After months of work behind the scenes, the NASI Project has launched their ground breaking Shadchan Program. Many Roshei Yeshivos, Rabbanim, Askonim, and Shadchanim were involved in this major effort.
Over seventy approved shadchanim from all over the country are participating in the program. They will be working closely with participating families to help find shidduchim for their daughters.
This is a bold but necessary step towards resolving the crisis that is hurting so many families in our community. As the goals and procedures of the project have been clarified, NASI has received many calls from parents thanking the organization for its efforts to alleviate this crisis.
NASI has approached numerous Roshei Yeshivos and Rabbanim who are sensitive to the shidduch crisis to review the strategy and operational methodology of this new Shadchan Program. After this review, they have put their full support behind this program. Among those Roshei Yeshivos and Rabbanim are, HaRav Moshe Brown Shlita(Far Rockaway) HaRav Kalman Epstien Shlita(Queens) HaRav Yaakov Forscheimer Shlita (Lakewood) HaRav Shmuel Fuerst Shlita (Chicago) HaRav Moshe Mordechai Lowi Shlita (Toronto) Harav Yaakov Neuberger Shlitah (Teaneck) HaRav Shlomah Feivel Schustel Shlita (Brooklyn) Harav Mordechai Weinberger Shlita (Lawrence) and HaRav Herschel Welscher Shlita (Queens).
The NASI Shadchan Program is based on the guidance and advice of Daas Torah. The Roshei Yeshivos and Rabbanim have helped create the parameters and structure to assure that it addresses the needs of the frum community Al Pi Halacha. In addition, the privacy of all participating families is fully protected, as is all advance shadchanus gelt provided by them.
B”H, the Ground Breaking Shidduch Program is now active. Typically, families find it hard to get the support of a wide range of very active and successful shadchanim. Now, the world of shadchanus has changed dramatically for the better. Participating families will have the support of a large network of shadchanim around the country. The families will no longer be lost in a void. All families with daughters over the age of 22 are welcome. Please contact the NASI Project for details and registration information. Shadchanim who are not yet involved with the NASI Project are encouraged to do the same.
For more information please contact [email protected]
NOTE: By publishing this article submitted to YWN by the NASI Program, YWN is not endorsing the NASI Project in anyway.
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27 Responses
has ANYONE crunched the numbers on this to CONFIRM the age gap theory????
you would think that the person or people that are backing this program would confirm OBJECTIVELY that the age gap is a real phenomenon and not just something that sounds like it could be true, or some other form of anecdotal evidence.
And please, don’t just hold up the paper signed by 70 rabbonim unless they did the analysis.
WORST CASE, what if the reality is that there is no age gap — then is basically a misguided effort with the REAL problem remaining unsolved.
Was bombmaniac (soleik) the contributor to this article (the)
Just as tu be’av became known as one of the happiest day in our history the day these vultures at nasi sunk their greedy claws into shadchunus is going down as one of the saddest. May they choke on the profits they make on the backs of the vunerable.
Considering the demographics, as long as young (and not so young) men insist on marrying younger women, there will always be some women left over with no chance of a mate. (If in Year A 90 boys and 90 girls were born and in year B 100 boys and 100 girls were born, (since we are not at zero population growth) if the 90 boys from year A insist on marrying 90 younger girls from Year B, that leaves 10 girls from year B with no match. Then in year C, if 110 boys and girls are born, the 100 boys from year B marry 100 girls who were born in year C leaving over another 10 girls with no possible match, etc…) What the NASI project is accomplishing is that the fewer available men will go to the rich girls, who are able to cough up $10,000 and more, leaving their poorer counterparts destined to lifelong spinsterhood. (It is actually too late to fix the current demographics for this generation of young women, but going forward we need to change our ways of thinking and acting.) It is time to take a page from our religious counterparts across the aisle. In the chassidishe community there is NO shidduch crisis at all, because their young men marry girls who are either their age, or even one or two years older. Chazal were right on target when they advised ‘shemoneh esrei l’chupah’. No eighteen-year-old boy is going to marry a 14 or 15-year-old girl, hence no shidduch crisis. Also, it is worth noting that 40 days before yetziras hav’lad, the kol is machriz ‘bas ploni l’ploni’; it does not say ‘ben ploni l’plonis’.
To comment number 1: the numbers have been debated many times over in the Coffee Room. It seems to me that there is an age gap problem. This is backed up by numbers. Whether or not NASI’s project will solve the problem is obviously up for debate. Read through the article linked to above as well as the many threads in the Coffee Room about it. But bottom line is, argue on the solution if you insist but don’t dispute the fact that there is an age gap problem.
To YW Moderator-42
Thank you for the info. You will have to forgive me, I wasn’t aware that the YWN Coffee room had convened a world renowned group of armchair actuaries to review, analyze and debate the numbers.
Really? Why hasn’t anyone looked at the REAL numbers? If this is a real problem, why waste time on something that can be EASILY proven or dis-proven – OR are would we rather just be complacent in the solution de jour?
Making people prepay for shidduchim will only make it HARDER for people. Not everyone is able to do so, and (unfortunately) it is quite possible that those who don’t will now face an even tougher road than previously. Those who prepay taking the attention away from those who don’t.
Agreed this is groundbreaking, but it isn’t helpful.
(And spare me your rhetoric about “If Eliyahu HaNavi comes and says you’ll get married if you pay…” He hasn’t and NASI isn’t Eliyahu HaNavi.
To #3 besalel:
You level a mighty accusation. Just one question. What proftis exactly are you reffering to. No one associated witht he creation/running of this program is a active shadchan.
Please explain.
Bahby, there was no shidduch crisis in the times of Chazal,not because “Shmoneh esrei le chuppah”. The crisis is more deeply rooted in manifold problems of society than people can imagine. They can laud themselves, and feel like they are doing something making strokes with their pens and having meetings and talking circles and affirmative action like they have since the 40s. Since before. Fact is as soon as universal monogamy was adopted into European communities, the reality of gals not spoken for has come into existence. Ever since. Girls do mature on a quicker pace than boys, and thus statistically get hitched to guys that are around 3 years older in our times. But the age gap is a very very very small part of the reason there are frum girls not getting spoken for. A bigger problem is the age of marriage getting later and later, and people not marrying at all.
You cannot tell all the guys to marry girls who are the same age as them, and viola. Who are you to say that everyones bashert is such and such an age?
Problem is, the Rabbanim dont want to take too much on, and so will not with any great effort really try to combat these issues.
The reality of gals not being spoken for, lands on the doorstep of each ashkenazi community that adopted universal monogamy.
The ONLY way to end the crisis, is by doing something the modern christian religious jewish community is not mature enough to handle or do or execute. They are utterly incapable of facing their ghosts, their christian mind-set, and therefore will never escape the problems such beliefs bear.
The ashkenazim will either have to all wait for Mashiach, or individuals of sufficient maturity will have to break off and quietly sidestep monogamy.
For more on universal monogamy, a christian hok being removed from our midsts, see Yeshayahu Chapter 4 at the beggining, and the end of Chapter 3. See the mefarshim in Mikraot Gedolot. See the Tur and Shulchan Aruch in Peru Oorevu, to learn the truth about the alleged Ban of Rabbeinu Gershom. Shame on all the Rabbanim, and their distortions. Monogamy in Ashkenaz, has nothing to do with Rabbeinu Gershom whos ban was al pi pikuach nefesh, and made for 240 years in Germany and part of France. It was limited in time and place, and was only enacted because jewish lives were in danger. OUtside of this, there are no grounds for forbidding the permitted, and what is even recommended by Hazal. Sotah 1A, Pesachim 113 etc.
Cant handle this, then youll have to handle that. Those who impose christian strictures on our people, are responsible for this. And they have also extended their universal monogamy onto the Sefardim in the last century. The Sefardi world for the first time EVER, has women not being spoken for.
I still find it bizzare and demeaning to young yiddeshe women to suggest that there is a crisis if they are still single at the age of 22 years. With more and more frum girls moving on from high school to get college degrees and in some cases graduate degrees so they can earn a good parnassah for their families (and in some cases support their husbands who may want to spend a year or two learning in kollel) to charge premium rates for a shadchan at age 22 is really disgusting and a big chillul hasehem. Maybe if the frum communities would stop putting so much pressure on our daughters to marry at such a young age and allow them to pursue their education and search out their beschert on a slower and less frantic basis, we wouldn’t have these vultures circling overhead creating a frantic sense of crisis.
To #88
Not accruate, as explained in depth on this very website.
To #10 Gadolhadorah:
Who suggested being single at 22 is a crisis?
Oh because that’s the age that the program begins… If you understood, a liitle about the program you’d understand why it must start at 22 and not because that is the age when it’s the crisi, but that’s the age to begin at if we want to help that in 5 years it shoulnd’t be even worse then it is today.
The real issue isn’t an age gap, it’s the economics and social issues that make the whole process expensive and time consuming and exclusive.
NASI is a band aid that looks good, but isn’t going to solve that.
If you think of a Shidduch as a transaction and a successful shiddush as a successful transaction, then you have to find ways to simplify the time and cost of the transaction.
Unfortunately anyone who is not willing or cannot participate in Nassi has just lost the services of 70 shadchanim. Shame on you all!
Reply to PihasErez:
I find your comment promoting the idea of restoring polygyamy as the way to solve the shidduch “crisis” as a humorous diversion from a serious issue but greatly appreciated. There are so many inaccurate statement regarding both halacha and social dynamics embedded in your posting, I’m not sure where to start other than to suggest that it will not be an issue for your or your progeny. I don’t see many women lining up at your door to become No. 1, (much less numbers 2, 3 or 4)no matter how bad the numbers get. First, it would be a lot easier for single women to use IVF to have children, if that is what is driving their need to find a husband, than to treat yiddeshe women like cattle being serviced by the alpha bull. Second, there are probably many women who would do better having multiple husbands (which Rav Gershon never addressed) than men taking multiple wives. The obvious answer is to simply back off, let our sons and daughters grow up normally and decide for themselves when and who they want to marry and stop the madness of pushing them into marriage when they are still teenagers. If a boy or girl wants to get advanced education and pursue a career, encourage them rather than treating it as if it was some tragedy. Finally, if some boys or girls simply cannot make a good shidduch, its not the end of the world and be supportive of them rather than treating them as social outcasts.
I have become a shadhanit as a response to a dear friend telling me that she “has given up” and can’t take the pain , games and emotional rollecoaster…
Nasi gelt upfront was the last straw for her! she felt punished.
I charge zero to singles . (shadchanus only expected and according to the singles means ONLY if I find their match) I have gathered 30 resumes in 1 week B’H ask webmaster for my e-mail if I can help. or If you know otrthodox singles.
reply to Gadolhadorah: There are so many older girls/young women who are very depressed and distraught about their single status. For them it is very much the end of the world. It also makes a lot of sense for young men to marry older women because statistically women live longer than men. This would also serve to even the playing field at the other end of life and reduce the number of almonos later on.
to PinhasErez: the problem is very much about the age gap. Girls very much want to get married, but there are no young men for them! We don’t know who is our basherte, but we do know that we have to do our hishtadlus, and let Hashem take care of the rest. Years ago, in the shtetl, girls did not build a career before marriage. They got married younger, likely to boys their own age. And the proof of the pudding is in the eating. The Chasidishe community has absolutely NO SHIDDUCH CRISIS at all! They are obviously doing something right. It’s time that we take a page out of their book and learn from them. (And, by the way, the word is VOILA, not viola.)
Reply to Babhy (no. 16)
I think you miss the point. One of the reasons these unmarried 22 year old girls are as you say “distraught” and think it the “end of the world” is because the heimeshe community has placed so much emphasis on getting married as young as possible and having as many children as possible. If there wasn’t so much social pressure and stigma to taking their time and waiting until they find the “right” bochur (even if 30 years old), it wouldn’t be such a big deal. In the interim, they should pursue their education and careers which will ultimately make them that much more attractive to their beschert.
Reply to Devrachel:
Kok hakovod to you and your efforts. You sound like you have a warm heart and a great concern for your clients. I hope you and others like you will have much hatzlacha and provide a much needed alternative to what many believe is an offensive program of over-priced shadchanus that further exploits girls who haven’t been among the first in their class to marry.
People should think twice before slamming 70 rabbonim (coffee addict ~ a sad day in klal yisroel is when a seemeingly frum jew bashes 70 rabbonim , each one WAY wiser than you)
to bahby & all other lamdanim Take a peek at mieeri sotah 2a on kodam yetziras havlaad maybe you’ll realize how much of an ignoramous you are before you go give your big “daas torah”
I don’t like it; I don’t.
They should have more than 10 names on their rabbonim list before making decisions for the klal.
Why don’t they ask their 10 rabbonim that question?
I hate to break the news to everyone out there, but as bahby said Shidduchim are destined forty days before a child is born, by Hashem. No mater what NASI or anyone else tries to do if someone is meant to get married younger, then he/she will, and if not, then he/she won’t. Nothing that we do, perhaps with the sole exception of תפילה, will change this. If people are on such a low level that they need to stoop to doing this for השתדלות, then perhaps they have a bigger problem, which is working on their אמונה and ביטחון.
To Gadol Hatorah: You are totally missing the point. The distress a young (or older) woman feels has nothing to do with the standards set by the community. It has everything to do with her feelings of loneliness, exclusion, strong emotional needs to bond with a spouse, to have children, and, in short, to feel fulfilled as a woman. As a man, you clearly cannot relate to such pain and distress. To you it is nothing more than an intellectual exercise. You just don’t understand. It has nothing to do with societal expectations and norms. YOU are the one who is missing the point.
to 6063: Since you are such a big lamdan, where is it brought down about kavod hab’rios and derech eretz in addressing others?
#22 – B”H, someone who finally gets it.
I believe there IS a Shidduch crisis, but the cause is not an age gap or more of one gender over another, or boys marrying young girls. These are all things Hashem can take care of with no effort.
What we have is much more of a Bitachon Crisis than a Shidduch Crisis.
Perhaps the answer to the so called Shidduch Crisis is for everyone to learn Sha’ar HaBitachon.
As I’ve stated all along – we must make our Hishtadlus. Go to Shadchonim, get your daughter’s resume out there, put the word out amongst family and friends.
But then we must let Hashem do His work – Hashem is Yoshev U’Mezavig Zivugim. He is Kol Yachol, and no age gap or too many girls – none of this matters to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
And if we do too much and don’t believe this, then Hashem is going to sit back and say, “Oh, so you think you can do my job? Go ahead, give it a try.” And THEN we have a Shidduch Crisis.
The Nasi Project – IMHO – is so way over the line of what we need to do, it is so divisive and destructive that it will only lead to more of a Shidduch Crisis, because it promotes believing in Shadchunim and $$$$$$$$$, instead of putting our trust in Hashem.
“NOTE: By publishing this article submitted to YWN by the NASI Program, YWN is not endorsing the NASI Project in anyway.”
Yes, it is.
Gadol I dont think I should even answer you. IVF? Somethings wrong with you.
This program, shiddush initiative is basically serving the frum yeshivish community. In their commnity, everything goes through shadchanim, or friends and family redding a shidduch. I have heard of plenty of girls, who are heart broken when after a few eyars of wanting to be married, they have not even received ONE call, or had anyone try to redd them. For a girls who wants to be married, that is heart breaking, and faith shattering. She doubts herself, and rightfully panics. Putting or leaving girls in asituation where they have to suffer and extra 5 years pouring their eyes out, and sometimes not marrying at all, unloved and childless, for a woman who wanted both, is yes, a disaster, and a crisis.
These girls see more atractive, or wealthier girls from their class and their younger sisters class getting redd all over the place, and marrying.
Dont tell me these girls would never consider being a second wife over being not a wife. Ask them.
And the stats are undeniable. There is a crisis, all the experts and people who deal with this issue say so. We are not taking about gals who are getting degrees for a few years. By the way, is anyone telling the girsl who are getting more education, the truth about how they are slimming their prospects and picks down? At 25, working and looking after herself, she will not have all those 25 year old guys around and available that where when she was 18 19 20. And at 25, wanting more choices she will need to start looking for guys up to 35 years of age. If she isnt married by 30, she will be having to look for guys up to 45 years of age, if she doesnt want just anyone, and trust me, most educated girls have high standards. This is all about being honest.
But about people who dont want to marry, and are in no hurry, this program is not for them. Its for the girls that do. Being that it is only designed for the ffb litvish yeshivish world, it does not address the greater crisis including bts gerim, divorcees, older guys and gals etc.
IN the Gemara, its clear they did not marry and there was an age gap. Girls were married samukh lepirka 11 or 12, and guys were usually 14 and 15, though 13 was common, as it was in europe and more jewish communities until even less than 150 years in some.