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which part bothers you the most?
1. kumzitz
2. gourmet food
3. boat
“kol yisrael” is the first line of the first mishnah in perek cheilek of sanhedrin. look at the next line, where the mishnah immediately gives a whole bunch of exceptions to that rule. the rambam adds additional exceptions hil. teshuvah perek 3.
Joseph- it seems like you’re still bothered by this inyan, even after people have cited the Tzitz Eliezer who is matir in general and a shiur by Rav Frand who disagrees with you. Do you reject that there is another legitimate shitah out there? Or are you just encouraging people to be machmir, while still recognizing that others reject your premise “halacha says men first” ?
Pirkei Avos says one hour in olam haba is more geshmak than all the pleasures of olam hazeh. presumably an hour in gehenom is more painful than all the tzaros of olam hazeh. Note though, that there is no physicality in that world (berachos 17a), so none of the punishments or rewards will be anything we can fully understand. Perhaps it’ll be an “awareness,” like certain posters are claiming.
“you are not allowed to play a game on Shabbos that normally involves writing”
this is the view of the chayei adam. online, I read a rav who quoted R’ Scheinberg saying that it’s mutar if you’re really really careful. I like your approach a lot though; a very creative way to avoid the issue altogether.
I think chivalry is deeply rooted in human nature and innate gender differences. It makes sense and it works, notwithstanding certain feminist protestations. chochma bagoyim taamin… Given all that, why shouldn’t frum Jews do the same?
Joseph: Chivalrous acts are meant to prove that a man has certain good middos that we wouldn’t necessary expect; they aren’t natural. Specifically, in being chivalrous, a man says to the woman that he’s not just going to bring home the bacon and provide for her financially, but also cares about more than just her survival, and will anticipate her needs (not just hand her a paycheck and go watch football). A man has to prove these middos thru chivalry, but a woman does not because she tends to have them more innately.
Given the sorry state of men and masculinity in today’s society, these acts of chivalry seem like a good idea. Opening a car door for a woman might not be mandated by halacha, but it’s a small way to show you care about them, and makes them feel taken care of (which is important because women tend to be more nurturing).
to the OP:
In yeshiva I had a friend who did the same thing. He asked a shailah to a YU rosh yeshiva (who wears a hat) if he could wear his hat when he went home, since he lived in an MO community. The answer was that he could do it, as long as he didn’t show off and it didn’t make a big scene.
“many great rabbis”
How many do you know? The only ones I’m familiar with are R. Jonathan Sacks and a few random students of Rav Kook. It’s highly unusual and even the latter tend to eat meat on shabbos.
It seems okay, though even Rav Kook saw it as an ideal and did not think vegetarianism should be the ideal until mashiach comes. l’maiseh, one issue you’d have is on yom tov, where many poskim (rambam, tur, etc) say you have to eat meat. Others say you don’t though (Tosafos, Ran, Magen Avraham). Ask your rav if you would be allowed to forgo meat on y”t, and it’s probably fine.
If you care about food quality, it should be very important. If you are working full time and coming home late but want to eat well and healthy (in addition to your kids), you’ll need your wife to cook. Even among goyim, women still do most of the cooking.
it’s assur, unless you can find a time and place where you’re absolutely sure no one else will be around. this is unlikely though, so just do something else.
It’s a bit more complicated than that. On this topic from the website ‘revach’ (which is operated by big talmidei chachamim):
“Today, says the Tzitz Eliezer (and Rav Vosner ybc”l concurs), in a situation where you’d like to be respectful and courteous, you need not refrain from doing so because of this gemara, and we can rely on the Trumas HaDeshen.”
Yes, it’s mutar to steal in order to save your life (or someone else’s)–befeirush din in choshen mishpat 359:4. You do have to pay back, though. I’ve never heard that you can steal to learn Torah. That sounds like mitzvah haba ba’aveirah.
A man can go to the mikvah on shabbos morning. Just don’t use hot water (see mishnah berurah 326:7).
I think it’s important for people to realize the theological significance of what DY is saying about minhagim. The idea that “we assume that they must have had halachic justification” isn’t just some lame post-hoc excuse. Rather, it’s a very ancient feature of the system. Even in the gemara, we have amoraim saying “puk chazi” to decide halacha. Moreover, there is a concept of “im lo neviim hem, bnei neviim hem,” which establishes Bnei Yisroel’s credentials to create minhagim, and for rabbonim to assume that what they practice is right. Even the gezeiros of the sanhedrin have to be accepted by the am, and if most people find a gezeirah too hard, it is annulled! All of these principles (and more) clarify that being melamed zechus on minhagim isn’t just intellectual laziness, but a function of our kedushas yisrael and a very ancient feature of the system.
there certainly are differences between the sweaters of each gender (size, shape, pattern, neckline, etc). The issue is that since a men’s sweater is actually more tznius than a women’s, perhaps the issur doesn’t apply. The gemara says the whole point of outlawing crossdressing is to promote tznius (“kedei shelo teilech bein ha’anashim”). Is it being darshinan taima d’kra to say that if you’re not breaking tznius (and fakert, strengthening it!), then it’s mutar to wear the clothing item?
The Pri Megadim (O.C. 690:21) says klapping for Haman is a hefsek, and discourages it for that reason. Interestingly, no other major acharonim agree. An online article I saw suggests that since klapping is a kiyum of timcheh es zeicher amalek/shem rishaim yirkav, the concern of hefsek is irrelevant.
it’s a complicated question with lots of things to consider. For example, how amenable is the giyores’s family to her conversion and to Jews in general? There has historically (since the ’60s) been a lot of friction between Jews and blacks, for example. Another consideration is politics- most minorities are liberal and most frum Jews are conservative, so that could be a sticking point. Finally, the gap in knowledge could be problematic. The husband will need to step it up and take the bulk of responsibility for raising a talmidei chachomim, sharing divrei Torah at the shabbos table, helping kids with their limudei kodesh homework, etc. Those are big responsibilities that are best shared…
So while I as a single would have no issues going on a date w/ a giyores, I’d be more skeptical of it working out.
it depends what section you’re in. libraries have plenty of innocuous (and very educational) books about history, politics, biographies, geography, sports, money management, language learning, etc. Red flags go up when you get to novels, modern poetry, dating advice, etc.
So if you have a good relationship with your kid, you’ll just talk about the books they got (ask for the receipt in case they’re hiding some) and see if anything is objectionable. If it is, explain why and return. Personally, I think the problem with libraries isn’t shmutz or apikorsus, but rather bitul zman. For smart kids who like to read but need more motivation, it’s easy to get lazy and read library books instead of learning Torah. And that’s one reason why yeshiva is so great and important, as Yekke said earlier.
neville- those sefardim you know seem to be mixing shitos (rambam and s”a). Rambam specifically says “bein basar beheima bein basar ohf” you have to wait “kimo sheish shaos.” And s”a specifically says 6 hours for all types of meat.
from “dose of halacha .com”:
that’s what the or hachaim says, but it’s a big peleh why he says that and what his source is.
for all who asked: harry is a term for guys that are yeshivish but its clear they grew up more modernish, fully MO, or maybe just out of town. So they try to fit into yeshivish culture but don’t always get it right or davka do their own thing. For example, wearing a gray hat. Touro is swarming with them.
exactly- people who trust the OU need to eat humble pie.
my point is that physical attraction isn’t just healthy and normal, but also often necessary to the success of a marriage. obviously it physical attraction is not sufficient and is not the ikar. But it is a critical tafel. Thus, the OP shouldn’t be ashamed that such a key factor is hindering his dating success.
The anti-chumrah people would just say fakert–that because there are so many chumros already, people are misyaeish and give up on everything. It’s impossible to prove either way without talking to the people who are lax on these things.
there is nothing wrong about wanting to be physically attracted to your wife. that’s why the gemara says it’s imperative to meet the girl before marrying her (shema tisganeh alav) and why you’re allowed to look at a woman you’re dating, even when such histaklus would generally be out of bounds. This is also proven by science. A recent study showed that when asked what qualities matter in choosing a partner, men care about physical beauty a lot more than women do.
It depends what they want and what their skills are. in my own experience, I have found guys from KBY to be fairly shtark, makpid in halacha, and serious about learning. A number of guys I know attended shaalvim and then went on to Mir, so that’s an option Joseph would approve. For an MO kid who is disconnected from Judaism and ignorant of halacha/gemara (which is a significant chunk of kids!), I would personally recommend a kiruv yeshiva like Aish Hatorah. Such kids don’t have any foundation in basic emunah, and can’t learn gemara. so why not start from the beginning?
the ikar is that not saying misheberach for the IDF is not a chisaron in hakaras hatov but rather an aversion to creating new tefillos. it is not about zionism or politics; rav y.b. soloveitchik was also very machmir about not changing the matbeiah hatefillh and adding stuff in…
presumably because they think it is true. a better question is how Iran could ever get 6,000 bombs when even America only has 7,000.
Sam2- The actual halacha for not talking to women is not a diyuk from “meod meod” as Joseph said, but rather explicitly from the SA itself (EH 21:6): ??? ?????? ????? ??? ???. The issue of she’eilas shalom is brought up in a number of gemaras; in eiruvin 53, Beruriah criticizes R’ Yosi for saying just a few words too much, on the basis of “al tarbeh sicha im ha’isha.”
Joseph- Rav Neiman does not answer my question. That’s why I asked it to you.
Joseph- just wondering, how do you respond when a female co-worker starts making small talk with you?
I don’t see the problem with it. physical attraction is, like it or not, an important component of dating. incidentally, halacha is actually very clear that a guy should indeed look (not leer) at the girl to see if he’s attracted to her physically. and if he’s not, then the date will probably be a waste of time.
since there is no halachic significance to anniversaries, the date you observe it can be the secular date if you so please.
that surprises me, since there is a video on youtube with many video clips/photographs of the Satmar Rebbe, shot at close range. And additionally, could you give me some mareh mekomos to modern poskim that state photography is a form of avodah zorah?
if a gadol felt it was avodah zorah, why would he ever let someone photograph him just to make the guy “feel good?” There is no justification for that halachically, especially gabei something as chamur as a”z. thus the only objection those gedolim had was al pi kabbalah, nirah li.
Just like many people post pictures of their spouses and children on their fridges, since those people matter to them, so too they keep pictures of gedolim, since gedolim matter to them.
just to be clear, the discomfort with pictures is mainly al pi kabbalah, not halacha. we have plenty of pictures and videos of gedolim taken all the time with their reshus (for example, all the agudah conventions).
It is ridiculous to believe that a man who refused to give his son a bris milah is mashiach ben yosef.
from another ywn thread on this topic (I can’t vouch for the story myself): “R’ Moshe Feinstein used to tell people not to stop kids from taking pictures of gedolim. He said, “Better they should have my picture on the wall instead of a baseball player!”
Mod 29- true, but I respect Joseph’s opinion enough to want to hear it. Even though I disagree with him, I nearly always learn something from hearing his perspective.
1. we are talking about sakanas nefashos. since september, 23 Jews have died, 19 in the West Bank. So yes, Yerushalayim is very safe, and Tel Aviv (your example) is certainly safe.
2. your numbers about black on black crime are also off. Roughly half of all murders are by whites and half are by blacks, according to BJS stats for the past 30 years.
And just so you know, 57% of all religious hate crimes in america are targeted at Jews. for example, I know a girl whose brother got beat up by a black gang on the street just a few months ago, for being Jewish.
who cares that Jews in Israel are more likely to be killed for being Jews than anywhere else? When evaluating sakanas nefashos we look at statistics (like the murder rate I cited), not kavanos. Additionally, I’ll note that almost all Jews killed for being Jews are murdered in the West Bank. So the streets of Tel Aviv (per your example) are fine.
Per 1 million people, there are 20 murders in Israel, and 42 in America. Moreover, nearly all the recent murders in Israel have been in the West Bank so walking in Tel Aviv is not any more dangerous.
Golfer- there is no universal agreement that yishuv e”y applies bizman hazeh. and I’m also unimpresssed by an unnamed great rabbi.