Op-Ed From Joel Sebbag

I don’t know a name for this article. How do you name an article about the devastation that has occurred in our community? What title can you give it? It has surpassed the words tragedy, incomprehensible, unbelievable, disaster, horror and so on. It’s Erev Shabbos and I’m supposed to be cooking. How can I be cooking? Is this Shabbos going to be normal? Can I even show up to shul and not burst into tears before the Ribbono Shel Olam? We have all been shaken to our core. The following is a narrative and personal reflection on this week’s events.

On Tuesday night I contacted the coordinators of Hatzalah of Union County and asked if we could organize a crew to go help in the search for Leiby A’H. I had seen postings on YWN and elsewhere that volunteers were needed. I was afraid of what can be termed rescuer fatigue; that people were just getting burned out by searching and not hearing any good news for a long while. It takes an emotional toll and I was afraid that the numbers of searchers would be diminished.

As soon as I got the approval, another Union County member, Chaim Cillo, joined me and we drove one of our ambulances into Brooklyn. We decided to show up at the Boro Park command post. Another member, Shlomo Spiro, was going to meet us there. We showed up and were directed to search a large swath of Brooklyn as we had a vehicle. Since they were assigning groups of 5, we needed to take on 2 more people. We took on two brothers that were terribly eager to start searching.

The throngs of people I saw at the Boro Park command post, even at that late hour, are a testament to the amazing achdus we have for one another. We were a motley crew of leather, knit and velvet yarmulkes. We were a sea of polo, button down, white, and striped shirts. A crowd of long and short hair, chups, payos, and sideburns. Someone in the crowd around the command center piped up and said to a Hatzolah member in the command center “whatever needs to be done, we’ll do it”. It was a moment that shook me in its striking similarity to “Na’aseh V’nishmah”. These people were doers. A search needed to be done? We will do it! Our Leiby A’H was missing!!

Our area took approximately five hours or so. Five hours of painstakingly looking in every driveway, every, backyard, and every gold or similarly colored car for any clue whatsoever. It was gut wrenching. We met countless other groups and even single people in cars and on foot that just took to the streets to help out. Those of us in emergency services know all too well the correlation between time missing and outcomes when dealing with an abducted child. Nearing the end of our area I was nauseous, and we came back to the command center empty handed and heavy hearted. The coordinators at the center thanked us and we drove off in the early hours of the morning back to New Jersey.

After arriving home, my partner Chaim texted me the dreaded news. He didn’t even say the news. He just told me to go to YWN, but I knew what I was about to read. I sat there for a moment staring and squinting at the little screen on my phone. I felt violated. Once my car was burglarized, and I was outraged that someone would just take what was not theirs to take. This was thousands of times that feeling. Leiby A’H was not his to take! I was so furious and hurt like a part of me had been ripped away and stolen. Leiby A’H had been ripped away and stolen. I was angry that I couldn’t do more. And then I was just sad, tides of agmas nefesh washed over me like so many waves at a beach.

Throughout history we have examples of Hashem sending messages about what He wants us to do. Sometimes we are resistant and He sends us ever increasingly strong and awful messages. Many op-eds and comments on various threads around the net have come up with lessons to be learned and things to change, but you don’t need another one preaching at you. Certainly no human has the answer to why Hashem does things and it would be foolish of me to even think that I have inkling of an answer, or that I know the lesson to be learned. So I am just going to share with you a personal commitment that I am going to take upon myself.

The message that I am going to glean from this experience is that Hashem wants me to continue to propagate the sense of love and achdus that was palpable at that command center. Therefore, I am going to work on increasing my love, care, and achdus for my fellow Jew. I am going to work on my ability to observe those around me and let them know by my actions, that I care for them and though we may dress and speak differently, and though we may daven in different shuls and from different siddurim, we stand together as Am Yisrael. I thank you for indulging me in my catharsis. I would be most honored if you would all join me on my journey.

Joel Sebbag is a paramedic and a respiratory therapist. He is also the director of maintenance for Hatzalah of Union County.

NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.