I’m getting really sick and tired of people impugning my name to make themselves feel better about themselves. When midwinter comes around each year, the same thing happens. We get the same op-eds about how horrible midwinter break is, the same know-nothings spouting off about how bad my fancy vacation is.
It’s easy for you to pass judgement when you’re not in my shoes. Do I bring my kids to Florida every midwinter break? You bet I do. Do I think it’s bad for them? Absolutely not. In fact, it’s the best thing I do for them year in and year out.
You know why? Because I work for a living. The only way for me to put food on my table is to leave my house very early each morning and returning late at night – usually long past my kids are sleeping. Every week, my kids have no father until Shabbos. And even then, I’m too exhausted to give them my full attention. Am I happy with it? No. But it’s the reality I and my family live. And so do many others.
So every year, I put a little money away each month so that when midwinter break comes around I can give my children the time of their life – with their father’s full participation. We spend time together, we reconnect with each other, we forge bonds that doing something small and inconsequential could never do. The midwinter break keeps my family together and maintains a bond between myself and my kids that I don’t want to ever relinquish.
You want to scream at the top of your lungs about how horrible it is that I go to Florida? That’s fine, but I’m not listening. You and your ilk won’t get in the way of me having a relationship with my children. I don’t care if you’re right that it takes them time to adjust back to school, I don’t care if you think they are being taught to live like kings and queens (we live quite simply in general, by the way), and I don’t care if your soapbox speeches are endorsed by your rav.
My children and my family will always come first. If you have a posh life that allows you to be around your children every day, I’m very happy for you. But don’t sit there and lecture me about the things I can or cannot do because you don’t have the same life that I do.
Name withheld out of fear of being harassed by harassing harassers.
NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.
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45 Responses
Hashem comes first.
Having a relationship is important and crucial, but why do it in a way that makes it harder for the one who tends to your kids all the time you’re away?
You admit yourself that the bulk of the Chinuch you leave to the Rebbe, so why not take in account the repercussions?
Can’t you have fun quality time in a different way?
[Since you’re away from home so much, won’t it be nice to enjoy your own home when you’re no so tired?…]
When people are screaming they aren’t listening.
Very few of the points addressed in this letter actually address any of the cogent points made by the people who are criticizing what people are doing .
But what is being addressed is the anger at being yelled at. So he yells back. Yelling about the points that are important to him. It’s really productive
If the first letter writer would have toned down the rhetoric and made the points without sarcasm and strong negativity , maybe people would listen a little better.
Probably not.
To actually address the issue – standing beneath the noble banner of doing one’s best for one’s family doesn’t actually mean that all choices made under that banner are proper or even accomplish that goal.
Why do you have to connect with your kids in Florida as opposed to New Jersey? Monsey? Lakewood? Or even Queens? (If you don’t live in said city and even if you do)
Secondly,
You don’t care if your child’s learning or possibly yiddishkeit suffers? Really? Do you care if their physical wellbeing suffers?
Thirdly why do you have to take your vacation midwinter break as opposed to the summer and spend the money on a bungalow colony in order to bond with them?
I just never got why everyone goes to Florida. How is it a vacation when you see everyone you know. Every frum jew and there mother are down in Florida for Yeshiva week. All the restaurants are packed and there are barely any reservations available. How is this a vacation. My ideal vacation would be not see everyone from my Shul or county or township. Quiet and remote is a vacation. But to each there own.
Also , I think the rabbi was focusing on the materialistic aspect of the Florida vacations (I lived in Florida for a while , there is no denying the state itself has a materialistic vibe) and also the fact that when you go to a hotel right by the beach you will def be seeing people not dressed according to Halacha. But I see your side also, you need to spend some family time that’s very important. There is always two sides to everything. I was thinking of vacationing in place that is warm but also has the ability to go mountain hiking and stream fishing, so there is more opinions besides sitting by the beach. both sides have good points.
Who is this guy??I love him!!
Your children need YOU a whole year – not a trip to Florida.
You say that you want to put your family first but your actions don’t support that statement. Please rethink your work/life balance. Kids need their parents now more than ever.
I have deep deep suspicion that these 2 letters, one anti Midwinter Florida breaks, and the other pro, are written by the same person, looking to stir up the pot. Call me crazy, but I’m getting that vibe. Plot twist.
😂
Point weak, raise voice.
It is very beautiful to spend time with your children.
But was the point spending time with the children in Florida or else the time with them would not be considered well spent?
I believe vacation time with the family is very important but why the itch to run to the Sunshine State?
To each their own and hope for the best…
So we have bracketed between two extremes……a rebbe who wants to control how/when parents take their kids on winter break vacations so they are not out of control when they return to cheder and a father whose reality only allows him to bond with his kids once a year on the beach or ski slopes and resents anyone castigating him as a bad parent. In between are the vast majority of parents who somehow are able to find some middle ground in terms of taking the kids on fun vacations they can afford but maintaining some discipline and perhaps a few days of transition so that they are not bouncing off the walls on return to the classroom.
Shame on you!! Your haskafas in life is very bad. Looks like you it’s a generational problem running in your family .
I really cannot sell you שכל but I’m glad you withheld your name so I’m unable to curse you
Also , can someone explain to me why most (not all frum people) have very little affinity for outdoor activities or vacationing where instead of the attraction being a beach there is hiking , climbing , fishing and other family activities. Why is it almost always if I am frum Jew I am vacationing in some tropical or subtropical destination. Doesn’t it get boring after few years of going to Florida.
Dont judge people in general. Unless you are in their shoes. Everyone is dealing with different circumstances.
Every family has to do what’s right for them. The problem is that it takes more than one man to create a village. It has become the accepted norm even for those families who don’t necessarily need to travel all the way to Florida in order to spend quality time with their kids and it creates a social pressure. Each family has the right to do what’s good for them, but at the same time you need to be aware how your actions and choices may affect the masses. Same goes with Chassunah Takanos that Rabbanim wanted to institute. Then this family was an exception and this family was an exception and Chassunah norms became high standards once again. Kol Yisroel Areivim Zeh Lazeh. You do need to think how your actions may affect the Klal. Your kids might grow up and maybe not be able to do the same for their families. Nothing is guaranteed in life. We need to set standards for our children that are Al Pi Ha’Torah for generations.
lets get a response to the response to the letter now
i got my popcorn ready
Oiy! You really do need a break. Please go to Florida for a while. 😉
right on 100% no one has ANY business commenting on anything ANYONE else does. If the school thinks it’s affecting the kids let them tell the parents gently, and with true care. NOT YOUR BUSINESS WHAT I DO WITH MY FAMILY PERIOD!
So why can’t OP take them to Switzerland? No pritzus there in the winter and much more of an experience.
(Side point: Why do wives want their husbands in these places?)
@Moreyeshivishthenyou100 Come down to Charleston, SC and we’ll take care of you. The tourists in the know pass through our shul (BSBI downtown) and help make minyan. We feed them well and you can fish all you want. Quiet and calm. You won’t run into anyone you know.
We all love him too…
I just want to add my 2 sense here. We are a hard working family and comes around mid winter we can use a nice break! Winter is long and cold and family time is well needed. I want to bring to peoples attention who have never been to florida and feel the need to bash it that there are different types of vacations people take- you can go to Miami bring your family to the beach sit at the public hotel pools and eat at expensive hyped up restaurants (and %100 there will be pritzus no one can argue that!). Then there is taking a private house with a private pool in places like Orlando or Boca which is a completely different chill- you can enjoy family time in nice weather for affordable prices. Food can be simple and the fun is built in! I think people should stop generalizing “florida” as an awful vacation spot and research the different types of vacations you can take there! On a side note I do think people do have to be aware though when renting private houses with treif kitchens- many are extremely makil- people should do thorough research and not make any assumptions with what can and can’t be koshered and used… what you do and don’t need to toivel- when we show our children that we hold to the highest standards even when on vacation this is one of the greatest lessons we can give over.
I see nothing of substance in this letter. It just screams “I’M SELFISH AND DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE!”. Not particularly impressive for a Jew.
Amen to that!!
In the same exact position.
Too many uptight nosy ppl around offering their idiotic views.
I have to say I 100% agree with this post. I am a Rebbe at a well respected Tri-State area Yeshiva and I just dont see the negative “repercussions” of young talmidim going to Florida over winter break. The previous post from a different Rebbe seemed angry and jealous. If youre going to be a Rebbe be happy youre involved in avodas hakodesh. If youre going to be an accountant be happy you are providing an honest living for your family. Please everyone – stay in your lane. Don’t be looking over your shoulder what others are doing and you’ll be a much happier person. Trust me 🙂
I think we beat this dead horse already. Can we move along and get the Pesach program “vacation” resort controversy started early this year?
I never took my kids to florida, or anywhere else for that matter, and yet i agree with this letter writer.
People who are in chinuch are living on a different planet. They have the most cushy schedules, work a few hours a day, easily available to pick up the kids, eat supper together, home early on fridays, home during bein hazmanim, home with the kids over chanukah vacation, home with the kids the week before pesach and other yomim tovim, home with the kids over the summer….its unbelievable.
They get tuition discounts, and lots of other financial perks too.
When my husband was in kolel our schedules were amazzzinngg. Then he had to go to work and the pressure that hit was enormous. We no longer got tuition breaks, and pay about $13k per child, lost all other programs as well.
Its not fair for people who arent living that life to judge. It can be very difficult. We have to pay our bills, and in order to do so we need to work hard.
This father is doing what he needs to do to provide a parnassah. Let him give his kids a decent vacation.
Sir, I’ll tell you what you sound like. About 40 years I taught in a modern orthodox yeshiva. the principal tried to initiate a schoolwide program to discourage television watching. One father in my class told me he was very upset with this initiative, He felt watching television helps a child learn to focus. Yes, after 40 years I finally found a partner for that father.
This is newsworthy?
I agree that this might be the same op writing pro Florida and not pro Florida. I’m getting that vibe too. Ywn needs action going so they know who’s it’s coming from but still post it.
I love what he is saying! It’s so true we all need a break and need to connect and it’s a great time to go away and have hot weather and family time.
Does anyone else think YWN is making up these always anonymous letters?
Wow what a bunch of whining! I’m surprised this wasn’t typed out in all caps.
Where are you on Sundays?
Too much drama. Relax everyone.
Dear Letter Writer,
I’m not one to judge and I have no dog in this fight as I’m not in Chinuch and my kids are too young for this to even be a discussion for them. But I’d like to make a few observations of your letter. And perhaps share a thought.
The letter starts that you are really sick and tired of people impugning your name. I’m a little confused as to why you feel that when a Rebbe makes an observation of the results he sees from kids coming back from Florida he is referring specifically to you. Perhaps your kids really do benefit from the trip but it’s possible that many more don’t.
The letter continues with a rhetorical question “Do I bring my kids to Florida every midwinter break?” I’m curious why you used the term “bring” your kids and not “Do I go with my kids?” From the way you wrote it seems that the kids are brought along and are not the primary focus of the trip.
The next thing I noticed is that you feel that not only is it not bad but it’s the best thing you do for them. While I’m not going to be the judge of if it’s the best thing for them. Have you considered doing great things WITH them.
The letter then goes on to explain that the reason this is the best thing for them is because you work for a living and you don’t have a lot of time to spend with your family. I fail to see the connection between your working for a living and the benefits of going to Florida other than the personal vacation.
I think that it’s highly commendable of you that you make the effort to put away money each month so that you can take your family on an amazing vacation and I’m sure they have a great time. But it seems that you are becoming an after thought and only a participant of the great time they are having.
Your letter ends beautifully that your family comes first and that nothing will get in the way of that relationship. A good relationship is one of the most important and beneficial things you can do for your children and every thing you do to improve it is truly commendable. And I respect tremendously you for recognizing the importance of that relationship.
I can’t judge you and what is truly happening when you go with your family on vacation. But I can say that many people don’t go with their family on vacation, they go on vacation with their family. If the focus is on the family then it really makes no difference where you go the trip will be beneficial. And if your family enjoys Florida then by all means enjoy. But if the focus is the vacation then it’s all about the where and that is when going to Florida or anywhere else is detrimental.
If you’ve already made it this far I’d like to share a personal feeling from my experience growing up. Bh my parents were able on many occasions to take us on exciting midwinter trips and I truly enjoyed them. However the memories I and my siblings enjoy the most are from the simpler vacations. The reason for this in my mind is that on the exciting vacations we went to xyz places and had a great time at that place. But on the simpler vacations we had a great time as a family and those are the ones we reminisce about.
Kinda older here. I grew up in the 70’s in Chicago and we didn’t have winter vacation. If there would have been vacation in our schools, I am sure we would be hanging around biking, working in the yard, grills, as our parents were working . We had summer vacation and our Parents tried to take us camping (car, tent, cans of tuna). We also spent alot of quality time in the yard, together. Times are very different today. We were blessed that life was simpler back then.
Maskim! 100%
Just wondering if anyone has a problem with my families vacation, we don’t do Florida,(not my thing) but I take them snowboarding/skiing for a few days(my thing- personal preference) anyone have an issue with that? Maybe too many women wearing fitted ski pants?, or davening without a minyan a few days( I know there are groups that make minyanim, but my idea of vacation is not to be on someone else’s schedule)
many many families i know left papa at home maybe he came for shabbos… and while they were in florida unfortunatly the kids & adults were playing on their phones , chk the app how much screen time in the week of ” CONNECTING & BONDING”
My comment does not concern”rights” or “wrongs” but the denigrating tone that should never be used against Rebbeim in Chinuch. Far from living a “posh” life, there are those who don’t even get paid on time and sacrifice for other people’s kids. Where do you get the idea that they live an easy life? They are the opposite of “me and my family first”. Unless it is some fancy shmancy day school most rebbeim (unlike public-school teachers) have your kid’s welfare at heart whether their criticism is just or not. These are the last people on earth to be treated with they indignities. This is NOT the way to address a Torah teacher. WRONG TONE.
The more I thought about this letter the more upset I became. The father may be completely correct (for the sake of argument) but those who comment can’t miss the point completely. They argue the pros and cons of going to Florida. That is not the proper response to the letter. What struck me was why anybody would send their kid to a yeshiva where Kavod HaTorah is taught and then be mevazeh those who teach it??? Who do you think you are? You pay tuition so the rebbe has to act like “step and fetch it”? Having said that I do respect the author in a way. He wrote that he puts money aside so that he can take his kids on vacation. On a different note I saw this as very respectable. I meet so many people who are destroying their parent’s nest eggs without a second thought for whatever expense comes up. A big fuss is made out of kids who are living at home in their 20s while married kids take their parent’s last penny, don’t get the same respect that I give the author in this regard.
@ AltzPrank
…and its YOU who wrote both !!!
@JayD you r FAKE tRoll
@e.tova . yes
@ sorry February 3, 2023 1:22 am at 1:22 am
” I’m a little confused as to why you feel that when a Rebbe makes an observation….”. this post does NOT say its a response or directed to a Rebbe.
“Do I bring my kids to Florida every midwinter break?” I’m curious why you used the term “bring” your kids and not “Do I go with my kids?”
the WRITER IS NOT a RISHON. your diyuk is wrong.
“From the way you wrote it seems that the kids are brought along and are not the primary focus of the trip.”
READ AGAIN: ” I can give my children the time of their life – with their father’s full participation. We spend time together, we reconnect with each other, we forge bonds ”
…”WITH them.” yes ofcourse WITH THEM!! read the post again, please!
” But it seems that you are becoming an after thought and only a participant of the great time they are having.”
NOT at ALL. The post says “… with their father’s full participation. We spend time together, we reconnect with each other, we forge bonds ”
” If the focus is on the family then it really makes no difference where you go…”
Wrong. the kids enjoyment together with their father is a more stronger bond.