Several months ago, YWN published an editorial following a tragic incident in Lakewood where a mentally unstable woman took the lives of her two children. The piece called out those gossiping about the story under the guise of “spreading awareness.” At the time, YWN faced major backlash, accused of vilifying well-meaning people, ignoring those trying to make a positive difference, and misjudging our community’s response to the horrific event.
I heard both sides of the debate and found myself on the fence. Rather than choosing a side, I decided to sit back and observe. With all the noise and supposed “awareness campaigns” surrounding the tragedy, I wondered if anything truly positive would come from it. I hoped YWN would be proven wrong, and I would be writing today to urge them to apologize for their harsh criticism. Unfortunately, I’m saddened to say that didn’t happen.
Despite all the talk, nothing substantial emerged from the conversations that followed. The “awareness” was nothing more than gossip, and no meaningful initiative or communal action was taken to address whatever issue this tragedy was supposed to highlight. No new organization was formed, no communal response stepped forward to fill any perceived gaps.
I am not writing this to defend YWN or their tone in the original op-ed. I still believe it could have been written with more nuance and without sweeping generalizations. However, I felt compelled to respond after reading a separate recent article on YWN citing research from Nishma, which found that Orthodox Jews overwhelmingly believe their weakest middah in bein adam l’chaveiro is in the realm of lashon hara and gossip. The gap wasn’t even close.
To me, this reveals something troubling: we, as a community, inherently know when we are engaging in gossip, even when it involves tragic and extremely sensitive circumstances. Yet, when confronted about it, we rush to defend our actions, unwilling to openly admit (beyond anonymous surveys) that we are falling short.
As we approach Rosh Hashanah, I hope we can reflect on this. Let’s work on improving our middos, particularly those related to speech. If we can do that, then maybe the next time YWN publishes an op-ed criticizing us, I will be able to confidently write a letter defending our community and excoriating YWN for being motzi laaz about us.
Sincerely,
A.C.
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4 Responses
Very well articulated.
A good way to get people to start gossiping about the story again under the guise of “spreading awareness.”
Research by “nishma” regarding middot?
Seriously, get a life man!
10 Points!
I believe your naysayers simply don’t want to do the work in working on their speech…
It pains me to write this but I can’t deny how true your words are and want to sadly remind you and welcome you to today’s generation of the entire world-no matter who they are or which country they are from-facing a major problem called “FACING REALITY”.
let’s start right now by looking at ourselves and admitting just to ourselves that we are currently in a generation living in denial, what happens today when Chas Vshalom tragedy strikes klal yisroel -rather personally or a public tragedy like the current Israel Hamas war with hundreds murdered rachmana litzlan- you want the honest numbers? %98 of klal yisroel will block it from their face and say to themselves
The Rambam says אין פוראניות בא בעולם אלא בשביל ישראל, “there are no Tragedies in the world except because of “כלל ישראל . From the year 2001 until the year 2009 what happened in the world? First we had September 11 2001. where over 3000 people died in one day (only one other day was there that 3000 people died in one day & that was during the Civil War) what happened then? Everyone was effected with loss of family & jobs, & we each ask ourselves as we say in Yiddish “Vos Vil De Eibishter Fun Mir” (what does Hashem want from me) for a short while we feel it & then it leaves us & we all forget about it. What happened in September of 2005? the Tsunami hit from the Indian Ocean. Where over 110,000 people died & another 1,000,000 people became homeless & lost their jobs & their lives were destroyed & again we say “Vos Vil De Eibishter Fun Mir”. & the same thing happens (we feel it for a while & then forget about it). What happened in 2006? Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans [here in America] where thousand more AGAIN lost their lives & thousands of others lost family & jobs. & then what happened in 2008? the Market crashed & people lost millions & billions of dollars, with thousands of other people losing their jobs . With the Lehman Brothers Market Crashing & General Motors Going Bankrupt etc… Each time we say the same thing to ourselves “Vos Vil De Eibishter Fun Mir” (what does Hashem want from me) & then after a short while we just forget about it like it never happened. We all think that the Riches that i have are because of ME & the work i did for my Business, we forget that Hashem sent us all this money & everything in the world he is watching every day. We have to remember that all this is Happening because of אין פוראניות בעולם אלא בשביל ישראל, all this is because we don’t take these messages from Hashem for us to return to him. Hopefully now we can take these signs & prevent other tragedies from happening.
The situation in Eretz Yisroel & in the Diaspora is very bad from Terrorists to the entire Economy going down etc… If anyone should ask why all these Tzaros are Happening to Klal Yisroel he only needs to look at what the Rambam says. Saying that as long as we remain ignorant of the present troubles that we have & what the reasons are that they are happening. The situation can only get worse until Mashiach comes. With the society we are living in today we (sadly) CONSTANTLY need reminders (wake-up calls) from HASHEM for us to do T’shuva & return to HASHEM so all this Tzaros can end & Mashiach comes.
May we all finally wake up and FACE REALITY and openly confess and accept Hashems wake up call for serious teshuva and Achdus together so Hashem can send mashiach already bkarov. Cause sadly that’s what we’re doing now, we are living in denial and letting ourselves be fooled by our human corrupted psychological mind-Yetzer Hara-and think we can fool Hashem that we don’t openly see Hashems wake up calls directly to klal yisroel his loving children.