It’s that time of year again. The time when many of us are attending the graduation ceremonies of family and friends. Yes, I know. Graduation is supposed to be a climactic event. It’s supposed to be a celebration of achievements,  the start of bright new beginnings, a time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? So why do I hate to go? 
 
At graduation, individual students are singled out for excellence. Awardees are named.  Honorees are called out. Valedictorians are delivering their speeches. And I just sit there and cringe.

While all this is going on, I wonder what the fellow graduates are thinking.  In a perfect world, these students would understand that their friends are being honored because of superior achievement.   But this is not a perfect world and I don’t see that happening.  Instead,  I see yet another opportunity for jealousy and envy.

What is the purpose of this ritual?  Why does the whole world need to know who the best students are?  Believe me, these kids know it already.  Their classmates know it.  Their parents certainly know it.  And probably so do their bubbies and zaydies.  Is it so important for the rest of us to know it too? 

You want to single out the best students?  Do it in a private forum during school hours, with just the teachers and classmates attending.  Don’t do it in front of every other bubbie in the class.  They want to shep some nachas too.

I know people who will never forget the disappointment and embarrassment they felt at their own graduation because they were deprived of some obscure honor which they had hoped to receive.  I know students who sat there and watched one classmate after another accept accolades and praise, and it bothers them years later.  Is this what graduation is all about?

I know what you’re thinking.  Grow up.  This is life.  Not everyone can be the best.  And you’re right. There will always be the superachievers and the ones who ‘make it’.   I’m not saying that superior achievement shouldn’t be recognized.  I’m just not sure that it should be recognized at this public forum.  Especially when we’re already up to our necks with young people who suffer from low self esteem.

Most of us will agree that jealousy is a major issue plaguing our community.  Jealousy destroys.  You can be jealous of someone’s house and car, but you can just as well be jealous of his/her talents and brains.  So why are we fanning the flames?  Why create an atmosphere of ill will, especially when it’s unnecessary?  You want a class representative to make a presentation?  Fine.  But why single out ten or twenty individuals for excellence  while another twenty are sitting and squirming in their seats?

I’m aware that some schools are adjusting their graduation programs, and I salute them for making this decision.  I’ve been to one graduation where every single girl was cited for her achievements.  Every one.  You couldn’t tell, unless you really paid attention, who the superstars were.   It showed tremendous sensitivity on the part of the administration.  It also showed that they recognized the strengths and abilities of every girl, whether she was a good student or not.  If only others would follow their lead.

I look forward to the day when every student will walk away from graduation smiling, really smiling.  Not the fake kind of plastered on smile.  But the genuine smile of someone who feels good about himself/herself.   Maybe then I’ll finally enjoy going to graduation.

(M. L. – YWN)