In what can only be described as a groundbreaking strategy to combat antisemitism, Harvard University has responded to growing concerns by… expanding kosher food options. That’s right—while antisemitism continues to rise, the Ivy League’s Presidential Task Force on Combating Antisemitism has concluded that the real solution to this age-old issue lies in what Jewish students can eat for lunch.

“The university must ensure a welcoming environment for religiously observant Jewish students, faculty, and staff,” the task force declared, as if a nice kosher meal would be the key to solving centuries of hatred and discrimination. Their bold recommendation? Hot kosher lunches should be available by the start of next term at Hillel or at least one of the River Houses and at the Radcliffe Quad.

In addition, the task force graciously suggested that pork products should be clearly marked in all dining facilities.

Two months later, Harvard has triumphantly rolled out expanded kosher options—presumably because nothing alleviates the sting of growing antisemitism like some matzo ball soup.

The university now boasts kosher offerings at Annenberg Hall and Pforzheimer House, where hot entrees and sides will be served from Sunday to Friday, and cold selections will be available on Shabbos. This grand gesture of inclusivity will be achieved with compostable wares—because even antisemitism needs to be eco-friendly.

Jacob Miller, a Harvard senior and former president of Harvard Hillel, hailed the new kosher options as a “big win.” “The previous kosher lunch options were inadequate,” Miller told the Harvard Crimson, adding that these changes will “directly increase the quality of life for people who keep kosher or keep kosher-style.”

Meanwhile, actual discussions about addressing antisemitism on campus? Well, those might have to wait. For now, at least Jewish students can enjoy a hot kosher meal while pondering the broader societal issues that apparently don’t need immediate attention.

(YWN World Headquarters – NYC)