Dear YWN,
I am a 40 year old businessman from Flatbush that has been financially successful beyond my wildest dreams. B’H I can say that much of what I have invested in over the past fifteen years has turned to gold and I have more money than I will ever be able to spend. Chasdei Hashem!
They say you can’t buy happiness and I recently began taking a look at my life to see if in fact I was falling into a trap that I would regret later on in life. In addition to looking at my life, I also began observing some friends and colleagues to see if they seemed happy and relaxed or if life was just one big hustle.
Because I own my own business, I made a decision years ago that I was not going to be a workaholic, and I committed to being home in the evenings to help my children with their homework and tuck them into bed at night. However, one recent evening, when I answered two e mails on my Blackberry and took three phone calls on my cell while doing Mishnayos with my son, I began to realize that I was missing the boat.
A little while later, I was reading in my living room when my wife sent me a text from the kitchen. I asked her why she didn’t just come in and ask me the question and she said – sarcastically – that I normally answer my Blackberry quicker than I answer her. After messing up my quality time with my son a few hours earlier, this hit me like a ton of bricks. Was I addicted to my Blackberry that badly?
Later that night I went to Landua’s for maariv and there were two people in the hallway on the phone, a whole bunch more right outside talking or texting and the guy next to me was vibrating away during Shmone Esreh. After all that had happened that night, and seeing how engrossed everyone else was with their “business” I made an immediate commitment to get rid of my Blackberry.
If I cannot sit for twenty minutes with my son without being interrupted five times (two of them were tzedaka related), or go to shul and not feel like I am shackled down with my Blackberry, how happy and relaxed am I? We live in a culture where many of us send in excess of 200 e mails a day and spend close to 3,000 minutes per month on the cell. From my perspective, the Blackberry/Cell Phone is like a criminal ankle bracelet and I am proud to say that mine is gone.
I understand that most people can’t live without it (I would kill my employees if they ever tried it), but let us take a step back and notice that we need to focus on what is truly important and what makes a difference for the long term. Most of us can’t live without it, but perhaps we should dedicate an hour a night to put it away in a draw and focus on our families.
Thanks for reading.
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59 Responses
Wow boy did you hit the nail on the head. There’s no question that my Blackberry has increased my productivity at work. But also no question that it’s a leash and bondage away from real life. I hope your letter opens up people’s eyes.
Powerful piece. I wish others would take action as quickly as you did. Once the initial reaction wears off, we tend to justify our “need” for the cell phones, blackberries, palm pilots etc and the guilt disappears very quickly.
Keeping it locked up at work isn’t enough? Hope your employees can’t figure out who you are.
Not knocking the message – it’s important and I wish you hatzlacha in this, nachas from your children and family life, and continued hatzlacha in your work and may you use your resources wisely
so if you deserve a life, don’t your employees also?! If you understand what this addiction to electronics is doing to people, why would you kill your employees for getting rid of their blackberries? I really don’t understand your point at all.
So, you would “kill” your employees if they got rid of thier blackberries. What type of menuval are you? You realize that the blackberry is ruining your life, but you don’t care if it ruins your employees life? You must be making all this money in olam hazeh, because I can’t see how you deserve any olam habah treatin employees like that. Your statement also makes me wonder how much you compensate your employees and if they need to beg for raises, as is the general jewish custom. I don’t envy you when you will have to answer after 120.
“…and I have more money than I will ever be able to spend”
Then can you share some of it with me? I am as tight as anything.
Does that mean that you don’t have a phone at all now??? Or only not an internet/email phone?
I always say how much better I learn and daven on Shabbos being that I can’t access the blackberry. During the week, even if it is not buzzing, just knowing that it might buzz takes away a strong level of my concentration. It really is a big problem.
Important article. If we “can’t” get rid of blackberries completely, why not start a campaign to do like what many do to stop lashon hara, – i.e. have a “taanis blackberry” – for the first 2 hours, or at least one hour, after getting home from work, TURN IT OFF! No ifs, ands, or buts, those two hours belong to our spouses, kids, and OURSELVES. Remember, – you often hear of people who, on their deathbeds, will say “I should have spent more time with my family”, but did you ever hear of anyone who said “I should have spent more time at work”???
good piece, Just wondering why its important to tell us how successful you are?
To 10:04, because a successful business man has a harder time “disconnecting” than a kollel yungerman. He runs a business, with employess, and NEEDS to be in contact with them.
I agree with rescue37. This person is a “b’heima”. He understands that his Blackberry holds him back from having a normal relationship with wife and kids, so he vows to get rid of it, as he can afford to (as he so kindly told us). But “och in vei” to any of his employers who desires the same. He would “kill them”.
A “b’heima” who sticks out his split hoofs and oinks, “See how good I act!”
‘Thanks for reading’
Well, you can say that again!
Although the message was a good one, you could have spared us the tedious details and summed up the point in about one paragraph!
I think I’m also gunna get rid of one of my Blackberries…
Well put
To the people who have issues with the “killing employees”-
What the letter writer undoubtedly meant was that for him, the way to break the addiction was to get rid of the BlackBerry COMPLETELY (and he recommends for the rest of us, including his employees, to at leasts try an hour at night). If his employees tried that, then yes, he would rightfully “be very mad at them” (i took the liberty to change the tone)
‘Ain chodosh tachas hashomayim’
Like with internet and so much other technology which might pose as an obstacle.
Can someone please explain the point here? Or is it just some nudnik who desperatley wants to blow hot air?
While there is a lot of good you can do with your success, and I am sure communication via your blackberry is a component of your overall business requirements, you are able to see the challenges on the other side of the coin. Let this be the worst challenge you have to face in life’s challenges. I think you will succeed and become stronger at controlling the use of your blackberry. Technology can create serious challenges that draw us away from how we want to handle matters. Good luck!
I dont see how the fact that you have money has any relevance to the story which leaves me to believe that its made up and your just trying to make a point, p.s people who really have alot of money would never talk the way you did it was a dead giveaway that you are in fact very unwealthy the point is a good one though
People who pat themselves on the back make me uncomfortable.
If those same people whack their employees on the back, it makes me sick.
Not to say the proliferation of cell phones and Balckberrys is not an issue – but the Ba’al Gaivoh who wrote this article just wants to boast.
4, 10 and 12. I think the author was trying to make a poor attempt at humor. I don’t think he meant that he has more than he can spend and that he’d kill his employees etc….
#12, yours was one of the most disgusting messages I have ever read.
Now that it is Elul you might want to think a little about where you are going. The time will come that you won’t be with us any more. Hire for yourself a very good and interesting Talmid Chuchom to learn with you a few hours a day. Learn with him in a secluded place that no one even your wife won’t be able to find you. You will be a totally diferant person even the first day.
Sorry I couldn’t read this article but I got rid of my Blackberry.:)
boy aren’t we all quick with the comments…. he’s just trying to share a point, and i think the employee comment was just an attempt to keep it light _ it’s a good point, and that’s what we should take from it.
I wonder if his employees wanted to go home to learn mishnayos with their son, if he would allow it. It’s very easy for him to say what he did, but is he just full of words or actions too?
Fighting a yetzer hora doesn’t mean getting rid of it. It means keeping it and controlling it.
This guy is obviously arrogant and controlling, with a holier than though attitude.
This is obviously the type of person that we need to hear mussar from in y’mos hamoshiach. It is apparent from this article of the type of person we are dealing with. It doesn’t matter that we are dealing with a massive baal gaiva over here, that does not take away from the lesson he has to teach us. What matters is his sincerity. If this is the type of person, who when without a blackberry ie:shabbos, is he in the back row of a shtiebel discussing business occurences that happened during the week? Is this the type of man who is only makpid on the chetzyoinis in life and couldn’t give a hoot about the pnimiyos? Does he care more about the way his children dress outside more than the way they act inside? Is he running to give mosdos money while his married children are relying on tomchei shabbos? Its these type of people that love telling people to “live within your means” while boasting about problems of theirs like “having too much money to spend”. But, keep in mind that this man can very likely be sincere about his actions, it is very likely that on shabbos he davens with kavana in the front of the shul, it is possible that his sons and sons in law are able to sit and learn while he supports them with love, and ofcourse it is possible that he would never talk bad behind any of his childrens back. With these possiblities in mind, we must accept this idea. We must accept that this “blackberry” generation has got to stop. Rav Simcha Bunim Cohen, one of the gedolei hador of this generation, says that the real problem with blackberrys is, one used to greet one with a good morning and a smile, today it is all just electronically communicated with these devices.
Idiot.
Why do you employees need to live with your blackberries? Do you own them? Don’t they deserve to spent time with their families uninterrupted?
Indeed Idiot.
Chazal teach us that if you have an eved ivri, and you have only have one pillow, you must give it to the eved ivry. this successful business person would no doubt kill the eved ivry if he took the pillow…
#11 – I was always taught Family comes first….. No matter how large your business is…
How many of you would take his message if you didn’t know of his success??? Learn to be happy for the next one – you can learn from everyone.
Who could afford Blackberries today anyway?
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
If you have enough money retire, go learn and spend even more time with the family!
Nos 13, Nameless
Your post is the best one on the board!
As far as the writer’s first paragraph, I agree with
Eric, 18. As the saying goes ‘ Dogs that bark, dont bite’
We lived just fine w/o cell phones until now. The thinking that we”can’t get rid of them” is highly questionable. It is a bad example for our youth. Get rid of cell phones!
A teacher I had would hardly ever take the phone at his office (while teaching). The first time i was there the phone rang and rang and he ignored, and said “A phone was made for your convenience, NOT for your inconvenience”
Ouch, I think this fellow is taking a beating that he does not deserve. Woah everybody, calm down.
you started by saying
“I have more money than I will ever be able to spend. Chasdei Hashem!”
well why dont you leave you’r email address so i can contact you for some of that extra money, ya how about it!
You people are a bunch of sneering cynical hapless deplorable wretches, enough with the critacism, this guy wrote a beutiful letter and you people come and knock it for no good reason, as far as I see it the “killing employees” was a joke and there’s nothing wrong with being happy for a successful person, may all you sick miserable people get a grip.
supercillious,
I think you need some professional help! Your post is sickening!
” dont see how the fact that you have money has any relevance to the story which leaves me to believe that its made up and your just trying to make a point, p.s people who really have alot of money would never talk the way you did it was a dead giveaway that you are in fact very unwealthy the point is a good one though ”
Just what I was thinking as I read the letter!!!
I’m not refuting his point, but the manner in which it was written is really silly.
I sometimes wonder if the editors write the letters to start a new forum?! or perhaps a woman who was unhappy that her hub was ignoring her to much?! or maybe just some bored people!
Have fun pondering….
To #25 who said:
“Fighting a yetzer hora doesn’t mean getting rid of it. It means keeping it and controlling it.”
That is wrong
To: supercillious and broker,
PLEASE GUYS TAKE A CHILL THIS AINT GOOD FOR YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE!!! To sum it up this guy has done very well financially and he got rid off his blackberry. You obviously don’t know what mesiras nefesh this is coz if you did you wouldn’t be biting his head off and calling him a bheima.
Is this what we’ve fallen to? A person tries to connect again to his family by throwing away a device that had become part of him and you’re calling him a bheima???
I couldn’t believe my eyes when i saw some of the posts here and in Elul too…
A bit of thought before you hit the submit comment please…
#35 got it right. In my generation, if the land-line phone rings, noone runs to answer it…let them leave a message. I think that the second generation blackberry users will learn to ignore the pda’s, just as the 2nd gen land-line telephone users ignore the landline when it rings.
It is truly sickening how many of you crave wealth an have a tremendous amount of jealously in you. It is very sad.
I still have an antique Nextel i530 with a LCD Screen(Green & Black,remember them?)with no Internet Access, I get only phone calls, no texts or emails. If I am busy davening or learning it is on vibrate, let them leave a message.
#42
He is being called so, because of his lack of caring about his workers. The writer says that he can get rid of it, but chas v’salom his workers should. He is worse than a behaimah, most animals take care of their undelings.
#39 broker, whadyu broker? The way I see it is your an unfit ignoramus and a streight up misfit to society go try to get in touch with a brain-broker. Good Luck
All I can say after reading the negativity in the responses is mir darf teshuva ton.
We all need to do teshuvah.
I don’t understand what is wrong with all you people? This guy is trying to publish what he has just realized, and since this is a place where basically everyone does that, he decided to do the same. Why can’t you all just respect his wish and be quiet.
Sinserely I think he has a very good point, letsaarainu harav, now-a-days, fathers don’t have time for their kids because their email on the blackberry is more important… We should really work on it.
Thanx so much for opening our eyes!
I used to enjoy reading these mailbags where people share their opinions, it was an eye-opener to different things, getting ideas and opinions from all walks of life but recently… i cringe when i read the comments, everyone is out to hock and belittle the next one! even if no one knows who you are, you’re still lacking basic middos. This guy has the courage, puts his story up so ppl can learn and maybe follow and all he gets is attacks from all sides! What do you think he’s thinking as he reads the forum to see everyones comments to his big undertaking?!? Is this what Jews are about? (At least this time everyone isn’t attacking his grammar and spelling, that REALLY sickens me, it shows I can’t find something to hock in your article so I’ll mock the spelling…etc.) I have a lot more to say but the long comments often get boring, all i can say is I’m horrified and sickened! I’m really thinking of stopping to read this website, it makes my blood boil!!
One more thing! Mr. “Thanks for Reading”, thanks for sharing! It really was a good letter! Ignore the people trying to bash you, they have too much time on their hands, and are looking to nit-pick in ANYTHING you would write. (If you notice it’s the same people who always criticize, it’s THEM thats the problem not the authors of the letters and articles.)
I am very happy for your kids that their father has made the right decision.
But you sound very aggressive in terms of your employees dont they deserve some time with their kids? Are you really so selfish not thinking about their personal life?
I am own a big business too and i never felt the need for a blackberry, and never insisted any of my workers to get one.
We have an employee, called a secretary who answers emails and if the email comes after office hours then it can wait till 8 am.
Kol Hakovod, may you be zoche to becoming internet free as well. perhaps we have a lot to learn from you.
Last night I asccidently left my Balckberry at my office. It’s only a ten minuite drive from my house, but I didn’t go back for it. It turned out to be the most pleasent night I can remmeber in a long time. my wife and I actually had a two hour on and off conversation while watching tv together. There were no interuptions, no e-mails, no calls from clients no IM’s to respond to. It was amazing. I plan on “accidentally” forgetting it at work more often in the future.
To #50 (umm) who threatened, “I’m really thinking of stopping to read this website, it makes my blood boil!!”… rather than mere threats, why not simply unsubscribe or stop reading the web site, and spare us the details?
To the gent who composed the original Mailbag letter: Unfortunately, not all of us frum Yidden are “financially successful beyond (our) wildest dreams” or “have more money than (we) will ever be able to spend.” A sensitivity workshop may be in order, as it’s not nice to “rub it in” while others may be suffering economically. Many of us are barely getting by in today’s economic downturn, and find it nearly impossible to pay multiple yeshiva tuitions, marry off children, etc. If you will hire me or my wife, we promise that we will NOT chuck our Blackberries; we will have them on our person at all times, and we will be available at your beck and call. Question: If your employees must retain their Blackberries (at the threat of death) but you’ve seen to get rid of your own Blackbberry, then how on earth do you communicate with your own employees? Or are you so successful that there are levels of employees under you who all have Blackberries and communicate with each other 24/6 while you and your aishes chayil are screaming back and forth to each other from the kitchen to the living room? By the way, how did your wife text you from the kitchen? Did you make her get rid of her Blackberry as well? Or did you only get rid of yours?
Chag Purim sameach.
#54 (Cantor Esquire): Better you should leave your tv – rather than your Blackberry – at your office!
the only truth is the part that his wife txt him from the kitchen
Highly recommended exercise for relaxing:
Over the weekends disconnect from all gadgetry.
Except for my alarm clock to wake me for Vasikin, I am without the 21st century 2 days a week.
No watch, no phones, no Internet, no car, no wallet.
It’s so relaxing that I tried it for the entirety of Sukkot.
Warning: It’s addicting. 🙂
I am deeply suspicious of people who speak so arrogantly even if it is anonymously. This is not the characteristic of am yisrael who are supposed to be bayshonim. I believe you lack a lot more than quality time. Maybe you should look a little deeper into your life.
1. to the letter writer. Thank Hashem for your financial success and be mispalel that it should continue forever. We know that Money comes and goes. Just making you aware of this point. – We learn from Leah to always ask Hashem for more brocha to continue.(She had a break after Yehuda because she said “hapaam odeh es Hashem” instead of praying for the future)
2. I agree, blackberry / cell phone addictions really can affect relationships with your close ones.
I heard someone admit recently that her married a new wife: Mrs Blackberry.