Before Simchas Torah, a Jewish magazine ran a piece urging parents to ease up on their teenage bochurim and let them enjoy a few drinks on the Yom Tov. This kind of “don’t make a big deal” message might seem harmless on the surface. After all, I was once a bochur myself and recall having a small l’chaim to enhance the joy of the day. A little moderation in celebration, after all, is one thing.

But what I witnessed this past Simchas Torah was nothing short of alarming. In the place I attended, there were so many bochurim intoxicated to the point of total dysfunction that extra security was required to help manage the situation. I was both disturbed and saddened to see a respected rosh yeshiva feel compelled to publicly reprimand a bochur, who was so drunk and disruptive during Krias Hatorah that no amount of polite correction could get him to quiet down. This isn’t about one or two kids being irresponsible—it’s about a culture that has grown dangerously comfortable with overindulgence, with very real, long-term consequences.

As an addiction counselor, I know firsthand the toll that substance abuse takes on families. I’ve seen families torn apart, lives upended, and futures destroyed—all stemming from one underlying issue that often goes unaddressed: unchecked alcohol consumption. This problem isn’t isolated to Simchas Torah or Purim, though these Yomim Tovim can often bring it to a head. The tendency to turn a blind eye, to normalize excessive drinking under the guise of celebration, has unfortunately become embedded in much of the yeshiva-minded community.

The real issue here isn’t about the handful of bochurim who took things too far on Simchas Torah. It’s about the pervasive, unspoken acceptance of drinking and making l’chayim’s left and right as a core part of our culture, leading to a growing number of community members who are developing dangerous habits. These habits, if left unchecked, can easily spiral into full-blown addiction. And while it’s easy to shrug this off as a private struggle or an individual failing, we must recognize it for what it truly is: a collective blind spot that’s eroding the foundation of our community.

Why are we willing to take such risks with our children’s futures? For every young man who can “handle” a drink, there’s another who finds himself unable to stop. Addiction doesn’t discriminate, and young people are especially susceptible. By normalizing excessive drinking, we are setting them on a path that can lead to severe consequences later in life.

It’s time we ask ourselves some tough questions: Why are we allowing, and even encouraging, drinking alcohol to become the norm? Why are we turning a blind eye to the damage this habit can cause in our homes, our communities, and our futures?

We deserve better. Let’s address this issue openly, without shame or denial. Let’s set boundaries that ensure we can be joyous without being destructive. The stakes are simply too high to do otherwise.

Signed,

An alarmed therapist

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