This past Monday evening may have seemed like an ordinary night in Borough Park, but monumental changes were percolating beneath the guise of routine. Thousands of men and bochurim had gathered in the Bobov-45 Shul, while the women’s section was crowded with women and teenage girls.
In an unprecedented move, the Rebbe summoned the entire congregation to the convention – not just in Borough Park, but the world over. Live hookups were provided in several locations across the globe, and the international conference line was inundated by thousands of calls. There was a thrill of positive energy, pulsating with the desire to set new standards that would send ripple-effects throughout the entire spectrum of frum communities.
They had come to hear, to accept, and to implement. It wasn’t a time of inspiration and contemplation. Rather, the time had come to act – prudently and decisively.
The initiative – aptly named Shleimasa Chedvasa, i.e. a complete celebration – had been in the preparation stages for many long months. The escalating costs involved in marrying off children are no secret, and this stressful struggle has become a worldwide epidemic. Under the guidance of the Rebbe shlita and the Rav shlita, a crew of dedicated askanim had set to work. After hours of research, culled from dozens of interviews and conferences, they put numbers to this devastating trend.
The convention was chaired by R’ Aron Yidel Gordon, a beloved Maggid Shiur in the Mesivta. He eloquently portrayed the stress inherent in wedding preparations, even for middle-class families. With clarity borne of exhaustive research, he focused upon the excess that is both unnecessary and untenable.
R’ Gordon enumerated several takanos that would drastically reduce these expenses. Following are some of the guidelines that were discussed:
- First – and perhaps most significant – was the abolition of Tenoyim celebrations. These celebrations, following on the heels of a l’chaim, are an unnecessary hassle and expense. Instead, the tenoyim agreement will be read either at the l’chaim or on the wedding day.
- In the realm of chassan/kallah gifts, there were clear and concise directives. A chassan will no longer receive a gold watch, while the kallah won’t receive a diamond watch. Thus, each side saves several thousand dollars, and as an added incentive, the kallah will receive an elegant wristwatch blessed by the Rebbe shlita.
- Months of negotiations between the askanim and the Chasunah Plaza (with branches in Williamsburg and Boro Park) resulted in a mutually-beneficial agreement. The mall provides a unique package, tailored to meet the community’s needs. The package includes furniture, housewares, and chosson/kallah gifts, and it results in a minimum of $4,000 savings for each side.
- The Wedding Package is another innovation that is remarkable in its simplified elegance. The promotion, including musicians, singers, photographers, and flower arrangements, is not bound to a specific venue. It can be used in any wedding hall, providing a sum total of $5,000 savings.
- Another meaningful idea is the monthly Community Calendar that lists the weddings scheduled for that month. These calendars will be ‘snail-mailed’ to the entire community, precluding the need for personal invitations.
R’ Aron Yidel calculated the potential savings, reaching the unbelievable number of $21,500 for the chassan’s family and $16,500 for the kallah’s side. When adding the $10,000 bonus for each family contingent upon the fulfillment of these takanos, the savings jump to a total of $58,000 per wedding!
Renowned Guest Speaker R’ Aryeh Eisenberg took the floor. Throughout the day, he had addressed the high-school girls regarding this topic, lifting the curtain on an issue that would soon become relevant to each of them individually. He also lectured at the Mesivta, discussing these vital issues with the bochurim. Now, he shared his views with the community at large, providing statistics and stories from the trenches.
The powerful event reached its climax when the Rebbe shlita passionately put forth the responsibility incumbent upon each person to adhere to the takanos. This will enable every family to rejoice in a Shleimasa Chedvasa, in a complete and joyous manner, without the stress that has become part and parcel of every simchah.
Beautiful brochures were distributed at the conclusion of the event. These carefully compiled leaflets are devoid of fluff and ambiguity. Instead, they outline the essential points of each takanah and provide a clear picture of current expenses versus projected savings. The well- defined graphs distinctly chart every expenditure and how it could be reduced or completely sidelined.
As the attendees filed out, there was a strong sense of purpose that accompanied them home. This monumental initiative has become a mission; a joined venture that will change the simchah scene for thousands of families.
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40 Responses
Beautiful brochures were distributed at the conclusion of the event. These תקנות need to be accepted by all of קהל עדת ישראל and these leaflets need to be translated into English and be distributed to every Jew across the Globe.
כל הכבוד
Let’s see this spill over to the community at large.
Just a clarification??
“” When adding the $10,000 bonus for each family contingent upon the fulfillment of these takanos””
What was meant by the $10,000 line?
Baruch Hashem. We in the Litvish community most take heed. We, too, should emulate the Bobov 45 Rebbe shlit”a and enact these takanos in our communities as well.
Our Mothers, Sarah, Rivka, Ruchel & Leah, all got huge pieces of jewelry as engagement gifts.
Awesome! I hope this starts a trend of wonderful events in which Klal Yisroel gathers to improve our future.
Why does the entire community need to come to every wedding.
Its Bittel Z’man and makes a wedding a commonplace meeting.
Save the money, invite 100 people or less, and get large gifts for Choson and Kallah.
Mazal tov
A great massive step to stop the trauma of parents borrowing to keep up with the Jones’s
Thank you
Seems interesting. Who’s paying the 10k bonus?
its very nice , but the the inner circle is not included in the ban the rebbe and his inner circle spend like there is no end,, guess the takons are only for people who use there own money
how come so few pictures
I’m very impressed! They should have much hatzlacha. Reb Ahron of Satmer was the first to start these takanos but not all Chassidim follow it.
Wedding expenses have gone through the roof with the extravagent spending oftentimes being forced upon the chosson’s or kallah’s side from the mechatunim who feel that they can force the other side to spend for a more baal-haabitishe simcha, or for more expensive furniture, etc.
I hope this initiative works out and more Rabbanim speak up against this unnecessary extravagance that is causing so much heartache for so many Yidden.
the rebbe is very much correct! simchas are getting out of hand! Bar mitzvahs are like weddings and weddings are like coronations.
We need more big rabbonim and rebbes to help us get back to normalcy. Simple fare at Bar mitzvahs, and smaller weddings with less impressive gift givings.
Let us bring simcha back into our simchas by putting the emphasis on the simcha and not the food, drink, music and gifts….
and not everyone has to be invited for the sit down meal!
but the rebbe’s extended family can still have weddings with thousands of guests so they maintain their hold on the kohol.
“the $10,000 bonus for each family contingent upon the fulfillment of these takanos”
What does this mean?
May all of Klall Yisroel enact such or similar takonos and revers the trend of each baal simche out-do the previous one.
What a great start. Hopefully people will adhere to this well thought takana.
Here’s an idea… stop trying to keep up with the Jones’ (or Schartz’s) and you’ll be much happier. While I applaud the initiative to reduce costs, it’s a very sad statement on our society that people feel the need to keep up. HaShem Yirachem.
Sounds very logical and long overdue. Question for those who are knowledgeable about the Bobov chassidus: What is the likelihood of the large percentage of Bobov families strictly adhering to these guidelines and will there be any “consequences'” for the families who “go rogue” and put on a more elaborate Simcha. This sounds more like certain stores/Simcha halls offering a discounted “all inclusive” package versus an enforceable price cap on all weddings which would seem difficult to enforce. In any event, its a great proposal and will hopefully spread to other segments of the tzibur.
Will the rich follow the rules? That’s where the pressure comes from.
Goes to show that a minhag can be abolis
Goes to show that a minhag can be abolished as long as there is a will and a way.
May this project meet with hatzlocho.
There have been several such projects over the past 20 years, some within chassidic groups, one that was pushed by the Agudah, plus. None worked. Yes, there is a concept of a “takuneh wedding” which uses certain halls on certain days with packages structurally similar to the proposal here. And they do save money for mechutanim. But they are not standard. And the common practice is that someone who is blessed with wealth makes lavish eye-poking productions for all the simchos from teno’im through sheva brachos. These events are photographed and disseminated everywhere, being virtually lauded by the public. The rebbes themselves make huge productions. So the history is that these takunes have limited following.
I would love to see this work and spread.
Wow! Kol hakovod!! If everyone would do this a lot of heartache and money would be saved!!
Guys, Stern’s Furniture now offers the same package including furniture silver houseware jewelry and more, they’re quality and service are amazing, you get much more for the same price
The Bobov-45 Rebbe is to be commended for taking a lead to try and change the unfortunate sad state of affairs.
I was by a recent Chasuna of the Bobov-45 Grandson and it was no Production or Grand scale affair. Very simple, beautiful and very lebedig!
Takes2-2tanfo, there never was a minhag of lavish chasunas. Prior to the Holocauset, most Yidden in Europe made very simple weddings, usually held in a shul with very few guests. Even as late as 30 years ago the simchos we’re much simpler. These lavish simchos is a recent meshugas.
But what about the jewlers?
How do you invite your friends and relatives who arent bobov45 chassidim?
DOES this have any shaychus to lazer kraus speeches on kol mevaser?
A great takanah, halevei everybody also cuts down on wedding expenses..
Just one small thing; since a rebbe means teacher , you too Kvod Harav, and the rebbes , make your own family rebbishe weddings smaller .You teach us by example.. Start next week & we’ll know you mean it…
Hes calling to abolish a minhag to host a tenoyim event.
And i can promise that the bonus $10,000 will not get paid to 90% of the mechutanim.
He cant afford it.
Regarding the watch blessed by the rebbe, u seriously think a girl that just got engaged needs her watch blessed by the rebbe???
The invitation list is a good idea.
Regarding packages, isnt that what the chasuna plaza does???????????????????????????????
Can we get wedding halls, ENOUGH WEDDING HALLS, to cooperate? Slim chance! They’re still proposing ridiculous prices and will not go down. There also no open dates for months and months, maybe 8,9,10 wait. That’s ridiculous too!
Also, have you been to the newest fad? Shalom Zachors and Vaacht naachts that look like the Reichmanns from Toronto or Reb Yonason Strasser are the grandparents.
They’re saving $58,000? How much were they spending to begin with? Maybe the problem is marrying off what are essentially kids, who have zero working skills and require, or are being provided with, fully furnished apartments and financial support for many years.
How about doing something regarding the $5,000 shtreimels? There are much cheaper ones that they wear in the rain. Why not make those the ones they wear all the time?
The rules need to be followed by everyone; the rich, the roshei Yeshiva, and rebbes included or they won’t work becuase there will be trickle down.
they have a major shidduch crises in 45 ,to many alter bacharim
hopefully this will help,
why so few pictures?
This is a wonderful idea proposed many times over, but…..
The greatest expense is the actual wedding hall. I understand that Bobov 45 has no wedding hall to offer, but what about those who do have halls and do not offer any Tekana nights at all.
The following halls are incredibly cheap:
In Williamsburg, Satmar (R’ Z”L) has Pardes Feige, Pardes Zvi, and V’Yoel Moishe
In Monsey, Satmar (R’ Ch”Sh) has Bais Chaya Sarah (special Tekana nights) and Viznitz has Vilchovitz (I don’t have the details)
In KJ Satmar (R’ Aron) there is an Eckstein Hall that is also much cheaper (I don’t have the details.)
On the other hand, in Boro Park Bobov 48 has Ateres Golda and offers no break at all. It is full-price always.
And Satmar (R” Aron) has 2 halls – Ateres Chaya and the new hall Legacy – the two highest-priced halls in BP, with no Tekana nights whatsoever!
Takes2-2Tango, sorry I thought you spoke about lavish weddings, I didn’t realize you meant abolishing the minhug of Tenoyims. Although the Tenoyims of today do not resemble Tenoyims celebrated years ago in any case…
Blah, Blah, Blah. If you’re old enough you know as well as I do, that we’ve “heard these words so many times before…”
“”How about doing something regarding the $5,000 shtreimels?”
Agreed….of all the tzoros confronting klal Yisroel with respect to the shidduch crisis and the escalating costs of chasanahs, the dreaded $5,000 shtreimlach are clearly at the top of everyone’s list of priorities to be addressed. My understanding is that an asifah is being organized by a major chassidus, in cooperation with PETA, where expensive shtreimlach will be assur’d and instead the choson will only be allowed to wear a PETA certified feaux fur Shtreimel.
Most of the spending is out of hand BUT not getting the kallah matonois is outrageous. We should follow the Torah don’t be smarte, who are you giving it to if not to the children, don’t make pompous weddings to impress others, makeup ladies, party planning, all these were not in my days and yet we are b”h marrying grandchildren. NEVER CUT FROM THE CHILDREN’S GIFTS.