On Tuesday, Lakewood Police charged a 26-year-old woman with child neglect after she left her baby alone in a locked vehicle for more than 20 minutes.
Apparently, an alert resident noticed the baby in the car, and called the police. According to the Asbury Park Press, cops arriving on the scene found an 8-month-old baby in a car seat, no adult present, with the vehicles doors locked.
Chaveirim assisted the police in opening the door, and cops somehow located the parents via telephone. Boruch Hashem the baby was not harmed.
The mother was charged by police with a fourth-degree crime of child cruelty and neglect.
According to the report, the woman thought she had dropped the baby off before going into a store.
A court date was not assigned, and she was released on her own recognizance.
Yeshivaworld is reminding the readership once again: NEVER leave a child unattended in a vehicle – even for a SECOND. We have R”L reported countless stories in the past six months where infants were injured – and even R”L killed – from having been left in cars.
Just last week a car was stolen by an Arab in Yerushalayim with a baby inside the car. The parents had stepped out of the car for a minute, and an Arab stepped right in and stole the car. Bichasdei Hashem, that car was found less than an hour later with the baby inside unharmed.
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42 Responses
I’m sure this woman is suffering enough from what she did without having every yoily and shmoily on the web judging her and giving her mussar. It’s very easy to be smug and say this would never happen to us, until something does happen. So please everyone use your brains before you post. It’s bad enough that this piece of news is even posted on yeshiva world. I guarantee that no one’s comments are going to add anything to the article to make people more careful.
(cont.) B”h we all have brains (I hope) and we can infer the lesson from the article, without comments in caps lock and 5 exclamation points after them.
I eagerly await the anti Lakewood PD comments. While I don’t think the mother did this on purpose people need to be more careful. All it takes is one second…..
People forget. It’s a proven fact already that even the most normal, resposible mother or father can forget that there is a sleeping baby in the car seat behind them when they get out of the car. A simple solution may be to have a 6-8 foot piece of colored yarn tied around the car seat seatbelt and attach the other end to the driver as soon as you buckle in the baby. If someone can invent a simple solution similar to this and market it properly they will make a fortune and save lives.
you can buy something called a baby alarm. you leave it on the baby (snowsuit pocket or similar) and you carry a keychain alarm. when the distance is too great, the alarm sounds
kollelman – where can you buy such an alarm?
It sounds like a wonderful idea.
I believe that CSO Radio in Lakewood sells baby alarms. It is a device that you attach to the car seat. You can also contact Dr. Shanik’s office as to where you can purchase these baby alarms- 732-364-7770.
there was a posting awhile ago in YW about this baby alarm device and where/how to order it.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/article.php?p=9057
Am I the only one who thinks this is a GREAT story?
As YW Editor points out, how many times have we seen a horrible end to such stories? B”H not all passersby are so focused on themselves. B”H Police are being reported as the good guys. B”H the court has apparently taken into consideration the “Mother’s” remorse.
While I am a bit curious as to why this seems to be a Lakewood epidemic, overall I am very happy YW posted this story.
This story was already run by the goyish press so its not YW that’s bringing it to lite, YW is clearly reporting this l’toieles.
rebetzin: on behalf of yoily and shmoily, I’m not judging a parent whose i dentity I do not know, but I don’t ever want to hear a story like this again. Being mefarsem may help. Although I cant imagine this parent hadn’t heard about the past horrors loi ulaini.
BuzBuz: how right you are, but I think we all realize the great job by LPD.
2morecents: “Ir zult mich ant-shildig’n” but I disagree very strongly. I am B”H a father, and while far from perfect, I cannot imagine the insanely unbearable irresponsibilty of a parent who UNKNOWINGLY leaves a child in the car. If you put a laptop in the backseat you’d check to make sure it’s secure before leaving. L’havdil, I recently drove a Saifer Toirah to the Soifer. I was aware of the very precious cargo like you cant imagine!!!
I have NEVER left the car without knowing my chld was in it! I could hear someone saying they left the child and it took too long to get back to the car, but not to know the child was there is beyond excuse.
If you need a gadget to know you own child is in the back seat, the gadget won’t help.
Yes, we all know not to leave children in cars. But, this can happen to the very best parents.
I myself witnessed a stranger thing on an northbound I-87 Rest Area, around Plattsburg. A young Heimishe couple stopped for a break, and took the baby out in his carseat, placing the carseat on the picnic table. They were lovingly talking to the baby during lunch. Each parent went separately to the Rest Room, never leaving the baby unattended. Then they packed up, and drove off, leaving the baby, car seat and all, on the picnic table!
Thank G-d I saw it, and called the troopers, who stopped their car about 20 miles north. They were totally not aware that the baby was not with them, and from what the friendly trooper told me after the incident, they were all broken up and horrified that they just drove off and left the baby.
Another trooper car brought the baby to them a few minutes after they were stopped by the chase trooper.
All ended well, and guess what?
The trooper told me that they get those things happening “all the time” and that it is not a sign of a neglectful parent. Just that they are “human.” They filed no charges, figuring the scare would be enough that the couple had to go through.
I read of another case, where a couple in NJ phoned the police desperately & hysterically reporting a missing baby, worried that their baby was kidnapped.
The police arrived, searched the house, and sure enough found the baby alive and well in its car seat in the car, which had been put in the garage.
It turned out, one parent thought they had taken everything in, and went to park the car. He/she just forgot to check the back seat, and did not notice that the baby was in the carseat.
They were SO sure they did not leave the baby in the car, that they did not even bother looking! When they did not see the baby, they looked everywhere else, never imagining they would leave the baby in the car.
So, let us just realize that mistakes happen, and it is not a reflection on the parenting of the child.
Great idea for a car seat alarm, especially for grandparents who do not usually car pool or take infants in the car and can be forgetful.
There are many shades of gray in this world. To leave your baby and run into a store is clearly wrong, no matter how quick you think you’ll be. But can you leave him if it truly is a minute? I’ve grappled with this a lot. For example, there were times that I discovered, after putting all 3 kiddies in car seats, that I left my baby’s sippy cup inside. Of course I should never leave my kids for even one second – but there are just those times when it truly is one minute and the hassle of unbuckling, carrying everyone in, then redoing the whole thing makes me think it’s ok just this one time for just this one minute… I’m curious to know what most parents would do out there – seriously – would you take out all kids and redo the buckling procedure or run into the house to get the sippy cup sans kids? And oh – it’s pouring rain outside and you’re late for an appointment.
#12(tootired)- I used to live in a basement apartmemt-thank goodness with only one kid-and it truly was a problem. I could not leave my kid even for a second because my car was up front and I had to go around to the side, down a flight of steps and deep into my kitchen. NO- I never left him. However, eventually i moved. I have 3 kids, I live in a house, it’s not a deserted neighborhood, YES, I PULL UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE, turn off the engine, leave TWO car doors open, run into my house- and run right out… I really dont think it’s a problem!!
I live in a private house with my own driveway and years ago when a baby of mine would fall asleep in the car in cold weather (NOT in hot weather), I would cover my baby well with a blanket and leave the baby in the locked car, checking on him every few minutes, because I knew that if I’d wake the baby, he wouldn’t go back to sleep and he needed his nap. I didn’t think this was bad parenting and I still don’t think so.It is an unfortunate sign of the times when we can’t leave a baby in a carriage on our own porches to sleep, or outside a store which was very common over 50 years ago.
# 12
Gee this is tough !! Ive been debating this the whole morning . I”ll go with the kids and leave the dumb sippy cup home.
Please please YESHUVAH WORLD take a poll on this one sippy cup or kids
To Yeshiva World – Please print this in the interest of the welfare of children whose parents are negligent to the extent help is needed! Do not be afraid to print something thta needs to be said. What are you afraid of?
To the “Rebetzin” Comments 1 and 2
To “2morecents” – Comment # 4
to DM Commnet # 10.
This is not an excuseable normal thing that happens “to everyone” .
If a mother can leave her child in a car – unknowingly – then one can be sure this is not the only time it happens.
She may leave the house to go shopping with the baby inside and no one knows as it is not public situation.
If you are a mother or father who has experienced such an occurence – be it on a Highway,House or car – please get some help. There is something wrong with you.
If you love your children go to your Rav -Da’as Torah – and get a psak if you should fix your problem. And how.
Edited By Moderator.
EACH CASE is different. However,I cannot imagining leaving my child in the car and walking away,even for a minute. A child MUST always be safe,not left alone anywhere without adult supervision ,not at home,either.People remember to take their groceries out of the car,their jewelry,wallet,but babies,not?Sometimes they leave their car keyes in the car,sometimes in the ignition,and sometimes leaving and locking the car,sometimes with a baby trapped inside! There must be new safety devices required to combat this problem
TooTired – Interesting question.
Perhaps you should clarify the age of the oldest child in the car. If you are talking 3 kids, is the oldest 10? 8? or 5?
There is a difference if you leave a 10 year old in a car, who has the seichel to lock all doors and not open it up for strangers, and who knows what to do in an emergency, G-d forbid, and can operate a cell phone. An 8 year old is in a different parsha, and 5 and under are in a totally different parsha.
You also should clarify exactly how long are you ‘running in for’? Is it 60 seconds, or is it more like 10 minutes, or is it even LONGER? Is the car in your full view when you are running in, or not?
It would be interesting to hear readers honest responses with the absence of judgemenatlism or criticism from other readers.
Ok, this will be interesting.
Moishepupik, ok, not a sippy cup, but something else that you critically need. Wallet? Or in case of a man, tefillin? Something you cannot drive without. Would you completely unload the carload of kids to get it or leave them be for the one minute?
#18, 3 kids under 6. Running in to get wallet, running back out. Can be half a minute.
Well folks, what would you do?????
For all of you that think this was done intentionally you’re very wrong. I know the mother personaly she’s an amazing person and mother. I’m not telling you to put yourself in her shoes since I’m sure no one would want to be in them. I would just like to let you all of know that was was a complete mistake and not done on purpose. All of you with kids I’m sure have some sort of stories of your own or of some close relative. Please keep this in mind and beware of this issue but to never say “It would never happen to me” because you never know and I know first hand that the person who this happened would never think in a million years this would happen to them. She is a well respected mother and friend in our lakewood community.
#17-(Proud KAJ-WH TIDE Guy)-a pocket book can easily be snatched if left lying around in the open. THREE KIDS-strapped into car seats infront of my house-where I can see them-and lots of neighbors walking around-for one minute-CAN NOT BE TAKEN SO EASILY!!
FYI-I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER LEAVE MY BABY -EVEN SLEEPING- WITH A CLEANING LADY IN MY HOUSE-even just to run around the corner to the grocery store-it’s like leaving my pocket book outside.
To correct the one who mentioned CSO. The clip gadget can indeed be found through Dr.Shanik but that is not CSO’s device. CSO is developing a device that is permamently installed in the car. The device will sound an alarm when the vehicle is turned off(like the headlight sound), anytime a child has been placed in the car, . The rear door will have to be opened to turn off the alarm.
im just curious if the “alert rseidence” was a jew or goy? why couldnt she stop the lady and tell her she left the baby instead of calling police. Because the way this article is written its as if this person saw her doing this.. just curious and also where exactly did this happen?
when my kid fell asleep in the car i used to either sit in the car and learn, or carry the whole car seat into the house – numerous times – with the kid in it, and prop it in his room with him still sleeping. this was even in winter, the kid was still in the snow suit and i used to open the window in his room so he would not be too hot.
Suggestion for those who ‘sometimes leave their babies alone’ – get one of those mitten-clips, and attach it to your baby’s snowsuit on one end, and in the other, a small pouch that contains any of the following( wallet, cell-phone, diamond ring/ housekeys)
–you won’t ‘accidentally’ go into your house
–you won’t be able to go into a store to purchase something w/o credit card/ wallet
To “TheEmes” (comment 16):
Apparently, you have never carried a baby around for nine months, knowing that s/he is secure inside you. Because it’s very easy to forget that you’ve given birth and that Baby no longer accompanies you automatically. Even if you’re completely normal and there’s nothing wrong with you. The only type of help you might need in this case is simply some sleep.
I did actually leave the house once, forgetting that my baby had arrived two weeks ago and was now asleep in his crib. Thankfully, that awareness came as soon as I saw the folded stroller in front of my house.
to all you wonderful commentaters with just perfect all around personalities & unbelievale memories… the only thing you forgot is
to be “don lkav zchus”
To #26:
I’m laughing at how you put it, but you’re so right! Unfortunately, it can happen, even to the best of us.
Along with some much needed sleep, we all need to continually be mispallel for ‘siyata deshmaya’ to guide us every step of the way.
Wow!! Did anyone ever think that a mother is human?!? Needs sleep and food and all those kind of things.
YUP, it’s a horible thing to leave babies in cars… yet so many mothers have either done it or have come quite close to it.
Some Tatties no that Mommies don’t function perfectly on no sleep and offer to help with awake babies at night. If you are not that Tatty and you want to avoid such things I guess it’s time to become that Tatty!!!
MOMMY NEEDS SLEEP!! Plain and Pashut. When brain is on overload along with work on overload along with all the other things that make Mommy dizzy- she’s bound to not think straight as soon as quiet space out time steps in and she is “hypnotized” by the hum of the car. And then car reaches destination, Mommy is still many times in hypnotic mode and thinks only of the thing she has to get done- oops, precious little nehsamala was too quiet to make it thru the barrier of her “hypnosis”. So lets not judge and lets remember to help all mommies get sleep and peace of mind and lets rememberhow priceless our kinderlach are!!
How sad it is that MOM18 (#25) has to tell you to attach a wallet or the like to remember baby. Baby is worth a lot more. May we be zoiche to have no more stories of babies left in cars.
So what do we LEARN from this?
If forgetting the most important thing in our lives is “normal” doesn’t that mean the “norm” is more than we can handle and we should scroll back and delete many of the “errands” and “obligations” on our minds? What a chillul Hashem that “it happens all the time” that a Yid gets so busy and pressed by competing interests that s/he can forget the infant s/he was doting on just a minute ago !
Today’s young couples are overwhelmed. Our high school girls are pressured to do the most and be the best. Our bochurim are pressured to learn, learn, learn or be a bum.
Is it any wonder that we’re always running, running, running?
Is all this being tommim im Hashem?…
#29, #30, very astute in hypothesizing the root of the problem. This issue will not be solved in a forum, it is a disease of the ‘est’; we have to have the best of everything; best wives/ best husbands in whatever society translates it to be–
e.g. if best wife means best cook, best baker, best housekeeper, best worker, best mom, best trophy-wife; best dressed, best professional, best pta mom, best soccer mom – that is an impossible state that no one person can be in simultaneously, and certainly none of the above alone for extended period of time without adequate sleep.
stretching one person’s resources to the limit doesn’t give a little of everything; it gives a little of nothing except perception and disillusionment.
The points made by the abovementioned posters are quite valid, and can only be tackled when both men and women are not pressured to be super-human. Tremendous pressure abounds in communities that espouse these ideals. How can we turn off the pressure-cooker, and impart these values on a global scale?
#16- It seems impossible and horrific and “not normal” until it happens to you or your sibling or someone you know well….than ” we are all just human”
I would like to point out that whether or not the baby was or wasn’t intentionally left in the car, if i were the passerbyer, i too would have called 911. how am i to know if the child is ok, or how long he/she has been in the car for. there’s no time to go looking for the parent at that point. I would like to think everyone else would do the same.
Regarding #21: Why would you hire someone to come into your house who you clearly do not trust?
#16 (The Emes)
No one here is suggesting that it is good to leave a baby unattended. I think we all agree is is foolish, stupid, wrong, and dangerous.
It would be so nice if Hashem gave children to Malachim to raise perfectly.
But, Hashem gave these children to us poor, fallible humans. We make mistakes. We forget things. We are IMPERFECT PEOPLE.
I raised my daughter alone as a single dad. I know what it is like to feel ‘unable to do all the things we need to do’ etc.
No, I was lucky and never accidentally (nor purposely left my daughter alone. But is could of happened. For me to say that “I would NEVER have done that!” would be ultimate Geiva. I and my daughter were just lucky that among all the mistakes I made in those years that that was not one of them.
Can any parent look back at the children they raised and say they made no mistakes?
The Pediatricians and ERs are crowded from little mistakes that parents “ACCIDENTALLY” made.
And for each of those mistakes, that good parents made that ended in injuries, Chas V’Sholom, there are hundreds of mistakes we parents make that, with Hashem’s care, do not result in injuries.
FACT: There are many people today who are too frightened to have children!!!
WHY? Because of people who are looking at every little thing and are willing to call police and get parents in trouble. Over Reacting hurts too.
I know of a lady who lived right next door to a WalMart in Florida. Hew sons had walked by themselves to or from the WalMart more than once.
One afternoon She took her sons, 10 & 11, to WalMart by car. They acted up in the store, and the mother said, “If you act like that, you can walk home.”
No big deal they lived right next door!
But, some busybody overheard, and over reacted. She phoned the police who had a car in the parking lot.
The police saw the boys walking towards the street from the store, and stopped them, and asked, “Did you mother tell you to walk home, and just leave you in the store?”
The boys responded honestly, “Yes, Sir.”
The police then took the boys into custody, and turned them over to child welfare (or whatever it was called then) who PUT THE BOYS IN FOSTER HOMES pending an investigation.
The mother was not notified for FOUR HOURS that the police and DCFS had the kids! She was shaking in fear, calling everyone she knew to come and help her locate her kids.
When she called the police, she was given the run around, until after the children were already taken away by DCFS.
FOUR HOURS not knowing where her kids were!
The Police officer told the judge that it was “Policy” to not tell the parents that they have the kids until the child is removed by DCFS.
The mother did not get the children back for over 2 months! The boys missed 2 months of school, as the foster homes were in a crummy neighborhood, and they were put in a school where they were not studying the same things, etc.,
Finally, the mother’s attorney got a judge to realize that this was idiotic, and that these boys walked home many times voluntarily, and that the mother had done no wrong.
The Judge yelled at both the officers, and the DSFS lady asking them if they even looked at the children’s address to see that it was next door. Neither had.
TWO MONTHS of a wrecked family all because of someone’s over reacting.
TWO MONTHS of two Yiddishe kids living with Goyim!… all because someone over reacted.
It is these things and other, the public’s over reaction and mixing in to other parent’s actions, that is making some people scared to have kids today.
Can’t we all be dan l’kav zchus and stop condemning a mother for one mistake?
This national hysteria to over protecting the kids is hurting them more that helping.
basmelech:
Your scenario is totally different. This is a case where a parent DIDN’T KNOW WHERE THE CHILD WAS.
answer to #35 from someone who thinks what #21 said is alef-bais for any frum mother: would you leave $500 on the table when the cleaning lady is there and you are out of the house? Do you let your cleaning leady feed your children or sit with them or talk to them when you are not supervising? It’s not about trust — it’s about what’s appropriate for the goy who works in our home.
My cleaning lady is very honest and a good person. She would LEAVE the money on the table. But she is not someone who I want my children to feel is a caregiver or a “member of the family.” She is a great help to us every day and even a source of the shalom bayis we enjoy. We appreciate her to no end! But that’s as far as it will ever go.
How com DM always has the good stories?
About the sippy cup & all of you innocent people. Tell me how you carry a 2 crying toddlers & the infant in the carseat at the same time. Oh wait don’t forget the diaper bag, & the $200 worth of groceries you just bought. Don’t lie & say you would NEVER leave your child for even one minute. I don’t know what I would do if I lived in basement apt.In a building you can somehow manage to push a cart & double stroller. For those in a house I am betting you’ve ALL either left the kids in the car while you run the groceries in or you leave the kids in the house while you run out for the bags.
Remember the 1-2 S R before you go
(or 1 2 this is way a yid goes)
1-secure your Diamonds
2-remove your Diamonds
1-check before you start driving
2-check before leaving your vehicle
1-when entering your vehicle check and make
sure your precious cargo is secured (why not check a second time especially when you have more then one child in your vehicle before you start to drive off)
2-before leaving your vehicle (check) make sure to take your precious cargo with you
#35- And, you never brought a cleaning lady or for that matter a repair guy or any “guy” you dont trust into your home??? The truth is that this particular cleaning lady-I really do trust she’s been in the family for years-and I have left her alone for a short period of time with-YES- my jewelry-and many other valuables—BUT MY CHILDREN- way too precious to leave INTENTIONALY!!
I have never had a cleaning lady and don’t intend to hire one soon, so I have never had a chance to leave my children alone with them. I have had repair men in my home and my kids enjoy watching them work and I don’t have a problem cooking a soup in the next room.