I would like to raise awareness about an important issue that warrants more attention from us. The issue is the negative reviews that people leave on locally owned businesses within our very own community and the havoc they cause. Once that negative impression is etched in a consumers mind, it is extremely difficult to remove it, and as we all know, when checking out a business, many of us head straight for the reviews to see what ppl are saying.
Being that it’s impossible to please everyone all the time, businessowners will inevitably have disgruntled customers. The problem is, once they write these disgruntled customers write thier review, it’s nearly impossible for the business to refute it, as it’s the customers word versus the store and people viewing the review will generally believe the customer.
To make matters worse, upset customers often use extremely sharp language and dramatically describe their gripe, (for example: “This is the worst tasting pizza ever, rudest staff I have ever come across, disgusting attitude by manager, worst experience in my life”) while the owner must remain professional and polite when responding (“We are so sorry you felt this way; please reach out to us so we can assist you further”), and people generally will assume that the customer is outlining a universal truth about the establishment.
This is an issue that is seriously taking money out of our own community’s pockets. Don’t believe me? Speak to your local business owners about the stress, anxiety, and tension those terrible reviews cause them.
Now, to address a valid point you might be thinking of: Sometimes a store’s service really is terrible and the food truly subpar, and it’s actually a chessed to leave a review so that no one should have to have the same bad experience as you did. That’s fair, and I get it. We all have occasionally experienced a businesses where expectations were not met and there is lots of room for improvement. However, I would ask you to consider this: Imagine the owner of this establishment was your good friend, or your neighbor, and you personally watched over the years as he worked long hours to try to build himself up and make his store successful. One night you go out to eat, and the waitress, who is having a rough day, really messes up your order or snaps at you. Would you be so quick to pull out your phone and write a critical review about how this business is terribly unprofessional and how the waitress has got a real attitude, or would you be more forgiving because you understand that a bad review can really hurt your friend/neighbor and really make his business suffer?
We have to keep in mind that these establishments are owned and run by our acquaintances and that each review is hurting a friend or neighbor of ours.
One must keep in mind that the Chofetz Chaim has a whole set of conditions that must be met in order for one to be allowed to speak critically abt another – even l’toeles! If any are not met, it is real lashon horah. If one believes he is entitled to write a review, it behooves him to show it to a competent Rabbi first and make sure it is written properly. As the Chofetz Chaim himself says, “at the time one speaks (l’toeles) he is standing in grave danger of the issur of speaking lashon horah if he doesn’t protect himself (by keeping all the necessary conditions). And on this u can say death and life are in the hands of the tongue. And if one doesn’t think to himself before he begins to speak a matter like this, which way to bring out the incident, for sure he will transgress, for at the time of the incident a person’s anger is strengthened upon himself, and it is impossible to be careful in this. Therefore, before one begins to speak one must contemplate how to bring out the incident in a way not to make the wrongdoing greater than it is, and to have in mind to do it for a constructive purpose…..’’ (Chofetz Chaim Hilchos Lashon Horah Klal Yud Se’if Tes Vav).
M.K.
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22 Responses
“If one believes he is entitled to write a review, it behooves him to show it to a competent Rabbi first and make sure it is written properly…”
I’d really like to know if your rebbe has either the time or interest to be editing your online reviews of of a local pizza or chulent joint, landscaping service or dventist. If so, perhaps you need to find a new rebbe.
1000000% agree with you M.K. thank you.
So many ways to say things more halachically okay.
If the wait was long, say, give yourself time.
If some food was bad, suggest the things on the menu that were good.
If the table was noisy, suggest a table further from the kitchen.
Most restaurants allow one to return food they do not like.
Its the same with all businesses. Btw are we even allowed to look up reviews of Jewish establishments?
I spoke to a well known Baki in Hilchos Lashon Hara and he told me this is a big problem which he has no solution for. If reviews were properly monitored and supervised there would be a way it can be done but since it is not so it is assur.
I would like to add that it is very possibly assur to even look at the negative reviews because of Kabbalas Lashon Hara even if it is Litoeles. I’m not a Rabbi and have not had a chance to ask mine, but I don’t know why it would be ok.
@gadolhadorah I was quite shocked by your scoffing reply. It may be fun to write provocative replies but a line has to be drawn somewhere. This is a very serious issue of countless issurei torah and like the Chafaitz Chaim writes is one of the reasons we are still in galus
May we all be zocheh to strengthen ourselves and see Yeshuos Bikarov.
@gadolhadorah
If your rav doesnt have time to answer a question of import which concerns one of the tenets of Yiddishkeit (lashon hara, see sefer shmiras halashon), and directly affects the wellbeing and parnassa of a fellow Yid (about whom we are commanded to steadfastly support “hakeim takim”), you should probably get a different Rav.
Gadolhadorah, if the Rabbi is a true “Gadol-hadorah” then it’s to him a very important Halachic question, even more than an old dairy fork (אינו בן יומו) dipped in a boiling soup, for example.
It’s important to keep in mind that satisfied customers very rarely leave feedback. It’s only when something goes wrong that people look for ways to complain. Another unfortunate part of human nature.
I agree with the letter writer 100%.
Even a review written with the purest of intentions and without an iota of untruth or exaggeration may be impossible to meet the halachic qualifications of not causing more harm than necessary. More than four decades ago I realized that restaurant reviews written for frum publications would potentially be problematic if they mentioned anything other than positive points about the reviewed establishments. IF – and only IF – you’re asked one-on-one about a place AND you know the one asking will be scrupulous themselves about hilchos loshon hora, AND you know it meets the other requirements of being allowed to relay the information, then (per my understanding of the halachos) you may be able to relay negative info. But a public negative review? Unless the food is literally unsafe or has kashrus (or other halachic) issues I can’t imagine it’s ever OK. I also agree that it’s always better to ask a shailoh rather than relying on your own judgement before potentially torpedoing someone’s parnossoh and committing a terrible, unrevokeable avaira,
By the way, not only is it assur to leave a public negative review for a frum business, it is just as assur to read them.
Gadot – I asked my rabbi about this specifically. It’s a big deal. We don’t have moshiach bec sinas chinam and lashon hara is the manifestation of this. I asked him is it an obligation to leave such a review to spare the next person? Or is it prohibited because you’re hurting the person’s business. His response was I think very wise. If you leave a bad response and enough people avoided it you’re putting the person out of business. If you do not leave a bad response, what’s the worst that happens? Someone goes out to dinner and is unhappy and spent $50. Maybe however, your opinion is not as universal as you think it is and the person goes out and spends $50 and has a wonderful time and for whatever reason the problem is with you not with the restaurant.
Lashon hora is such an enormous sin I think people are too quick to see themselves as holy and righteous and do not consider how much wickedness they are spreading in this world. I mean half of the writing of Chofetz Chaim He says you think not such in such are allowed, but actually, this is an enormous Avera. The person is not sufficiently educated to recognize it, as such, or sees his actions, as only Holy and disregards the danger.
If you saw a friend walking into a restaurant, that was not kosher, would you not want to warn him? If there were a friend walking near a cliff, and he did not realize the ground is loose, and he is likely to fall over and die would you not warn him? The problem is people are too confident in their speech, and generally consider much more what they are saying, and doing.
I think this is an important warning.
Well said.
Maybe it would be better if the sites that let people review, such as Google, would send remarks to store owners first so the owners could have a chance respond to the disgruntled customers/ patients, etc. or to have it go to a mediation review before airing it in public. It’s too easy to complain online.
Very well written, thank you.
To Gadol Hadorah: I am a shul rabbi, and let me tell you, when dealing with fights there is very little more important than yes, asking if something is allowed or is a strong sin of loshan harah.
And there are plenty of hotlines (ie Chofetz Chaim Foundation) or other online organizations which are ready waiting for these shailos.
People who are very easy going when it comes to criticizing any Jewish enterprise and / or its products – whether it’s a yeshiva, shul, retailer, manufacturer, servicer, etc. need to learn through Hilchos Lashon Hora and the related Chazals. B”H, nowadays there are many sources of media that can help someone achieve basic proficiency in these halachos. I can say about myself that if I see myself slipping I take it as a sure sign that it’s time for chazarah.
Excellent letter! Hopefully the message does resonate and bear the fruit the writer hopes to bring about. M.K. is right on! Thank you
@Gadolhadorah you constantly show your lack of respect for rabbonim in all your posts. Of course your Rov should have time to read your post if yo ask him to!!
If you ask your Rov a lashon harah question, why would he not want to answer it?
@Gadolhadorah if I’m about to publish something that could damage another yid’s business, and I was concerned that it might violate loshan hora and numerous other issurim, then I absolutely would ask my rebbe to review it. I want a rebbe who has time for real issues like this, not some holy charlatan who only has time for their own kovod.
GadolHadorah, always the letz 🙁
Thank you MK for writing this. I too have been utterly shocked reading Google reviews on yiddishe businesses, and most of them have clearly not thought for 1 second about the severe their loshon horah with real consequences.
One thing you can do is leave a positive note to drown out the awful entitled people who write this things publicly.
And it’s you have an actual problem with a restaurant, write the owner a private message.
If your Rebbe doesn’t have the time to answer a halacha question involving the issur of Lashon Harah, then you need to find another Rebbe!! (Also, if you DON’T have an answer, don’t write it.)
I agree with the letter. One reason Dougies in Baltimore failed.
wow, thank you for bringing this up. at first i was a little skeptical if it was a problem ,but after reading the responses i realize now how serious it is.
A bad review is actually an opportunity for a business to improve its service. If I had a bad experience and didnt speak up, the business lost a customer. If I speak up and get a rude response, I know that it isnt just a one off (if waitress is having a bad day, her manager should intervene). But if its a repeat problem, I will write a bad review hoping the business improves, then I will review this business again. BH, I usually write good reviews.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention
It never crossed my mind
I don’t leave reviews often but it’s good to keep it in mind