Stephen A. Schwarzman, former CEO of Blackstone Group, who has a net worth exceeding $18 billion yet opts for a $100 quartz-powered Swatch. David Solomon, CEO of Goldman Sachs, wears a $750 Shinola Runwell Chronograph. Larry Fink, BlackRock’s chairman and CEO, sports a TAG Heuer Grand Carrera, while James Gorman, CEO of Morgan Stanley, chooses a Rolex Daytona priced at $15,000. Elon Musk, founder of Tesla and SpaceX, opts for the $5,500 Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra, while Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, alternates between an Apple Watch and the $7,000 Cartier Santos. These choices are deliberate—stainless steel or two-tone steel-and-gold designs are preferred for their versatility and understated appeal.
Among these timeless selections, the Rolex Datejust, priced around $9,000, the IWC Pilot at $6,000, and the Breitling Navitimer, at approximately $8,000, remain enduring favorites. Such pieces embody a balance of elegance and practicality, suitable for both the office and formal occasions. These watches are neither overly showy nor understated to the point of anonymity, fitting perfectly with the ethos of individuals who value substance over style. Collectively, they highlight a trend: accomplished individuals tend to invest in watches within the $5,000 to $15,000 range, rarely exceeding $20,000, even when their wealth allows for much more.
There are exceptions, of course. Some successful individuals embrace higher-end watches like Patek Philippe or Audemars Piguet, but the motivations often differ. A handful are collectors who appreciate the craftsmanship and intricate movements, yet they seldom wear these pieces in public. Others may enjoy the prestige associated with such brands, but they remain outliers in a broader pattern of restraint.
Ultimately, the appeal of understated watches underscores a deeper truth about authenticity. Genuine success rarely requires external validation. Leaders and innovators who are comfortable in their achievements do not seek the approval of others through material possessions. Instead, they prioritize functionality and refinement, letting their work and values define their legacy. For these individuals, a watch is more than a statement; it’s a tool, a companion, and a reflection of a life well-lived.
This article was authored by Dr. Nathaniel Brooks, Ph.D., a scholar, researcher, and expert in human behavior. The author grants permission for the dissemination of this article.
Article above still presents a problem as it advocates 5k or more watches. Yet it takes the thunder out of the watches the high rollers are wearing and the ones our children are trying to model. Same goes for the houses and cars. It’s all fake simply a status symbol people not comfortable in their own skin. Should make it easier for us to explain to out kids that these status symbols = terrible insecurity
Time Well Spent: How Authentic Success Chooses Substance Over Status
Luxury watches have long been symbols of wealth and success, with some pieces priced from $50,000 to $350,000, and even millions. To many, these timepieces represent exclusivity and prestige, signaling achievements to the outside world. However, a closer look at successful individuals reveals a contrasting trend. The truly accomplished often gravitate toward understated, functional watches that embody quiet confidence and practicality rather than flashy ostentation.
For celebrities, athletes, and entertainers, watches often serve as tools of self-promotion. Brands like Patek Philippe, Audemars Piguet, and Richard Mille dominate this space, worn by figures like Jay-Z, Drake, Floyd Mayweather, and Kanye West. These high-profile individuals thrive on visibility, and their timepieces function as status symbols in a world where spectacle is valued. These watches make statements, but they also reflect a culture fixated on attention and approval. In contrast, authentic success—often found in leaders and innovators—is rarely accompanied by such displays.
Truly successful individuals, particularly those who have achieved prominence through hard work, vision, and resilience, tend to avoid showy displays of wealth. For them, success speaks for itself. They prefer watches that reflect practicality, elegance, and reliability. Take, for example, Stephen A. Schwarzman, former CEO of Blackstone Group, who has a net worth exceeding $18 billion yet opts for a $100 quartz-powered Swatch. David Solomon, CEO of Goldman Sachs, wears a $750 Shinola Runwell Chronograph. Larry Fink, BlackRock’s chairman and CEO, sports a TAG Heuer Grand Carrera, while James Gorman, CEO of Morgan Stanley, chooses a Rolex Daytona priced at $15,000. Elon Musk, founder of Tesla and SpaceX, opts for the $5,500 Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra, while Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, alternates between an Apple Watch and the $7,000 Cartier Santos. These choices are deliberate—stainless steel or two-tone steel-and-gold designs are preferred for their versatility and understated appeal.
Among these timeless selections, the Rolex Datejust, priced around $9,000, the IWC Pilot at $6,000, and the Breitling Navitimer, at approximately $8,000, remain enduring favorites. Such pieces embody a balance of elegance and practicality, suitable for both the office and formal occasions. These watches are neither overly showy nor understated to the point of anonymity, fitting perfectly with the ethos of individuals who value substance over style. Collectively, they highlight a trend: accomplished individuals tend to invest in watches within the $5,000 to $15,000 range, rarely exceeding $20,000, even when their wealth allows for much more.
There are exceptions, of course. Some successful individuals embrace higher-end watches like Patek Philippe or Audemars Piguet, but the motivations often differ. A handful are collectors who appreciate the craftsmanship and intricate movements, yet they seldom wear these pieces in public. Others may enjoy the prestige associated with such brands, but they remain outliers in a broader pattern of restraint.
Ultimately, the appeal of understated watches underscores a deeper truth about authenticity. Genuine success rarely requires external validation. Leaders and innovators who are comfortable in their achievements do not seek the approval of others through material possessions. Instead, they prioritize functionality and refinement, letting their work and values define their legacy. For these individuals, a watch is more than a statement; it’s a tool, a companion, and a reflection of a life well-lived.
This article was authored by Dr. Nathaniel Brooks, Ph.D., a scholar, researcher, and expert in human behavior. The author grants permission for the dissemination of this article.
This article should help our kids understand that status symbols, cars, watches and houses are all a sign of insecurity. We can teach them that what really counts fulfills you and you don’t need luxury items to prop up insecurities and not being comfortable with one’s self.
Many many people are struggling and not spending insanely. You need to have a “rich” salary in order to just make ends meet. And if u don’t u have no choice.
Should we not pay tuition?
Buy my boys suits and hats?
Someone tell me- we don’t ever go on vacation, no prepared food, no fancy clothing or shoes, cook and bake everything for simchas….
The “frum” magazines and glitzy publications are a part of this problem. when do they have articles about “regular” people who just go about holding a job, paying bills and trying to learn as much as they can. They don’t have those articles because nobody will read them. Our culture is a “celebrity” culture; either we celebrate the wealthy or we find a way to dress up “ordinary” people as if they are extra-ordinary. Either way, being ordinary and living a plain life as a frum Yid is not an ideal in this community
yrots we probably had the same rebbe as I was told the same EXACT thing, which makes me feel like a loser a little bit that is if you are not kley kodesh and NOT a billionaire askan gvir at the convention than you are a waste .
Nobody is pointing fingers. Different generations. I learned from my parents if you do not have money for vacation, trips, new cars, you don’t buy. You need to wait. Today (of course this isn’t everyone) a Kallah needs a $5000 Shaitel. Cars. AC. Expensive matching clothing for children. Quit saying it’s not true because it is true. Either people will change it or you live with Debt.
Standards have gone up quite a bit the past 30 years. BH more people are going into kollel, which means couples do not plan on making do with the minimum or going on programs. However, I don’t see a solution to the financial problems when young families feel forced to spend $80 for shoes for toddlers and $40 for a stretchy. (Those amounts might be low, for all I know.) When these children become teens then, yes, there is more of a need to keep up. We are in chinuch so I never accepted the intense pressure because raising my children took priority over working full-time and hiring a babysitter. That was a conscious decision I live with and I don’t eat myself up for not being trendy or super fashionable.
Today, however, a second income is not only for luxury expenses. I feel sorry for the stress young families deal with. Babies do not know or care what they’re wearing yet they are being presented for everyone else’s approval. Is all the effort and tension worth structuring your whole life around being with-it and put together? How many of us are living off credit cards or even gemachs and wasting some of those resources that could go to savings, mosdos, or tzedakah? I’m not anti shopping or gashmius, but I think this area has taken up way too much of our lives in general. Wishing Klal Yisrael peace, bsuros tovos, and the ability to make wise decisions.
See gemara eruvin 85b-86a רבי היה מכבד העשירים
Seems clear to me that this is the derech to be מכבד עשירים not sure how else to learn the gemora.
If it’s the gemora that says to honor the wealthy we must strive to understand it. I do agree that spending should be curved and financial literacy is super important, if people don’t understand how index funds work that is a huge problem. I believe every chosson and kalla that have a extra few thousand should invest that in reasonable investments, putting in the bank is totally עם ארצות , also the idea of hiring a stock investor is also בעצם עם ארצות