Dear YWN Editor,
I have a cautionary tale that I would like to share with the general public.
My husband and I live in a basement apartment here in Lakewood with four children. On Erev Pesach, right after we had left to go out of town for Yom Tov and my landlord had also traveled out of town, there was an electrical fire in our house. The circuit breakers are located in the basement apartment and that is where the fire originated. It was complete nissim that no one was home at the time. Bechasdei Hashem, no one was hurt, but we lost everything we owned in the fire.
The first thing I would like to mention is renters insurance. I always figured that if I got insurance, it would cover for theft, and even if I did have my valuables stolen, what I would lose in silver and jewelry would make up for what we would pay for in insurance premiums over the years.
It never occurred to me that I might be the victim of a fire. While no thief would steal all my clothing, furniture and pots and pans, we now have to start over and buy everything from scratch. Renters insurance is something that would have made an immeasurable difference in this scenario.
The second thing I would like to mention is something that I cannot stop thinking about. Before the fire, my upstairs neighbor would ask me sometimes to listen in on the monitor for a while if she needed to run out at night and could not get a babysitter. This was no problem for me at all, since her children are excellent sleepers and never woke up when I listened in. This is a fairly common practice here in Lakewood, as babysitters are very hard to come by.
I just keep thinking that, chas veshalom, if this fire would have taken place one night when I was listening in, I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t think it would have been possible for me to get my four children out and to run upstairs to get another four kids out. Electrical fires are extremely fast moving.
I know that everyone thinks it is perfectly safe to leave a monitor – and in most cases it is. I know that people think that electrical fires are rare and will not happen to them, but it happened to us. There was nothing we could have done to avoid it. It was meant to be and everyone involved is just thanking Hashem every day that no one was hurt. Whatever was lost can be bought back, boruch Hashem. However, I shudder every time I think about what would have been if it would have happened one night when I was listening in on the monitor…..
Mothers, I know firsthand how hard it is to get a babysitter and how tempting it may be to leave a monitor with a neighbor. I know that fires are so rare and would never happen to you… But they do happen. Please keep this in mind the next time you consider that option.
I would also like to publicly thank all of our family and friends who set up an apartment for us to come home to, lent our children uniforms and clothes, and are helping us get back on our feet.
Mi ke’amcha Yisroel!
We are so lucky to be part of a Klal Yisroel.
Thank you.
R. Greenspan, Lakewood NJ.
————
NOTE: Yeshivaworld welcomes your “Out Of The Mailbag” letters & comments. Letters may be edited or shortened for clarity. Submit all letters by clicking HERE – titled “Mailbag”.
The views expressed in this column reflect the opinions of the individual writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Yeshiva World News LLC. These individual opinions are also in no way meant as a P’sak Halacha or Hashkafa. As with all matters, be sure to consult with a Rov with all questions.
Join the official YWN WhatsApp status
24 Responses
i read this story somewhere, i cant remember where it sounds familiar.
May Hakadosh Baruch Hu be memaley chisronaich.
I don’t understand how responsible people don’t have renters?
Every homeowner has homeowners and every car has auto.
My question is: Is it a parents or a Rebbe’s responsibility to make sure that every new couple has the proper insurance? Maybe every couple has to figure it out on their own?
When does life insurance become imperative?
Should this be included in choson classes?
please enlighten me.
P.S. Zulst nisht reden vegen di minhagei babysitting in aza platz avu mentchen kenen reden nisht gut kineged acheinu bnai yisroel.
kol tuv.
i read this story in the voice (i think)
I was actually once babysitting by someone who told me to listen in to her neighbor with a baby moniter at the same time. It wasn’t until after the lady left (without a cell phone, and no way of contacting her) that I realised that she forgot to tell me how to get to this neighbor, if the baby does wake up. Boruch Hashem nothing happened, but just think about what could have. These baby moniters also have so much static (I’ve seen quite a few), that you can’t hear when the baby gives a slight whimper, which happens to make quite a difference, because it’s much harder to calm down a crying baby than to make him/her comfortable before they start. Also, regarding fire- you’d definetly hear the smoke alarm blaring through the baby moniter
It was in the yated
ayin tov, gut gezugt, far de andereh shp’rach oichet.
Der Eibishter zul unz uphiten!
Firstly I want to say that Mrs. Greenspan has performed a wonderful service for our community by bringing the following two issues to light: 1. the necessity of having renters insurance and 2. the irresponsible practice of using monitors in lieu of babysitters. Mrs. Greenspan’s letter adequately conveys the necessity of renters’ insurance by pointing out that all belongings need to be insured, not just jewelry and silver. However I want to elaborate on the sheer recklessness of using monitors when away from home. Fire is not the only sakana we must be concerned with. How about a child choking, a quiet intruder, a frightened child awakening without anyone around? Are you so sure all of these sounds can be heard by your neighbor who is “listening” in while he/she is busy tending to their own families? I know it’s hard to find babysitters and that husbands and wives each have their own busy schedules but stop and think what you are really doing. You are taking your beloved kinderlach and compromising their safety for your convenience. I don’t believe there is a Rov in the world that would say it is permissible to use a monitor in lieu of a babysitter. Check it out!
do they have life insurance. every chosson and kallah should have it. The meader kissdushin should not come unless this (and a legal marriage license) are taken care of.
read it in the yated ….its wrong to leave moniters with bli ayin hora a full family we have NEVER left a moniter however not it on line for “nisht fun unzer” to see????
The same exact thing could be said in regards to life insurance. Nobody thinks that they are going to die but it happens and way to often the nifter had no life insurance. Then it falls on the community to take care of this poor widow and her children.
Life insurance is so cheap, its almost criminal not to buy a policy. I’m 28 and I pay about 450 dollars a year for 1.5 million in coverage. Who can’t afford that.
I had a friend from yeshiva that was killed in a car crash, he didn’t have life insurance and the yeshiva went around asking all the alumni to donate $500. It would have been cheaper for me to pay his premiums and they would have been much better off.
Please every one out there use you Sechel and get insurance!
You should always have a Fire Extinguisher in your house, it can save a life!!
משלי פרק ג
בטח אל ה’ בכל לבך ואל בינתך אל תשען:
Qoute:
“I just keep thinking that, chas veshalom, if this fire would have taken place one night when I was listening in, I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t think it would have been possible for me to get my four children out and to run upstairs to get another four kids out. Electrical fires are extremely fast moving.”
Not leaving much for Him…
Yes, Insurance is considered necessary hishtadlus, but other if’s like if I listened in, if there was a fire, if I couldn’t manage to get all out are unwarranted anxiety.
He Who decided to spare your family in this instance, can do that even when you’re listening in and actually does that even when you’re not listening in. (perhaps because you so generously offer to listen in when there is no babysitter to be had).
Hineh Lo Yonum Velo Yishon Shomeir Yisroel!
As far as Renters goes, it is not required by law, and many people don’t know about it, so they don’t pay for it.
As far as I know, a renters policy is very cheap (because they’re only covering your stuff, not like homeowners which has to cover the house itself), around $100+ per YEAR.
If you have gold, silver, or other valuables, be sure to check how much your renters policy covers (I think some only do $1000 or so, and if you happen to have stunning silver lichters or a gold heirloom piece, then you probably want to pay for added coverage, which should be obtainable at a minimal cost).
Also, it makes sense to document (photograph, too, preferably) your valuables, and, in the case of precious metals and diamonds, get the items appraised and put that all in a fire-proof safe, so you have that information available in the unlikely event of needing to file a claim.
Good luck to everyone.
After reading this story and the comments, I would like to (after thanking Hashem Yisborech, and saying yasher koach to all who are helping out, point out two things. One; the baby monitors;
I have seen that they do not always work. They should be tested out as well as possible in each situation. Some locations may have a better signal than others.
On a less dangerous note, but important I believe, just the same, apartments are built with many stairs to climb. This can be a problem – or a serious problem – for people who are older who have knee problems. It may be possible to have them built with less steep steps at least. If so, if this is nogeiah to you, or even if it is not now, for other people’s sake, you may want to point this out and specify lower rise steps to the builder.
Dear Family Greenspan,
Hashem Yemaleh Chesronchem.
One comment: I think that there are times when monitors are useful tools e.g. when a wife has to go out and her husband is returning in 15 minutes.
I would say that up to a half hour one can rely on such a gadget but not for a full evening!
Besuros Tovos!
Apartment insurance is a very sensible and important precaution in looking out for your family, but please remember many of us are on VERY tight budgets, and while we may know we SHOULD do it, it keeps getting moved to “next month” or so because we simply can’t pay for it this month. Even $100 can be difficult, but ours is $150 and only pretty basic, so depending on your neighborhood, it is probably somewhat more. We do have it, but paying another bill can be hard. So please don’t insult people who don’t have it.
But I think this is an opportunity to suggest this would make an excellent wedding present, (especially with a Kollel or otherwise financially strained couple) perhaps shared among a few friends of the new couple. Maybe given as a gift certificate? With a couple disposable cameras with prepaid development to take pictures of belongings.
Are there a few frum insurance folks out there who could arrange for such a gift certificate option?
The couple would then be covered for the first year (or more) and maybe it would help make it a habit to continue to have the renter’s insurance.
But b’lee ayin ha’ra no one should need it. Fire is dangerous and devastating.
Kol Tov
Besides for putting your children in danger, I think this is TERRIBLY irresponsible for another reason:
What if something happens that does not necessarily compromise the safety of your children, (because your very responsible neighbor is listening and will take care of any problems) but that may cause the police to be called in? (e.g. there is an intruder, a child choking in bed, a fire… but your neighbor is listening and steps right in to save the day…)
Try explaining to the police that you are MOST DEFINITELY NOT neglectful parents – you left your children with a perfectly responsible babysitter – the moniter with the woman down the block. I am frightened for the parents to whom this could happen – for a little convenience you will risk your children’s safety, and even risk losing your children.
I really do not think this is so far-fetched, and yes, I do live in Lakewood, I know how hard it is to find a babysitter, even when I can get one, I am not able to afford it any better than you can, and guess what? I STAY HOME MOST EVENINGS!!!! If I must go out, I will either get that babysitter, or my husband will just have to make arrangements to be home.
My children are too precious to me to take even a minute risk and leave them home alone. (yes, ALONE.)
Thank you for the awareness Mrs Greenspan! Hatzlacha and best wishes to you and your family.
To #17,
Please remove the title reb from your name. It’s ossur to put your kid in sakanah even for a second, let alone a half-hour. You remind me of the people who still don’t buckle up, saying when I was a kid noone did. Just because people didn’t know better at the time- is no excuse for now! I also wonder how many people know fire safety to get alive in case of a Fire?!
Correction:- Last line: to get out alive in case…
Also, the reason why they sell monitors is to listen to your kids if you are in another room!
Rav Health;
Yelamdeinu Rabeinu,
Why is leaving a sleeping kid with a close-by person monitoring, more a SAKANAH than it is to leave them at night when YOU sleep without ANY-BODY monitoring?
I can only assume that you take shifts with your ‘eishes chayil’ to stay up at night & look after the kids just in case something happens, otherwise “you put your kid in sakanah even for a second, let alone a half-hour”, am I right?
I think that is being over-anxious and as long long that there is no imminent danger, you’re not putting your kid in sakanah. (see comment #14)
On the topic of the baby monitors; Besides for being extremely dangerous, and irresponsible on the parents part, it is against the law. You can lose custody of your child in an instant if you leave them unattended -“who_me”- There isn’t a law against parents sleeping in the next room, So yes it is a very big difference between that and giving a monitor to a neighbor. I will not hesitate to call the Cops if I learned there is a baby home alone.
To who me,
I hope you don’t learn in kollel with your krum kop! Do you really think going to sleep in the same house is the same as listening in- to a monitor? People like you- don’t deserve an answer, and it is not nogeiah you because of “Shomer Pessauyim Hashem”, but in case someone believes you, I will make one comment. In my house I have working smoke detectors, if ch’vs there is a fire, the alarm is loud enough to wake everyone up. If the alarms go off in someone else’s house, even if you have a very top of the line monitor, the alarm will not be loud enough for you to respond immediately. It will take you awhile to discern it from the background noise. You only have two minutes to escape a major fire in a home safely. This is almost impossible in your own home without fire safety training, but even with training it would be next to impossible to reach your neighbor’s home in the time allotted, especially if your warning came only through a monitor!
Kudos to the writer who brought an important issue to the fore.
As parents, EVERYONE has made (and hopefully learned ) from their mistakes.
But the BIGGEST mistake of all is to rationalize our actions and justify them.
Imagine if you were on trial for child negligence, and the issues of:
a) using a monitor to ‘watch’ your child remotely
b) leaving your infant/ toddler in the tub so you could answer the door/ phone
c) leaving your child in the car while you ‘just run in for something’
d) leaving a child+stroller outside a store.
The only real justification for doing any of the above is if there existed a danger so great, that the risk of doing the above was the safer of the two.
Accidents happen real quick. Just ask any Hatzolah member to give a summary of accidents that happen with children in a given week. As parents we have the awesome responsibility of ensuring that our precious commodities are safe to the best of our ability.